risk assessment - LinkedIn SlideShare

Periodontal disease. X-rays/pics included.

I made a post on another account but while I was trying to add pictures I deleted it so apologies for posting this twice. X-rays/pics included this time. Another user (savagepanda??, can’t exactly remember) gave me good advice, but I wanted to post pics like I said I would/get more input. Thank you again to that redditor for their kind, detailed response.
Recently diagnosed with periodontal disease and I’m scared. I’m a 29 year old woman, non smoker, don’t drink alcohol/use drugs etc. I smoked for 5 years in my teens, but have been smoke free since I was 19. I’ve dealt with anorexia since I was 15 and have lost my period many times from it (4 years in total). I’ve never had a bone density scan, but I know amenorrhea puts you at risk for bone loss. My last relapse was 2018. I lift weights 5 times per week and am now at a healthy weight. physical health is important to me despite having a history of smoking/anorexia. I’m happy with where I’m at now.
I grew up in foster care, and didn’t learn the importance of oral health until after I had to have all my baby teeth pulled due to decay/neglect, which is when I started brushing regular. Most of my family is nearly toothless due to drug use. I don’t know if they have a history of gum disease because I didn’t grow up with them/know much about them. I didn’t grow up going to the dentist regularly at all. In my teens (~13-14) I was taught the importance of flossing and haven’t looked back. Since then, I’ve flossed daily, always brushed twice per day, used mouthwash, swished with water after eating etc. I didn’t want to end up like my toothless relatives, and still don’t. In my younger years I had a lot of fillings and I had one root canal at age 18 (still need a crown for it) but my oral hygiene has improved a lot since then. I had my wisdom teeth out at 19, then saved up for braces to fix my severely crooked teeth. I had them from 23-25. To make room for the crowded teeth I had one tooth pulled, my top right first premolar. I have 3 lingual retainers that are very easy to brush/floss. I have a removable retainer I wear 2-3 times per week at night.
I’ve struggled with what I thought was menstrual gingivitis the day before my period starts for awhile, but after reading about it on the internet I didn’t think it was a huge deal, and it lasted for one day a month and was on one specific tooth. The puffiness/bleeding was always MINIMAL and cleared up within 24 hours, and I was flossing/brushing religiously so I thought it was due to my out of whack hormones from anorexia.
My last dental cleaning was January 2016. I didn’t go to the dentist for many reasons, probably none of them very good, but I continued to diligently clean my teeth like I always have. This January (2020) I injured my gum with an interdental brush and it never healed. It got really bad right before lockdown, and by the time it was an issue all dentists had closed in my area. As soon as they were open, I made an appointment with a new dentist. The hygienist probed my teeth and got readings of 3-6mm. She did not clean my teeth, only probed and took X-rays. She told me I’d need SRP to take care of it, and neither she or the dentist gave my much information despite me asking repeatedly if my teeth were going to fall out. It was a shocking diagnosis because my teeth have never bled, other than the one spot for one day but I’ve already explained that. My gums began to grow more sensitive and the injured area started to bleed A LOT, so I contacted a periodontist. His probing findings were worse, all 4-7mm pockets and said I’d need LANAP given the state of my gums and that because I had bone loss the SRP wasn’t my best bet. He said I have bone loss and I know I do because in the last 3 months, the black triangles have developed on my front teeth. They aren’t super noticeable but it’s all I can see. The pain in my incisor and canine tooth also seems pretty telling.
I’m scared of losing my teeth. My dentist said I had quite a bit of bone loss and I’m just looking for input. I go back to the periodontist this week, and he’s going to go over my X-rays and treatment plan. I’m dedicated to keeping my teeth, but scared that treatment won’t work due to hormonal issues mostly. I’m not looking for an out, but my hormonal issues from anorexia seem to be the root of most of my issues (in life in general, that’s another issue though), and for someone that always flosses/brushes periodontal disease doesn’t make sense to me. I can accept responsibility, I’m just looking to understand more about causes/risks factors/etc. I’ve invested a lot of time/money/lifestyle change into my teeth and the thought of losing them is crushing. I’m not trying to overreact or be dramatic but I’ve gotten zero reassurance/information from my dentist and I’m feeling very alone on this. Instead of doing my own research, I thought it best to reach out to those who actually know what they’re talking about.
Pics:
October 2014 https://imgur.com/a/6h6cQcx
January 2016 https://imgur.com/a/zgctYok
June 2020 https://imgur.com/a/zmBZHoz
Teeth pics https://imgur.com/a/ymFkpRJ
submitted by iiwis90 to Dentistry [link] [comments]

Take care of your gums and teeth.

(If anyone is curious, just ask what you’re not sure about, and I’ll link a study. All of this has a scientific basis.)
I think with smokers and vapers it’s good to give health reminders. Might be a bit weird, but I do want people to enjoy their existence, but not to get stuck in loops they don’t realize are just a health condition. Especially young adults. Too many people waste their 20s in mediocre health. Nothing worse than wasting years on pain/anxiety that’s caused by something that could be fixed in weeks or months.
With smokers (including tobacco and marijuana) you have higher rates of periodontal disease, also higher levels of gum disease. Most smokers (and they’re finding with heavy vaping) do lose more teeth, because vaping and smoking dilate blood vessels, which makes it harder for blood to move back and forth to keep gums healthy. Gums will recede, bone loss might happen, and even your cardiovascular system is affected by gum disease. Teeth will loosen from the root with smoking/vaping (periodontal disease).
Two things. Bacteria is the issue, and nitric oxide. Smoke and vape lessens nitric oxide levels in the body, especially mouth and lungs, and nitric oxide is a key molecule in blood flow and even a cognitive molecule, like dopamine and serotonin. Constant mouthwash and smoking destroys bacteria needed for nitric oxide (and will actually limit your entire body’s nitric oxide levels, as it all begins with the mouth and mouth bacteria), and bacterial attack from food releases nitric oxide, and nitric oxide is actually a natural pain reliever. So there is a balance. Not too clean, not too dirty. It’s nature’s first defense against bacterial invasion, I believe nitric oxide defense in animals goes back millions and millions of years, very old mechanism.
Exercise, l-arginine (protein, legumes, nuts like peanuts), nitrates from leafy greens (cabbage, spinach, even celery) , l-citrulline (watermelon). All help with nitric oxide also.
My advice for everyone, not just smokers, is to get soft picks.
Take the soft picks (I use GUM soft picks), get them between the top of the teeth, and most teeth you should be able to get the pick through the tooth and feel it on the other side with your finger (as you practice what’s right and wrong). Dip the soft pick in 3% hydrogen peroxide before each tooth, wipe it, then dip it again in hydrogen peroxide for the next tooth. I also gently poke upward at the gum between teeth, if light prodding causes bleeding...gum disease. It’s a safe bet that any bleeding is gum disease. Gum disease is reversible for most people with ok teeth if they keep up on maintenance with the gum line.
I guarantee this method alone would help 25-50% of people. You will know if you have the beginnings of gum disease (which affects 50% of people in first world countries), it’s likely you will find decay between teeth you didn’t know about too. It’s the most important to keep up with that tooth gumline than anything else. That’s where most hidden decay and inflammation happens.
submitted by ilike_tuhtles to trees [link] [comments]

I'm worried about my horrible teeth and gums. How bad are they?

I've been dealing with depression for a few years and my life hasn't been that great. I have horrible dental hygiene and rarely floss. I want to improve myself the best I can by visiting the dentist for the first time in a few years. I had braces and a retainer but I have not worn the retainer for about a year and I feel horrible about it. I'm worried about my teeth falling out. I probably have severe periodontal disease. https://imgur.com/0NiqAsQ https://imgur.com/a/p12pV9L Here are two better photos: https://imgur.com/OfOYXZA https://imgur.com/a/PmSvjsk
submitted by Linux512 to Dentistry [link] [comments]

Choosing The Right Orthodontist For Your Treatment

For anyone looking for good orthodontist, Orthodontist in Fond du Lac might just be your best bet.
Our center will guarantee each of our patients the best in orthodontic treatment no matter how small or extensive the treatment may be.
Here at Orthodontist in Fond du Lac, our specialists are ready and waiting to give you the perfect smile.
When it comes to new patients, we will best serve each patient with our state-of-the-art technology that is not only effective in creating the best dental treatment plan for each and every patient, but it will also be extremely convenient in terms of comfort levels for each patient.
There are plenty of other orthodontist centers out there that you can go to in terms of getting that perfect smile, however, what sets us apart from the rest might be that we our located conveniently right next to the Fond du Lac public library.
We also include a Complimentary Initial Exam for each patient during their first visit.
There are several other perks to our office that easily make us stand out including:
Hospital Grade Sterilization, a 24/7 Online Resource, where you can check your appointment date anytime, and much more.
One of the best compliments we receive on a daily basis is when one of our own peers chooses to trust us with their family’s care with us at our office.
We have serve many health care professionals in the industry as well as their family members.
One of the many questions we get asked in a regular basis is “What is the right age a person should receive orthodontic treatment?” Orthodontics can serve patients of all ages.
With our early treatment plan, we can not only reduce any jaw pain and discomfort but we can also cut out the need of extraction as soon as the permanent teeth come in.
Our orthodontic center will also offer a full orthodontic treatment special that will include braces or any other dental procedure for child who are at the age of 12 to 13 years old. Once the permanent teeth are set in place, their teeth will be properly move to it’s proper positions thanks to our orthodontic technology.
Adults also receive special treatment in the form of an Adult Dental Treatment plan. Most of our patients are adults, so we offer everything from Damon System braces to Invisalign teeth aligners.
May adults who visit us suffer from different stages of periodontal disease and/or other tooth issues. We can help aid with periodontal treatment, TMJ treatment, and restorative treatment such as dental implants and bridges.
However, any adult who comes to us that currently suffers from severe malocclusion will especially need to opt for orthodontic treatment immediately to prevent any further dental issues through orthognathic surgery so we can help correct the patients bite, as well as their facial balance.
Feel free to contact us for an appointment by calling our office today!
Michael Jacob is the author of this Article: To know more about Fond du Lac Adult Braces please visit the website.twohigorthodontics.com
submitted by Michaeljacob1 to u/Michaeljacob1 [link] [comments]

Cyclical depression is the fucking worst. Someone just end me already.

Reposting my terrible fucking life story for context. I can't see a therapist. I can't seek help from the 2 people close to me. I just want to fucking dissappear and not habe to deal with this fucking thing called life any more. I just want someone to shoot me in the face and kill me.
And before we get started, yes I live in a first world country, am not homeless or have a debilitating illness like cancer- but that doesn't make me feel any less of a failure.
When I was really young my family moved into a much more rural area, around 1st grade. There were 30 kids in the whole graduating class. Everyone knew each other, except for me... So guess who was picked on and had no friends? I was constantly in and out of psychiatrists offices, my mom trying to figure out why I was always a crying mess, cutting my clothes at school, throwing tantrums... I'd be tormented by a handful of kids, go off and cry and when some other kids came to ask me if I was OK I couldn't trust them so I'd scream at them to leave me alone. Eventually I wound up on antidepressants which, at age 8, didn't do a whole lot for me in the way of social and personal development. I was reclusive, I can barely remember my childhood because of the fog of antidepressants clouding my memory. Constant bullying, getting pushed to my absolute breaking point over and over and over again. At 16 we moved back into 'the big city' and things improved because I could blend into the crowd and not be noticed. I found friends, other outcasts that were into the same things I was (anime, D&D, Magic the Gathering etc). Thing were okay for a couple of years, until I realized I was 18 with no solid plan for anything- so I listened to my mom and joined the Navy. This was right around the time the economy crashed because of the housing bubble at the end of 2008. The job market was as bad as it's been in my adult life.
I was picked up on the Nuclear program, and felt really accomplished. Finally, I'd be in a place where I belonged. Where other people just like me looked for a job to do and did it with camaraderie. I'd be advanced 2 ranks before I even hit A-school, an E-3 in boot camp! And be paid $20,000 when I graduated the nuclear program!
I couldn't have been any more wrong. Boot camp was a repeat of grade school- ostracized because of my rate, people resented the fact that I was already 'above' them because I passed a test and decided to join a special program. Then the 2 years of training afterwards to become part of the Nuclear program was grueling, to say the least. Only 2 schools in the world are harder than NNPT- MIT Engineering and Harvard Law. I passed with flying colors, but had a hard time with military bearing. Coming off of 10 years of antidepressants that I needed in order to sleep at night, I found it very hard to sleep, or concentrate on anything other than a book. I felt like I was in a different persons skin. I coped by delving into videogames like never before. I had never had many close friends, and bouncing from command to command every 2-6 months wasn't conducive to forming lasting bonds.
Once I got to the final part of the Nuclear training, I spent 6 months on a working reactor. The instructors there are considered the 'best' by their peers, knowledgeable in 100% of their job as a nuclear power plant operator. This doesn't mean that they are nice people, or good instructors past what is required of them by the book. These people are cutthroat and see themselves as gatekeepers to the Nuclear Navy. They hold your fate in their hands, they decide whether you pass or fail and if they don't like you for whatever reason they'll grill you harder and harder until you fail or quit.
One particular fuckface hated me. I have no idea why. He mentally tortured me the entire time I was there. When it came time to go to our commands (I passed with an easy A throughout the entire program, and passed my final board certification first try) this guy found out where I was going and called ahead to the boat to tell his friends who was on his shit list, me being one of them.
I landed in Japan on March 10 2010. It felt like a dream come true. I had passed one of the hardest academic programs the world had to offer. I was in JAPAN!!! We spent the day going through the motions of Indoc for coming to a foreign country. The next day, the Tohoku earthquake hit. It was like nothing I'd ever felt. I always thought the movies/tv shows were exaggerating when it came to how much the earth moved during a quake. At a richter 9.1, light poles were bending 30 degrees in either direction. Entire buildings, built on rollers to prevent earthquakes from toppling them, were shifting back and forth nearly a foot in either direction.w I looked out at the ocean and the water level in the harbor had dropped nearly 6 feet. It wasnt long after the aftershocks stopped that the tsunami alarms started blaring in the distance, not unlike the tornado klaxons in the midwest. Everyone had to run to the ship and get onboard so we could hopefully get out to sea before the tsunami hit the coast.
I got to watch footage of the devastation from a desk in the reactor department office. When I got onboard some higher up said 'follow me, you're standing watch right now.' He sat me down at the front desk of the office and said 'sit here, answer that phone if it rings, and don't fall asleep. There's a TV you can watch right there.'
Sweet, not a bad gig for my first day. Sit here and don't fall asleep. Easy.
I turned the TV on and watched the news as it came in. Hours went by and nobody came to relieve me, but I stayed awake. The footage of the devestation was unreal. We were only about 100-300miles from the epicenter of the quake, and the tsunami was much worse further away than it was up near the epicenter. On top of that, Yokosuka naval base had some natural barriers in the form of cliffs and mountains that prevented the tsunami from damaging the harbor. The base itself was a repurposed WW2 Japanese base that the US took over after the peace treaty was signed.
Enter MM1 Deverna into the office. 6'3", pasty white ginger with a Super Troopers mustache and filled with enough piss and vinegar to pickle hardwood. Lithe but not stacked as a nodybuilder, he spent all of his free time working out and making people miserable. He came in the office lookibg for something, and sees me watching TV. Knowing what I know now, I can understand why he was upset. He just spent the last 24 hours busting his balls to get the ship underway- we were in port for maintenance and everything was disassembled. Usually it takes weeks to get these projects finished- they had it done in hours. Us new guys didn't have dosimeters (personal radiation measuring devices for tracking of radiation dosing) so we were DEFINITELY not allowed to be in the engine room where the reactor is. Therefore we couldn't help, and this made the qualified people irrationally angry at us- just because we were new. He slaps the TV off with the fury of 1000 suns and grabs a HUGE reactor manual, slams it down in front of me and says 'You should be reading this, not watching TV you fucking NUB'. (NUB = New Unused Body).
I ask him how I was supposed to know that, when the guy who sat me down here TOLD me to watch tv. It's my first fucking day onboard, and the worst earthquake Japan has ever seen has JUST happened. On top of that, the book was marked CONFIDENTIAL and I doubted I should have been poking through that kind of thing despite me having a security clearance to view it.
His response? "I hope you come to MY division- I'm gonna make it my goal to get you to kill yourself by the end of this tour.'
Guess who's division I got placed in? We spent 46 consecutive days at sea. This might not sound terrible at first, but anyone who has been on a ship can tell you after the first 3 days every single one after is a drag until you pull into port. Every morning we'd trudge to the galley and have breakfast. Capt Lausman would come over the announcing system (1MC) and say "Well, we don't know where we're going yet but we're steaming along. Once I know where we're headed we'll get there posthaste!" Every. Single. Day.
After 30 days the CO had the option to give the crew beer. Per navy regulations it was 2 beers per person. That's it. No trading, no buying someone else's beer, and it was all logged to your military I'D so you couldn't get in line for seconds. What should've been a day of relaxation and revelry felt like the master at arms holding a gun to your head (lots of armed guards to keep the peace among the lower enlisted ranks as if we were animals) telling you to hurry up and drink your beers and GTFO of the hangar bay. 16 days later we pulled into Thailand for a very awesome 3 days.
Deverna had a posse of several minions who were at his beck and call. If you weren't part of a clique of some kind you were ostracized to the point of suicide by members of people who weren't part of your 'pack', which oddly enough seemed like Jim crow segregation in the 50s. The Filipinos had their crew, all the black guys would group up in one area of the berthing, then you had the less obvious groups like the heavy drinking Chad types, the freaks that would get Jacob's laddePrince Albert piercings to one up each other (I got 5, you pussy!! Yeah well I'm getting 6 tomorrow!) You get the picture.
They'd smash/steal my alarm clock while I slept so I missed musters and watch. They'd dump trash into my rack. One time i found a bag with moldy Taco Bell dumped on my rack, and we had been out to sea for over a month at that point. They'd write all kinds of fucked up shit about me where I could see it, say it where I could hear it. Because his minions wrote the watchbill, they'd often change it last minute and not inform me so I'd be late to watch.
Anything and everything they could do to drive me insane, or make it so I would fuck up and be reprimanded. All the while I'm ahead in qualifications, doing everything I should be doing- except sleeping and making it to work on time, because I was tormented nonstop, so I'd miss watch changes which would make people fuck with me more, and only fed to the cycle. People were assigned to be my human alarm clock and they just didn't bother and weren't reprimanded when they didn't try to wake me up.
One of the most fucked up thing about the Nuclear power program is the work schedule. We were on a 5 and dime rotation WITH A 7-19 workday. This means you had to be at muster at 7am and worked til 7pm, BUT you also had to stand watch 5 out of every 15 hours.
The typical day started like this: 1am get up so you can make your 02-07 watch (this coming after getting off work at 1700, eating dinner at 1800 and hopefully there weren't evening ships drills til 2200). Maybe youd get some edible cardboard from midrats (midrats is food served late at night for the crews that need to be awake, it's hot garbage). Workday begins at 07 so you're fucked for breakfast as you were on watch while it was being served, stops at 7. Work from 7 to 17, now you're back on watch until 22- but wait, you have drills at 2am!! So you don't get to sleep more than an hour if you're feeling adventurous and have an alarm clock louder than a freight train. Etc. No chance to ever get any real sleep. Always doing the dumbest busywork during the day that didn't have any bearing on daily operations but for some reason we have to do drills in the middle of the fucking night.
After the first tour, things weren't looking so hot for me despite me being on the fast track to be qualified well ahead of schedule, and being one of the fastest/best at starting and shutting down the turbines. When we pulled back in for maintenance I was sent to help the Deck department paint the hull of the ship, something totally unheard of for reactor department to do - and they only sent me. Nukes stayed in the engine room, period.The Navy spent way too much time and money training us to do Nuke stuff for us to be doing grunt work outside of the ship. This was done, I'm sure, to further alienate me from the division. To get me to fail in front of other divisions so a case could be built against me. I did every job assigned to me to the best of my abilities, and nothing came of it except for me now being behind in qualifications because I sat on a barge painting the anchor and hull for 2 months...
Things kept getting progressively worse. More people started to gang up on me because I'd been branded a 'shitbag'. Lots happened and I broke down after 4 years of my 6 contracted. I couldn't take it any more. Just as I started to try and seek help for the fucked up situation I was in I was informed I'd been sent to NJP (captains mast) meaning they wanted to throw me under the bus and make me look like a total fuck up rather than a victim. At least half a dozen other people in my division had either similarly lost it and been removed from the Nuclear program due to depression, committed suicide, or just flat out went AWOL. One guy flat out walked off the ship in Korea never to return. He didn't speak a word of the language nor have a passport. No clue what happened to him. The cracks were showing in the Reactor department and they had to make it seem like they were in control rather than a fraternity of shitheads that would get the ship docked for hazing as a couple other divisions already had done that year. I was the final example to be set. 'Toe the line or we'll drive you insane'.
Everything I said fell on deaf ears. For being late and falling asleep at inopportune times, I was sentenced to a reduction in rank, had half of my pay garnished for 2 months and was placed on restriction for 60 days. This was the standard punishment for everyone by this CO, who was a massive piece of shit taking bribes from Fat Leonard in exchange for classified naval intelligence.
He waffled for the entire time I was on restriction as to whether or not I'd be ADSEP (admin separation- aka we don't want you and you don't want us). With a week left I was told I didn't get any separation paperwork. I was devestated. I just wanted out. To not be tortured by someone for their entertainment. To just learn and do my job without someone wanting me to kill myself. To be able to sleep for more than an hour a night.
I stopped going to restriction muster until they took me to NJP again. Once again nothing I said mattered, the new CO just tore into me about military bearing and other stuff that was only related to what was going on at the surface. He refused to address the glaring issues of sleep deprivation and lack of any kind of checks or balances in the Reactor department.
3 days later I was on a plane bound for SeaTac Washington. Discharged: General under Honorable Conditions. No VA benefits. No GI bill. Given a plane ticket home with basically no help given to transition back into civilian life. My bonus had been blown through as if it were nothing, and i had racked up several thousand in credit card debt, all trying to ease the pain I felt.
I went to work for my dad. He owned a restaurant and so waited tables, working 10-2 for tips. I'd have breakdowns every so often, falling apart for seemingly reason and having to close myself in a dark room and cry until I couldn't any more. Still couldn't sleep.
I went to school to learn AutoCAD (a 3D modelling program used to draw architectural plans) and was duped by the school.
Immediately after getting out of the military, I went to ITT Tech. Not having access to my GI bill, I had to pay for school out of pocket with a federal loan.
3 weeks after I graduated the government came through and shut down ITT Tech for predatory lending practices. They would routinely tell people who applied saying they could get them jobs in the industry that pay well over $40,000/year.
Narrator: But they didn't.
Everywhere I applied took one look at my degree and denied me. One interviewer even laughed in my face at the idea I was applying with a degree from ITT Tech. I'm still fighting to get the money back from the government that I paid for the loan.
Their career services department was one guy who printed out Craigslist and indeed.com ads to hand out to students. Many saw the writing on the wall and quickly got the hell out. What started as a graduating class of 50 dwindled down to 3. I was one of the 3, and none of us got a job in the industry.
Every time I've tried to go to an institution of higher learning, it has ended very poorly for me. Once for the Navy to ruin my psyche. Once again in the private sector to crush any aspirations I had left.
I spent 5 years working for my dad, but I can barely remember a moment of it. It came and went so fast. The area he had his restaurant in was gentrified to the point where he couldn't afford the rent, or to move so he just retired. The landlord more or less FORCED him out of his business he built over a decade.
I started working for Midas, putting my wrenching skills from the Navy to use. I was a lube tech making minimum wage, literally starving to make ends meet. The cheap bastard of an owner was sending ME in my PERSONAL CAR to go pick up parts from parts stores rather than pay for delivery. I needed the $5 in gas he gave me every time just to make it to work the next day.
One day after filling up I was T-boned in the driver's side exiting a gas station. My pelvis and tailbone were broken, as was the $500 Honda civic I had been fixing part by part over the years prior, after getting out of the Navy. Everything I had worked for was gone. I was unable to walk unassisted for 2 months. I was lucky to avoid surgery. Didn't get anything because 1) the other driver was uninsured and I didn't have uninsured motorist coverage, 2) I was considered at fault by the police/insurance co and 3) because it was on the clock I got workers comp but the bastard dragged his feet for a month and a half filing the paperwork so I was having to take out loans just to fucking get groceries.
The best part about that was a few days before the accident the cheap fuck who employed me and I had a discussion about how I wasn't making enough money to even afford food, and his response? "If you're ever hungry I can get you like 5 bucks for some ramen and rice". I was furious. When I was sitting at home in pain, I called him every day asking for help but he never returned my calls.
The second I was cleared to work again I went and picked up my toolbox and left. I'll never work for him, or another corporate/government ever again.
I found a mom and pop shop that hired me on for double what Midas was paying. I was there for a year, still tormented by my past. Constantly making little mistskes, forgetting things, losing things... was it the accident? I did get a concussion but I'm not sure if my lack of focus got worse there or not. After a year of working there I was let go because the business had been slowing to a crawl, and there wasn't enough work to keep me so the owner set me up with another shop. Not quite as nice but I'm running the entire shop alone and it's very stressful. Still fucking up, losing shit.
I think I've developed an eating disorder. I just don't eat until I'm so ravenously hungry I can't ignore it any more, and even then I just have something small to stave the hunger off. I've gone from Fat fuck in high school to not so fat fuck in training, to an actual lean muscly dude on the ship because it's literally a floating prison and there's nothing to do recreationally except work out. Back to fat fuck once I got out, noe I look like Christian Bale in the Machinist. None of my clothes fit well, I haven't bought any in over 7 years. I only ever wear my work uniforms anyway and even those don't fit because of how much my weight is fluctuating. Belts I've had for nearly 10 years have recently needed new holes punched to bring it tighter, something I haven't had to do since I was starving working for Midas. My pant size (waistline) was 38 at the widest, 30 at the thinnest. With my family history of diabetes and heart problems I expect my diet, smoking habits and mental health will probably cause early onset of both, neither of which I can afford to treat.
I don't bathe nearly as often as I should, especially as a mechanic. Or brush my teeth/hair. Or wear clean clothing. Maybe once a week for each. Since I got out of the Navy I haven't cut my hair ONCE. I'll never let another person or entity dictate what I can look like ever again. Haven't shaved either, just lop off a big fuzzy chunk when it gets too annoying. I haven't cared about my body or appearance in a long time, but I'm still terrified of losing teeth or getting a fungal infection on my skin. I think its because I've been telling myself to so long that I can't afford to take care of myself at any level. I haven't been to the dentist since I got out of the Navy 7 years ago, and somehow haven't gotten any periodontal diseases that I can feel. My hip and tailbone broke in such a way that caused me to favor one side of my body whole healing, which probably contributed to my spine being twisted into an S-shape. Being hit by a car at 40mph didn't help either. I saw a chiropractor not long ago because my arm stopped working one day out of nowhere. After seeing the xrays I knew my body was far past fixing. My C3-5 vertebra are basically hanging out over empty space because of how much curve is in the L3-5 section, and me favoring that side for 5 months sitting in a chair. The cervical spine section was pinching the nerve controlling my right arm. The lumbar section was pinching the nerve controlling my left leg, causing spasms and cramping in my ankle and foot. It still is, but not as bad after 2 weeks of treatment which I stopped because I couldn't afford it any more. I could handle it when I could trust my body to take me anywhere I wanted to go. I routinely ran 5K's daily, did dozens of pullups and hours of core exercize daily in that self imposed prison sentence. Now I'm trapped within a few mile of walking or a couple hours of sitting in a car.
There hasn't been a day that goes by that I don't think about suicide. Not about actually doing it, but just thinking about it. How it would affect the few people who know me. How I'd do it. What would be the least painful for me, and least painful for everyone else who finds my corpse. When I should do it. Is today the day? No, I've got that thing I have to do. Or mom and dad would be devastated. Or it'd be too messy to use the shotgun, but too painful to try poison.
I've been this way ever since that fuckface told me he would make it his goal to make me commit suicide, and made well on his promise. I dream of finding out where he is so I can crush his spirit as he did mine. All of his old posse too. And everyone else who has ever taken his side, all the administration who discharged me a broken man rather than fix a horrific systemic problem where dozens of active duty personnel commit suicide every week.
One guy jumped off the flight deck while I was on the ship. Not into the water to drown, but face first into the corner of the aircraft elevator. Rumor has it he pancaked his torso on the corner so hard they had to identify him by looking at the name tag on his pants, and when that was too full of viscera they had to pull off a boot to find a name written on the tongue (they made you mark all of your uniform items in boot camp, and boots are often stolen so people write their names in so they have a very slim chance at recovering them).
I don't drink because most of my family is alcoholics. In the Navy I would try any and everything to dull the pain. Started smoking, got to over a pack a day. Liquor, protitutes, gambling, drugs of all kinds (passed all my tests though!). I use marijuana every day now to keep me numbed from the pain of my accident and to keep my mind from going to too dark of a place. It keeps me from thinking about my situation, for a little while.
I can't go to the VA for help because nobody would believe me for a second that the (NOW SENIOR CHIEF!!) upstanding Deverna who has no problems on his record would torment a young sailor with the intent of driving him to suicide, even if I did have proof.
I can't get my discharge changed to receive VA benefits and my GI bill.
I don't want to go to a therapist out of fear I'll be committed, or be branded a danger to myself or others.
I'll never get better, and I've only been getting worse as time goes on. I'm just waiting for my parents to pass so I don't disappoint them when I inevitably do it.
The suicide hotline is a fucking joke. The VA is even worse, and I'll never ever have the money to go have someone listen to my 'problems' for $99/hr and ask me how I feel. Sliding payscales don't help either when you're making so little money and have a mountain of debt.
My problems seem miniscule compared to what the world is dealing with right now. People are born into abject poverty and starve to death before they hit 10. Others spend their entire life chained to a table making iPhones and shoes. In some parts of the world people are harvested like animals for their organs because of where they were born. Why should I have anything to complain about?
I just want to lie down and not have to deal with tomorrow. It takes me an hour just to get the mental energy necessary to put on clothing in the morning. If the suicide booths from Futurama were a thing you bet your ass I'd be in line with enough quarters to go painlessly and peacefully.
submitted by Electrode99 to SuicideWatch [link] [comments]

My life is a constant train wreck and I just want the ride to stop

Hoooooo boy this is going to be a long one. Sorry for formatting, I'm on mobile.
And before we get started, yes I live in a first world country, am not homeless or have a debilitating illness like cancer- but that doesn't make me feel any less of a failure.
When I was really young my family moved into a much more rural area, around 1st grade. There were 30 kids in the whole graduating class. Everyone knew each other, except for me... So guess who was picked on and had no friends? I was constantly in and out of psychiatrists offices, my mom trying to figure out why I was always a crying mess, cutting my clothes at school, throwing tantrums... I'd be tormented by a handful of kids, go off and cry and when some other kids came to ask me if I was OK I couldn't trust them so I'd scream at them to leave me alone. Eventually I wound up on antidepressants which, at age 8, didn't do a whole lot for me in the way of social and personal development. I was reclusive, I can barely remember my childhood because of the fog of antidepressants clouding my memory. Constant bullying, getting pushed to my absolute breaking point over and over and over again. At 16 we moved back into 'the big city' and things improved because I could blend into the crowd and not be noticed. I found friends, other outcasts that were into the same things I was (anime, D&D, Magic the Gathering etc). Thing were okay for a couple of years, until I realized I was 18 with no solid plan for anything- so I listened to my mom and joined the Navy. This was right around the time the economy crashed because of the housing bubble at the end of 2008. The job market was as bad as it's been in my adult life.
I was picked up on the Nuclear program, and felt really accomplished. Finally, I'd be in a place where I belonged. Where other people just like me looked for a job to do and did it with camaraderie. I'd be advanced 2 ranks before I even hit A-school, an E-3 in boot camp! And be paid $20,000 when I graduated the nuclear program!
I couldn't have been any more wrong. Boot camp was a repeat of grade school- ostracized because of my rate, people resented the fact that I was already 'above' them because I passed a test and decided to join a special program. Then the 2 years of training afterwards to become part of the Nuclear program was grueling, to say the least. Only 2 schools in the world are harder than NNPT- MIT Engineering and Harvard Law. I passed with flying colors, but had a hard time with military bearing. Coming off of 10 years of antidepressants that I needed in order to sleep at night, I found it very hard to sleep, or concentrate on anything other than a book. I felt like I was in a different persons skin. I coped by delving into videogames like never before. I had never had many close friends, and bouncing from command to command every 2-6 months wasn't conducive to forming lasting bonds.
Once I got to the final part of the Nuclear training, I spent 6 months on a working reactor. The instructors there are considered the 'best' by their peers, knowledgeable in 100% of their job as a nuclear power plant operator. This doesn't mean that they are nice people, or good instructors past what is required of them by the book. These people are cutthroat and see themselves as gatekeepers to the Nuclear Navy. They hold your fate in their hands, they decide whether you pass or fail and if they don't like you for whatever reason they'll grill you harder and harder until you fail or quit.
One particular fuckface hated me. I have no idea why. He mentally tortured me the entire time I was there. When it came time to go to our commands (I passed with an easy A throughout the entire program, and passed my final board certification first try) this guy found out where I was going and called ahead to the boat to tell his friends who was on his shit list, me being one of them.
I landed in Japan on March 10 2010. It felt like a dream come true. I had passed one of the hardest academic programs the world had to offer. I was in JAPAN!!! We spent the day going through the motions of Indoc for coming to a foreign country. The next day, the Tohoku earthquake hit. It was like nothing I'd ever felt. I always thought the movies/tv shows were exaggerating when it came to how much the earth moved during a quake. At a richter 9.1, light poles were bending 30 degrees in either direction. Entire buildings, built on rollers to prevent earthquakes from toppling them, were shifting back and forth nearly a foot in either direction.w I looked out at the ocean and the water level in the harbor had dropped nearly 6 feet. It wasnt long after the aftershocks stopped that the tsunami alarms started blaring in the distance, not unlike the tornado klaxons in the midwest. Everyone had to run to the ship and get onboard so we could hopefully get out to sea before the tsunami hit the coast.
I got to watch footage of the devastation from a desk in the reactor department office. When I got onboard some higher up said 'follow me, you're standing watch right now.' He sat me down at the front desk of the office and said 'sit here, answer that phone if it rings, and don't fall asleep. There's a TV you can watch right there.'
Sweet, not a bad gig for my first day. Sit here and don't fall asleep. Easy.
I turned the TV on and watched the news as it came in. Hours went by and nobody came to relieve me, but I stayed awake. The footage of the devestation was unreal. We were only about 100-300miles from the epicenter of the quake, and the tsunami was much worse further away than it was up near the epicenter. On top of that, Yokosuka naval base had some natural barriers in the form of cliffs and mountains that prevented the tsunami from damaging the harbor. The base itself was a repurposed WW2 Japanese base that the US took over after the peace treaty was signed.
Enter MM1 Deverna into the office. 6'3", pasty white ginger with a Super Troopers mustache and filled with enough piss and vinegar to pickle hardwood. Lithe but not stacked as a nodybuilder, he spent all of his free time working out and making people miserable. He came in the office lookibg for something, and sees me watching TV. Knowing what I know now, I can understand why he was upset. He just spent the last 24 hours busting his balls to get the ship underway- we were in port for maintenance and everything was disassembled. Usually it takes weeks to get these projects finished- they had it done in hours. Us new guys didn't have dosimeters (personal radiation measuring devices for tracking of radiation dosing) so we were DEFINITELY not allowed to be in the engine room where the reactor is. Therefore we couldn't help, and this made the qualified people irrationally angry at us- just because we were new. He slaps the TV off with the fury of 1000 suns and grabs a HUGE reactor manual, slams it down in front of me and says 'You should be reading this, not watching TV you fucking NUB'. (NUB = New Unused Body).
I ask him how I was supposed to know that, when the guy who sat me down here TOLD me to watch tv. It's my first fucking day onboard, and the worst earthquake Japan has ever seen has JUST happened. On top of that, the book was marked CONFIDENTIAL and I doubted I should have been poking through that kind of thing despite me having a security clearance to view it.
His response? "I hope you come to MY division- I'm gonna make it my goal to get you to kill yourself by the end of this tour.'
Guess who's division I got placed in? We spent 46 consecutive days at sea. This might not sound terrible at first, but anyone who has been on a ship can tell you after the first 3 days every single one after is a drag until you pull into port. Every morning we'd trudge to the galley and have breakfast. Capt Lausman would come over the announcing system (1MC) and say "Well, we don't know where we're going yet but we're steaming along. Once I know where we're headed we'll get there posthaste!" Every. Single. Day.
After 30 days the CO had the option to give the crew beer. Per navy regulations it was 2 beers per person. That's it. No trading, no buying someone else's beer, and it was all logged to your military I'D so you couldn't get in line for seconds. What should've been a day of relaxation and revelry felt like the master at arms holding a gun to your head (lots of armed guards to keep the peace among the lower enlisted ranks as if we were animals) telling you to hurry up and drink your beers and GTFO of the hangar bay. 16 days later we pulled into Thailand for a very awesome 3 days.
Deverna had a posse of several minions who were at his beck and call. If you weren't part of a clique of some kind you were ostracized to the point of suicide by members of people who weren't part of your 'pack', which oddly enough seemed like Jim crow segregation in the 50s. The Filipinos had their crew, all the black guys would group up in one area of the berthing, then you had the less obvious groups like the heavy drinking Chad types, the freaks that would get Jacob's laddePrince Albert piercings to one up each other (I got 5, you pussy!! Yeah well I'm getting 6 tomorrow!) You get the picture.
They'd smash/steal my alarm clock while I slept so I missed musters and watch. They'd dump trash into my rack. One time i found a bag with moldy Taco Bell dumped on my rack, and we had been out to sea for over a month at that point. They'd write all kinds of fucked up shit about me where I could see it, say it where I could hear it. Because his minions wrote the watchbill, they'd often change it last minute and not inform me so I'd be late to watch.
Anything and everything they could do to drive me insane, or make it so I would fuck up and be reprimanded. All the while I'm ahead in qualifications, doing everything I should be doing- except sleeping and making it to work on time, because I was tormented nonstop, so I'd miss watch changes which would make people fuck with me more, and only fed to the cycle. People were assigned to be my human alarm clock and they just didn't bother and weren't reprimanded when they didn't try to wake me up.
One of the most fucked up thing about the Nuclear power program is the work schedule. We were on a 5 and dime rotation WITH A 7-19 workday. This means you had to be at muster at 7am and worked til 7pm, BUT you also had to stand watch 5 out of every 15 hours.
The typical day started like this: 1am get up so you can make your 02-07 watch (this coming after getting off work at 1700, eating dinner at 1800 and hopefully there weren't evening ships drills til 2200). Maybe youd get some edible cardboard from midrats (midrats is food served late at night for the crews that need to be awake, it's hot garbage). Workday begins at 07 so you're fucked for breakfast as you were on watch while it was being served, stops at 7. Work from 7 to 17, now you're back on watch until 22- but wait, you have drills at 2am!! So you don't get to sleep more than an hour if you're feeling adventurous and have an alarm clock louder than a freight train. Etc. No chance to ever get any real sleep. Always doing the dumbest busywork during the day that didn't have any bearing on daily operations but for some reason we have to do drills in the middle of the fucking night.
After the first tour, things weren't looking so hot for me despite me being on the fast track to be qualified well ahead of schedule, and being one of the fastest/best at starting and shutting down the turbines. When we pulled back in for maintenance I was sent to help the Deck department paint the hull of the ship, something totally unheard of for reactor department to do - and they only sent me. Nukes stayed in the engine room, period.The Navy spent way too much time and money training us to do Nuke stuff for us to be doing grunt work outside of the ship. This was done, I'm sure, to further alienate me from the division. To get me to fail in front of other divisions so a case could be built against me. I did every job assigned to me to the best of my abilities, and nothing came of it except for me now being behind in qualifications because I sat on a barge painting the anchor and hull for 2 months...
Things kept getting progressively worse. More people started to gang up on me because I'd been branded a 'shitbag'. Lots happened and I broke down after 4 years of my 6 contracted. I couldn't take it any more. Just as I started to try and seek help for the fucked up situation I was in I was informed I'd been sent to NJP (captains mast) meaning they wanted to throw me under the bus and make me look like a total fuck up rather than a victim. At least half a dozen other people in my division had either similarly lost it and been removed from the Nuclear program due to depression, committed suicide, or just flat out went AWOL. One guy flat out walked off the ship in Korea never to return. He didn't speak a word of the language nor have a passport. No clue what happened to him. The cracks were showing in the Reactor department and they had to make it seem like they were in control rather than a fraternity of shitheads that would get the ship docked for hazing as a couple other divisions already had done that year. I was the final example to be set. 'Toe the line or we'll drive you insane'.
Everything I said fell on deaf ears. For being late and falling asleep at inopportune times, I was sentenced to a reduction in rank, had half of my pay garnished for 2 months and was placed on restriction for 60 days. This was the standard punishment for everyone by this CO, who was a massive piece of shit taking bribes from Fat Leonard in exchange for classified naval intelligence.
He waffled for the entire time I was on restriction as to whether or not I'd be ADSEP (admin separation- aka we don't want you and you don't want us). With a week left I was told I didn't get any separation paperwork. I was devestated. I just wanted out. To not be tortured by someone for their entertainment. To just learn and do my job without someone wanting me to kill myself. To be able to sleep for more than an hour a night.
I stopped going to restriction muster until they took me to NJP again. Once again nothing I said mattered, the new CO just tore into me about military bearing and other stuff that was only related to what was going on at the surface. He refused to address the glaring issues of sleep deprivation and lack of any kind of checks or balances in the Reactor department.
3 days later I was on a plane bound for SeaTac Washington. Discharged: General under Honorable Conditions. No VA benefits. No GI bill. Given a plane ticket home with basically no help given to transition back into civilian life. My bonus had been blown through as if it were nothing, and i had racked up several thousand in credit card debt, all trying to ease the pain I felt.
I went to work for my dad. He owned a restaurant and so waited tables, working 10-2 for tips. I'd have breakdowns every so often, falling apart for seemingly reason and having to close myself in a dark room and cry until I couldn't any more. Still couldn't sleep.
I went to school to learn AutoCAD (a 3D modelling program used to draw architectural plans) and was duped by the school.
Immediately after getting out of the military, I went to ITT Tech. Not having access to my GI bill, I had to pay for school out of pocket with a federal loan.
3 weeks after I graduated the government came through and shut down ITT Tech for predatory lending practices. They would routinely tell people who applied saying they could get them jobs in the industry that pay well over $40,000/year.
Narrator: But they didn't.
Everywhere I applied took one look at my degree and denied me. One interviewer even laughed in my face at the idea I was applying with a degree from ITT Tech. I'm still fighting to get the money back from the government that I paid for the loan.
Their career services department was one guy who printed out Craigslist and indeed.com ads to hand out to students. Many saw the writing on the wall and quickly got the hell out. What started as a graduating class of 50 dwindled down to 3. I was one of the 3, and none of us got a job in the industry.
Every time I've tried to go to an institution of higher learning, it has ended very poorly for me. Once for the Navy to ruin my psyche. Once again in the private sector to crush any aspirations I had left.
I spent 5 years working for my dad, but I can barely remember a moment of it. It came and went so fast. The area he had his restaurant in was gentrified to the point where he couldn't afford the rent, or to move so he just retired. The landlord more or less FORCED him out of his business he built over a decade.
I started working for Midas, putting my wrenching skills from the Navy to use. I was a lube tech making minimum wage, literally starving to make ends meet. The cheap bastard of an owner was sending ME in my PERSONAL CAR to go pick up parts from parts stores rather than pay for delivery. I needed the $5 in gas he gave me every time just to make it to work the next day.
One day after filling up I was T-boned in the driver's side exiting a gas station. My pelvis and tailbone were broken, as was the $500 Honda civic I had been fixing part by part over the years prior, after getting out of the Navy. Everything I had worked for was gone. I was unable to walk unassisted for 2 months. I was lucky to avoid surgery. Didn't get anything because 1) the other driver was uninsured and I didn't have uninsured motorist coverage, 2) I was considered at fault by the police/insurance co and 3) because it was on the clock I got workers comp but the bastard dragged his feet for a month and a half filing the paperwork so I was having to take out loans just to fucking get groceries.
The best part about that was a few days before the accident the cheap fuck who employed me and I had a discussion about how I wasn't making enough money to even afford food, and his response? "If you're ever hungry I can get you like 5 bucks for some ramen and rice". I was furious. When I was sitting at home in pain, I called him every day asking for help but he never returned my calls.
The second I was cleared to work again I went and picked up my toolbox and left. I'll never work for him, or another corporate/government ever again.
I found a mom and pop shop that hired me on for double what Midas was paying. I was there for a year, still tormented by my past. Constantly making little mistskes, forgetting things, losing things... was it the accident? I did get a concussion but I'm not sure if my lack of focus got worse there or not. After a year of working there I was let go because the business had been slowing to a crawl, and there wasn't enough work to keep me so the owner set me up with another shop. Not quite as nice but I'm running the entire shop alone and it's very stressful. Still fucking up, losing shit.
I think I've developed an eating disorder. I just don't eat until I'm so ravenously hungry I can't ignore it any more, and even then I just have something small to stave the hunger off. I've gone from Fat fuck in high school to not so fat fuck in training, to an actual lean muscly dude on the ship because it's literally a floating prison and there's nothing to do recreationally except work out. Back to fat fuck once I got out, noe I look like Christian Bale in the Machinist. None of my clothes fit well, I haven't bought any in over 7 years. I only ever wear my work uniforms anyway and even those don't fit because of how much my weight is fluctuating. Belts I've had for nearly 10 years have recently needed new holes punched to bring it tighter, something I haven't had to do since I was starving working for Midas. My pant size (waistline) was 38 at the widest, 30 at the thinnest. With my family history of diabetes and heart problems I expect my diet, smoking habits and mental health will probably cause early onset of both, neither of which I can afford to treat.
I don't bathe nearly as often as I should, especially as a mechanic. Or brush my teeth/hair. Or wear clean clothing. Maybe once a week for each. Since I got out of the Navy I haven't cut my hair ONCE. I'll never let another person or entity dictate what I can look like ever again. Haven't shaved either, just lop off a big fuzzy chunk when it gets too annoying. I haven't cared about my body or appearance in a long time, but I'm still terrified of losing teeth or getting a fungal infection on my skin. I think its because I've been telling myself to so long that I can't afford to take care of myself at any level. I haven't been to the dentist since I got out of the Navy 7 years ago, and somehow haven't gotten any periodontal diseases that I can feel. My hip and tailbone broke in such a way that caused me to favor one side of my body whole healing, which probably contributed to my spine being twisted into an S-shape. Being hit by a car at 40mph didn't help either. I saw a chiropractor not long ago because my arm stopped working one day out of nowhere. After seeing the xrays I knew my body was far past fixing. My C3-5 vertebra are basically hanging out over empty space because of how much curve is in the L3-5 section, and me favoring that side for 5 months sitting in a chair. The cervical spine section was pinching the nerve controlling my right arm. The lumbar section was pinching the nerve controlling my left leg, causing spasms and cramping in my ankle and foot. It still is, but not as bad after 2 weeks of treatment which I stopped because I couldn't afford it any more. I could handle it when I could trust my body to take me anywhere I wanted to go. I routinely ran 5K's daily, did dozens of pullups and hours of core exercize daily in that self imposed prison sentence. Now I'm trapped within a few mile of walking or a couple hours of sitting in a car.
There hasn't been a day that goes by that I don't think about suicide. Not about actually doing it, but just thinking about it. How it would affect the few people who know me. How I'd do it. What would be the least painful for me, and least painful for everyone else who finds my corpse. When I should do it. Is today the day? No, I've got that thing I have to do. Or mom and dad would be devastated. Or it'd be too messy to use the shotgun, but too painful to try poison.
I've been this way ever since that fuckface told me he would make it his goal to make me commit suicide, and made well on his promise. I dream of finding out where he is so I can crush his spirit as he did mine. All of his old posse too. And everyone else who has ever taken his side, all the administration who discharged me a broken man rather than fix a horrific systemic problem where dozens of active duty personnel commit suicide every week.
One guy jumped off the flight deck while I was on the ship. Not into the water to drown, but face first into the corner of the aircraft elevator. Rumor has it he pancaked his torso on the corner so hard they had to identify him by looking at the name tag on his pants, and when that was too full of viscera they had to pull off a boot to find a name written on the tongue (they made you mark all of your uniform items in boot camp, and boots are often stolen so people write their names in so they have a very slim chance at recovering them).
I don't drink because most of my family is alcoholics. In the Navy I would try any and everything to dull the pain. Started smoking, got to over a pack a day. Liquor, protitutes, gambling, drugs of all kinds (passed all my tests though!). I use marijuana every day now to keep me numbed from the pain of my accident and to keep my mind from going to too dark of a place. It keeps me from thinking about my situation, for a little while.
I can't go to the VA for help because nobody would believe me for a second that the (NOW SENIOR CHIEF!!) upstanding Deverna who has no problems on his record would torment a young sailor with the intent of driving him to suicide, even if I did have proof.
I can't get my discharge changed to receive VA benefits and my GI bill.
I don't want to go to a therapist out of fear I'll be committed, or be branded a danger to myself or others.
I'll never get better, and I've only been getting worse as time goes on. I'm just waiting for my parents to pass so I don't disappoint them when I inevitably do it.
The suicide hotline is a fucking joke. The VA is even worse, and I'll never ever have the money to go have someone listen to my 'problems' for $99/hr and ask me how I feel. Sliding payscales don't help either when you're making so little money and have a mountain of debt.
My problems seem miniscule compared to what the world is dealing with right now. People are born into abject poverty and starve to death before they hit 10. Others spend their entire life chained to a table making iPhones and shoes. In some parts of the world people are harvested like animals for their organs because of where they were born. Why should I have anything to complain about?
I just want to lie down and not have to deal with tomorrow. It takes me an hour just to get the mental energy necessary to put on clothing in the morning. If the suicide booths from Futurama were a thing you bet your ass I'd be in line with enough quarters to go painlessly and peacefully.
submitted by Electrode99 to TrueOffMyChest [link] [comments]

Please, Mr. Bones. Please just let me off the ride.

Hoooooo boy this is going to be a long one. Sorry for formatting, I'm on mobile.
And before we get started, yes I live in a first world country, am not homeless or have a debilitating illness like cancer- but that doesn't make me feel any less of a failure.
When I was really young my family moved into a much more rural area, around 1st grade. There were 30 kids in the whole graduating class. Everyone knew each other, except for me... So guess who was picked on and had no friends? I was constantly in and out of psychiatrists offices, my mom trying to figure out why I was always a crying mess, cutting my clothes at school, throwing tantrums... I'd be tormented by a handful of kids, go off and cry and when some other kids came to ask me if I was OK I couldn't trust them so I'd scream at them to leave me alone. Eventually I wound up on antidepressants which, at age 8, didn't do a whole lot for me in the way of social and personal development. I was reclusive, I can barely remember my childhood because of the fog of antidepressants clouding my memory. Constant bullying, getting pushed to my absolute breaking point over and over and over again. At 16 we moved back into 'the big city' and things improved because I could blend into the crowd and not be noticed. I found friends, other outcasts that were into the same things I was (anime, D&D, Magic the Gathering etc). Thing were okay for a couple of years, until I realized I was 18 with no solid plan for anything- so I listened to my mom and joined the Navy. This was right around the time the economy crashed because of the housing bubble at the end of 2008. The job market was as bad as it's been in my adult life.
I was picked up on the Nuclear program, and felt really accomplished. Finally, I'd be in a place where I belonged. Where other people just like me looked for a job to do and did it with camaraderie. I'd be advanced 2 ranks before I even hit A-school, an E-3 in boot camp! And be paid $20,000 when I graduated the nuclear program!
I couldn't have been any more wrong. Boot camp was a repeat of grade school- ostracized because of my rate, people resented the fact that I was already 'above' them because I passed a test and decided to join a special program. Then the 2 years of training afterwards to become part of the Nuclear program was grueling, to say the least. Only 2 schools in the world are harder than NNPT- MIT Engineering and Harvard Law. I passed with flying colors, but had a hard time with military bearing. Coming off of 10 years of antidepressants that I needed in order to sleep at night, I found it very hard to sleep, or concentrate on anything other than a book. I felt like I was in a different persons skin. I coped by delving into videogames like never before. I had never had many close friends, and bouncing from command to command every 2-6 months wasn't conducive to forming lasting bonds.
Once I got to the final part of the Nuclear training, I spent 6 months on a working reactor. The instructors there are considered the 'best' by their peers, knowledgeable in 100% of their job as a nuclear power plant operator. This doesn't mean that they are nice people, or good instructors past what is required of them by the book. These people are cutthroat and see themselves as gatekeepers to the Nuclear Navy. They hold your fate in their hands, they decide whether you pass or fail and if they don't like you for whatever reason they'll grill you harder and harder until you fail or quit.
One particular fuckface hated me. I have no idea why. He mentally tortured me the entire time I was there. When it came time to go to our commands (I passed with an easy A throughout the entire program, and passed my final board certification first try) this guy found out where I was going and called ahead to the boat to tell his friends who was on his shit list, me being one of them.
I landed in Japan on March 10 2010. It felt like a dream come true. I had passed one of the hardest academic programs the world had to offer. I was in JAPAN!!! We spent the day going through the motions of Indoc for coming to a foreign country. The next day, the Tohoku earthquake hit. It was like nothing I'd ever felt. I always thought the movies/tv shows were exaggerating when it came to how much the earth moved during a quake. At a richter 9.1, light poles were bending 30 degrees in either direction. Entire buildings, built on rollers to prevent earthquakes from toppling them, were shifting back and forth nearly a foot in either direction.w I looked out at the ocean and the water level in the harbor had dropped nearly 6 feet. It wasnt long after the aftershocks stopped that the tsunami alarms started blaring in the distance, not unlike the tornado klaxons in the midwest. Everyone had to run to the ship and get onboard so we could hopefully get out to sea before the tsunami hit the coast.
I got to watch footage of the devastation from a desk in the reactor department office. When I got onboard some higher up said 'follow me, you're standing watch right now.' He sat me down at the front desk of the office and said 'sit here, answer that phone if it rings, and don't fall asleep. There's a TV you can watch right there.'
Sweet, not a bad gig for my first day. Sit here and don't fall asleep. Easy.
I turned the TV on and watched the news as it came in. Hours went by and nobody came to relieve me, but I stayed awake. The footage of the devestation was unreal. We were only about 100-300miles from the epicenter of the quake, and the tsunami was much worse further away than it was up near the epicenter. On top of that, Yokosuka naval base had some natural barriers in the form of cliffs and mountains that prevented the tsunami from damaging the harbor. The base itself was a repurposed WW2 Japanese base that the US took over after the peace treaty was signed.
Enter MM1 Deverna into the office. 6'3", pasty white ginger with a Super Troopers mustache and filled with enough piss and vinegar to pickle hardwood. Lithe but not stacked as a nodybuilder, he spent all of his free time working out and making people miserable. He came in the office lookibg for something, and sees me watching TV. Knowing what I know now, I can understand why he was upset. He just spent the last 24 hours busting his balls to get the ship underway- we were in port for maintenance and everything was disassembled. Usually it takes weeks to get these projects finished- they had it done in hours. Us new guys didn't have dosimeters (personal radiation measuring devices for tracking of radiation dosing) so we were DEFINITELY not allowed to be in the engine room where the reactor is. Therefore we couldn't help, and this made the qualified people irrationally angry at us- just because we were new. He slaps the TV off with the fury of 1000 suns and grabs a HUGE reactor manual, slams it down in front of me and says 'You should be reading this, not watching TV you fucking NUB'. (NUB = New Unused Body).
I ask him how I was supposed to know that, when the guy who sat me down here TOLD me to watch tv. It's my first fucking day onboard, and the worst earthquake Japan has ever seen has JUST happened. On top of that, the book was marked CONFIDENTIAL and I doubted I should have been poking through that kind of thing despite me having a security clearance to view it.
His response? "I hope you come to MY division- I'm gonna make it my goal to get you to kill yourself by the end of this tour.'
Guess who's division I got placed in? We spent 46 consecutive days at sea. This might not sound terrible at first, but anyone who has been on a ship can tell you after the first 3 days every single one after is a drag until you pull into port. Every morning we'd trudge to the galley and have breakfast. Capt Lausman would come over the announcing system (1MC) and say "Well, we don't know where we're going yet but we're steaming along. Once I know where we're headed we'll get there posthaste!" Every. Single. Day.
After 30 days the CO had the option to give the crew beer. Per navy regulations it was 2 beers per person. That's it. No trading, no buying someone else's beer, and it was all logged to your military I'D so you couldn't get in line for seconds. What should've been a day of relaxation and revelry felt like the master at arms holding a gun to your head (lots of armed guards to keep the peace among the lower enlisted ranks as if we were animals) telling you to hurry up and drink your beers and GTFO of the hangar bay. 16 days later we pulled into Thailand for a very awesome 3 days.
Deverna had a posse of several minions who were at his beck and call. If you weren't part of a clique of some kind you were ostracized to the point of suicide by members of people who weren't part of your 'pack', which oddly enough seemed like Jim crow segregation in the 50s. The Filipinos had their crew, all the black guys would group up in one area of the berthing, then you had the less obvious groups like the heavy drinking Chad types, the freaks that would get Jacob's laddePrince Albert piercings to one up each other (I got 5, you pussy!! Yeah well I'm getting 6 tomorrow!) You get the picture.
They'd smash/steal my alarm clock while I slept so I missed musters and watch. They'd dump trash into my rack. One time i found a bag with moldy Taco Bell dumped on my rack, and we had been out to sea for over a month at that point. They'd write all kinds of fucked up shit about me where I could see it, say it where I could hear it. Because his minions wrote the watchbill, they'd often change it last minute and not inform me so I'd be late to watch.
Anything and everything they could do to drive me insane, or make it so I would fuck up and be reprimanded. All the while I'm ahead in qualifications, doing everything I should be doing- except sleeping and making it to work on time, because I was tormented nonstop, so I'd miss watch changes which would make people fuck with me more, and only fed to the cycle. People were assigned to be my human alarm clock and they just didn't bother and weren't reprimanded when they didn't try to wake me up.
One of the most fucked up thing about the Nuclear power program is the work schedule. We were on a 5 and dime rotation WITH A 7-19 workday. This means you had to be at muster at 7am and worked til 7pm, BUT you also had to stand watch 5 out of every 15 hours.
The typical day started like this: 1am get up so you can make your 02-07 watch (this coming after getting off work at 1700, eating dinner at 1800 and hopefully there weren't evening ships drills til 2200). Maybe youd get some edible cardboard from midrats (midrats is food served late at night for the crews that need to be awake, it's hot garbage). Workday begins at 07 so you're fucked for breakfast as you were on watch while it was being served, stops at 7. Work from 7 to 17, now you're back on watch until 22- but wait, you have drills at 2am!! So you don't get to sleep more than an hour if you're feeling adventurous and have an alarm clock louder than a freight train. Etc. No chance to ever get any real sleep. Always doing the dumbest busywork during the day that didn't have any bearing on daily operations but for some reason we have to do drills in the middle of the fucking night.
After the first tour, things weren't looking so hot for me despite me being on the fast track to be qualified well ahead of schedule, and being one of the fastest/best at starting and shutting down the turbines. When we pulled back in for maintenance I was sent to help the Deck department paint the hull of the ship, something totally unheard of for reactor department to do - and they only sent me. Nukes stayed in the engine room, period.The Navy spent way too much time and money training us to do Nuke stuff for us to be doing grunt work outside of the ship. This was done, I'm sure, to further alienate me from the division. To get me to fail in front of other divisions so a case could be built against me. I did every job assigned to me to the best of my abilities, and nothing came of it except for me now being behind in qualifications because I sat on a barge painting the anchor and hull for 2 months...
Things kept getting progressively worse. More people started to gang up on me because I'd been branded a 'shitbag'. Lots happened and I broke down after 4 years of my 6 contracted. I couldn't take it any more. Just as I started to try and seek help for the fucked up situation I was in I was informed I'd been sent to NJP (captains mast) meaning they wanted to throw me under the bus and make me look like a total fuck up rather than a victim. At least half a dozen other people in my division had either similarly lost it and been removed from the Nuclear program due to depression, committed suicide, or just flat out went AWOL. One guy flat out walked off the ship in Korea never to return. He didn't speak a word of the language nor have a passport. No clue what happened to him. The cracks were showing in the Reactor department and they had to make it seem like they were in control rather than a fraternity of shitheads that would get the ship docked for hazing as a couple other divisions already had done that year. I was the final example to be set. 'Toe the line or we'll drive you insane'.
Everything I said fell on deaf ears. For being late and falling asleep at inopportune times, I was sentenced to a reduction in rank, had half of my pay garnished for 2 months and was placed on restriction for 60 days. This was the standard punishment for everyone by this CO, who was a massive piece of shit taking bribes from Fat Leonard in exchange for classified naval intelligence.
He waffled for the entire time I was on restriction as to whether or not I'd be ADSEP (admin separation- aka we don't want you and you don't want us). With a week left I was told I didn't get any separation paperwork. I was devestated. I just wanted out. To not be tortured by someone for their entertainment. To just learn and do my job without someone wanting me to kill myself. To be able to sleep for more than an hour a night.
I stopped going to restriction muster until they took me to NJP again. Once again nothing I said mattered, the new CO just tore into me about military bearing and other stuff that was only related to what was going on at the surface. He refused to address the glaring issues of sleep deprivation and lack of any kind of checks or balances in the Reactor department.
3 days later I was on a plane bound for SeaTac Washington. Discharged: General under Honorable Conditions. No VA benefits. No GI bill. Given a plane ticket home with basically no help given to transition back into civilian life. My bonus had been blown through as if it were nothing, and i had racked up several thousand in credit card debt, all trying to ease the pain I felt.
I went to work for my dad. He owned a restaurant and so waited tables, working 10-2 for tips. I'd have breakdowns every so often, falling apart for seemingly reason and having to close myself in a dark room and cry until I couldn't any more. Still couldn't sleep.
I went to school to learn AutoCAD (a 3D modelling program used to draw architectural plans) and was duped by the school.
Immediately after getting out of the military, I went to ITT Tech. Not having access to my GI bill, I had to pay for school out of pocket with a federal loan.
3 weeks after I graduated the government came through and shut down ITT Tech for predatory lending practices. They would routinely tell people who applied saying they could get them jobs in the industry that pay well over $40,000/year.
Narrator: But they didn't.
Everywhere I applied took one look at my degree and denied me. One interviewer even laughed in my face at the idea I was applying with a degree from ITT Tech. I'm still fighting to get the money back from the government that I paid for the loan.
Their career services department was one guy who printed out Craigslist and indeed.com ads to hand out to students. Many saw the writing on the wall and quickly got the hell out. What started as a graduating class of 50 dwindled down to 3. I was one of the 3, and none of us got a job in the industry.
Every time I've tried to go to an institution of higher learning, it has ended very poorly for me. Once for the Navy to ruin my psyche. Once again in the private sector to crush any aspirations I had left.
I spent 5 years working for my dad, but I can barely remember a moment of it. It came and went so fast. The area he had his restaurant in was gentrified to the point where he couldn't afford the rent, or to move so he just retired. The landlord more or less FORCED him out of his business he built over a decade.
I started working for Midas, putting my wrenching skills from the Navy to use. I was a lube tech making minimum wage, literally starving to make ends meet. The cheap bastard of an owner was sending ME in my PERSONAL CAR to go pick up parts from parts stores rather than pay for delivery. I needed the $5 in gas he gave me every time just to make it to work the next day.
One day after filling up I was T-boned in the driver's side exiting a gas station. My pelvis and tailbone were broken, as was the $500 Honda civic I had been fixing part by part over the years prior, after getting out of the Navy. Everything I had worked for was gone. I was unable to walk unassisted for 2 months. I was lucky to avoid surgery. Didn't get anything because 1) the other driver was uninsured and I didn't have uninsured motorist coverage, 2) I was considered at fault by the police/insurance co and 3) because it was on the clock I got workers comp but the bastard dragged his feet for a month and a half filing the paperwork so I was having to take out loans just to fucking get groceries.
The best part about that was a few days before the accident the cheap fuck who employed me and I had a discussion about how I wasn't making enough money to even afford food, and his response? "If you're ever hungry I can get you like 5 bucks for some ramen and rice". I was furious. When I was sitting at home in pain, I called him every day asking for help but he never returned my calls.
The second I was cleared to work again I went and picked up my toolbox and left. I'll never work for him, or another corporate/government ever again.
I found a mom and pop shop that hired me on for double what Midas was paying. I was there for a year, still tormented by my past. Constantly making little mistskes, forgetting things, losing things... was it the accident? I did get a concussion but I'm not sure if my lack of focus got worse there or not. After a year of working there I was let go because the business had been slowing to a crawl, and there wasn't enough work to keep me so the owner set me up with another shop. Not quite as nice but I'm running the entire shop alone and it's very stressful. Still fucking up, losing shit.
I think I've developed an eating disorder. I just don't eat until I'm so ravenously hungry I can't ignore it any more, and even then I just have something small to stave the hunger off. I've gone from Fat fuck in high school to not so fat fuck in training, to an actual lean muscly dude on the ship because it's literally a floating prison and there's nothing to do recreationally except work out. Back to fat fuck once I got out, noe I look like Christian Bale in the Machinist. None of my clothes fit well, I haven't bought any in over 7 years. I only ever wear my work uniforms anyway and even those don't fit because of how much my weight is fluctuating. Belts I've had for nearly 10 years have recently needed new holes punched to bring it tighter, something I haven't had to do since I was starving working for Midas. My pant size (waistline) was 38 at the widest, 30 at the thinnest. With my family history of diabetes and heart problems I expect my diet, smoking habits and mental health will probably cause early onset of both, neither of which I can afford to treat.
I don't bathe nearly as often as I should, especially as a mechanic. Or brush my teeth/hair. Or wear clean clothing. Maybe once a week for each. Since I got out of the Navy I haven't cut my hair ONCE. I'll never let another person or entity dictate what I can look like ever again. Haven't shaved either, just lop off a big fuzzy chunk when it gets too annoying. I haven't cared about my body or appearance in a long time, but I'm still terrified of losing teeth or getting a fungal infection on my skin. I think its because I've been telling myself to so long that I can't afford to take care of myself at any level. I haven't been to the dentist since I got out of the Navy 7 years ago, and somehow haven't gotten any periodontal diseases that I can feel. My hip and tailbone broke in such a way that caused me to favor one side of my body whole healing, which probably contributed to my spine being twisted into an S-shape. Being hit by a car at 40mph didn't help either. I saw a chiropractor not long ago because my arm stopped working one day out of nowhere. After seeing the xrays I knew my body was far past fixing. My C3-5 vertebra are basically hanging out over empty space because of how much curve is in the L3-5 section, and me favoring that side for 5 months sitting in a chair. The cervical spine section was pinching the nerve controlling my right arm. The lumbar section was pinching the nerve controlling my left leg, causing spasms and cramping in my ankle and foot. It still is, but not as bad after 2 weeks of treatment which I stopped because I couldn't afford it any more. I could handle it when I could trust my body to take me anywhere I wanted to go. I routinely ran 5K's daily, did dozens of pullups and hours of core exercize daily in that self imposed prison sentence. Now I'm trapped within a few mile of walking or a couple hours of sitting in a car.
There hasn't been a day that goes by that I don't think about suicide. Not about actually doing it, but just thinking about it. How it would affect the few people who know me. How I'd do it. What would be the least painful for me, and least painful for everyone else who finds my corpse. When I should do it. Is today the day? No, I've got that thing I have to do. Or mom and dad would be devastated. Or it'd be too messy to use the shotgun, but too painful to try poison.
I've been this way ever since that fuckface told me he would make it his goal to make me commit suicide, and made well on his promise. I dream of finding out where he is so I can crush his spirit as he did mine. All of his old posse too. And everyone else who has ever taken his side, all the administration who discharged me a broken man rather than fix a horrific systemic problem where dozens of active duty personnel commit suicide every week.
One guy jumped off the flight deck while I was on the ship. Not into the water to drown, but face first into the corner of the aircraft elevator. Rumor has it he pancaked his torso on the corner so hard they had to identify him by looking at the name tag on his pants, and when that was too full of viscera they had to pull off a boot to find a name written on the tongue (they made you mark all of your uniform items in boot camp, and boots are often stolen so people write their names in so they have a very slim chance at recovering them).
I don't drink because most of my family is alcoholics. In the Navy I would try any and everything to dull the pain. Started smoking, got to over a pack a day. Liquor, protitutes, gambling, drugs of all kinds (passed all my tests though!). I use marijuana every day now to keep me numbed from the pain of my accident and to keep my mind from going to too dark of a place. It keeps me from thinking about my situation, for a little while.
I can't go to the VA for help because nobody would believe me for a second that the (NOW SENIOR CHIEF!!) upstanding Deverna who has no problems on his record would torment a young sailor with the intent of driving him to suicide, even if I did have proof.
I can't get my discharge changed to receive VA benefits and my GI bill.
I don't want to go to a therapist out of fear I'll be committed, or be branded a danger to myself or others.
I'll never get better, and I've only been getting worse as time goes on. I'm just waiting for my parents to pass so I don't disappoint them when I inevitably do it.
The suicide hotline is a fucking joke. The VA is even worse, and I'll never ever have the money to go have someone listen to my 'problems' for $99/hr and ask me how I feel. Sliding payscales don't help either when you're making so little money and have a mountain of debt.
My problems seem miniscule compared to what the world is dealing with right now. People are born into abject poverty and starve to death before they hit 10. Others spend their entire life chained to a table making iPhones and shoes. In some parts of the world people are harvested like animals for their organs because of where they were born. Why should I have anything to complain about?
I just want to lie down and not have to deal with tomorrow. It takes me an hour just to get the mental energy necessary to put on clothing in the morning. If the suicide booths from Futurama were a thing you bet your ass I'd be in line with enough quarters to go painlessly and peacefully.
submitted by Electrode99 to depression [link] [comments]

Megarant: A Conglomeration of Complaints

Here is all the rage I've been holding in since I came across this wonderful series, all in one neat little package. I recommend getting some snacks, each of these could warrant its own post.
Preface: I'm relatively new to the Monster Hunter series. I had heard about the series in the past, but didn't really pay attention to it until the launch of MHW. Unfortunately, I don't have a PS4 or XBone, so the wait for the PC release was long and slow. When it finally did come out, I immediately clocked 300 hours or so into world, and loved (almost) every second of it. And since that wasn't enough to satiate my lust for hunting monsters, I got MHGU as well. I'm nearing the end of high rank, and closing in on 100 hours. Additionally, I'm writing this on mobile, So I apologize for any strange formatting, I promise I'll fix it later.
With that out of the way...
RAGE NUMBER 1: KILLER QUEEN HAS ALREADY STARTED THAT ATTACK

MOTHER.

FUCKING.

ANTICIPATION.

EVER HEARD OF IT CAPCOM? ITS ONE OF THE 12 PRINCIPLES OF ANIMATION, AND THE FUCKING BACKBONE OF THIS SERIES.
Now, I know people don't like it when this series is compared to Dark Souls, but just hear me out. at their most basic, the combat of Dark Souls and Monster Hunter is the same.
You see an attack coming
You take action to avoid or otherwise nullify said attack
You punish with attacks of your own
Rinse and repeat until either you or the enemy are dead.
In Dark Souls 3, There is but one enemy that possesses an attack with no startup frames. It's a charge attack, performed by Oceiros, The Consumed King. And do you know what people think of that attack?
THEY FUCKING DESPISE IT. EVERY TIME THAT FIGHT IS MENTIONED, THAT ATTACK COMES UP.
SO WHY IS IT OKAY HERE? WHY IS IT ACCEPTABLE TO HAVE ATTACKS WITH NO WARNING? AND DONT FUCKING TELL ME THAT THE MONSTER STANDING STILL IS A TELL, BECAUSE NO IT FUCKING ISNT. EVEN IF IT WERE JUST A SPLIT SECOND WARNING, I'D BE FINE WITH IT, BECAUSE AT THAT POINT, ITS JUST A MATTER OF ME NOT BEING ABLE TO REACT FAST ENOUGH. HELL, I'D EVEN BE FINE WITH THEM IF THEY HAD MINIMAL KNOCKBACK, BUT NO. ALL OF THEM SEND ME ROLLING ACROSS THE GROUND, EATING SHIT THE ENTIRE FUCKING TIME.
WHERE DID THE FUCKING ANIMATION BUDGET FOR THESE ATTACKS GO? OH, PROBABLY INTO MAKING PICINE WYVERNS HAVE A FUCKING SEIZURE WHEN YOU KNOCK THEM DOWN, THATS WHERE.
WHAT REALLY FUCKING GETS ME IS THAT THESE ATTACKS WOULD BE SO EASY TO FIX. ALL CAPCOM WOULD HAVE TO DO IS HAVE THE DAMAGE AND KNOCKBACK START OUT LOW, THEN SCALE UP OVER THE COURSE OF THE ATTACK. OBJECTS WITH MASS TAKE TIME TO REACH FULL SPEED, SO A LITTLE NUDGE FROM A RATHIAN'S SHIN SHOULDN'T SEND ME SPRAWLING ON THE GROUND LIKE IM SHIT-FACED DRUNK.
FUCK YOU YIAN GARUGA. FUCK YOU, YOUR LAME ASS BROTHER, AND YOUR COUSIN, RUBBERDICK.
RAGE NUMBER 2: VAAL HAZAK NEEDS SOME FUCKING DENTURES.

WHERE ARE YOUR FUCKING TEETH, VAAL?

CAUSE THEY SURE AS FUCK AREN'T ON YOUR CORPSE. BETTER GET HIM TO A DOCTOR, BECAUSE HE HAS FUCKING PERIODONTAL DISEASE. VAAL'S HEAD IS FUCKING HELL TO BREAK, BUT LETS SAY YOU MANAGED TO DO IT. CONGRATULATIONS, YOU NOW HAVE A 66 FUCKING PERCENT CHANCE TO GET ONE OF THOSE DELIGHTFUL LITTLE INCISORS THAT YOU NEED 5-10 OF FOR EVERY FUCKING ONE OF HIS WEAPONS. AND YOU KNOW YOU AREN'T GETTING IT. I HAVEN'T FOUGHT VAAL IN LIKE 2 MONTHS, PURELY BECAUSE FARMING THOSE FANGS HAS MADE ME ABSOLUTELY SICK OF THAT FIGHT.
RAGE NUMBER 3: THE 200 MILE-HIGH CLUB
IN MHW, WHEN A FLYING MONSTER DECIDES TO BE A LITTLE BITCH AND RUN AWAY, IT AT LEAST HAS THE COURTESY TO GIVE YOU A CHANCE TO STOP IT WITH A FLASH BOMB, OR A WELL TIMED MOUNT OR ATTACK, BUT NOT IN GU. IN GU, WHENEVER A MONSTERS PERSONAL SPACE IS THREATENED, IT SHOOTS UP LIKE A FUCKING ROCKET, AND TAKES THE LONGEST 10 SECONDS OF YOUR LIFE TRYING TO MAKE UP ITS MIND ON WHERE YOU SHOULD GO TO BASH ITS FACE IN NEXT. GET BACK DOWN HERE, YOU FUCKING COWARD, MY BUFFS ARE RUNNING OUT.
RAGE NUMBER 4: PLESIOTH
Let's be real here, you already know what I'm gonna say about Plesioth, and chances are you've heard it all before, So I'll keep it short.
GET OUT OF THE FUCKING WATER. YOU'VE GOT LEGS THE LIKES OF WHICH WOULD MAKE METTATON EX JEALOUS, SO FUCKING USE THEM. QUIT IT WITH THAT FUCKING UNBLOCKABLE WATER BEAM BULLSHIT. AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SOMEONE CALL AANG IN HERE, GIVE PLESIOTH THE OZAI TREATMENT, AND TAKE AWAY HIS FUCKING AIR BENDING HITBOX BULLSHIT.
That's all for this one.
RAGE NUMBER 5: THE KING OF THE SKIES BEING A TOTAL BITCH.
Throughout reading this, can you guess who my least favorite monster is? I'll give you a hint; It's the INSTANT ATTACKING, FIREBALL SPAMMING, COWARD KNOWN AS RATHALOS.
HOLY
FUCKING
SHIT
I BARELY KNOW WHERE TO START WITH THIS ONE. FUCK FIGHTING THIS MONSTER. I HATE IT. I REALLY. FUCKING. HATE IT. ITS A FUCKING CHORE. AND ODDLY ENOUGH, ITS FOR ENTIRELY DIFFERENT REASONS IN WORLD AND GU.
LETS START WITH GU.
IVE ALREADY GIVEN MY PIECE ON INSTANT ATTACKS, AND RATHALOS' ATTACKS IS THE ONLY REASON WHY IM EVEN WRITING THIS RANT IN THE FIRST PLACE.
FUCK HIS STUPID ASS CHARGE. IT DOES WAY MORE DAMAGE THAN IT SHOULD, AND HE FUCKING SPAMS IT THE ENTIRE FIGHT. AND ONCE HE STARTS LOSING, HE JUST FUCKS OFF TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE MAP. I HAVENT HAD THE DISPLEASURE OF FIGHTING DREADKING RATHABITCH YET, BUT WHEN I DO, I CAN ASSURE YOU I WILL BE MAKING ANOTHER POST HERE.
AND NOW FOR RATHALOS IN WORLD.
HOLY SHIT, CAN YOU STOP ATTACKING FOR 2 SECONDS? WHILE AIRBORNE, RATHALOS HAS AN ATTACK RATE THAT FUCKING RIVALS ODOGARON, THE DIFFERENCE BEING ONE OF THEM ACTUALLY HAS REASONABLE HITBOXES, AND IT ISNT THE OVERSIZED CHICKEN. SO LETS SAY BY SOME MIRACLE RATHALOS LANDS. YOU CAN BET YOUR ASS HE'S GOING STRAIGHT BACK UP INTO THE AIR WITH THAT 20 METER EMERALD SPLASH FIREBALL BULLSHIT.
AND YOU MAY BE ASKING YOURSELF: "WELL WHATS THE PROBLEM? JUST FLASH IT OUT OF THE AIR." AND YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU'RE RIGHT. WHENEVER I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO, I LIKE TO GO HUNT A RATHALOS WITH A ITEM POUCH FULL OF FLASH BOMBS AND FLASH BUGS, AND JUST BLIND HIS ASS WHENEVER HE TRIES TO USE HIS WINGS. I LET HIM FALL TO THE GROUND AND JUST WATCH HIM STRUGGLE, BEFORE PERFORMING A TAP DANCE ON HIS RIB CAGE, REVELING IN THE FACT THAT THE Y-AXIS IS MINE ALONE TO CONTROL. IT IS FOR THIS VERY REASON THAT I PERMANENTLY KEEP AT LEAST ONE SPOT IN BOTANICAL RESEARCH DEDICATED TO FLASH BUGS, JUST SO I CAN INDULGE IN THIS LUXURY.
Ok, deep breaths. Sorry, I had that pent up for a while. But seriously, fuck Rathalos. He doesn't deserve to be the face of the series.
submitted by Cubens to monsterhunterrage [link] [comments]

Second time posting here. Doubt anything will change...

Hoooooo boy this is going to be a long one. Sorry for formatting, I'm on mobile.
And before we get started, yes I live in a first world country, am not homeless or have a debilitating illness like cancer- but that doesn't make me feel any less of a failure.
When I was really young my family moved into a much more rural area, around 1st grade. There were 30 kids in the whole graduating class. Everyone knew each other, except for me... So guess who was picked on and had no friends? I was constantly in and out of psychiatrists offices, my mom trying to figure out why I was always a crying mess, cutting my clothes at school, throwing tantrums... I'd be tormented by a handful of kids, go off and cry and when some other kids came to ask me if I was OK I couldn't trust them so I'd scream at them to leave me alone. Eventually I wound up on antidepressants which, at age 8, didn't do a whole lot for me in the way of social and personal development. I was reclusive, I can barely remember my childhood because of the fog of antidepressants clouding my memory. Constant bullying, getting pushed to my absolute breaking point over and over and over again. At 16 we moved back into 'the big city' and things improved because I could blend into the crowd and not be noticed. I found friends, other outcasts that were into the same things I was (anime, D&D, Magic the Gathering etc). Thing were okay for a couple of years, until I realized I was 18 with no solid plan for anything- so I listened to my mom and joined the Navy. This was right around the time the economy crashed because of the housing bubble at the end of 2008. The job market was as bad as it's been in my adult life.
I was picked up on the Nuclear program, and felt really accomplished. Finally, I'd be in a place where I belonged. Where other people just like me looked for a job to do and did it with camaraderie. I'd be advanced 2 ranks before I even hit A-school, an E-3 in boot camp! And be paid $20,000 when I graduated the nuclear program!
I couldn't have been any more wrong. Boot camp was a repeat of grade school- ostracized because of my rate, people resented the fact that I was already 'above' them because I passed a test and decided to join a special program. Then the 2 years of training afterwards to become part of the Nuclear program was grueling, to say the least. Only 2 schools in the world are harder than NNPT- MIT Engineering and Harvard Law. I passed with flying colors, but had a hard time with military bearing. Coming off of 10 years of antidepressants that I needed in order to sleep at night, I found it very hard to sleep, or concentrate on anything other than a book. I felt like I was in a different persons skin. I coped by delving into videogames like never before. I had never had many close friends, and bouncing from command to command every 2-6 months wasn't conducive to forming lasting bonds.
Once I got to the final part of the Nuclear training, I spent 6 months on a working reactor. The instructors there are considered the 'best' by their peers, knowledgeable in 100% of their job as a nuclear power plant operator. This doesn't mean that they are nice people, or good instructors past what is required of them by the book. These people are cutthroat and see themselves as gatekeepers to the Nuclear Navy. They hold your fate in their hands, they decide whether you pass or fail and if they don't like you for whatever reason they'll grill you harder and harder until you fail or quit.
One particular fuckface hated me. I have no idea why. He mentally tortured me the entire time I was there. When it came time to go to our commands (I passed with an easy A throughout the entire program, and passed my final board certification first try) this guy found out where I was going and called ahead to the boat to tell his friends who was on his shit list, me being one of them.
I landed in Japan on March 10 2010. It felt like a dream come true. I had passed one of the hardest academic programs the world had to offer. I was in JAPAN!!! We spent the day going through the motions of Indoc for coming to a foreign country. The next day, the Tohoku earthquake hit. It was like nothing I'd ever felt. I always thought the movies/tv shows were exaggerating when it came to how much the earth moved during a quake. At a richter 9.1, light poles were bending 30 degrees in either direction. Entire buildings, built on rollers to prevent earthquakes from toppling them, were shifting back and forth nearly a foot in either direction.w I looked out at the ocean and the water level in the harbor had dropped nearly 6 feet. It wasnt long after the aftershocks stopped that the tsunami alarms started blaring in the distance, not unlike the tornado klaxons in the midwest. Everyone had to run to the ship and get onboard so we could hopefully get out to sea before the tsunami hit the coast.
I got to watch footage of the devastation from a desk in the reactor department office. When I got onboard some higher up said 'follow me, you're standing watch right now.' He sat me down at the front desk of the office and said 'sit here, answer that phone if it rings, and don't fall asleep. There's a TV you can watch right there.'
Sweet, not a bad gig for my first day. Sit here and don't fall asleep. Easy.
I turned the TV on and watched the news as it came in. Hours went by and nobody came to relieve me, but I stayed awake. The footage of the devestation was unreal. We were only about 100-300miles from the epicenter of the quake, and the tsunami was much worse further away than it was up near the epicenter. On top of that, Yokosuka naval base had some natural barriers in the form of cliffs and mountains that prevented the tsunami from damaging the harbor. The base itself was a repurposed WW2 Japanese base that the US took over after the peace treaty was signed.
Enter MM1 Deverna into the office. 6'3", pasty white ginger with a Super Troopers mustache and filled with enough piss and vinegar to pickle hardwood. Lithe but not stacked as a nodybuilder, he spent all of his free time working out and making people miserable. He came in the office lookibg for something, and sees me watching TV. Knowing what I know now, I can understand why he was upset. He just spent the last 24 hours busting his balls to get the ship underway- we were in port for maintenance and everything was disassembled. Usually it takes weeks to get these projects finished- they had it done in hours. Us new guys didn't have dosimeters (personal radiation measuring devices for tracking of radiation dosing) so we were DEFINITELY not allowed to be in the engine room where the reactor is. Therefore we couldn't help, and this made the qualified people irrationally angry at us- just because we were new. He slaps the TV off with the fury of 1000 suns and grabs a HUGE reactor manual, slams it down in front of me and says 'You should be reading this, not watching TV you fucking NUB'. (NUB = New Unused Body).
I ask him how I was supposed to know that, when the guy who sat me down here TOLD me to watch tv. It's my first fucking day onboard, and the worst earthquake Japan has ever seen has JUST happened. On top of that, the book was marked CONFIDENTIAL and I doubted I should have been poking through that kind of thing despite me having a security clearance to view it.
His response? "I hope you come to MY division- I'm gonna make it my goal to get you to kill yourself by the end of this tour.'
Guess who's division I got placed in? We spent 46 consecutive days at sea. This might not sound terrible at first, but anyone who has been on a ship can tell you after the first 3 days every single one after is a drag until you pull into port. Every morning we'd trudge to the galley and have breakfast. Capt Lausman would come over the announcing system (1MC) and say "Well, we don't know where we're going yet but we're steaming along. Once I know where we're headed we'll get there posthaste!" Every. Single. Day.
After 30 days the CO had the option to give the crew beer. Per navy regulations it was 2 beers per person. That's it. No trading, no buying someone else's beer, and it was all logged to your military I'D so you couldn't get in line for seconds. What should've been a day of relaxation and revelry felt like the master at arms holding a gun to your head (lots of armed guards to keep the peace among the lower enlisted ranks as if we were animals) telling you to hurry up and drink your beers and GTFO of the hangar bay. 16 days later we pulled into Thailand for a very awesome 3 days.
Deverna had a posse of several minions who were at his beck and call. If you weren't part of a clique of some kind you were ostracized to the point of suicide by members of people who weren't part of your 'pack', which oddly enough seemed like Jim crow segregation in the 50s. The Filipinos had their crew, all the black guys would group up in one area of the berthing, then you had the less obvious groups like the heavy drinking Chad types, the freaks that would get Jacob's laddePrince Albert piercings to one up each other (I got 5, you pussy!! Yeah well I'm getting 6 tomorrow!) You get the picture.
They'd smash/steal my alarm clock while I slept so I missed musters and watch. They'd dump trash into my rack. One time i found a bag with moldy Taco Bell dumped on my rack, and we had been out to sea for over a month at that point. They'd write all kinds of fucked up shit about me where I could see it, say it where I could hear it. Because his minions wrote the watchbill, they'd often change it last minute and not inform me so I'd be late to watch.
Anything and everything they could do to drive me insane, or make it so I would fuck up and be reprimanded. All the while I'm ahead in qualifications, doing everything I should be doing- except sleeping and making it to work on time, because I was tormented nonstop, so I'd miss watch changes which would make people fuck with me more, and only fed to the cycle. People were assigned to be my human alarm clock and they just didn't bother and weren't reprimanded when they didn't try to wake me up.
One of the most fucked up thing about the Nuclear power program is the work schedule. We were on a 5 and dime rotation WITH A 7-19 workday. This means you had to be at muster at 7am and worked til 7pm, BUT you also had to stand watch 5 out of every 15 hours.
The typical day started like this: 1am get up so you can make your 02-07 watch (this coming after getting off work at 1700, eating dinner at 1800 and hopefully there weren't evening ships drills til 2200). Maybe youd get some edible cardboard from midrats (midrats is food served late at night for the crews that need to be awake, it's hot garbage). Workday begins at 07 so you're fucked for breakfast as you were on watch while it was being served, stops at 7. Work from 7 to 17, now you're back on watch until 22- but wait, you have drills at 2am!! So you don't get to sleep more than an hour if you're feeling adventurous and have an alarm clock louder than a freight train. Etc. No chance to ever get any real sleep. Always doing the dumbest busywork during the day that didn't have any bearing on daily operations but for some reason we have to do drills in the middle of the fucking night.
After the first tour, things weren't looking so hot for me despite me being on the fast track to be qualified well ahead of schedule, and being one of the fastest/best at starting and shutting down the turbines. When we pulled back in for maintenance I was sent to help the Deck department paint the hull of the ship, something totally unheard of for reactor department to do - and they only sent me. Nukes stayed in the engine room, period.The Navy spent way too much time and money training us to do Nuke stuff for us to be doing grunt work outside of the ship. This was done, I'm sure, to further alienate me from the division. To get me to fail in front of other divisions so a case could be built against me. I did every job assigned to me to the best of my abilities, and nothing came of it except for me now being behind in qualifications because I sat on a barge painting the anchor and hull for 2 months...
Things kept getting progressively worse. More people started to gang up on me because I'd been branded a 'shitbag'. Lots happened and I broke down after 4 years of my 6 contracted. I couldn't take it any more. Just as I started to try and seek help for the fucked up situation I was in I was informed I'd been sent to NJP (captains mast) meaning they wanted to throw me under the bus and make me look like a total fuck up rather than a victim. At least half a dozen other people in my division had either similarly lost it and been removed from the Nuclear program due to depression, committed suicide, or just flat out went AWOL. One guy flat out walked off the ship in Korea never to return. He didn't speak a word of the language nor have a passport. No clue what happened to him. The cracks were showing in the Reactor department and they had to make it seem like they were in control rather than a fraternity of shitheads that would get the ship docked for hazing as a couple other divisions already had done that year. I was the final example to be set. 'Toe the line or we'll drive you insane'.
Everything I said fell on deaf ears. For being late and falling asleep at inopportune times, I was sentenced to a reduction in rank, had half of my pay garnished for 2 months and was placed on restriction for 60 days. This was the standard punishment for everyone by this CO, who was a massive piece of shit taking bribes from Fat Leonard in exchange for classified naval intelligence.
He waffled for the entire time I was on restriction as to whether or not I'd be ADSEP (admin separation- aka we don't want you and you don't want us). With a week left I was told I didn't get any separation paperwork. I was devestated. I just wanted out. To not be tortured by someone for their entertainment. To just learn and do my job without someone wanting me to kill myself. To be able to sleep for more than an hour a night.
I stopped going to restriction muster until they took me to NJP again. Once again nothing I said mattered, the new CO just tore into me about military bearing and other stuff that was only related to what was going on at the surface. He refused to address the glaring issues of sleep deprivation and lack of any kind of checks or balances in the Reactor department.
3 days later I was on a plane bound for SeaTac Washington. Discharged: General under Honorable Conditions. No VA benefits. No GI bill. Given a plane ticket home with basically no help given to transition back into civilian life. My bonus had been blown through as if it were nothing, and i had racked up several thousand in credit card debt, all trying to ease the pain I felt.
I went to work for my dad. He owned a restaurant and so waited tables, working 10-2 for tips. I'd have breakdowns every so often, falling apart for seemingly reason and having to close myself in a dark room and cry until I couldn't any more. Still couldn't sleep.
I went to school to learn AutoCAD (a 3D modelling program used to draw architectural plans) and was duped by the school.
Immediately after getting out of the military, I went to ITT Tech. Not having access to my GI bill, I had to pay for school out of pocket with a federal loan.
3 weeks after I graduated the government came through and shut down ITT Tech for predatory lending practices. They would routinely tell people who applied saying they could get them jobs in the industry that pay well over $40,000/year.
Narrator: But they didn't.
Everywhere I applied took one look at my degree and denied me. One interviewer even laughed in my face at the idea I was applying with a degree from ITT Tech. I'm still fighting to get the money back from the government that I paid for the loan.
Their career services department was one guy who printed out Craigslist and indeed.com ads to hand out to students. Many saw the writing on the wall and quickly got the hell out. What started as a graduating class of 50 dwindled down to 3. I was one of the 3, and none of us got a job in the industry.
Every time I've tried to go to an institution of higher learning, it has ended very poorly for me. Once for the Navy to ruin my psyche. Once again in the private sector to crush any aspirations I had left.
I spent 5 years working for my dad, but I can barely remember a moment of it. It came and went so fast. The area he had his restaurant in was gentrified to the point where he couldn't afford the rent, or to move so he just retired. The landlord more or less FORCED him out of his business he built over a decade.
I started working for Midas, putting my wrenching skills from the Navy to use. I was a lube tech making minimum wage, literally starving to make ends meet. The cheap bastard of an owner was sending ME in my PERSONAL CAR to go pick up parts from parts stores rather than pay for delivery. I needed the $5 in gas he gave me every time just to make it to work the next day.
One day after filling up I was T-boned in the driver's side exiting a gas station. My pelvis and tailbone were broken, as was the $500 Honda civic I had been fixing part by part over the years prior, after getting out of the Navy. Everything I had worked for was gone. I was unable to walk unassisted for 2 months. I was lucky to avoid surgery. Didn't get anything because 1) the other driver was uninsured and I didn't have uninsured motorist coverage, 2) I was considered at fault by the police/insurance co and 3) because it was on the clock I got workers comp but the bastard dragged his feet for a month and a half filing the paperwork so I was having to take out loans just to fucking get groceries.
The best part about that was a few days before the accident the cheap fuck who employed me and I had a discussion about how I wasn't making enough money to even afford food, and his response? "If you're ever hungry I can get you like 5 bucks for some ramen and rice". I was furious. When I was sitting at home in pain, I called him every day asking for help but he never returned my calls.
The second I was cleared to work again I went and picked up my toolbox and left. I'll never work for him, or another corporate/government ever again.
I found a mom and pop shop that hired me on for double what Midas was paying. I was there for a year, still tormented by my past. Constantly making little mistskes, forgetting things, losing things... was it the accident? I did get a concussion but I'm not sure if my lack of focus got worse there or not. After a year of working there I was let go because the business had been slowing to a crawl, and there wasn't enough work to keep me so the owner set me up with another shop. Not quite as nice but I'm running the entire shop alone and it's very stressful. Still fucking up, losing shit.
I think I've developed an eating disorder. I just don't eat until I'm so ravenously hungry I can't ignore it any more, and even then I just have something small to stave the hunger off. I've gone from Fat fuck in high school to not so fat fuck in training, to an actual lean muscly dude on the ship because it's literally a floating prison and there's nothing to do recreationally except work out. Back to fat fuck once I got out, noe I look like Christian Bale in the Machinist. None of my clothes fit well, I haven't bought any in over 7 years. I only ever wear my work uniforms anyway and even those don't fit because of how much my weight is fluctuating. Belts I've had for nearly 10 years have recently needed new holes punched to bring it tighter, something I haven't had to do since I was starving working for Midas. My pant size (waistline) was 38 at the widest, 30 at the thinnest. With my family history of diabetes and heart problems I expect my diet, smoking habits and mental health will probably cause early onset of both, neither of which I can afford to treat.
I don't bathe nearly as often as I should, especially as a mechanic. Or brush my teeth/hair. Or wear clean clothing. Maybe once a week for each. Since I got out of the Navy I haven't cut my hair ONCE. I'll never let another person or entity dictate what I can look like ever again. Haven't shaved either, just lop off a big fuzzy chunk when it gets too annoying. I haven't cared about my body or appearance in a long time, but I'm still terrified of losing teeth or getting a fungal infection on my skin. I think its because I've been telling myself to so long that I can't afford to take care of myself at any level. I haven't been to the dentist since I got out of the Navy 7 years ago, and somehow haven't gotten any periodontal diseases that I can feel. My hip and tailbone broke in such a way that caused me to favor one side of my body whole healing, which probably contributed to my spine being twisted into an S-shape. Being hit by a car at 40mph didn't help either. I saw a chiropractor not long ago because my arm stopped working one day out of nowhere. After seeing the xrays I knew my body was far past fixing. My C3-5 vertebra are basically hanging out over empty space because of how much curve is in the L3-5 section, and me favoring that side for 5 months sitting in a chair. The cervical spine section was pinching the nerve controlling my right arm. The lumbar section was pinching the nerve controlling my left leg, causing spasms and cramping in my ankle and foot. It still is, but not as bad after 2 weeks of treatment which I stopped because I couldn't afford it any more. I could handle it when I could trust my body to take me anywhere I wanted to go. I routinely ran 5K's daily, did dozens of pullups and hours of core exercize daily in that self imposed prison sentence. Now I'm trapped within a few mile of walking or a couple hours of sitting in a car.
There hasn't been a day that goes by that I don't think about suicide. Not about actually doing it, but just thinking about it. How it would affect the few people who know me. How I'd do it. What would be the least painful for me, and least painful for everyone else who finds my corpse. When I should do it. Is today the day? No, I've got that thing I have to do. Or mom and dad would be devastated. Or it'd be too messy to use the shotgun, but too painful to try poison.
I've been this way ever since that fuckface told me he would make it his goal to make me commit suicide, and made well on his promise. I dream of finding out where he is so I can crush his spirit as he did mine. All of his old posse too. And everyone else who has ever taken his side, all the administration who discharged me a broken man rather than fix a horrific systemic problem where dozens of active duty personnel commit suicide every week.
One guy jumped off the flight deck while I was on the ship. Not into the water to drown, but face first into the corner of the aircraft elevator. Rumor has it he pancaked his torso on the corner so hard they had to identify him by looking at the name tag on his pants, and when that was too full of viscera they had to pull off a boot to find a name written on the tongue (they made you mark all of your uniform items in boot camp, and boots are often stolen so people write their names in so they have a very slim chance at recovering them).
I don't drink because most of my family is alcoholics. In the Navy I would try any and everything to dull the pain. Started smoking, got to over a pack a day. Liquor, protitutes, gambling, drugs of all kinds (passed all my tests though!). I use marijuana every day now to keep me numbed from the pain of my accident and to keep my mind from going to too dark of a place. It keeps me from thinking about my situation, for a little while.
I can't go to the VA for help because nobody would believe me for a second that the (NOW SENIOR CHIEF!!) upstanding Deverna who has no problems on his record would torment a young sailor with the intent of driving him to suicide, even if I did have proof.
I can't get my discharge changed to receive VA benefits and my GI bill.
I don't want to go to a therapist out of fear I'll be committed, or be branded a danger to myself or others.
I'll never get better, and I've only been getting worse as time goes on. I'm just waiting for my parents to pass so I don't disappoint them when I inevitably do it.
The suicide hotline is a fucking joke. The VA is even worse, and I'll never ever have the money to go have someone listen to my 'problems' for $99/hr and ask me how I feel. Sliding payscales don't help either when you're making so little money and have a mountain of debt.
My problems seem miniscule compared to what the world is dealing with right now. People are born into abject poverty and starve to death before they hit 10. Others spend their entire life chained to a table making iPhones and shoes. In some parts of the world people are harvested like animals for their organs because of where they were born. Why should I have anything to complain about?
I just want to lie down and not have to deal with tomorrow. It takes me an hour just to get the mental energy necessary to put on clothing in the morning. If the suicide booths from Futurama were a thing you bet your ass I'd be in line with enough quarters to go painlessly and peacefully.
submitted by Electrode99 to SuicideWatch [link] [comments]

All Scientists should be Skeptics, No Scientist should be a Denier

I recently listened to a talk by a climate skeptic, or was he a climate denier? (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0lOsmfAO2Gs&feature=youtu.be) It was a mix of factual information, confused information and left out information. Most of the experiments presented in this talk supported the idea that more carbon dioxide can make plants, and some animals, grow bigger. While some of his points were interesting, overall I found his talk selectively misleading. The speaker frequently conflates carbon dioxide levels with other climate change factors.
It’s always good to begin a talk with points that everyone can agree on. Everyone agrees that carbon dioxide is necessary for plants to survive and grow. It seems reasonable that more of this important building block, carbon dioxide, could make a plant grow bigger, and maybe faster too. Carbon dioxide is plant food and if there isn’t enough, plants will starve. Not only that, the earth would freeze. But, that’s a problem for a different time. Currently, there’s plenty of carbon dioxide to feed the plants on earth.
Now, throw in a little water, and in return plants make oxygen and glucose (and cellulose from the glucose) for the rest of life on earth. That sounds like a fair trade. Glucose also supplies energy for the plant and anything that eats the plant and anything that eats anything that eats the plant. Glucose is also in equilibrium with many other bio-molecules that are essential for life (glycolysis, TCA cycle, ATP, NADH, electron transport and more). These are all good things. So, does that mean we would benefit from more CO2 in our atmosphere?
I offer this analogy. Human beings need glucose since our brain cells do not store any and they pick it up from the circulating blood. In fact, the brain requires about 20% of our daily calorie needs to keep itself going. If our glucose levels drop too low, we can become hypoglycemic, possibly lose consciousness, even to the state of death. When brain cells recognize glucose levels are falling they start switching to ketone bodies, which build up during times of fasting or starvation in order to keep the brain alive. This is ok for awhile, but not good long term.
How do we know this? Well, many, many dedicated scientists studied very complicated biochemistry over the past century, wandering through a maze of mysteries. There were many false leads and corrections along the way, where scientists debated competing hypotheses. The end result is that our knowledge of the biochemical world is vastly more certain than ever because of science. Our knowledge is not complete, and it never will be, because biochemistry is too complicated. But that doesn’t mean we can’t find useful predictors of health and disease from an imperfect blood panel.
Plants need carbon dioxide and our brains need glucose. According to the talk, the speaker’s main point seems to be “if a little is good, more is better” (repeated over and over with every example of bigger and bigger plants with higher and higher levels of CO2). We can apply the same logic to glucose in the blood, also necessary for life. If we continue our usual diet and add one large candy bar each day, our blood levels of glucose will be higher and we will start to get bigger. Let’s add 2, then 3 extra candy bars each day. Our blood levels of glucose get even higher and we will get even bigger. This is a good thing, right? If we were deficient in calories, that might be true.
But wait, too much glucose in our blood can lead to obesity and diabetes, which leads to inflammation of blood vessels leading to blindness, periodontal disease and loss of our teeth, kidney disease, pregnancy problems, nerve damage and diabetic foot (often requiring amputation). Maybe there are other factors besides getting bigger that have to be considered.
For example, in global warming, there is also increasing temperature to consider when CO2 levels go up. When the levels of carbon dioxide are just right, about 280 ppm over the past many thousands of years, they help keep earth’s average temperature around 15C/59F, which is good for much of life. It is claimed that without our greenhouse gases, earth’s average temperature would be more like -18C/0F, too cold for many life forms. The earth would be a big ice cube and growing enough food to feed life on earth would be a major problem. On the other hand, too much carbon dioxide causes the opposite problem, and the earth cooks. For humans on earth, we need the ‘Goldilocks amount” of carbon dioxide: ‘just right’.
The speaker presents a simi-quantitative graph showing different levels of carbon dioxide and water. He argues that when there is more carbon dioxide in the air, the stoma of leaves can be smaller and retain more water, but there is nothing on the slide that mentions anything about leaf stoma and water retention. Stoma are openings on the bottom of leaves allowing carbon dioxide to be absorbed. Both water and carbon dioxide are incredibly small molecules that have absolutely no problem diffusing in and out of leaf stoma. If water is present as 1% of air, it concentration would be about 10,000 ppm, while CO2 is just over 400 ppm. It’s likely that the size and number of leaf stoma is more related to the levels of carbon dioxide, than water. The main conclusion from the qualitative graph appears similar to his initial comments, that more carbon dioxide makes a plant grow better, no matter what the water level.
The speaker emphasizes that trees and sweet corn continue to do well, even up to 100F. Maybe some plants can adapt to 90+ F temperatures, but not everything is able to do so. To emphasize his point he uses Phoenix, Arizona as an example of how you can grow sweet corn anywhere in the US at high temperatures, and what could be higher than Phoenix in the summer. .
So, how does corn grow in Arizona? I’ve listed the top 5 corn producing states below, and Arizona’s ranking and production and the total amount of corn produced in the US. Maybe growing corn in Arizona isn’t quite as great as the speaker implied? Also, the very small amount of corn grown in Arizona was grown in late spring and early fall, not in the summer.
State/ranking (2016) millions of bushels percent of US production
Total corn produced: 15,148 bushels 100%
  1. Iowa 2,740 18.09%
  2. Illinois 2,256 14.89
  3. Nebraska 1,700 11.22%
  4. Minnesota 1,544 10.19%
  5. Indiana 946 6.25%
33-35. Arizona 11 0.07% (3 way tie with New Jersey and Wyoming)
http://beef2live.com/story-states-produce-corn-0-107129
Additional research on plants and carbon dioxide may find useful exceptions that provide greater insight about what factors are most important. Maybe special genes can be introduced or modified to make a plant more heat tolerant, able to live with less water and/or more salt in the water. There are many factors that can affect the way plants (or we) grow and many variables that can be affected by carbon dioxide (or glucose) in their own unique way. The outcome of one variable (size of a plant correlated with CO2 levels) does not necessarily correlate with all other outcomes (heat of the atmosphere, melting ice, acidification of ocean waters, etc.).
Even if some plants can live at higher temperatures, maybe other life forms have a hard time living at high temperatures, like us, for example. If the temperature gets up towards 105F, and there is very high humidity, we are cooked, literally. Our enzymes begin to denature and quit working in the vicinity of 105F. If the air is dry we can perspire and the evaporation can help keep us cooler, but if the humidity is high (> 90%), then we will succumb to heat exhaustion, and can die because we have no way to cool down. As long as one of the two variables is ‘lower’ we can survive, but if both get too high, we can’t.
If I took the speaker at face value with respect to high CO2 and temperature, I would expect these conditions to provide lots of green vegetation, thriving with the extra carbon dioxide and heat. However, when I hike through the Southern California foothills on hot summer days, I do not see green as the dominant color, I see brown everywhere (not to mention occasional smoke and fires). The brown is partly due to the other critical molecule, water (or lack thereof). While all of this seems reasonable, I’m certain we don’t understand every detail. Pretending none of this makes any difference can lead us to a dead-end, literally.
The speaker makes an emphatic point about the greening of earth, which shouldn’t be too surprising since plants are getting more carbon dioxide to munch on. This is a good thing for plants, but is it the only thing? The following comes from a web page on Popular Science titled: “Satellite Data Show the Earth is Getting Greener” (2015). Once again, we find there is more to the story than the speaker told us.

[ "It isn't often that environmental scientists get good news. But a new study in Nature Climate Change found that for the past few years, the earth has been getting a little bit greener, accumulating an additional 4 billion tons of biomass (vegetation) between 2003 and 2012. That's a good thing, because plants take carbon dioxide out of the atmosphere, locking harmful greenhouse gas away in the new growth.
Now to burst your carbonated bubble; this study wasn't looking at a direct connection between the amount of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere and plant growth. Even if the extra plants make a difference, the fact is carbon dioxide in the atmosphere has been rising steadily for decades.
The additional green came from a few places: In former Soviet countries, forest started to grow back over farmland, while in China, massive tree planting campaigns seemed to do the trick. The researchers also found that more arid areas had a lot of vegetation as well, including shrubs in savannas in Africa, Australia, and South America.
The researchers used numerous satellites to look at changes in vegetation over the years. They looked at microwave radiation bouncing off the Earth's surface, and by pulling together data from the different satellites, they were able to get a month-by-month idea of how much living plant matter was on our planet for the past 20 years.
While in recent years it seems like things are looking up, the prognosis isn't entirely rosy. The team still found huge amounts of deforestation in the rain forests of South America and Southeast Asia. Those findings line up with another report from earlier this month that noted that deforestation in rain forests seems to be increasing. Not only that, but the areas where vegetation is spreading (like the savannas) are highly sensitive to changes in climate. A particularly dry year (or years) could kill off the new vegetation and put us right back where we started." ]
https://www.popsci.com/new-study-shows-earth-getting-greener

Almost all of our heat on earth comes from the sun light (electromagnetic radiation = EM). The regions of the EM spectrum that are most important to earth are the high energy ultra violet (UV = dangerous), visible (the colors that we see) and lower energy infrared (IR we experience as heat). It is estimated that the sun puts out a tremendous amount of energy, 4x10^26 Watts (joule/second), but only about 2x10^17 Watts strikes the earth. About 30% of that is reflected back to space and about 70% is absorbed at the surface. If we could capture and store a fraction of that energy, we wouldn’t ever need to worry about fossil fuels. But we haven’t completely solved those problems yet, so fossil fuels are still part of our equation. There are some good ideas out there, solar, wind, tidal, geothermal, possibly nuclear and others. Deniers will tell you none of these ideas can compete with fossil fuels, but nothing ever competes in its early days of discovery, even fossil fuels. New ideas in science always take time, and trial and error to work the kinks out.
I am not a climatologist, I am a chemist and I have been for over 50 years (recently retired). In my job I took thousands of spectra (IR, various types of NMRs, MS, UV) and did lots of other experimental stuff. I looked at the IR spectra of water and carbon dioxide almost every day from 4000 cm-1 (2.5 mm) to 500 cm-1 (20 mm). It was the background IR spectrum of air that was subtracted from all routine organic IR spectra. Anyone reading this can Google “background IR spectrum” to see what one looks like.
The main IR energy absorbing bands in air are from H2O and CO2, and mostly, they do not overlap. This means that all the bands have heat absorbing potential from molecular vibrations (stretching and bending modes), as long as none of them have been maxed out by other greenhouse molecules (nitrous oxide, methane, ozone, chlorofluorocarbons, are all present in much lower amounts, though they are stronger absorbers). Water bands are around 3500+/- and 1500+/- and carbon dioxide are around 2250+/- and 800+/- cm-1. Once CO2 and H2O are excited by background heat (IR), those molecules quickly relax by transferring their energy via collisions with other molecular substances, and do it all over again and again and again for as long as they are in the atmosphere because the sun shines on earth every single day. By the slow process of convection, the heat is distributed throughout the atmosphere. It’s like a “bell” that can be rung over and over forever. It is this property that helps the atmosphere retain heat. As mentioned above, in the right amount, this is a good thing and helps make life possible.
Water is actually a stronger heat absorbing molecule than CO2, but since 70% of the earth’s surface is water, there’s nothing we can do about water. The variable that affects water the most is temperature because the vapor pressure of water increases as temperature increases. The more water in the atmosphere, the more heat retaining potential it has. The partial pressure increase is pretty small for a 1C increase (25C à 26C increases water vapor pressure by 23.8 torr à 25.2 torr, delta = 1.4 torr). However, the atmosphere is so large that even a small increase in vapor pressure, adds a lot of water. I estimate about 1.5x10^15 moles of water (3x10^16 grams) added, assuming a 10 mile deep atmosphere. That calculates out to about 10^17 joules to heat the added water 1C. Each 1C increase in temperature adds to this effect.
Because liquid water has a large heat capacity, it can absorb a lot of heat. In the short term, the temperature of the atmosphere does not go up as much as it might if the oceans weren’t there. This is an advantage when earth’s temperature is going up because it provides a long time lag for increasing temperatures. But, it also means that the oceans retain heat better and are slower to cool down. Oceans act like a giant heat reservoir that can affect our environment (like melting ice), and delay the consequences of increased heat for decades, or even longer.
You don’t have to take my word for it, test it yourself. Take two similar size ice cubes and put one in a medium bowl and at the same time put the other ice cube in a similar size bowl about half full of tap water. Start your watch and see how long it takes them to completely melt. When I did this, the ice cube in the bowl with water melted in 8 minutes, while the ice cube in the empty bowl took 92 minutes. This will give you a feeling for how fast a glacier on land takes to melt by absorbing heat from air compared to an ice berg out floating in the ocean absorbing heat from water. I didn’t actually do it, but try the same experiment with hot water. Make a prediction before you try it and see what happens. I bet you will be right. This is how science works and helps us to make decisions using the best information available. Believing in people who denigrate science and its methods will lead us back to the dark ages.
Yet another problem with glaciers is when the melt occurs at the bottom of glaciers it allows them to race to the ocean much faster, because of the reduced friction. Once the ice hits the oceans, the melt rate greatly accelerates and adds extra water to our oceans.
Even though water has a larger capacity for retaining heat, carbon dioxide is the key, because carbon dioxide is the factor that can throw off our balanced, comfortable world that we have enjoyed for almost all of humanity’s existence. In fact, this comfortable world is probably what allowed us homo sapiens to rise to dominance over the past many thousands of years. We owe a world of gratitude to those two little molecules, H2O and CO2, but we have to recognize when there is too much of a good thing, just like glucose in our blood.
Now, one little CO2 molecule hardly does anything by itself, but I calculate that there are about 10^40 CO2 molecules in the atmosphere. None of us know what that number is, but if you keep multiplying by 10 at some point it will start to have a significant effect, and If you multiply by 10 again and 10 again, it goes off the chart. But, is the amount of carbon dioxide large enough to do everything the climate scientists say it does?
It’s time for another analogy. Microwaves are lower energy than IR radiation and provide an everyday heating example that occurs much quicker than IR heating of the atmosphere. Because microwaves have longer wavelengths (lower energy), they can penetrate deeper into the food item cooked and heat everywhere at once, unlike IR radiation, which heats our atmosphere by convection. Lower energy microwaves tend to excite rotations of water molecules, which then continually relax by slamming into other molecules and transfer their kinetic energy (heat) throughout the sample. Just like the carbon dioxide “bell” that can be rung over and over, the water “bell” in a microwave sample can be re-rung (re-excited) over and over and over, with a result that our food gets hotter and hotter, until it cooks.
The energy source for a microwave oven isn’t the sun, but typically a 1200 watt (joule/second) energy source. Pretty quickly things heat up because the sample is so small and the radiation is focused. But, leave your popcorn in 1 minute over the required time and most of us know what happens: charcoal. IR energy is 100 to 1000s of times greater than microwaves, so it seems reasonable that IR radiation can also do some serious heating.
Because the world is so big (atmosphere and oceans), rising CO2 levels usually take 100s to 1000s of years to heat up instead of 2 minutes. We aren’t looking at a large temperature increase to cook food, we are looking at a small temperature increase that melts ice. And, we are heating 10^40 CO2 molecules, 5x10^41 water molecules, 5x10^37 methane molecules, etc, over and over and over. It seems reasonable to consider that higher CO2 levels can overcook the world, if we wait awhile. The worry for our time is that we are adding CO2 so fast that it may only take decades to centuries to do this instead of centuries to millennia. Do we have a choice?
Humans started recording an average world temperature in 1880-1889 (13.71C/56.71F). It’s hard to know what those early average temperatures mean, considering the state of the world back in 1880. Temperature measurements today are more reliable and more spread out, including satellite measurements. The most recent complete decade, 2000-2009 recorded average temperatures of 14.51C/58.12F. Those are pretty small increases, for the entire earth over 130 years (delta = 0.78C/1.41F). However, about 0.51C/0.92F of that increase occurred since the 1970-1979 decade. Even more disturbing is that above 64N latitude the temperature increase from 1880-1889 to 2000-2009 was 2.5C/4.5F, with most of the increases coming in the recent decades, 1.8C/3.24F. Overall recent decades show temperature increases of about 0.2C/0.36F per decade. If that were to continue for the entire 21st century, average world temperature would rise about 2C/3.6F. The flooding resulting from such a temperature increase would cause colossal problems for coastal cities, fresh water tables and food growing coastal deltas. Our current decade is not finished (2010-2020), but the 4 warmest years on record have all occurred since 2014. That means the last 4 years are the hottest yearly average temperatures on record! Deniers will tell you it’s a fluke, climate change scientists will tell you it’s a trend, heading in the wrong direction. It won’t be surprising if 2018 makes it 5 out of 5. (You can use the mouse scroll wheel to expand or shrink the graph.)
https://www.climate.gov/news-features/understanding-climate/climate-change-global-temperature
These higher temperature readings come with major consequences such as sea level rise and climate effects. Any sort of positive feedback mechanisms could make things worse (like increasing methane and/or changing ocean currents). Of course there is a big IF in front of all of this, because this is an experiment humans have never done before. The problem is we only get one chance to do it, and if we screw it up, too bad for those future humans. Deniers, such as the speaker in this video, advocate higher carbon dioxide, because the plants are hungry for more. However, to ignore the dire consequences of global warming would require iron-clad, 100% proof that there are no dangerous consequences. Considering the down side possibilities, this is a dangerous gamble. So far, deniers haven’t offered that iron-clad, convincing proof.
The speaker also discussed ocean acidity, which increases when atmospheric carbon dioxide dissolves in the oceans (lowering the pH). At first this was thought to be a good thing because it slows down the increase in temperature of the atmosphere. However, carbon dioxide reacts with water and makes carbonic acids, which makes the oceans more acidic. In a research paper, mentioned by the speaker, hydrochloric acid was used to adjust the pH of the solution. The speaker dismissed the use of hydrochloric acid and the research that used it as something totally different than carbonic acid. Once again, the speaker misled us.
First off, there is no hydrochloric acid in aqueous HCl. Since HCl is a strong acid, it dissociates completely to hydronium ion, H3O+, and chloride, Cl-. Chloride is in every living life form on earth, including us, and is essential to all cellular function. It is also present at significant levels in the oceans, so it is not really anything different than what we already see in our world. Hydronium ion is just a solvated proton on a water molecule, whether it comes from hydrochloric acid or carbonic acid.
The reason scientists use HCl to adjust the pH of acid solutions is because it only affects the balance between another acid (carbonic acid, a weak acid that does not dissociate completely) and its conjugate base (bicarbonate, the other part that forms when a proton is lost). The pH is just a number that helps determine the balance (ratio) between a conjugate base and its conjugate acid. The other variable to consider is the actual concentration of the acid, itself, in solution, independent from the pH. This too can go up when more carbon dioxide dissolves in the oceans. It is a moderately complicated equilibrium when considering all of the molecular species, and looks something like the following. The < arrows indicate equilibria and H (+1) represents hydronium ion.
H2O + CO2 < H2CO3 < H(+1) + HCO3(-1) < H(+1) + CO3(-2)
The same hydronium ion (H3O, +1) that forms when HCl dissolves in water also forms when carbonic acid (H2CO3) dissociates to bicarbonate (HCO3, -1). The bicarbonate can also dissociate to another hydronium ion (H3O, +1) and carbonate (CO3, -2), which is necessary for shell forming organisms and plankton. Plankton are clearly important and use carbon dioxide and water to make glucose and much of earth’s oxygen via photosynthesis. Plankton also form the base of the ocean’s food chain. More carbon dioxide can allow more plankton to grow (good), but is that the complete picture? Plankton also need other nutrients, and calcium, phosphate, nitrates, silicates and some, even fix nitrogen gas. They are also affected by water temperature, salinity, water depth, wind and what kinds of predators are around. The effect of all these variables can only be determined by laborious scientific experiments, something deniers detest and discourage at every opportunity.
Surprisingly perhaps, from the emphasis in the talk, plankton (and plants too) do depend on more than “just carbon dioxide”. So, once again, the logic of the talk “If a little is good, more is better,” is flawed. Too much acid (too low of pH) is bad for CaCO3 shells, because it drives the above equilibrium equation backwards, towards carbon dioxide and water. Does that mean that every single organism will be adversely affected the same way by lower pH? Of course not, but some might be, maybe even most. How do we find out? We do the research and scientists are doing just that. Deniers don’t want results, they want ignorance.
You can check this effect out yourself at a faster rate than decades or centuries. Next time you go to the beach collect a little shell and add a few drops of HCl solution to see what happens to it (remember, you are really adding hydronium ions). Another name for HCl is muriatic acid which you can find at a pool supply store because it is used to adjust the pH of a pool. (Just be careful if you use it because it a strong acid. It’s a good idea to wear gloves and wash off your skin if you get any on you.) You will probably see little bubbles on the surface of the shell, which is carbon dioxide forming from the reverse reaction of when the carbon dioxide dissolved in water.
Too much hydronium ion pushing the equilibrium back in the opposite direction is not good if part of your outer structure is made of CaCO3. Too much acid also throws off the many complicated equilibria in living organisms. Our blood pH needs to stay in the range of 7.40 +/- 0.05 pH. Each organism has its own special pH range to survive. Deviate from that tiny range and cells start to die. Ocean pH doesn’t affect humans’ pH, but animals and plants that live in the ocean can be greatly affected. To find out, we have to do the science, which scientists are doing. Just saying pH doesn’t matter is a misleading denier tactic. Being a skeptic means additional experiments to find out where it counts and where it doesn’t.
Clearly this speaker is talking out of his comfort zone. His agenda is not to present honest science, rather he seeks to discredit climate scientists by presenting very selective results that have nothing to do with what he is really attacking (If A is good, then B must also be good and everything else must be good.) He even throws in a cute shrimp and a crab making the crab bigger (more carbon dioxide) and smaller (less carbon dioxide) with a smug chuckle, getting the audience to laugh along with him.
Listening to this speaker, gives the impression that carbon dioxide helps all animals in the crab study. In the actual experiments, all of the animals in the crab study were observed in tanks (not in the wild) fixing all of the variables except carbon dioxide. In all, 18 benthic marine organisms were studied. Blue crabs grew the biggest of any of the animals (up to 4X bigger!) and lobsters and shrimp also grew larger with higher CO2. So, the point is proven, correct? No. What the speaker did not mention in his talk is that higher CO2 levels (lower pH) inhibited the growth of 10 other animals, including oysters and corals and one animal did not show any change. In some cases higher CO2 (lower pH) actually led to dissolution of the shells. The mechanisms for these different results were not discussed and are probably very complicated. That wasn’t the message the speaker wanted us to hear.
This would be ok if the speaker’s misinformation only affected him, but it doesn’t. It affects everyone listening to him talk. Seeing bigger trees and bigger crabs with more carbon dioxide and coming to the conclusion that everything else he says must be true: that carbon dioxide is the greatest thing around, and all the thousands of scientists of the world, getting “biased” grants, are conspirators trying to take away our freedoms and ruin our economy is the message deniers are shooting for. Skeptics, on the other hand, say “I don’t know. Let’s find out.”
In reality, this whole climate change problem is hugely complicated. Very dedicated scientists are working hard to find real answers to get us out of this potential predicament. Simplistic arguments that put us all in danger are not useful. We need solutions, not pretend information that makes fossil fuel companies richer at our expense.
It is the fate of the earth that we are contemplating over the next 100-1000 years. Are you betting pocket change, or are you betting the future lives of the generations to come? Do we just eat, drink and be merry, or do we care to make a better future?
So, I did enjoy parts of the talk and found it interesting how the plants and crabs got bigger with extra carbon dioxide. I’m pretty sure they were grown in some sort of sealed off environment, like a greenhouse or water tank, where the CO2 levels could be controlled. That’s ok because that’s the way science is usually done, one variable at a time. The speaker should have told us there were conflicting results and that there are other factors to consider, but he didn’t. He should not have pretended that his very limited points cancel out all of the other climate change research, but he didn’t. I, personally, don’t want the entire earth atmosphere to have that much carbon dioxide present, considering the current status of what we know. Who cares if blue crabs are 4 times larger, if sea levels are 3 feet higher?
For someone who is science-phobic, this is scary stuff and it’s hard to know how to sift through all of the complicated details. Deniers are counting on that. Even scientists can’t tell exactly how things will play out. It’s not surprising that people become very alarmed, or even hysterical. They are hearing consequences that will happen 100 years from now and thinking it will happen in the next 10 years. There are exaggerators on the alarmists’ side too. Exaggeration on the alarmists’ side leads to paralysis, while distortion on the denial side leads to inaction. Either result puts life on earth at risk, whether it be 10 years, 100 years or 1000 years.
From the YouTube talk, it seemed like the speaker was fine with CO2 levels over 1000 ppm, or even higher. I think anyone seriously considering this problem would have major reservations about having their family and friends live at such high CO2 levels, and probably wouldn’t want to treat them like a tree or crab experiment. We don’t get to do this experiment over and over in our nice little greenhouses. This is a one-time experiment and the greenhouse is earth, our house.
We all need to be more honest in how we view and present the facts. Where there are conflicting results, we need more research. We don’t need science-ignorant leaders trying to squash valid scientific research. We need leaders who believe in science and are willing to confront the problem of climate change head on. It is a very reasonable assumption that we are facing some tough climate change problems that require some cutting edge thinking, right away.
Cheap energy raised humanity above subsistence living and allowed us to live like kings and queens. However, we never thought ahead to more than the next moment and the problems snuck up on us. Society is more fragmented than at any time in my memory. Democracy is in peril in many places. Yet, there is only one way out of this dilemma that affects us all. The world has to come together if we are to have any chance at solving this problem. We did it with chlorofluorocarbons, but that was a relatively trivial problem compared to the energy problem of climate change. Unfortunately, it may take a few more monster disasters to convince humanity of the existential threat to our survival. If climate change scientists are correct, humanity will have to pay a little extra ‘late fee’ for the delay.
What we really need are alternatives that only require moderate sacrifice to switch over to. Forcing change on people won’t work, so we need something else. We need incentives that encourage us to do the right thing. Money is a powerful motivator, but maybe there are other approaches. The power structure is another huge problem. Fossil fuel companies do not want to give up their privileged positions. They have known for decades about the problem of climate change but have only recently acknowledged that fact. They are the most powerful source of denial and we all have to pay the price of that denial.
There are many other serious problems, such as increasing population, declining resources, pure drinking water, poverty, food distribution, global conflicts, mass migrations, nuclear weapons and more. Climate change will compound many of these. From all of the arguments I have looked at, on both sides, I would say climate skeptics and climate advocates are all pretty smart. We shouldn’t be wasting our time and energy demonizing one another. Denial is a dead-end road for all of us. We need to immediately start working together to search for every possible solution to the many problems we face. We have to start decreasing our use of fossil fuels. Immediately eliminating use of fossil fuels would be best, but clearly, that’s not going to happen. Possibly, we could reduce 5% a year for 20 years, as we substitute in alternative solutions. Reductions would have to be strictly enforced to do any good. There’s too much at stake to do nothing.
I’ll leave you with what seems to me to be a very hopeful alternative. If we could make hydrogen gas (H2) from water (bacteria do it and, on a small scale, we can too), we could take that H2 and burn it with oxygen to make energy and water, which we could remake into hydrogen gas as a never-ending, nonpolluting source of energy. No CO2 in the equation. There are some storage problems of this highly pressurized, explosive gas, but that sounds solvable. We already do it with propane. Also, the energy content of hydrogen gas is lower than hydrocarbons, such as octane.
http://oceangeothermal.org/archive-old/hydrogen/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIlonWoc_p2wIVAtbACh3EjQw2EAAYAiAAEgLTtvD_BwE
There are always unforeseen problems, which is why we need to throw resources, money, creative minds and everything else we’ve got, to develop these ideas. We need to educate ourselves about what the problems are and what the possible solutions are. No more being ostriches, burying our heads in the sand. No more denial. Instead, eyes wide open now!
submitted by philthechemist to climate [link] [comments]

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