Off Track Betting Arizona | OTB Arizona

M21 / Jumpstart HOT TAKES + State of The Art of Cube Podcast Announcement

For those of you who listen to The Art of Cube podcast, you may have noticed that I haven’t posted anything in 6+ weeks. This is because I’ve been devoting all my spare time and energy to my start up idea that I started working on in early May. I was actually planning on recording this episode, but it’s really hard for me to block 2-3 consecutive hours at night to record, since that’s prime programming hours for me because that’s when things are most quiet. With an article, I can at least block out 30 minutes at a time to write little by little until I have a finished product. I definitely want to continue the podcast, but the start up is my priority for now, so I’ll be on an indefinite hiatus for a bit.
Anyways, let's talk about cards!
Angelic Ascension
White Beast Within that trades a cheaper cost for less targets and gifting your creature a 4/4 flyer instead of a vanilla 3/3. While I’m not the biggest fan of Beast Within in cube, it’s actually in a color that lacks removal and while Angelic Ascension is in a color that has all the removal in the world. Not a fan of this card in 1v1, but can be a useful political tool for multiplayer cubes I guess?
Basri Ket
Revamped Ajani, Caller of the Pride. Ajani starts with more loyalty, but Basri’s +1 grants indestructible until end of turn. Basri can snowball harder than Ajani if you have 3 non-token creatures by turn 3 and then use the -2 ability to double that number on attack step. Unfortunately, Basri suffers the same fate as Ajani in where their value is entirely dependent on you having creatures. The competition is fierce at 3-cmc white, and there are better options for aggro that are also better role players in other archetypes.
Basri’s Lieutenant
Basri’s Lieutenant is a hybrid of Luminous Broodmoth / Hero of Bladehold. It’s not as great as a midrange engine as Luminous Broodmoth, and not as offensive as Hero of Bladehold, but it’s definitely no slouch in either of those departments, especially since it’s a Persist combo enabler. Basri’s Lieutenant’s floor is essentially a ⅘ vigilance with protection from multicolored that does a mini Thragtusk impression when it dies: that’s pretty impressive for 3W. Stonecoil Serpent has shown me that protection from multicolored means protection from a decent amount of removal spells (in my cube at least), which is a really nice combination with its ability to recur itself.
While there’s an insane amount of competition at the 4-cmc slot, as far as creatures goes, I think this competes well with anything not named Palace Jailer / Restoration Angel, and rubs shoulders very well against Hero of Bladehold / Luminous Broodmoth. Seems like a shoe-in if you need more Persist combo / +1+1 matters counters support, but even then Basri’s Lieutenant seems plenty strong on its own.
Emiel, the Blessed
4-cmc Eldrazi Displacer that can grant counters. While Emiel doesn’t come with the colorless baggage that Eldrazi Displacer does, it’s important to note that Emiel can only target your own creatures. While Emiel may not seem too hot on its own in higher powered cubes, it’s important to note that it can generate infinite mana with Palinchron type creature. Also seems like a good fit for lower powered cubes that support both blink and +1/+1 counters matters.
Daybreak Charger
This is a pretty aggressive Blade of the Sixth Pride variant for a common. Reminds me a lot of Viashino Pyromancer. I don’t know too much about Pauper, but I’m assuming this is a decent inclusion if you support aggro in Pauper.
Nine Lives
I’m THAT guy who plays these types of cards in EDH, although every deck packing Cyclonic Rift makes this a poor choice for EDH / multiplayer in general. However, 1v1 cubes typically don’t have mass sweepers that can remove enchantments. The only commonly played cube cards that I can think of that can even remove Nine Lives at will are Council’s Judgment / Upheaval / Ugin, the Spirit Dragon / some random planeswalker ultimate, maybe. I’d only consider this for cube if you’re playing Solemnity for Persist combos or you’re just THAT guy.
Pack Leader
Turn all your dogs into pseudo Adanto Vanguards on offense! Unfortunately, there aren’t too many cubeable dogs at the moment, but the attack trigger at least protects itself. What makes Adanto Vanguard annoying is that it gets around most removal spells, which Pack Leader doesn’t, and it also lacks 3rd power. Not a card I’d cube today, but it’s something to keep an eye on. Let me be the first to say that I for one welcome our new dog overlords!
Seasoned Hallowblade
Speaking of Adanto Vanguards, this is probably its closest imitation? At a baseline, this is a Blade of the Sixth Pride with two relevant creature types in Human and Warrior, is a discard outlet, and can pitch a card to go indestructible when needed. I see this mostly as an aggro card though since decks that want discard outlets will probably have access to better ones, plus white is the least likely color to be played in a graveyard centric deck (in my cube at least). That being said, this has potential to be the second best Blade of the Sixth Pride variant after Adanto Vanguard, rubbing shoulders with Accorder Paladin / Glory-Bound Initiate.
Barrin, Tolarian Archmage
Legendary Man-o’-War that with a non-mandatory bounce that hits planeswalkers and can also randomly draw you cards. While being costing 1UU is less desirable than 2U (except for Devotion), the tradeoff is well worth it. Barrin is especially annoying with Karakas since it both has one of the best ETB triggers for a 3-cmc legendary creature and Karakas can trigger Barrin’s draw ability. I have no doubt in my mind that Barrin will be the most cubed card from M21.
Ghostly Pilferer
A weird Glint-Sleeve Siphoner / Heir of Falkenrath hybrid that randomly draws you a card whenever an opponent casts a spell via flashback / cascade / aftermath / adventure / suspend / cast off top of library effects / etc effects. I’m not the biggest fan of this for tempo decks since the evasion requires you to discard a card and tempo decks typically aren’t big on using the graveyard as a resource, but this is a decent discard outlet for Reanimator / Recurring Nightmare decks. The first draw effect seems to be a poor man’s imitation of a poor man imitating Dark Confidant, which reminds me of a band that’s ripping off a band that rips off Simple Plan since other Dark Confidant effects don’t require mana to draw the extra card. That being said, the second draw ability requires no mana payment on your part, but is entirely dependent on your opponent.
This creature is a weird package of a lot of different things. My instincts tell me that its best niche will be in Recurring Nightmare / Reanimator decks, but those decks aren’t exactly hurting for discard outlets. I don’t explicitly support tempo decks, and even if I did this seems to be lower-hanging fruit at first glance. I definitely can be wrong about this card as it does seem like it can be a bit of a sleeper, but even then I don’t think it’ll be GREAT, just merely useful. Definitely cubeable, but I don’t think it’s needed too much in the decks that would even want it.
See the Truth
Sorcery speed Anticipate that can randomly be an Ancestral Recall via things like Jace, Vryn’s Prodigy / Snapcaster Mage / Chandra, Torch of Defiance / Yawgmoth’s Will / etc. Even with those synergies, I’d rather just play other 2-cmc blue cantrips in most scenarios like Impluse / Chart a Course. Putting the cards into your hands instead of drawing the cards to get around Leovold / Narset is cool when it matters. I’d only really consider this for a cube if you’re running storm since it can make the most use out of it, but even then it’s a bit hard to justify the slot in blue assuming you’re powered AND supporting storm.
I like 2/2 flyers with minimal drawbacks since a 1/1 flyer can’t trade with it on its own. If you support blue tempo, this might be one of the better evasive blue 2-drops since it has an extra toughness and can tap down other creatures. I don’t explicitly support blue tempo, meaning the 1-2 cmc aggressive creatures in a UX tempo deck are derived from other colors, so this isn’t for me, but this is a good option if you do explicitly support blue tempo.
Stormwing Entity
A 3/3 with flying / prowess / ETB scry 2 for 3UU is whatever, but any 1-cmc instant / sorcery can be used as a Dark Ritual for this (and Gitaxian Probe serves as a Black Lotus!) That being said, busting this out on turn 3 isn’t even that great. Seems like a bad Mulldrifter most of the time with less control of the mana cost for less value.
Sublime Epiphany
Cryptic Command 3.0 that according to Mark Rosewater, has 31 different combinations of options. In terms of options, it essentially has 3 out of 4 Cryptic Command’s modes: counterspell / draw / bounce (although this can only bounce non-land permanents) with Stifle / Clone (only for your creatures) attached to it. This will often be at least a 3-ish for 1 with counter / bounce / draw. The clone effect is really the x-factor for this card, where the sky's the limit in terms of how much value you can achieve.
Sublime Epiphany works especially well with Torrential Gearhulk, since it’s both a big instant the Gearhulk can target and it can also clone the Gearhulk, giving you another at flashbacking an instant from your graveyard. Coincidentally, Torrential Gearhulk is probably its biggest competition since they’re both 6 mana instant speed value spells. Personally I like Gearhulk more, but I consider every 6-cmc blue spell not named Upheaval to be interchangeable with each other. In terms of creatures, I don’t like this more than Consecrated Sphinx / Torrential Gearhulk, but I think it competes well with things like AEtherling / Will Kenrith, and I do like it more than Commence the End Game / Frost Titan.
Teferi, Master of Time
The face of the set, although I’m not too particularly impressed by this Teferi.. On his own, he’s essentially a 4-mana Dack Fayden that can’t steal artifacts. Dack is attractive because he’s an engine that can ramp / Control Magic for just 3 mana. Being able to tick up 2 loyalty every turn cycle is cool, but that -3 costs a lot for very little. I don’t think it stacks well against other 4-cmc cube spells, especially in blue. In terms of decks that want Teferi, he’s too slow in combo decks, doesn’t generate any real value in a control decks, and grindy midrange decks that incorporate graveyard shenanigans have cheaper options. I’d much rather play something like Teferi is definitely cubeable, but unless your cube is huge or you’re really into Rielele, the Everwise shenanigans, I’d rather play other 4-cmc blue value spells like Drawn from Dreams / Deep Analysis.
Teferi’s Tutelage
Seems decent if you support mill decks. Replacing itself with a cantrip and milling off that cantrip is really nice, and I’m glad they’re designing more marginal cards with cantrips built in.
Waker of Waves
A decent cantrip that can be its own self-binning reanimator target / late game finisher. This type of creature isn’t new, and compares a lot to Eternal Dragon / Titanoth Rex, and I think it’s important to go over their strengths and weaknesses when talking about these types of creatures.
Waker of Waves
Eternal Dragon
Titanoth Rex
Overall, Waker of Waves is more of a decent cantrip that just so happens to have a creature mode attached to it. In terms of 2-cmc blue cantrips, I don’t like this more than Impulse / Chart a Course, but it’s a decent pick for the #3 slot due to it being modal. I like Eternal Dragon more than most and cubed with it until Modern Horizons power creeped it out, but cards like these are still pretty decent. Not a 360 staple by any stretch, but this whale seems like a decent option for larger cubes.
Ormos, Archive Keeper
A weird Laboratory Maniac type payoff card that doesn’t even win you the game when you have no library. It at least has decent stats and can win the game on its own, but 6 mana that’s a french vanilla Baneslayer out of the box is pretty underwhelming. Untapping with it is a different story though. Assuming you can discard three cards with different names, this can potentially draw you 10 cards when you untap with it. That being said, you’re technically only up +2 cards for each activation. This is really embarrassing in comparison to Consecrated Sphinx, which draws 2 cards on curve (assuming your opponent doesn’t have instant speed removal), and can really punish your opponent trying to draw more cards. While this may have a niche in Laboratory Maniac type shells, it’s by far the clunkiest piece. It’s not a good sign to me when a card is stuck to a niche, but even then it’s not even particularly good within that niche.
Scholar of the Lost Trove
More expensive Torrential Gearhulk that can recur instants / sorceries / artifacts. Lacking Torrential Gearhulk’s flash means this can’t be used as a counterspell without something like Sneak Attack / Through the Breach, but being able to hit sorceries and artifacts is a nice upside. My issue with this card is its cost: 7 mana is a lot for most decks and puts this into cheaty face territory. Unfortunately, its ETB trigger isn’t too hot until the late game, which makes this a poor choice for cheaty face type strategies. I won’t be surprised if I see a random Oath of Druids deck in vintage rocking this. It’s definitely a cool card with a powerful ETB trigger, but its cost will probably keep it out of most cubes.
Demonic Embrace
On the surface, this is a black Grafted Wargear. Granting flying is huge, and being able to jump start it from the graveyard makes this one of the better combat oriented auras for cube. Pairs well with recursive black creatures to make them even more threatening. If you’re looking for Grafted Wargear #3 (with Heirloom Blade being #2), this is a decent option that puts a nice twist to the effect. Seriously, granting flying is huge.
For those of you who hang out with me on Discord, you probably knew that I actually called this out way back as a custom designed Smother 2.0 that was sorely needed after last year’s power creep, therefore I’m taking all the credit for this card’s existence ;)
Jokes aside, this hits a lot of threatening things, especially if you’re not holding back on planeswalkers / Rabblemasters. While this has much more misses than your typical Terror effect, threats are very diversified these days in the form of creatures / tokens / planeswalkers / manlands / etc, and I think it’s important to diversify your removal as well. I’ve always said that Abrupt Decay’s stock has gone up a lot in value over the past year. While Abrupt Decay can hit artifacts / enchantments, it can’t hit manlands where Eliminate can. I’m not saying to replace your premium Terror effects like Go for the Throat / Heartless Act for this, but I do like this more than something like Fatal Push.
Liliana, Waker of the Dead
Another year without a good black 4-cmc walker :( Replace the -3 with 0: Make a 2/2 zombie or something, then we’d be talking. Otherwise, I can only see being interested in this if you support The Rack type effects or something.
Liliana’s Devotee
Seems decent if you support Zombies tribal I guess? Can’t say I like this more than Xathrid Necromancer / Grim Haruspex.
Liliana’s Standard Bearer
see Liliana’s Devotee
Vito, Thorn of the Dusk Rose
Probably one of the better support cards if you support BW lifegain matters since it’s a cheaper Sanguine Blood attached to a creature. Very passable if you’re not supporting lifegain matters.
Bolt Hound
Goblin Chariot with battlecry ain’t bad for an uncommon, but overall it pales in comparison to other Rabblemasters / Phoenix of Ash.
Chandra, Heart of Fire
Shock every turn is a bit meh for 3RR. If your opponent doesn’t have a removal spell right away, you essentially paid 5 mana for a Staggershock. Her +1 is pretty strong late game if you’re hellbent-ish anyways, but I don't like this Chandra variant compared to other 5-cmc red spells.
Chandra’s Incinerator
The ultimate Magic Christmasland card. Unlike Stormwing Entity, you’re able to stack the cost reduction by chaining spells / effects. Lightning Bolt / Chain Lightning become Dark Rituals, Incinerate Variants become Pyretic Ritual, Fireblast means you can bust this out on turn 2 (in Legacy / Vintage you can cast two of these on turn 2!). A 6/6 trampler is a good threat, and being able to get double the value out of your noncombat damage sources that could hit your opponent is pretty big game. While this has a lot more value in non-singleton formats since it can just go all out on Rift Bolts / Seal of Fire effects, it doesn’t seem too unreasonable to get this out by turn 4, especially if you do run Rift Bolt / Seal of Fire / Fireblast / Sulfuric Vortex / etc. I’m not too interested in this card, but I think it does have potential if you’re looking for some spicy Magic Christmasland scenarios.
Conspicuous Snoop
Not great on its own, but it’s the cheapest way to go infinite with Kiki-Jiki, especially with Worldly / Vampiric Tutor. That being said, I don’t think it’s worth running just based on that merit since there’s plenty of 2-3 cmc options and this doesn’t work with Splinter Twin.
Heartfire Immolator
This is a nice take on Goblin Cratermaker. While it’s not as disruptive since it can’t hit mana rocks, prowess makes it more aggressive and can potentially take out creatures with bigger butts, not to mention its ability can target planeswalkers. There’s a lot of competition in the 2-cmc red creature slot, and while I don’t think this is any better than things like Young Pyromancer / Kari Zev / Earthshaker Khenra / Goblin Cratermaker, I do think it competes well with Robber of the Rich and is better than things like Dire Fleet Daredevil / Abbot of Keral Keep / etc.
Soul Sear Decent red removal option to take out bigger creatures / planeswalkers, but seems worse overall than other versatile options like Purphoros’s Intervention / Collective Defiance. Not being able to hit face is always a big downside for red removal.
Subira, Tulzidi Caravanner
Another better Goblin Chariot with a key 3rd toughness so it doesn’t trade with bears / lions / pikers. Her first ability is cheap and provides a good amount of reach for aggressive decks. Her second ability is a bit narrow, but can refill your hand later in the game. Subira is a pretty good creature with a decent baseline, but I think she compares poorly to any Rabblemaster variant since those snowball pretty hard on their own where Subira does not.
Terror of the Peaks
Purphoros, God of the Forge + Thunderbreak Regent = Terror of the Peaks? While this card would’ve been awesome 10 years ago, it’s a Baneslayer without haste in a color / slot full of Baneslayers with haste. I’m glad that they’re designing more Baneslayers with a punisher effect for targeting it, hopefully they do that with more cards in the future. If you’re looking for another Purphoros effect, this does that effect very well and is a decent threat on its own, but generally speaking I don’t think this compares to other 5-mana stat monsters like Thundermaw Hellkite variants / Ilharg, the Raze-Boar.
Red Polymorph that exiles. With recent printings like Lukka, Coppercoat Outcast, Reality Scramble, etc, there’s a good amount of critical mass for a legitimate Polymorph archetype where the only creature cards in your deck are giant fatties and tokens made through spells / planeswalkers. Wtwlf123 has a pretty detailed thread about this archetype’s potential: Oath of Druids fits well in the deck also. Personally I think this takes up too many slots / spreads super fatties too thin in smaller cubes that support traditional reanimator / cheaty face type decks, but seems like an interesting option for larger cubes looking for more cheaty face type shenanigans.
Lightning Phoenix
Poor man’s Phoenix of Ash. This is the first Phoenix we’ve seen that costs 2R instead of 1RR, which is nice. The big issue with this card is that it recurs during the end step, which makes the haste irrelevant when recurring it. Even then, this doesn’t hold a candle to Phoenix of Ash, not to mention the Rabblemaster / Hanweir Garrison variants.
Zurzoth, Chaos Rider
Speaking of Hanweir Garrison variants, this little devil does a neat impression. Being a 2/3 is always nice so that it doesn’t trade with other 2 powered creatures, as is creating a token with a death trigger that can ping anything for 1 damage. The downfall of this card is a combination of three things: it can only generate one token on attack, the token doesn’t ETB attacking, and the only other commonly cubeable devils are Rakdos Cackler / Hellrider / Mutavault. Zurzoth is essentially a worse Najeela, the Blade Blossom. While Zurzoth creates the better tokens and arguably has better stats, there’s a good amount of cubeable warriors, Najeela can generate more than one token a turn, and her tokens ETB attacking. I wish this card was a bit better, the design with the draw / random discard makes for interesting scenarios.
Sethron, Hurloon General
Mono red Regisaur Alpha, but with worse stats and a focus on an ever worse tribe (seriously, the only good minotaur I can think of is Gnarled Scarhide). That being said, you can do much worse than 6 power spread over 2 bodies for 3RR. The activated ability ain’t bad either since you’d need 4 creatures to block both minotaurs. Can’t say I’m a big fan of this card today, but the fact that Sethron triggers off any nontoken minotaur means it might have its day in the sun once minotaurs rule all of cube.
Immolating Gyre
A spells matters one-sided sweeper that hits creatures AND planeswalkers has potential for some serious blowouts. This is very reminiscent of cards with Overload such as Mizzium Mortars / Cyclonic Rift / Winds of Abandon. Not being modal and requiring a critical mass of spells is a bit of a strike to it, but it’s not unreasonable. This can be stronger than Wildfire in the late game, but Wildfire’s power comes in its land destruction and the fact that you can fire it off as soon as you hit 6 mana. Ramping up to Immolating Gyre doesn’t do too much since if you were ramping that fast, you probably weren’t playing too many instants / sorceries at the same time. I feel like Chandra, Awakened Inferno does pretty much everything this wants to do and not being able to fire this off fast makes this less attractive to Wildfire for me.
Elder Gargaroth
A new green Baneslayer variant. Vigilance, reach, and trample on a 6/6 is great for both offense and defense. Getting a modal trigger on both attack and defense makes this one of the better true Baneslayer Angels at 5 mana, IMO. As pushed as this card is, it sadly still suffers the same problem as every other Baneslayer in that it fails the Vindicate test, plus it has to compete with other value options / planeswalkers at the same mana cost. While Baneslayers get a lot of flack for “dies to Doom Blade”, they are still inherently cubeable based on their raw power. However, they’re an all or nothing bet where their best case scenarios are still below that of their Mulldrifter rivals. Diversifying your threats / resources is important. To me, there’s no point in putting all your eggs in a single creature when the best possible scenario isn’t even better than a lower risk bet, especially when the worst case scenario is your opponent being able to steal all those eggs in one swoop. While not a true Baneslayer, I’m not even sure this is any better than Verdurous Gearhulk, which gains pseudo-haste by being able to distribute its power to other creatures.
Garruk’s Harbinger
A beefy Ophidian type creature. Hexproof from black is nice, but I like my Ophidian type creatures to have evasion. Being able to trigger off damage off a creature or a planeswalker is really good design space to explore for these types of effects, hopefully we’ll get more of these in the future.
Garruk Unleashed
The most aggressive 4-cmc Garruk variant. His pump ability is very reminiscent of Elspeth, Knight-Errant’s pump. Flying is better overall, but trample can be better in situations where your opponent has flying blockers to chump with. The first activation of his -2 ability will leave you with 2-3 loyalty depending on the scenario, which at minimum is exactly what you’d get out of OG Garruk Wildspeaker’s -1. Being able to swing for 6 with your 3/3 beasts that you generate or just turning your mana dorks into 4/4 tramplers is pretty big game for a 4 mana planeswalker. It’s nice that all the 4-cmc Garruk’s bring different things to the table: Wildspeaker ramps, Relentless is removal / can tutor for creatures, and Unleashed is just focused on smashing face. While I don’t like Garruk Unleashed more than Wildspeaker / Relentless, it’s still a very potent cube card, especially if you support green aggro. Probably better than most 4-cmc green creatures, and I do like this Garruk much more than Vivien, Arkbow Ranger since his abilities aren’t entirely dependent on having a board state. This is also a really nice option if you support a 4-power or more theme since most creatures it can boost will at least be a 4/4.
Llanowar Visionary
Llanowar Elves + Elvish Visionary = we’ve come a long way since Phyrexian Rager. This seems like a decent value card. Card draw + ramp is a match made in heaven, and this is the cheapest form of it (besides Explore, assuming you have additional lands). Let’s see how this compares to other similar green value cards.
Llanowar Visionary
Kodama’s Reach / Cultivate
Yavimaya Elder
Nissa, Vastwood Seer
Llanowar Visionary having the magical phrase of “enters the battlefield, draw a card” is something you’ll always be happy to have at any point of the game. If you’re looking for a new 3-cmc green creature, this is definitely a good option.
Track Down
Once Upon a Time, Pauper edition. While I don’t know if this is actually good in Pauper, I think Once Upon a Time is good, but not great in traditional powered / unpowered cubes. While Once Upon a Time digs deeper, is an instant, and is occasionally free, Track Down having Scry 3 means you have more control in what some of your future draws will be. That being said, Once Upon A Time is still the much better card.
Allosaurus Shepherd
This is essentially a 1/1 with a late game elf tribal pump ability. While being uncounterable / making your other green spells uncounterable, to me it’s never a reason to cube a card. Being uncounterable is more of an icing to a cake. Adding “This spell can’t be countered / your other spells can’t be countered” to a card you’re already on the fence on really won’t push it over the fence for me, where adding hexproof / trample / haste / etc to something can really push its cube viability. This seems neat for Legacy which is littered with blue decks sporting all the free counter magic in the world, but I’m not a fan of this for cube.
Neyith of the Dire Hunt
This is a neat creature that can force your opponent into awkward combat scenarios and can really punish your opponent for chump blocking. While this isn’t the most powerful green 4 drop, the fact that it can potentially draw you a card that turn you play it means it has some legs to stand on. Its pump ability goes well with its draw ability, since it forces your opponent to block the creature if able, not to mention it can just deal a ton of damage when your opponent CAN”T block. This would’ve been an interesting choice for green if this was printed 2 years ago, but I can see this being an option for lower powered cubes, especially if they support human and / or warriors matters cards.
Towering Titan
Uhh, why is this a mythic?
Conclave Mentor
Winding Constrictor’s Selesnya cousin. More Hardened Scales effects are always nice if you support a +1/+1 counter theme, and gaining at least 2 life when Conclave Mentor dies makes it a decent roadblock vs aggro. Good option if you’re running Hardened Scales, but passable if not.
Radha, Heart of Keld
More aggressive Courser of Kruphix for Gruul. Being able to play lands from the top of your library is always nice, especially with Fastbond. Speaking of which, I’m not that big of a fan of this card without Fastbond support, and even then I’m not too high on it. Courser of Kruphix is solid because it’s purely designed to grind with its key 4th toughness / incremental life gain. Radha tries to both, but being more fragile makes her a less viable grinder, and she’s not exactly the greatest on offense. Her pump ability is sweet late game, but lack of trample / evasion is huge and can be easily walled by token generators. I also think she compares poorly to not just other Gruul cards for the same cost like Klothys / Domri, but other mono red / green cards that have more focus on either being aggressive / grindy. I can only really see Radha being an attractive option if you really want to push land / Fastbond themes, otherwise I think she’s average at best. Having something like trample or menace over first strike would’ve gone a long way.
Mazemind Tome
An alternative to Scroll Rack / Treasure Map. Scroll Rack has a very good niche in Cheaty Face type combo decks where you want Oath / Tinker hits back into your library, plus combos well with Land Tax. That being said, not having to pay mana to activate Mazemind Tome to Scry 1 is very nice, and being able to draw a card for only 2 mana is great. While this loses the ramp potential of Treasure Map, being to Scry and curve out at the same time is pretty big game. Overall I think this is better than Treasure Map, having the choice to either Scry for free / straight up draw a card for just 2 mana is more attractive than Treasure Map’s transformation. I also like this more than Scroll Rack assuming you’re not supporting combo decks / Land Tax.
Sparkhunter Masticore
Protection from planeswalkers is pretty cool, but discarding a card in addition to its mana cost, not so much. Pithing Needle / Sorcerous Spyglass are more effective at shutting down planeswalkers, although Sparkhunter Masticore can technically gun down any amount of planeswalkers given enough time and mana. Being able to go indestructible is nice, but expensive. I do like what this card tries to do, but I do think it’s pretty clunky.
Thriving Lands Cycle
Build your own ETB tapped lands is a great design and very reminiscent of vivid lands. What’s nice about this cycle is that unlike the vivid lands, these are Pauper legal! While I dont’ know too much about Peasant / Pauper, I do always hear people complain about the mana fixing and breaking rarity just for lands. I’m assuming these will be a welcome addition to Peasant / Pauper cubes, not to mention a solid option for cube builders on a budget.
Hot Takes Tier List Time!
Criteria is based on the following:
Let me know if there’s a card that I missed and I’ll respond back with the hottest of takes! Also, feel free to join the Online Cube Drafts Discord Group to discuss all things Cube plus use Xmage to host tournaments to draft / play with our own cubes!
submitted by steve_man_64 to mtgcube [link] [comments]

this took way too long and everyone is gonna forget about this post in like 2 days

when tyler said “[Intro] Bitch, fuck! (Uh, uh, fuck) You have a question?
[Verse 1: Tyler, The Creator] How many cars can I buy 'til I run outta drive? How much drive can I have until I run outta road? How much road can they pave until I run outta land? How much land can it be until I run in the ocean? Niggas go with the motions and all the plans See, I was never into the beaches and all the sands See, I was in the woods with flowers, rainbows, and posies Fallin' outta my pocket, but y'all want to know if I swam to cool down How much cooler can I get until I run out of fans? How many fans can I have until they turn on the AC? If the AC blow up, then I'm TNT, I'm gone
[Bridge: Rex Orange County] I'm gone and I'm finished And I ain't seen my friends in a minute Guessing nothing lasts forever Yeah, nothing lasts forever Nothing sticks together Sick of sitting in doubt Please let me figure this out
[Verse 2: Tyler, The Creator] Shout out to the girls that I led on For occasional head and always keepin' my bed warm And tryin' their hardest to keep my head on straight And keepin' me up enough 'til I had thought I was airborne How many raps can I write 'til I get me a chain? How many chains can I wear 'til I'm considered a slave? How many slaves can it be 'til Nat Turner arise? How many riots can it be until them Black lives matter? Niggas click-clack splatter, (Pew) pew that nigga Life a game of basketball, you better shoot that nigga 'Cause if that cop got trigger, he better pull 'Cause when I get pulled over, I usually play it cool 'Cause I know what I'm drivin' is usually paid in full And my ego and possessions, will not let me be one (Nah) Because I got a mansion, my mansion got some rooms Them rooms got some windows and my windows got some views Them views get some stares and my backyard does too And if you walk to the bottom you'll prolly see a pool You better not drown, keep them ten toes up 'Cause if them ten toes down, that mean that you fucked up And that's what I swim in
[Outro: Rex Orange County] And if I drown and don't come back Who's gonna know? (Maybe then I'll know) And if I crash and don't come back Who's gonna know? (Maybe then I'll know) And if I fall and don't come back Who's gonna know? (Maybe then I'll know) I'm wondering if I don't come back Maybe then I'll know Don't come back Don't come back Ayy, don't come back Don't come back No, no
[Verse 1: Tyler the Creator] Ayo Let's take it back to them days Counting sheep on Sadie Hannah's floor Carpet was my baby mama 80 dollar profit from the coffee I poured Rent-A-Center calling everyday Nobody home, they're knocking on the door Now I skrrt, skrrt, skrrt, skrrt (Skrrt!) In toys I only dreamed that I could afford Now I roll through Okaga
[Chorus: Frank Ocean & Tyler the Creator] I ride to California (Yeah) These frog oval goggles I'm leanin' out the window OJ shinin' on me (Oh, ooh) Simp sun shinin' on me (ayy, yeah) Slick circles float roll Out this world Yeah, yeah
[Bridge: Tyler, The Creator] Run it, run it, run it, run it I rock, I roll, I bloom, I grow (I grow) I rock, I roll (What you say?), I bloom, I grow (I glow) I rock, I roll (Let 'em know), I bloom, I grow (I glow) I rock, I roll (One more time), I bloom, I grow (Let's go!)
[Verse 2: Tyler, The Creator] Ain't nobody fucking with T, but that just may be my ego But don't be too cool, you might freeze Because niggas get stuck in the cold (Man, look at this ice) Shit weighs a ton Water your garden, my nigga (Stunt on these niggas!) Tell these black kids they could be who they are Dye your hair blue, shit, I'll do it too (What the fuck?) Look, I smell like Chanel I never mall grip with my manicured nails I coconut oil the skin I keep the top low 'cause the follicles thinnin' But other than that, man It feels like I'm winning (I'm winnin', nigga) Went from statistic to millionaire CNN doubted 'cause my skin is dark Then they forget when I get in my car
[Chorus: Frank Ocean] These frog oval goggles I'm leanin' out the window OJ shinin' on me (Oh, ooh) Simp sun shinin' on me Slick circles roll float Out this world Yeah, yeah Run it, run it, run it, yeah (Ohh, ohh!)
[Bridge: Tyler, The Creator] I glow (I glow) I rock, I roll (What you say?), I bloom, I grow (I glow) I rock, I roll (Let 'em know), I bloom, I grow (I glow) I rock, I roll (One more time), I bloom, I- (Let's go!)
[Verse 3: Tyler, The Creator] Flower boy T, nigga that's me Rooted from the bottom, bloomed into a tree Took a lil' while, nigga makin' leaves Keep it in my branches so my family can eat Favorite color green, energy is skrong Giving niggas life, birdies and the beez Droppin' them seeds, not what you want You don't know what I keep in the trunk
[Interlude: Tyler, The Creator] Ah, shit!
[Outro: Tyler, The Creator] Ahh, ahh Ahh Run it, run it, run it, run it Run it Run it Run it
[Tyler, The Creator] Sometimes, I sit in my room and think about us
[Shane Powers] "It's Golf Radio, you're on the air with Shane Powers Taking requests... Uh, What’s uh, pick that one... What's uh... What's your name? Hello? Um, okay, well, since you want to be Mr. Fucking-Secret-Agent, what song you wanna hear?"
[Wyatt Navarro] The one about me
[Intro: Tyler, The Creator] Okay, okay, okay, okay Okay, okay, oh
[Verse 1: Tyler, The Creator] You live in my dream state Relocate my fantasy I stay in reality You live in my dream state Any time I count sheep That's the only time we make up, make up You exist behind my eyelids, my eyelids Now I don't wanna wake up
[Pre-Chorus: Tyler, The Creator] 20/20, 20/20 vision Cupid hit me, Cupid hit me with precision, I Wonder if you look both ways When you cross my mind I said, I said I'm sick of, sick of, sick of, sick of chasing You're the one that's always running through my day dreams, I I can only see your face when I close my eyes
[Chorus: Kali Uchis & Tyler, The Creator] Can I get a kiss? And can you make it last forever? I said I'm 'bout to go to war And I don't know if I'ma see you again Can I get a kiss? (Can I?) And can you make it last forever? (Can you?) I said I'm 'bout to go to war (I'm 'bout to) And I don't know if I'ma see you again Ugh, switch it up
[Verse 2: Tyler, The Creator] I said, okay, okay, okay, okie dokie, my infatuation Is translatin' to another form of what you call it? (Love) Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, I ain't met you I've been looking, stop the waiting 'Fore I stop the chasing, like an alcoholic "You don't understand me", what the fuck do you mean? It's them rose-tinted cheeks, yeah it's them dirt-colored eyes Sugar honey iced tea, bumblebee on the scene Yeah, I'd give up my bakery to have a piece of your pie Uugh!
[Pre-Chorus: Tyler, The Creator] 20/20, 20/20 vision Cupid hit me, cupid hit me with precision, I Wonder if you look both ways When you cross my mind I said, I said I'm sick of, sick of, sick of, sick of chasing You're the one that's always running through my day dreams, I I can only see your face when I close my eyes (So)
[Chorus: Kali Uchis] Can I get a kiss? (Can I get a kiss?) And can you make it last forever? (Make it last forever) I said I'm 'bout to go to war ('Bout to go to war) I don't know if I'ma see you again (See you again) Can I get a kiss? (Can I?) And can you make it last forever? (Can you?) I said I'm 'bout to go to war ('Bout to) And I don't know if I'ma see you again
[Outro: Tyler, The Creator & Kali Uchis] Okay, okay, okay, okay Okay, okay, okay, oh La la, la la la la, la la La la, la la la, la la Okay, okay, okay, okay Okay, okay, okay, oh La la, la la la la, la la La la, la la la la One more time?
[Verse 1: Tyler, The Creator] Yo, who dat boy? Who him is? Him that ni-guh, I swear Stand out guy, him don't need no chair Well, where the fuck him at? 'Cause nigga, I'm right here I don't shop at the mall, all y'all just Dumb mothafucka, I'm a goddamn artist You can give me some markers and I'll draw you a closet And you know that it's GOLF, bitch, gonna make the deposit Nigga fresh to death like he got dressed in a coffin Cons, overalls, and a striped shirt The boy drips swag like a broken faucet It's runnin', nigga, I'm runnin' shit That cherry be the bomb like he ran in Boston Won't stop 'til the cops surround him One nigga jiggy and the other awesome With his fuckin' face blown off, that's how they found him It's Young T
[Chorus: Tyler, The Creator & A$AP Rocky] Who dat boy? Who him is? Who dat boy? Who him is? Nigga, who dat boy? Who him is? Who dem boys? Nigga, who dem is, nigga? Why you niggas feel like that? Mad 'cause a nigga neck chill like that You mad 'cause a nigga push wheel like that? Why you puttin' bad vibes in the air like that? Nigga, who dem boys?
[Verse 2: A$AP Rocky] Who dem is? Nigga, who dem is? Who else step in this bitch this jig? Who else your bitch say got a bick this big? Who else came through with a wrist this flick? Nigga, Guess my pants, do my dance Spin around, bitch, you could kiss my ass Never seen a nigga in this much Raf Still doin' math when I miss my class Was it Summertime '06, had the Number (N)ine Nigga, never mind, was another time before Vince Had the Gucci gold tips with the letterman Nigga, dollar sign was my favorite number at the time Fresh freshmen 'til they skipped my ass Senior citizen, don't forget my pass Been that nigga and you knew that there Make the dick disappear, how she do that there?
[Chorus: Tyler, The Creator & A$AP Rocky] Who dat boy? Who him is? Who dat boy? Who him is? Nigga, who dat boy? Who him is? Who dem boys? Nigga, who dem is, nigga? Why you niggas feel like that? Mad 'cause a nigga's neck chill like that You mad 'cause a nigga push wheel like that? Why you puttin' bad vibes in the-?
[Verse 3: Tyler, The Creator & A$AP Rocky] Fuck the rap, I'm tryna own a planet From my other fuckin' business ventures These niggas these days Actin' like some bitches, like they're fuckin' with ya (yeah) Teeth is glistenin', Jesus, Christmas He just shittin', she exquisite, bitches be expensive (Yeah, let 'em know, nigga) And I don't even need attention WANG$AP on the bumper sticker, fuck you niggas Fuck global warming, my neck is so frío I'm currently lookin' for '95 Leo My mom say she worried because I'm so ill I should stay in bed, but got too much bread To make, she said watch my weight So I stayed home and start eatin' some meals Get out of my way-way, boy that's McLaren That's 0 to 60 in 2 point nueve, I'm gone
[Outro: Tyler, The Creator] Fuck
[Intro: Tyler, the Creator] Shit
[Verse 1: Tyler, the Creator] My mother warned me that some niggas ain't my right hand To trust her, only my heart and that elder white man His name is Clancy, I fancy him, gotta give him props He half the reason why dealerships even let me cop So now I'm speedin' and tryna drive away from the fact That she was right, so I triple left, tryna double back The streets are filled with some clues Like how I ain't notice that? (How I ain't see that?) Fuck it, I seen some familiar stuck in the cul-de-sac I pull up, get out, what up? I wanna help But what you want for some, some niggas Really don't want for themself Now do I stay? Do I go? That's my dilemma And traffic is picking up, if I don't leave I'ma get stuck (Skrt) So I speed off, we talk barely and it seems awkward And I heard through some words that you're off it I got too much drive, don't wanna steer off path And crash and get distracted But I listen to that weather man 'cause it might rain Keep my windshield wipers prepared 'Cause y'all throw so much shade And I got jacket in trunk, but that's in the front I also got power for both of us if you're ever in need of jump Just let me know, my nigga
[Chorus: Jaden Smith & Tyler, the Creator] I had to switch gears on 'em Fishtail in the rearview mirror on 'em (Skrrrrrt!) I had to switch gears on 'em You know, swerve, left turn, steerin' wheel on 'em Nigga that's a pothole, watch out for the pothole Watch out for the pothole, watch out for the pothole Look out for the pothole, watch out for the pothole Watch out for the pothole, watch out for the pothole
[Verse 2: Tyler, the Creator] Snakes in the grass, but I walk I got some new boots, on the back it says GOLF So I be prepared for their bites, they're all talk I left the condom in the grass so fuck off Watchin' Clarence in a mansion with nobody in it Young successful nigga, ride McLaren with no windows tinted I drive by piggies when I'm in it 'cause it feels amazin' The irony is I stopped eatin' bacon Don't get it twisted, nigga, I'm still hungry, oh he lonely All my friends talk about their hoes and tenderonies But all I can show 'em is a couple cars and more things That I've made in the couple past month, he's on, please Everyone is a sheep, me, a lone wolf Nobody gon' make a peep 'cause everyone wants some wool Since everyone is a sheep, not everyone here is cool Man I'd rather drown in a pool by myself Than fuck with their fleece See, man, T-Man fans be seesaw Wind blows, they go, which way, who knows? One day, "Fuck no," the next day, "Okay" But fuck y'all, I know that T is four for four I just want that garden and that Batmobile Good health, success, time on earth worthwhile Find somebody who love me and raise a couple of lizards But my vehicle's good for now, that's in a couple of miles Now keep it pushin', nigga
[Chorus: Jaden Smith & Tyler, the Creator] I had to switch gears on 'em Fishtail in the rearview mirror on 'em (Skrrrrrt!) I had to switch gears on 'em You know, swerve, left turn, steerin' wheel on 'em Nigga that's a pothole, watch out for the pothole Watch out for the pothole, watch out for the pothole Look out for the pothole, watch out for the pothole Watch out for the pothole, watch out for the pothole
[Outro: Tyler, the Creator] Fuck, okay, next one Do-do-do-do-do-do Gotta watch out for the potholes Ooh, said watch out for the potholes Haha
[Chorus: Estelle] Don't kill a rose Before it could bloom Fly, baby, fly Out the cocoon
[Verse 1: Tyler, the Creator] You don't have to hide I can smell it in your eyes That there's something more to say, baby Them words Damn, run me back, yeah
[Bridge: Estelle & Tyler, the Creator] If I could, if I could If you could Find the words to say Find the words to say Find the words In the garden Shed Go
[Chorus: Estelle] Don't kill a rose Before it could bloom Fly, baby, fly Out the cocoon
[Verse 2: Tyler, the Creator] Ayo Garden shed, garden shed, garden shed, garden shed For the garden That is where I was hidin' That was real love I was in Ain't no reason to pretend Garden shed, garden shed, garden shed Garden shed for the garçons Them feelings that I was guardin' Heavy on my mind All my friends lost They couldn't read the signs I didn't wanna talk and tell 'em my location And they ain't wanna walk Truth is, since a youth kid, thought it was a phase Thought it'd be like the phrase; "poof," gone But, it's still goin' on Big fan of the beige tan Polka dot nose, how it goes Had to keep it on the subwoofer A couple butterflies wanna float But I was always like, "Eh" Barely interested, but bagged just to brag to my boys like, "Bruh" This is a crucial subject matter Sensitive like cookin' batter 'Til the temperature that's risin' Steppin' on that ladder, tryna Grab the rings of Saturn, I'ma Planet by the time you hear this Shit and chatter 'bout the heat It will not fuckin' matter
[Intro: Rex Orange County & Corinne Bailey Rae] When you're having fun, fun Time flies, time flies, time flies When you're having fun (time flies) Out the window (it goes, goes, goes)
[Chorus: Rex Orange County] Find some time Find some time to do something Find some time Find some time to do something Find some time Find some time to do something Ah
[Verse 1: Rex Orange County & Anna of the North] Boredom got a new best friend (Boredom, boredom, best friend) 'Cause boredom got a new best friend (oh, oh, oh) Boredom got a new best friend Na-na-na, na-na-na, oh-na-na-na Oh, oh, oh
[Chorus: Rex Orange County & Anna of the North] Find some time Find some time to do something Find some time (Find some time, oh)
[Verse 2: Tyler, The Creator] Boredom, boredom, boredom, boredom Boredom, boredom, boredom Boy, my bedroom floor is a cereal burial, I'm serious I ate 'em all, dry boxes, bodies, yeah I caught 'em If we're talkin' 'bout real meals, ask my stomach, he ain't saw 'em I've been in this fuckin' room so long My eyeballs are turning to drywall My friends suck, fuck 'em, I'm over 'em "Hi y'all, y'all ain't hit me all-day What the fuck is the problem? Is it me? 'Cause I'm not solved, I'm... bored."
[Chorus: Rex Orange County & Anna of the North] Find some time Find some time to do something Find some time Find some time to do something Find some time Find some time to do something (Oh)
[Verse 3: Tyler, The Creator] Bored and getting desperate as hell (Desperate, using, texting, amusing) Cellular not amusing and I hope someone will Message me with some plans that are amusing as well 'Cause I haven’t seen the exit of these walls since before this morning Morning, morning, morning, morning (Morning, oh, what the fuck?) Got some cars I can handle but nowhere for performance My stomach angry and yellin', I need some food, I could order But I hate eating solo Need someone, we can loiter in parking lots As sunsets at the border, yeah Ringy dingy dong, I can't be alone I been starting to feel like I don't know anyone So now I'm staring at my ceiling fuckin' blowing Like I have no idea where I'm going Tick tock (Damn, gotta get outta here)
[Chorus: Rex Orange County, Anna of the North and Tyler, the Creator] Find some time Find some time to do something (Hey, can y'all help me right quick?) Find some time Find some time to do something Find some time Find some time to do something(Tick Tock) (Ti-Ti-Tick Tock) (Oh)
[Bridge: Tyler, the Creator & Anna of the North] 'Cause boredom got a new best friend Tick tock Boredom got a new best friend 'Cause boredom got a new best friend Tick tock
[Outro: Rex Orange County] Find some time, find some time Gotta find some time, find some time Gonna find some, find some time Gotta find some time, find some time Gonna find some, find some time Gotta find some time, find some time Gonna find some, find some time Time, time, time, time Time, time, time, time Time, time, time, time Time, time, time
[Shane Powers] "Ride's over, we got some tickets to see s-"
[Intro: Shane Powers] Right now we got some new music only here on Golf Radio! (God I love this sample) We're going to dance And exercise And have some fun
[Chorus] I ain't got time for these niggas Better throw a watch at the boy Had my boys in this bitch, looking like a seminar Who the fuck you talking to, motherfucker? Boy, I ain't got time for these bitches Better throw a clock at these hoes Have these hoes in this bitch looking for a water hose Who the fuck you talking to, motherfucker? Boy, I ain't got time
[Verse 1] Boy, I need a Kleenex How I got this far? Boy, I can't believe it That I got this car, so I take the scenic Passenger a white boy, look like River Phoenix First, happy birthday! You bitch ass nigga, yup I'm thirsty Them little shots that you threw, they ain't hurt me I ain't fuck with you bitch ass in the first place
[Chorus] I ain't got time for these niggas Better throw a watch at the boy Had my boys in this bitch, looking like a seminar Who the fuck you talking to, motherfucker? Boy, I ain't got time for these bitches Better throw a clock at these hoes Have these hoes in this bitch looking for a water hose Who the fuck you talking to, motherfucker? Boy, I ain't got time
[Verse 2] Nat Turner would be so proud of me 'Cause all these motherfuckers got they style from me I bet they all looking from the crowd at me And if I ask them, they would bow at me But you're a house nigga, so you don't know How that shit go, with my big lips and my big nose And my big dick and my short hair 'Cause you already know how slow my shit grow
[Bridge] (Hey) Tick, tock Tick, tock Tick, tock Tick, tock
[Verse 3] Been the man with a pickle plan, niggas know the dill When I sell the carnival, I bet I get a 100 mil' Next line will have 'em like "Whoa" I've been kissing white boys since 2004 One me, two feet, three M's Four, five, six years ago sucked Seven figure conversations with Converse finalized 'Cause Vans fucked up I'ma read commas, you gon' leave comments Saying what I shoulda did, but you ain't did nada You ain't important I'ma keep sporting All smiles over here Shout out to The Garden (Tick-tock) (And that's a fact boy!) And I just handle all my business like a chessboard (Tick tock, tick, tock) And at them Golf boys? That's my motherfucking set, boy Hard pill to swallow like some thick soda Walk weird 'cause my pockets look like thick Yoda With a Skywalker, riding 'round solar Anakin skin Sprite, and my tint cola Getting neck from abroad like some big shoulders Till I bust like that 9 in ya heat holster Everything I say is hot, bitch I speak toaster And the bread orthodox like I eat kosher Shout out to (shhh) they gave a big loaf of Green bread, got me chilling like a clean sofa What's that thick odor? Young Millie T A young, focused black boy, oh silly me (I ain't got time!)
[Verse 4] Better talk shit 'Cause I'm either in my Cons or my Golf shit Pants got a lil flood, nigga pipe down I'm Lil Boosie, Lil Boosie, way I wipe down (Boy I ain't got time!) Yeah right now 'Cause niggas dying every day and I ain't light brown And i-D ain't wanna give a nigga no post So I went and did a 12-page spread in Vogue (Nigga I ain't got time!)
[Outro] Listen, man, I'm that boy All you little niggas clones Boy I fill that void You better kill that noise Turn around and remap route When they see that boy with them big ears and that gap tooth Bitch Tick, tock Tick, tock Tick, tock Fuck, hello
[Part I: 911]
[Intro: Tyler, The Creator] (Call me, call me, call me) Uh (Call me, call me, call me) Uh (Call me, call me, call me) Uh (Call me, call me, call me) (Call me) How you doin'? (Call me) My name is Lonely, nice to meet you Here's my number You can reach me, woo!
[Chorus: Tyler, The Creator] (Call me) 911, call me some time (You should call me) 911, call me some time 911 (You should call me, oh) 911 (Call me)
[Verse 1: Tyler, The Creator] Aw, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah My thirst levels are infinity and beyond Sippin' on that lemonade, I need a Beyoncé Can't see straight, these shades are Céline Dion Sucks you can't gas me up, shout out to Elon Musk, yeah, I got a sold-out show Crowd wild out but don't matter 'cause you not front row I've been lookin' for a keeper, listen to the speaker If you fit description, hit me on my beeper At that 911
[Bridge: Steve Lacy, Anna of the North & Tyler, The Creator] Call me some time (ring, ring, ring) Please bang my line, you know I'll answer (click) Call me some time (ring, ring, ring) Please bang my line
[Chorus: Tyler, The Creator & Anna of the North] Call me 911, call me some time You should call me 911, call me some time 911, (you should call me, oh) 911, (you should call me)
[Verse 2: Frank Ocean] Chirp, chirp Chirp, chirp Woke up in the 'burbs, 'burbs, with the birds, birds Where you used to come and get me with the swerve, swerve These days you gotta find time Even the nightline Work line Dial nine
[Verse 3: Tyler, The Creator] Five car garage Full tank of the gas But that don't mean nothing, nothing Nothin', nothin', without you shotgun in the passenger I'm the loneliest man alive But I keep on dancing to throw 'em off I'm gon' run out of moves 'cause I can't groove to the blues If you know any DJs, tell 'em to call me at 911...
[Part II: Mr. Lonely]
[Intro: A$AP Rocky, ScHoolboy Q, Lionel & Tyler, The Creator] I can't even lie, I've been lonely as fuck Old lonely ass nigga I can't even lie, I've been lonely as fuck Forreal, you need to go somewhere, like, get some bitches or something I can't even lie, I've been lonely as fuck Old weird ass nigga I can't even lie, I've been Lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely
[Verse: Tyler, The Creator] They say the loudest in the room is weak That's what they assume, but I disagree I say the loudest in the room Is prolly the loneliest one in the room (that's me) Attention seeker, public speaker Oh my God, that boy there is so fuckin' lonely Writin' songs about these people Who do not exist, he's such a fuckin' phony One thing I know, is that I wanna Win so bad, but I'm not Chicago Heart is low, it's real low, it's so low You can't lift me up, I'm like Gallardo From the start it's been real dark It's been so dark, I guess that you could call me charbroiled, huh I'm playin' like Hasbro I'm really Saari, call me Arto Crashed the McLaren, bought me a Tesla I know you sick of me talkin' 'bout cars (skrrt) But what the fuck else do you want from me? That is the only thing keepin' me company Purchase some things until I'm annoyed These items is fillin' the void Been fillin' it for so long I don't even know if it's shit I enjoy (ohh) Current battle as an adult My partner is a shadow I need love, do you got some I could borrow? Fuck it, I could find some tomorrow But that never comes Like a vasectomy, what have I done? I got the talent, the face and the funds Found myself long ago but I haven't found someone (who) Mirror, mirror on the wall (who) The loneliest of them all (me) Cupid actin' stupid Do you got another number I could call? Never had a pet I've never had a pet There's more fish in the sea But I never had a goldfish to begin with I never had a dog So I've never been good with bitches 'Cause I never threw a ball, fetch I never had a pet, that's where it stems from, I bet Treat me like direct deposit Check in on me sometime Ask me how I'm really doin' So I never have to press that 911
[Outro: Jasper] Ohh! Damn! Damn!
[Intro: Lil Wayne] Mula!
[Verse: Lil Wayne] Like Adam in the Garden of Eden My bitch got an apple bottom and she swallow my seeds Follow my lead, fire I breathe, water my seed And sit back and watch money grow on trees Droppin' seeds like classes, these hoes drop they asses I drop a seed in her panties if it smell like pansies I'm a banshee in her panties, nigga, ask your mammy Never played golf, but got a driver and a Caddy Whole squad slammin' like Onyx, you know Sticky Fingaz Some drop science, I'm droppin' English Even if Tyler named the song "Flower" No seeds in the bud, still don't trust bugs I'm down
[Outro: Tyler, The Creator & Lil Wayne] Droppin' seeds on these niggas, they can't fuck with the boy (Mula!) I'm droppin' seeds on these bitches for the love of the sport I'm droppin' seeds, got this garden, flowers poppin' of course I'm droppin' seeds, motherfucker, Weezy Baby the boy, yugh!
[Intro] Say some more, never want to talk about it Feel a way, woah Feel a way, woah Feel a way, November...
[Chorus] Take me back to November Take me back to November Hawaiian shirts in the winter, cold water, cold water Yeah, take me back to November, wassup Can we go back to November? Take me back to November Hawaiian shirts in the winter, deep thoughts, deep thoughts Naw, take me back to November, wassup
[Verse 1] What if Clancy fuckin' me over? What if "Who Dat Boy" is rhetorical and this shit is over? What if I'm hustling backwards? What if my accountant ain't payin' my taxes? Fillin' his pockets and IRS show up asking me questions I couldn't answer 'cause I was too busy tryna make classics Boy ain't got no motherfucking classics What if my music too weird for the masses? And I'm only known for tweets more than beats or All my day ones turn to three, fours 'cause of track seven Fuck, what if I get stuck? What if I got comfortable? I gotta keep it buck fifty What if I lost it all and ended up back in Ladera At them shitty apartments that's across the Bank of America Damn, I would be hurtin' Writing all of these songs cause Wi-Fi wasn't working Last year in total, I put out two verses But five-seven figures since then, life's kinda perfect Oh is it really? Oh is it really? Bitch you know the dealy Really hilly willy tilly silly, hold that billy how I Milly Rock When they can't relate him, when they start to hate him They don't drive these cars so what's their ultimatum? Tell me, what's your November? Is it a person? Mine was the summer '06, I remember the... (horn) What if I thought the brake was the gas? What if I crashed? What if these deep thoughts was my last? Let me pull over, quick!
[Chorus] And drive back to November Take me back to November Hawaiian shirts in the Winter, cold water, cold water Yeah, take me back to November, wassup Can we go back to November? Take me back to November Hawaiian shirts in the Winter, deep thoughts, deep thoughts Naw, take me back to November, wassup
[Interlude: Jasper Dolphin, Taco, Kilo Kish, Christian Clancy, Syd, Lionel, Vince Staples, Julian Conesugra] My November was those Odd Future Sundays, where we used to just skate all day My November, and I was performing and Lil Wayne rapped with me, I think I cried that night My November was awesome, I booked my first feature film My November was when I was gifted this Getz and Gilberto album My November was seeing Erykah Badu perform My November was... my brother took me to my first concert ever, which was to Kanye West's Glow in the Dark... My November was summer 2015 when I fell in love with someone who fucked my whole world up, showed me life through a different 2014, Miami 43rd Street, every day was November
[Bridge] Take me back, take me back Take me back, take me back Take me back, take me back, take me back Take me back, take me back Take me back, take me back Take me back, take me back Take me back, take me back, take me back Take me back, take me back I ain't doin' fine, lost my mothafuckin' mind Time travel back and help me find Take me back, take me back to November, this I know Take me back, take me back Take me back, take me back to November, this I know "My November is right now"
[Verse 2] I wrote a song about you, I want your opinion Opposite of my heart rate, it slows down at the ending 'Cause the love I got for you has exceeded appearance, the lyrics are Matter of fact, I'ma just call you, so you can hear it If you do answer, I'll play it to state facts Although I already know the response you gon' say back At that point I'll hang up, disappear and just stay back And if you don't I'll leave a voicemail with the playback
[Outro] Hello, no one is available to take your call Please leave a message after the tone [beep]
[Intro] Da na na na na, da na na na na Da na na na na, my baby You've been on my mind (How ya feel?) I'm losing my mind because I hope that we can be more than just friends
[Chorus] Fireworks, I feel like glitter And every time you come around, I feel like glitter (How ya feel?) You're the one that I needed in my life (How ya feel?) You're the one that I needed in my life
[Verse 1] Ayo, mirror mirror on the wall, who the brightest of them all? I never been the darkest one 'cause my self esteem is tall So I never seen eye-to-eye with y'all niggas, ayo Uno peso, never paid attention to what niggas gotta say-o So I keep that buck, I ain't give no fuck They ain't build me up so I block 'em like Lego Feelin' glitter, feelin' good and great Got the burner, got the heat, like wait Got the shit, it's all up on that hip I'll use it on myself on the day you dip Got that 4, 5, 7, track 8 for me Baby doll, I hope you agree Because you light my
[Chorus] Fireworks, I feel like glitter (I don't even know what that means) And every time you come around, I feel like glitter (How you feel?) You're the one that I needed in my life (How you feel?) You're the one that I needed in my life 'Cause I love having you around (I love) 'Cause I love having you around
[Verse 2] Yeah, look at my face, look at that joy This is one sided, yeah, I can't lie We ain't gon' work out, we a fat boy Yeah, sumo, got it, memo Pale skin see-through, must be a window 'Cause you ain't an L, could be a DJ When I see you my heart beat changes tempo Yeah, simple, that's what I want but I can't That's who you are but I ain't (how ya feel?) We can track 10 skiptrace, I'm caught in your quicksand, wait Please don't save me
[Bridge] Ooooh (Please don't save me, yeah) How ya feel? (Rose tinted cheeks) How ya feel? How ya feel? How ya feel? How ya feel? How ya feel? (Scum Fuck Flower Boy) How ya feel? (Scum Fuck Flower Boy) How ya feel? (Scum Fuck Flower Boy) How ya feel? How ya feel?
[Outro] We didn't get your message, either because you were not speaking or because of a bad connection Fuck” i felt that
submitted by someweirdgamerYT to okonmabuddyretard [link] [comments]

Kenshi: Confessions of a Power-Leveler (WARNING: TLDR & SPOILERS!!!)

Day 1: My name is Molly, just nobody in particular. I hang around this little town we call The Hub, and I usually cook for the local inn.
This guy shows up in town one day looking for a companion. Male, greenlander, wearing crappy rags like an ex-slave from Rebirth and carrying an iron stick. For some reason he decided to choose me. I jokingly told him that for 6000 cats I'll call him Boss and follow him to the ends of the earth.
He paid upfront. The full sum.
Now what have I gotten myself into?
Day 6: I'm seriously starting to regret this. All we do all day is to mine copper, run to the inn, and sell it for food. What the hell? Why would he hire a bloody cook just to use her as a pack mule and a mining slave? I have to pay for my own food too! At least I heard they keep slaves fed in Rebirth, of all places...
We sometimes go do laps around that Shek town in the valley though. Think it's called Squirm or Squid or something. At least that wasn't half bad.
Day 12: We finally bought that house in the Shek town and restored it to a somewhat usable shape. Boss built one of those benches where he stands there reading those books and do tests all day. We even got a few new friends too.
A Shek warrior without her horns.
A former Paladin of those Okranite dogs in the north. He seems rather nice though. Pretty easy on the eyes too.
One of those crazy bug men who won't stop saying "Beep".
I don't see them that often though, I assume they are mining copper or some shit. Me, on the other hand, Boss wants me to stand at this bench all day and craft bandanas.
Fucking bandanas.
Who the hell needs that many of those anyway?
Day 24: I made my first set of Samurai armor today. Apparently it was pretty damn good. Huh. Who knows I can do this just by crafting a ton of bandanas, despite having no experience in crafting armor whatsoever. Apparently they sell for a good bit of money too, and we are getting pretty rich.
For some reason, Boss now wants me to wear this armor I crafted. He wants me to go to this place in the desert across the valley. Skinner's Roam or something. He says I should find one of those huge groups of hungry bandits and whack them with my crappy sword or something. He also says I should do this all by myself.
I almost quit there on the spot. I am paid to be a cook and travelling companion, not to be some punching bag for some hungry bandits! However, Molly is also a woman of her word, and I am not going to go back on it, even if I have basically sold myself into slavery for 6000 cats.
Here's hoping the bandits beat me to death. At least it will be a sweet relief to what Boss is putting me through.
Day ??: How many days have it been? All I remember is falling unconscious, getting up, and getting beat into unconsciousness again. And again. And again. I think they have turned my brains into mush.
The pain was hell at first, but it slowly turned into numbness over the days. I think I stopped feeling anything a day or so ago.
Something funny happened yesterday though. There was this one dust bandit who tried to swing his rusty chopper at my unprotected hand.
His sword broke into two. I barely even got a scratch.
His expression of terror before he ran away screaming? That was priceless.
Day 60 (I think?): Finally, we get to go on an adventure! I am getting real tired getting stuck in this house making armor all day for everyone. My ears are still ringing from that bandit beatdown, and I don't think it's ever going to go away.
Except of course, THE FUCKING BOSS has to ruin everything.
He gives everyone of us one of this bagpacks. I swear he has them filled up with iron or rocks or something. And no, we cannot wear it normally, we have to carry them awkwardly on ourselves like that, all the while trudging along the desert at a snail's pace while trying to fend off enemies with our crappy swords at the same time. At this rate, I'm going to die of old age before we even made it to the United Cities.
I swear poor old Crumblejon broke something in his back the moment he put his backpack on.
Boss says this is "for our own training". I told him I would shove his face into my furnace if he won't shut up.
Day 90: I finally learned Paladin Boy's name. Griffin, he calls himself. He almost died today, no thanks to the fucking Boss. The moment we opened those doors, a whole swarm of these robot spiders came right up on our faces. We can't run away, no thanks to those stupid backpacks we can't wear normally, and we can't even fight them properly because our crappy swords can't even scratch their metal armor. In fact, we might all have died, if we haven't gone through that hungry bandit beatdown torture so much that we can't even feel pain anymore.
Doctor Chung put him right back on his feet though, thankfully. But he says we have to slow down our pace (even more) for the next few days.
Just great. Now we are stuck in the middle of nowhere with no civilization in sight, swarms of spiders everywhere, with a bunch of half-dead guys with their limbs almost torn off by robot spiders. I hope the prize is worth it, it looks to me like some sort of old techy stuff the robots use. Beep seems to love it though.
Well, at least we won't starve to death. Because Ruka, the unhorned Shek, has a backpack full of food.
Food that Boss spent at least 20000 cats paying for despite having a bloody cook in the party.
What. The. Fuck.
Day 120: We finally made it back to Squin, and we can take our backpacks off. I have lost track of how much distance we have traveled, how many enemies we fought, and how many times we almost died to ancient spider robots.
On the side note, I look damn good. Griffin too, that man now looks like one of those Phoenix statues in the Holy Nation. So does everyone else in the party. My arms are bigger than the Shek guard at the north gate now. He still calls me "flatskin", but he keeps his distance now. I can beat him up, call him a nerd and take his lunch money whenever I feel like it.
Boss congratulates us for "graduating", and says that we should move base. Damn, that man is a real slave driver. We barely just arrived a few days back, and all the boss does is hide in a room with those techy stuff we got from the ruins, and now he wants us to move again?
If he wants us to go to that beak-thing place to set up our new base, I'm picking him up and throwing him into the sea.
EDIT: Of course that fucker makes us build a base in Gut. I did pick him up and throw him into the sea though, so that makes us even.
Day 140: Boss came back with a captive today and asked us to put him in the prison. The guy he was carrying on his shoulder, not sure who he was though. Although Ruka suspected he was that infamous "Bugmaster" everyone in the Shek kingdom keeps talking about. Didn't expect him to be a human though. He was bald, and he's got muscles on his muscles, but that are pretty much the noteworthy things about him.
Boss now wants me put the best armor I have ever forged on him though. And for some reason, he asked Griffin to make a few swords for him. Not sure what is he playing at, since we already have Stubs who can pump out weapons that put even those robot smiths to shame on the daily. Griffin hasn't even been inside the smithy, let alone touched a weapon forge before.
Boss might have been a complete asshole, but he has taken us this far. Let's see what he plans to do this time.
Day 200: Ugh, whoever this "Bugmaster" guy is, he is a MONSTER. Even with that crappy piece of metal Griffin made that passes for a "sword", he somehow managed to take down me and Griffin fighting him with proper weapons at the same time. It always took our entire party beating the crap out of him to restrain him after our fights. Every single time.
And Boss wants us to spar with him again every day. And again. And again. Good thing it seems to get easier every time, though.
Today is a special day for me. I am the first one in our entire team to take him out by myself, with a crappy piece of metal of my own, too! Boss tells me that I'm "ready" and asks me to meet up with him at his house later today. Not sure what he means but I am honestly a bit excited. I'm telling Griffin the good news.
EDIT: FUCK THE BOSS. It was one of those peeling machines we got from the skin-wearing robots. HE DID THAT TO GRIFFIN TOO. Now Griffin's sobbing on the bed with his new robot limbs. He refuses to get up for breakfast. I SWEAR TO OKRAN ONCE BEEP FINISHES INSTALLING MY LIMBS I AM GOING TO TEAR THE BOSS' LIMBS OFF ONE BY ONE AND SHOVE THEM UP HIS ARSEHOLE.
Day 220: Everyone has shiny new robot limbs installed now, and I'm sure everyone hates the Boss' guts as well. Maybe not Beep, who loved his "enhancements" and demanded us to call him "Cyber-Beep" now.
There was a huge army of Samurai outside our gates earlier today, which I'm sure has nothing to do with the fact that we told the United Cities tax collector to go fly a kite a few days ago. Then suddenly we have one of the most well-trained and well-equipped armies in the world right here at our doorstep, calling for our blood.
Except they were a joke.
Chad punched the sergeant so hard he flew into the walls of our base and embedded himself inside, where Ruka and her team are still trying to figure out a way to get his remains out. Beep decapitated 4 Samurai with a single swing of that huge curved sword of his, all the while cackling like a maniac and calling himself the "STRONGEST WARRIOR". I think Griffin is still pissed at having those "Filthy Instruments of Narko" installed on him, and he is taking his anger out on those Samurai fighters as he sends them flying one at a time with his Paladin's Cross. The rest of the conscripts just screamed and ran, where most of them promptly got dragged off and devoured by packs of hungry beak-things.
Damn, I feel like a god right now.
Day 240: "Mad Cat-Lon". The legend. The infamous insane emperor of the Second Empire, whose name is only whispered in hushed tones among the skeletons who lived through that era. The invincible warrior, the peerless swordsman, against whom the Bugmaster dedicated his entire life training and preparing to fight.
Well, he turned out to be a complete dunce.
He never even got off his throne, as Ruka just rushed at him and chopped off his head with a single swing of her massive plank.
Unfortunately, there was a casualty on our side as well. In the ensuring fight with Cat-Lon's massive army of Storm Thralls, our illustrious leader was caught in the confusion and hacked into bits by an unknown assailant.
We are greatly saddened by the loss of such an important founding member of our party, and we will keep him in our most fond memories for the rest of our lives.
Oh, who am I kidding.
I'm willing to bet that Griffin dealt the fatal blow. Might have been me. Might have been Crumblejon. Honestly, it was really hard to say in all that confusion.
Ruka is our leader now, as befitting of her feat of slaying Mad-Cat Lon. She plans to march against the Holy Nation as soon as possible. No one objected, although Beep is now insistent on being "Holy Lord Beep I (Blessed Be His Name)" once the battle is over.
Me? I'm a simple woman. I just want to stake my claim on Phoenix's sword.
I'm sure Griffin would love it as a proposal gift.
submitted by stemhesong to Kenshi [link] [comments]

Nugu Roundup #43 - In The Zone - 200614

Hello and welcome to the latest Nugu Roundup!
What is this?: This is a weekly feature designed to highlight the unknown/underappreciated groups and soloists working hard in the Kpop world that often fall under the radar. Please share your own information, favorite performance videos, fanmeet stories, or anything else relevant below!
Last week we explored long-running girl group Laboum. This week it's time to get to know an up-and-coming boy group, let's get to know We In The Zone!
What is Nugu?: While in Korean it literally means 'Who' in the broader Kpop context it refers to groups that are generally unknown amongst the greater public. It doesn't have to mean they're extremely new, though it can, and there are of course varying degrees of 'unknown' which some groups having very strong niche fandoms and others being almost invisible. I take a fairly broad view and will include groups that may be known to some, but who don't have widespread name recognition.
Let's get on with the show...
Who are they?: We In The Zone (also sometimes shown as WITZ) are a four member boy group under Choon Entertainment. Their name comes from their desire to make wherever they are performing their own space. Their fandom name is WISH.
Company: We In The Zone is the only idol group under Choon, but they also represent vocal/indie duet 7th Street, Chinese soloist Jin Longguo, and DJ Bay.P.
Group Interviews/Variety
Debut: May 27th, 2019 with Let's Get Loud (MV) Live Stage (Link)
Most Recent Comeback: October 30th, 2019 with Loveade (MV) Live Stage (Link)
Other Releases and MVs
YouTube Channel: WE IN THE ZONE
Random Stuff
Trivia: The group toured Japan including Tokyo, Osaka, and smaller cities shortly after their official debut in Korea. They have several pre-debut performance videos when they were known as WITZ. Member Jooan was going by Hahn pre-debut. Eson has participated in King of the Masked Singer. They had a slip-up in one of their first music show performances as an intro was played before the song which the group wasn't used to.
Soloist of the Week
Yel (Hyemi)
Who is she?: Formerly the lead vocalist of Fiestar as Hyemi she is now under Lighthouse Entertainment as a singesongwriter and composelyricist/producer.
Real Name: Kim Hye Mi
Age: 29 (IA)
Solo Debut: May 24th, 2018 with Lucid Dream (MV) Live Performance (Link)
Most Recent Release: August 25th, 2019 with Feel Lethargic (audio)
Other Release: Come Out (audio)
YouTube Channel: Yellog
Trivia: Yel writes and composes all of her own songs. She has also composed and written lyrics for several songs by Busters (Lucky Lucky, Starlight, Cherry Blossom) and The Way Back To You by Super Junior KRY.
In Memorium
Baby Boo
Who were they?: A three to five member girl group under Hyunda Entertainment. Over the course of the group they had a total of 12 members come through.
Active Between: June 5th, 2015 - Sometime in 2020
Reasons for Disbanding: Hyunda seems to have had major budget issues, with the quality of MVs rapidly dropping and then ceasing altogether. There were also reports from former members that the company never paid any of them, despite their contracts stating they were due a cut from any live performances, and that there living conditions were unsuitable with utilities often being unpaid leading to the water and electricity being shut off multiple times. Recently the three remaining members of the group all announced they had left the company.
YouTube Channel: Hyunda Company
Random Stuff
Trivia: Member Daon and Dabin (who now goes by Dayul) who left to form DAONBIN have now added two new member, previous members of Baby Boo Hajin and Jelly (now going by Roori) and changed the name of the upcoming group to YULiONi. They have a YouTube Channel, but it hasn't been updated in a year. Leader Shine is now going by Bada in what may be a dance group called Happty. Former member Jiyouni is now a member of the band Rockit Girl under the name Han Leeseul.
That's it for today, let's get the discussion on!
As always, if you have any suggestions for groups, content, or things you'd like to see, please let me know in the comments below.
Also as always, a big shout-out to u/not-named-in-credits for founding nugutown and u/sharnaranwan for continuing the work over there.
submitted by tutetibiimperes to kpop [link] [comments]

The two-month roommate from hell

This is a story of my former roommate (as of about two weeks ago). It’s very long - I’ve tried to edit it down as much as possible, but there are some things that just couldn’t be left out. So here we go.
Before I moved in with the roommate from hell (we’ll call her RH for short), we’d talked about likes/dislikes, general habits, etc. I was upfront with her - I’m a clean person, don’t have many pet peeves (because, in the long run, little things don’t matter), I’m a night owl, & I have a cat. She said the cat wasn’t an issue as long as it stayed in my room, which I agreed to. I’d lived with a friend previously where the cat & her box had to stay in my room because she had dogs.
She said she was a clean person, sleep was important to her, & she liked to keep the apartment cool.
Well here’s what she didn’t tell me:
She has Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder, which is “a personality disorder that’s characterized by extreme perfectionism, order, & neatness. People with OCPD will also feel a severe need to impose their own standards on their outside environment.”
She has Depersonalization Disorder, which causes people to feel “detached from their own thoughts or emotions”.
She has severe anxiety, which caused her to wake up in the middle of the night, screaming.
She’s “hypersensitive” to smells (boo hoo).
From the start, living with RH was challenging. So much so that after being unable to sign the lease when we were supposed to, I planned to take a day off work to cut & run - only 2 weeks after moving in. But I stayed because I felt I could “handle” it & I was saving a LOT of money.
What had me wanting to run?
First, the comments. Everything had a comment. My friends (whether I “felt seen or heard by them”), my decor (despite saying she didn’t care how I decorated), how much stuff I have (she liked to comment on this a LOT. Yeah, I have a lot of shit. My mom is dead, so all that stuff you all get to leave at your childhood home, I get to lug around year after year).
When I’d been there for a little over 24 hours & took a shower, the water turned black for a moment. I asked her if it had happened to her. Her response? “No. Maybe it’s because you’ve been doing so much laundry & the water ran out.”
I’d done three loads in a 12+ hour period.
And so many other passive aggressive comments insinuating I didn’t know what I was doing or talking about.
She also told me she liked to clean on Saturdays, which was fine, but I half jokingly/seriously said she needed to “give me a chance to clean sometime”. Her response was that I could clean “whenever [I] wanted” but she preferred to clean on Saturdays. Otherwise she would get anxious because she “knows” most people’s definition of cleaning is “air blowing noise There, I cleaned it.”
Furthermore, despite being told again & again that it didn’t bother me if she made noise while I was asleep, she constantly acted like I was going to bite her head off if she accidentally woke me up. I probably told her seven or eight times I don’t care, & yet it was brought up persistently.
Now, onto the real craziness.
One day, I was organizing a bunch of my stuff & went through a tub of my old baby clothes & sorority t-shirts. Since they smelled a little like smoke (my mom was a smoker), I washed them. I started around 7pm, but accidentally left out part of a load & ran a little later than I meant to. I really wanted to finish up so I could get everything put away and go to bed.
I didn’t think much of it since RH was normally up well past 11 since she didn’t have to be at work until 10 each day. Keep in mind, I had just found out that day my school was closed & we would be working from home. She sends me this text at 10:45 at night:
“Next time, can you shoot for a little earlier? I feel like after 10pm isn’t really an appropriate time for laundry, especially since I know you’ll be home during the day for the next two weeks. I understand if it was an emergency wash, but you’ve done three loads tonight.”
I replied with “sure”, thinking that was the end of it, & feeling a little bad because I really hadn’t meant to go that late with the laundry. But truthfully, I was angry as well. Angry that she thought I’d just be sitting on my ass with all the time in the world to do laundry.
The next day, she decided she needed to ask me about it further (which is, from what I can remember, the first of maybe four times she’s actually confronted me face to face). She’d seen I was washing baby clothes and asked me why I was doing so. I humored her with an explanation. She then proceeded to bring up the time of day again, this time telling me she’d asked her coworkers if she was in the right for feeling like laundry past 10 wasn’t okay. I think I assured her three times that it was a “one time thing” & “wouldn’t happen again” before she finally dropped it.
Another time, I went to get the mail at 9:30 at night. I walked down our inside stairs, outside, across the parking lot, & back. I never stepped in anything wet (I was wearing thin sandals, so I would have felt it), went back inside, had a quick bowl of cereal &, after washing my bowl and spoon and putting them away (because she uses the dishwasher as her drying rack and didn’t want me having my drying rack out on the sink), I went to bed.
At 9 the next morning, I hadn’t even gotten out of bed when she texted me, “Good morning! I hope this text doesn’t wake you & I hope it sounds as neutral as possible.” She then told me she found some cat hairs on the counter & taped them to a post-it note (labeled “cat hair”) so I “didn’t think [she] was lying”. She said she felt it was an “accident”, but that “we needed to come up with a cleaning schedule” & proceeded to blame her itchy skin on a few cat hairs floating around. She also said there were some crumbs in the kitchen “& that attracts roaches”. There were two muddy footprints in the kitchen, also “likely an accident, but still needs to be cleaned/mopped”.
“I know when we first talked about being roommates, you said you were neurotically clean (I would never use the word neurotic to describe myself, ever), but I’ve been the only one cleaning/bleaching for over a month now.” she continued.
(Shall we circle back to where I suggested a cleaning schedule & she blew me off?)
I mentioned that & said I brought it up because I know one person doing a certain task all the time breeds resentment, so perhaps we could do spot cleanings throughout the week & trade off Saturdays. I also told her she needs to give me a chance to fix things before she gets on me for them. I hadn’t left my room in 12 hours, so I hadn’t seen any crumbs or footprints.
Her reply was that “everyone has their own way of cleaning that is “right” to them, so that’s why [she] has to do it on Saturdays or [she gets] anxious. For example, [she] used to have a roommate who thought the proper way to clean was just using water, so then [she] realized [she] just needed to do it [herself].”
She then said she texted me in the morning because she “didn’t want to wait until 8 hours later” (RH, I didn’t want you to text me AT ALL) & “also please know when I text you about these things, it’s only because you’ve told me you forget things & I think you verbatim said “if it’s out of sight, it’s out of mind”. Crumbs & footprints aren’t “out of sight”!
She then shut down the conversation because she was “busy”, but said we could “talk more later”.
I cleaned up the footprints & crumbs, but you can bet I got my shoe wet & tested it several times in several different ways to see if it matched the footprints on the floor.
It didn’t.
A week or so later, she actually called me out of bed to show me some crumbs I’d accidentally left on the counter. Finally, I snapped at her a little bit, saying how when I sweep, I found some small pieces of spaghetti she’d cooked but did I say anything? No! Because what do a few crumbs matter?! Cleaning got brought up again & she insisted I clean every Wednesday, to which I said I would clean at the beginning of the week & mid/end of the week. Likely Tuesdays & Thursdays (this is important later). She also brought up how I’d woken her up the night before by washing dishes (quietly, I might add). I told her that I had forgotten an important work related task, which is why they were in the sink for a few hours. But also that I never know what’s going to get commented on - do I pick leaving the dishes and getting “talked to”, or do I pick washing them and getting “talked to”? She said she could understand leaving dishes “if there was work to get back to, but if it was just watching a show, take the thirty seconds to clean”. And “if [I] was asking what [she] would prefer, then...”
I’ve been working 12-15 hour days. Especially at lunch time, I was always rushing to get back to work. Second, NO, I WASN’T ASKING.
A few days after that, she bitched me out for wearing my shoes in the bathroom because I’d gotten home from somewhere & immediately rushed to wash my hands.
A few days after that, she tells me she’s considering putting in a bid for a short term position through her work that, while it would get her out of the house for thirty days, would put her in DIRECT CONTACT WITH CORONAVIRUS PATIENTS.
Then, some shirts I’d ordered from a small business came in. I jokingly said I was doing my part to support the economy. Her response? “I don’t know if that’s what they meant.”
Me: “Sure it is. And I’m supporting small business.”
Her: “I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I was raised an only child, but I believe in survival of the fittest & being super frugal.”
Me (still trying to keep it light): “This was frugal! Got 5 items for $50. Normally one item is $50.”
Her: “Do you need more clothes, though?”
I certainly wasn’t joking anymore when I said that yes, I do, because 90% of my wardrobe is work wear & this was all casual stuff.
A few days later, she texted, asking if I’d be home the rest of the afternoon (of course). When I asked her why, she comes out of her room & tells me she “has to” walk to the pharmacy because one of her parents tested positive for COVID & it’s either “get on medication” or “curl up in the fetal position and cry” but wants “to talk” when she gets back. And by “medication”, she meant a central nervous system depressant, aka a sedative.
I was the one to confront her when she returned & asked what she wanted to talk about. She wanted to know if, when I’m in the kitchen or bathroom late at night, what I’m doing is absolutely essential, or if it could be done earlier in the evening - claiming I kept her up with the light on (never mind the fact that I only ever use my phone flashlight in the kitchen late at night or the light of the fridge, OR that she wears a sleep mask). I told her that of course it was essential - I’m either eating, using the bathroom, or brushing my teeth & two out of those three I can’t really control - especially because I have hypoglycemia and IBS. She asked if it was possible for me to brush my teeth earlier in the evening and I said no. If I eat late, I have to brush my teeth before going to bed. The word “compromise” was brought up several times by her, mostly in saying that it would be “fine” if I brushed my teeth or ate around 11:30 at the latest.
RH, you used the term “compromise” several times while we lived together and newsflash - it isn’t a “compromise” if you’re the only one getting what you want.
We somehow got onto the topic of pet peeves during that convo and I finally brought up two of mine:
Again, I’ve been working a ton, so one week I didn’t clean on Tuesday as planned. She texted me the next day, asking if I’d cleaned yet, to which I simply responded “no” - mostly because she hadn’t left the house all day and she’d have known if I ran the vacuum or used smelly chemicals. When I confronted her about it & told her it’s a peeve because it feels like she’s checking up on me (because she is), she said that because I told her I would clean on Tuesdays and Thursdays “that is now the reality [she] live[s] in”, so when I didn’t clean, she needed to “check to make sure” I was still going to (but still claimed she wasn’t checking up on me).
The second was water droplets in the sink because it’s steel & leaves a mark. Only thing I’ve brought up that requires a small action, & every time she washed dishes after that conversation, there would still be water droplets afterwards.
I didn’t even mention how the smell of burnt coffee every morning bugs me, or how I don’t appreciate her taking things I put in the trash into a recycling bag when that bag just gets tossed in the trash as well. Or how she stands taking up half the entryway to the kitchen when she eats.
Throughout all of this, she has insisted on the apartment being 74 degrees or cooler (mostly at 70). Our thermostat is wacky, so it kept jumping up to 78 at night & she “couldn’t sleep” & kept having anxiety attacks at night because it was “so hot”. I’d mentioned several times by that point that I was so cold that I was wearing winter pajamas, sometimes a jacket, & sleeping under a thermal blanket, comforter, & faux fur throw & was STILL so cold I couldn’t sleep. Her response was that it’s “non-negotiable” for it to be that cold and she told me that before I moved in (news flash, you didn’t. You said you “preferred” it cold.). I’ve asked her why she couldn’t turn on her overhead fan & her response was that, since she’s a mouth breather, having the fan on makes her throat hurt. When I finally fixed the thermometer to get her to shut up (& to not try & open any more windows when it was 58 degrees out), she cheered & said, “I’m sleeping good tonight!”
Never mind I wouldn’t be.
Finally, it all came to a head with a smell. For several weeks, she’d been saying she could smell a slightly “humid” scent in the hallway, typically around my door, & wanted to know if it was my cat’s litter. I assured her it wasn’t because I know what her litter smells like in all states & it never smells humid. I also never smell it outside my room. Keep in mind, I scoop her litter every day, sometimes twice. I change the litter out completely every few weeks. No, I haven’t given it a full scrub down due to lack of outside water access or a grassy area & the fact that we live on the second floor & I’m not carrying water outside, nor am I going to wash it in the bathtub. BUT when I clean it out, I clean it out well & the last few times, wiped it down with a soapy paper towel.
She’d brought it up a few times & I’d assured her again & again it’s not my cat. And again, these are part of the very few times she’s actually said something to my face instead of hiding behind a screen.
But, those times are far & few between & it was once again brought up via text when she asked me if I dump my cat’s litter down the toilet. I said no & when I asked why, she said it was because she was getting that same smell in the bathroom (despite me not having been in the bathroom for several hours). She then sent me a link to a reddit post she’d made, in which internet strangers validated her belief that it was the litter box. I immediately called her out (literally) & said that it wasn’t her box, I clean it often, etc etc.
Well, then the story became that the smell was getting stronger & she could smell it in her room & in the bathroom after I shower. I basically told her that, because I can’t smell whatever it is, there isn’t a whole lot I can do &, besides, with me being home, I’m cleaning her litter box more often than even before, I have my window open & fans going throughout the day so, if anything, the smell (if it were the litter box) should be dissipating. She asked to smell the litter box & claimed that it was indeed the smell, despite the fact that I had - not even 20-30 minutes earlier, cleaned out the litter & replaced it with fresh litter. She claimed she has friends who clean their litter boxes fully every 1-2 weeks with bleach (which is such BS because nobody cleans a litter box fully that often & they certainly don’t use bleach in an enclosed space their animal will be PEEING in seeing as how ammonia and bleach interact).
Fast forward to the next morning - I’m awoken by a text, saying the smell has “gotten worse” & it now smells like ammonia & humidity. She gave me a choice: clean the litter box fully & completely and ensure it doesn’t smell again or move out.
(Well guess who’s posting this from her new apartment?)
We ended up talking the next evening, at which time she told me she “didn’t want” me to move out & “didn’t want” to give me an ultimatum, but the smell was “so bad, it was making [her] nauseous”. Well guess what, RH, dealing with your crap made me so upset I barely ate for three days because my stomach hurt so bad.
During this conversation, she once again mentioned me bringing over a friend to smell the litter box, yet, when I told her I asked my friend who would visit often and the friend I lived with & both said they could never smell the litter box - her response was that my friends are biased & would only tell me what I want to hear.
Furthermore, after telling her about my pet peeve of water droplets in the sink & noting that nothing changed after several days, her response was that she “hadn’t been doing it” because she “didn’t understand why” it bugged me & because “no solution was provided”. How about this, RH? You don’t need to understand why, & come up with your own damn solution.
The day before I was moving out, we needed to sign me off the lease. I spoke on the phone with the complex manager who said I would need to bring proof of my new address for charges. I assumed it was for charges due at final move out. When I told RH that we’d need to go in and sign me off and that I wanted my $200 deposit back (plus what the manager had said to me), her first response was, “I need you to send me that email then.” I had to explain twice that there was no email with the info about move out charges, but I would ask for one while we were getting me signed off. RH said she would be willing to give me back $150, pending our electricity costs and an okay from the apartment that there was no damage in my room. I said no, absolutely not, & that once the electricity bill came (which for me, would be at most $35 & she agreed), I would pay my whole half (7 days more than I should have).
She refused, saying she couldn’t “take people at their word” & needed “assurances” she’d get what she was owed.
“So you won’t take me at my word for $35, but I’m supposed to take you at your word for $165?” I said. “Fine, send me the $165.” Of course, she acted all confused as to why I was mad.
She signed me off the lease later that day, which absolved me of any & all pending and future charges. She wanted someone from the apartment to do a walk-through of my space, which I knew wasn’t going to happen, & the manager even said that any pictures would have to come from RH, since I would no longer be on the lease. This conversation happened after RH had left to run some errands. Later that evening, I texted her. Instead of giving you the run down of the conversation, I’m going to let you read it.
After I moved out, she texted me saying that the movers who helped me tracked in dirt (not sure how considering there is no dirt around that place, but whatever) & that she was going to “look up how much apartments charge residents who don’t vacuum before vacating & deduct it” from my deposit. I told her that she could threaten to deduct all she wanted, I’d told her to keep the $165 because she wasn’t getting another red cent from me.
And yes, my cat did claw the carpet a little bit. I cleaned it up & it is almost unnoticeable unless you are specifically looking for it.
Now she’s posting in our city subreddit, looking for another roommate. Dear Lord - if you live in Phoenix, let this be a warning to you.
*Edited to create better spacing between paragraphs
submitted by EllieD0113 to badroommates [link] [comments]

An Overview of Arizona Primary Races - Part 1: Statewide and Congressional Races

Welcome back to my omnibus compendium of Arizona’s upcoming primary races in the style of my 2018 summaries (that’s just LDs 21-30, links for 1-20, Congressional, and statewide races are in that post). The primary is set to take place August 4th – early voting ballots should be mailed out on or around July 6th.
Arizona’s a really interesting state (I may be a hair biased), since it not only is home to 2-3 swing House seats and a high-profile Senate race, but also tenuous majorities in both state houses that could – theoretically – neuter Ducey’s trifecta this fall. And counties have their races this year as well, and I’ll highlight some of the fireworks ongoing in Maricopa.
If you’re interested about which district you live in, check If you want to get involved with your local Democratic party, find your legislative district on the previous link (NOT CD), and then search for your LD’s name at this link. Feel free to attend meetings, they’re a great way to get involved with candidates and like-minded individuals. If you wish to donate to a “clean elections” candidate (mentioned in the post as “clean”), you will have to live in that candidate’s legislative district to give qualifying $5 contributions (check here if anyone needs it in your area), but they are allowed to accept a limited amount of “seed money” from people outside of the district. The three CorpComm candidates can take $5’s statewide.
If you do not want to vote at the polls, you will need to request an early ballot using the website of your county’s recorder prior to July 4th. Example links for Maricopa, Pima, and Pinal. Others available if needed.
Race ratings for listed primaries will be listed as Solid/Likely/Leans/Tossup and are not indicative of my own preference for that seat. I’ll denote my personal primary preferences at the end of this series, as well as the best Republican ticket for the Dems if someone here really really wants to pull a GOP ballot in the primary. I do not advise it, but since I can't stop ya, you'll get my best suggestions.
Write-in candidates have yet to file, which could give us an outside chance at getting some Libertarians on the ballot (the Greens have lost their ballot access).
If you have any questions about voting in the primary, which races are the most contested, and how to get involved with other Democrats in Arizona, feel free to PM me.
All fundraising numbers here are as of 12/31/2019 – although Q1 numbers are dropping within a week or so. I’ll probably post a quick update after signature challenges are done and all Q1 numbers are in the books. Candidates who are partially self-funding have how much they’ve given to themselves listed after their COH as an indicator of how much of their own cash they’re pouring into the race. Not all of it, obviously, is still on hand.
Without further ado, the statewide races! Or more precisely, race. (US Senate is counted as a congressional)
Corporations Commission
I know this is what each and every one of you has been waiting for, the Corporations Commission! (hereafter CorpComm)
Yes, just like Arizona is the only state in the country with an elected mine inspector, it is also only one of 14 which has an elected Public Utilities commission. The AZ Constitution explicitly calls for this because, to quote Wikipedia: “its drafters feared that governors would appoint industry-friendly officials”.
Unfortunately, that is not the case. Even though the commission is elected, lax-er campaign finance laws permit for public utilities to spend massive amounts of money on pro-utility candidates. The commission then raises utility rates, which means more money going to the utilities, and more money to spend on pro-utility candidates. And so on and so forth. The former chair, Susan Bitter-Smith, was removed due to a corruption complaint in 2017.
Therefore, corruption by the utilities is a big issue in this race, as well as how much to focus on renewable energy policies. An interesting side-effect is that far more candidates for CorpComm are signing up for public funding, which locks them into some pretty strict rules (thanks to the GOP legislature and voters in 2018).
The commission is a five member board, staggered so that three seats are up in presidential years, and two are up in midterm elections. Because of this, incumbents Sandra Kennedy (D) and Justin Olson (R) are safe until 2022.
Moderate Republican Bob Burns did not file run for re-election (he was kinda pro-solar and viciously anti-corruption, I’ll miss the guy), while definitely-not-moderate Andy Tobin was tapped by Ducey to lead the Department of Administration (HR, procurement, accounting, etc. for state agencies and replaced by 2018 AZ-02 GOP nominee Lea Marquez Peterson ($7K COH, clean – hereafter LMP). Boyd Dunn ($39.5K COH) is the one Republican elected in 2016 who is trying to return for another term.
LMP’s decision to run clean – instead of “traditional” (not taking public funds) – is quite odd for established GOP candidates. This could be a sign of changing voter attitudes, pointing to corruption being a larger and larger issue for both GOP and Dem. voters.
There are three Dems running for the three seats. Former commissioner and 2016 and 2018 CorpComm nominee Bill Mundell ($10.6K COH, clean), teacher and education activist Shea Stanfield ($4.7K COH, clean), and Tolleson Mayor Anna Tovar ($1.8K COH, clean). All 3 progress automatically to the general election. Tovar in particular is a big get for Dems – she was a former Senate Minority Leader and it’s a great sign that she’s back in the fight and wanting to run statewides
I’d be remiss if I didn’t quickly touch on my dislike of Mundell – the 2018 CorpComm primary was very contentious due to Mundell persuading his runningmate Sandra Kennedy (and not the other way around, as I had wrongly assumed back then) to going very negative against the other Democrat in the race, Kiana Sears. Mundell lost that primary to Sears and Kennedy (2 seats were up then), but his attack campaign was strong enough that Kennedy and Sears were driven from being pleasant acquaintances (both being liberal black women in utility-related politics) to not being on speaking terms. Sears lost that race – it’s anyone’s guess how much of that was due to the ugly primary. The uncontested nature here should help Dems somewhat from cannibalizing one of their own.
On the Republican challenger’s side there are quite a few candidates. Outside of Dunn and LMP, former legislator David Farnsworth ($6.7K COH) is the chief candidate, and seems set to come into this race with a decent amount of legislative connections and backing. But Kim Owens ($2.5K COH) has stronger experience claims – having spent 3 terms on the Salt River Project Council (basically a mini CorpComm), as well as 5 terms on a school board. The SRP connections come at a cost though, as they don’t play well in this political climate. And despite being endorsed by Rep. Debbie Lesko (R-AZ, CD8), Owens has been taking some flack from further-right organizations for her past work on the George Bush and John Kasich presidential campaigns.
Other candidates in the Republican race include 2018 failed candidate Eric Sloan - who is making a visible outreach to the Trumpier side of the party and is running in opposition to clean energy mandates ($3.5K COH, clean) and Nick Myers ($1.7K, clean), who ran for HD12 in 2018 on a platform of banning all public schools. It’s again noteworthy that Sloan and Myers – who both eschewed clean funding in 2018 (and as far I can remember one of the two had strong negative words about the program) – are now running clean. Neither is favored in the primary but Sloan could theoretically muscle himself into 3rd place with enough pro-Trump rhetoric.
The general will probably see both groups of candidates more or less match the generic ballot statewide, but the campaign finance rules in Arizona could play an interesting role. Democrats will naturally be at a disadvantage due to locking themselves into rather restrictive campaign finance rules (can’t raise over a certain amount, banned from using specific party resources, etc.) - but so will LMP or Sloan/Myers if they win. And while the Democrats will all be operating alone, LMP (or the two oddballs) wont be able to do the same things GOP candidates running traditional can do – both from a stance of political pragmatism and of legality. That could lead to some disjointedness that the GOP definitely doesn’t want.
The two sides are evenly matched in terms of candidate quality – LMP and Tovar, Dunn and Mundell, and Stanfield and Farnsworth are all roughly comparable – but this may tilt slightly in the Dems’ favor if one of the other GOP candidates makes it on.
hunter15991 Rating: Dems. unopposed. Solid Dunn, Likely LMP, Leans Farnsworth. Leans GOP general.
Congressional Races
Ok, you've had your veggies. Time for the fun stuff.
Congressional District 1
CD1 is one of 2-3 districts that the national parties are probably focusing in on for this cycle (R+2, Trump+1, Sinema+4). On the Democratic side, Representative Tom O’Halleran ($918.8K COH) is running for re-election. Originally a Republican legislator, O’Halleran slowly veered left as the state party veered rightwards, and is now on the liberal end of the Blue Dog Democrats.
O’Halleran faces a tougher primary than he’s used to (not a high bar to clear, though) in the form of Flagstaff City Councilwoman Eva Putzova ($15.2K), running strongly to O’Halleran’s left. Putzova’s campaign got off to a bit of a rocky start, and while she’s found her footing she still significantly lags behind O’Halleran in COH and in name recognition outside of Flagstaff. While Flagstaff is the largest and most liberal city in the district, it’s still <10% of the total population of this very rural district. Putzova will be able to close the margins O’Halleran set against a similar further-left candidate in 2016, but O’Halleran’s strong connections with the indigenous communities that make up 25% of the district’s population (and therefore close to 50% of the Dem. voting base there) should put him over the line in August. A 3rd big name Dem., former State Senator Barb McGuire, has filed to run for her old Senate seat in SD8 instead and dropped out from the AZ-01 race.
On the Republican side it’s an absolute recruiting nightmare, even worse so than in 2018 when outsider perennial candidate Wendy Rogers beat out theocratic legislative superstar Steve Smith. The current frontrunner for this race is Tiffany Shedd ($112.3K COH), a farmer and shotgun coach who took a distant last place in the GOP primary here in 2018. I’ve linked not to her website but to her announcement video, where she gives the lamest voice-over possible, throws out countless trite references to how horrible it is that “a 29 year-old girl from New York is telling us what to do at the border” (whoever could that possibly be?), and insinuates (but never says) that she once shot at a band of men approaching her farm. It’s worth watching.
I should add at this point that while her video goes on and on with immigrant race-baiting and references to “the wall”, no part of AZ-01 is even in the same county as the US-Mexico border. These are tactics 2018 nominee Wendy Rogers (more on her in the legislative section) loved to use, and she lost to O’Halleran.
Shedd snagged the endorsements of people like Kevin McCarthy and Jon Kyl rather early on, dissuading former baseball star Curt Schilling from running and consolidating the active field of candidates around her (which is good, because one guy who bailed on the race – Safford Vice Mayor and former Army paratrooper Chris Taylor - could have been quite dangerous, especially with his Spanish fluency). Shedd is the only Arizonan in the NRCC’s “Young Guns” program, listed as “On The Radar” (their lowest tier). The two other Republicans who have qualified for the ballot (pending signatures) are businessman Noel Reidhead ($35.4K COH) and Apache County Supervisor Doyel Shamley (no reports yet filed). Reidhead seems to be a hair more charismatic and professional than Shedd, but stands little chance building anti-establishment cred vs. Shedd, especially taking into account whatever infrastructure she has from her 2018 run. Shamley too could theoretically pose Shedd trouble with his past political experience as a Republican in a very Democratic county (although it’s very polarized, and he lives in the blood-red Mormon area), but he is also quite a conspiracy theorist (all 4 links are worth a read). Shamley also has only ~10.3% buffer on his petition signatures (it’s recommended to aim for at least 25% if not far more) and could be knocked off the ballot by a stiff breeze.
In the general it’s looking like it’ll be O’Halleran vs. Shedd, and without significant GOP backup from IE’s and downballot races it looks like Tom may blow the barn, er, shed doors off this next push by the GOP to oust him. This could shift towards Leans if Shedd posts a good quarter or two of fundraising and ups her digital game.
hunter15991 Rating: Likely O’Halleran, Likely Shedd. Likely O’Halleran general.
Congressional District 2
Moving right along to another GOP mess, CD2. Incumbent Congresswoman Ann Kirkpatrick ($621.1K COH) was admitted into an alcohol rehab program last fall, which sparked some thoughts that this district may end up being close. Republican candidates however have yet to create any sort of spark in this seat this year (well, outside of one vaguely threatening to shoot Kirkpatrick – upstanding citizen whom we’ll get to in a second).
Kirkpatrick is being primaried by former State Department official Peter Quilter (no reports yet filed). His issues page puts him as roughly rank-and-file with the rest of the party, so I’m a bit curious as to why he filed to run against an ideologically similar incumbent – but that’s his prerogative. Quilter started signature collection rather later and is also in danger of getting bounced off if someone challenges them.
On the GOP side it’s another AZ-01. I’m not even entirely sure who the frontrunner is, it’s that chaotic and stupid. Is it Shay Stautz ($65.6K COH), a rather mild-mannered former university administrator and national security expert, but whose $65.6K warchest includes $60K of his own money and who sits awfully close to falling below the signature line? Is it Brandon Martin ($9.2K), 2018 2nd place finisher and Army vet who seems to lead in the endorsement and signature game, but who has an atrocious burn rate and who has a tendency of insinuating people should shoot the Congresswoman currently representing the seat once held by Gabby Giffords? Is it Joseph Morgan ($4.6K COH), who has a respectable enough background as a newspaper columnist and nonprofit assistant and whom Martin considers his chief rival (judging by his press release claiming Morgan “flip flops on sanctuary cities), but who hasn’t tweeted since October and whose fundraising is abysmal? ($22.2K raised despite filing in February) I guess it isn’t Noran Eric Ruden (no reports filed), who filed late, has little online presence, and in general seems to be doing little campaigning – but with how bizarre the other candidates are Ruden could surprise me.
Whoever Kirkpatrick faces in the general is again going to be limping badly without outside GOP support. And this time the turf isn’t a Trump+1 rural district that’s slowly inching left, it’s a Clinton+5 seat situated in the suburbs of Arizona’s 2nd largest (and decidedly liberal) city. For competent state legislators this’d be a rather tall ask, for the motely crew the GOP have assembled above it’s almost a suicide mission.
The alcohol rehab issue with Kirkpatrick and potential fallout stemming from that is the only reason I don’t currently have this at Solid D. I realize the national and state party will get behind one candidate at some point but I don’t know how they could feasibly pull off this one given they triaged a significantly stronger candidate in 2018 – against a non-incumbent Kirkpatrick – who then lost to Ann by 10 points.
hunter15991 Rating: Solid Kirkpatrick, Tossup GOP (Statuz/Morgan/Martin). Likely Kirkpatrick general.
Congressional District 3
Bit of a snoozefest here (thankfully for me since it’s then shorter to write). Incumbent Raul Grijalva ($211.2K) is running for another term, although he may retire after this next term which would set off a lot of drama in the district. He has no primary opposition and faces OIF Marine and current “Executive Protection Agent” (looks like a cross between a security consultant and bodyguard) Daniel Wood (no reports filed). Running in a D+13, Clinton+29 minority-majority district when your issues page consists solely of the words “Immigration - Coming Soon” is a bold plan. It’s also an insanely foolhardy one.
hunter15991 Rating: Uncontested primaries. Solid Grijalva general.
Congressional District 4
For every yin there is a yang, and in CD3’s case it’s its neighbor to the north, CD4. The current incumbent is far-right Congressman Paul Gosar ($222.6K), whose greatest hits need no introduction. I sat in on a conservative club’s meeting on campus and heard that, in his words, a “Justice Democrats Deep State Plant” was going to primary him soon, and to not fall for what she was spreading.
Well, sure as anything, he did get a primary challenger mere hours after that meeting ended, former McSally staffer Anne Marie Ward ($13.3K COH – no relation). Ward’s website points to her wanting to tack slightly closer to the center than Gosar (again, low bar to clear), in an effort to attract the youth back to conservatism. Her issues pages seems to possibly be purposefully vague. While I’d love for Gosar to be replaced someone less likely to fly to the UK to meet neo-Nazis or author resolutions thanking Hungarian autocrats for their leadership, Ward doesn’t look like she’s going anywhere in a hurry 6 months after she announced.
The Democratic side also poses no threat to Gosar. The nominal frontrunner is nurse Delina DiSanto ($13.3K COH), who lost to Dr. David Brill last year and was, coincidentally, the GOP nominee in CO-03 back in 2004. DiSanto’s political metamorphosis doesn’t end there, back in 2018 she hammered Brill for not supporting M4A enough, but her issues page this year seems very dialed down. DiSanto is being challenged by perennial candidate Stu Starky (no reports yet filed – though they should have since he declared in June). Starky is most noticeable for his Hail Mary Senate run against John McCain in 2004 (McCain won by 56 points), as well as multiple House runs in the late 90’s and apparently considered filing for President once. When he filed I saw his social media had a lot of pro-Green Party stuff in the past, but oddly enough his issues page now has a strong focus on deficit reduction of all things, and advocates for a public healthcare option.
Regardless, none of the 3 other candidates in the race can stop Gosar at this point, and I highly doubt any will ever be able to.
hunter15991 Rating: Solid Gosar, Likely DiSanto. Solid Gosar general.
Congressional District 5
To quote my 2018 writeup: “I promise the fun stuff comes back soon enough. CD5 is something like CD4, except instead of a rural stretch of mountains filled with rednecks, it’s picturesque rows of suburban mansions filled with Mormons. Freedom Caucus nut and former President of the AZ Senate Andy Biggs ($481.8K COH) is the incumbent, having won the seat in a contentious primary in 2016.”
Yeah, not much has changed here. We’ll see what redistricting brings.
The three Dems vying for the seat are businesswoman/animal rights activist and 2018 nominee Joan Greene ($4.2K COH), teacher Jonathan Ireland (no reports filed) running on a standard Bernie-style platform, and attorney Javier Ramos (refusing to take donations, no filings), who’s running a very weird race and seems to be actively avoiding harping on his legal career.
I was impressed when Greene cracked 40% in 2018. There is no way any of these 3 could crack 50% in this district. Biggs’s only threat is in a primary, which he has escaped.
hunter15991 Rating: Biggs uncontested, Likely Greene. Solid Biggs general.
Congressional District 6
Told y’all the fun stuff was coming.
On paper, CD6 isn’t the most flippy of districts. Incumbent GOP Representative David Schweikert ($278.5K) has held the Democrat running below 40% for three straight elections after taking it from former Tempe mayor Harry Mitchell in the 2010 wave election. The candidate endorsements by azCentral for the 2016 Democratic primary bemoaned the lack of strong candidates, calling the eventual nominee “less unqualified for the job”.
But he had his margin cut to just 10 points in 2018 – a sign of swinging suburbs like Scottsdale – and this seat is one of the early few on the DCCC’s “Red to Blue” list this year.
On the Dems. side, 2018 nominee Anita Malik ($46.2K COH), trying to improve on her 10 point loss in 2018. Malik, in my mind, is not the frontrunner in this primary, although I didn’t think she was last year and got stung. Dr. Hiral Vyas Tipirneni ($911.9K COH) is running for CD6 this time round, after two close elections (1 special, 1 general) in neighboring CD8. Hiral has been ribbed somewhat for this district hop, but I buy her justification – her work and community connections are all in CD6, and despite being registered in CD8 her house is so close to the boundary line that I think a small portion of her backyard is in CD6. Joining Malik and Tipirineni are businesswoman and 2x legislative candidate in the 2000’s Stephanie Rimmer ($67.5K COH, $114.5K self-funded), and businessman/former McCain legislative staffer Karl Gentles ($80.3K COH).
Malik and Tipirneni were great friends during the 2018 election, but they’ve rather soured now that they’re running against each other. While Gentles and Rimmer have strong ability for growth, I believe the race will come down to Malik and Tipirneni, and I think Tipirneni ends up taking the win in that regard. Malik enters the race with decent name rec. and has a decent bloc of progressive supporters and volunteers, but Hiral has a massive fundraising advantage (Malik anecdotally hates calling for donations) – far greater than Dr. Heather Ross’s in 2018 when she lost to Malik. Tipirneni is also quite beloved by the AZ Republic (judging by their glowing endorsement of her in the fall of 2018) – this is bad news for Malik because the Republic’s endorsement of her was seen as what pushed her across the line in the 2018 primary (Ross led narrowly in absentees, and Election Day ballots – the only ones post-endorsement – broke to Malik).
In the general, Hiral has all the ingredients going for her. Schweikert is running under the shadow of a House Ethics investigation, is doing atrociously in fundraising, and would be going up against a well-known campaigning and fundraising machine in the form of Tipirneni. Hiral’s drive can be seen by the fact that her first campaign office was opened in last November, a full 51 weeks before the election (typically they’ve opened around here in the spring or early summer). Downballot Dems. in the area are improving sizably in terms of fundraising, and enthusiasm is high. The seat is R+10, but McSally only one it by 3 in 2018, and that’s far too close for comfort if I’m David Schweikert. A private internal (I plied it out of a GOP friend of mine who works in his legislative office) shows Schweikert up by ~7-8, which when adjusting for the fact internals always slant in the commissioning campaign’s favor points to quite the close race. I can definitely see this race entering tossup category, especially if Tipirneni is the nominee.
I’ll close with another anecdote about just how scared Schweikert is of Hiral from the same staffer friend – news broke to Schweikert of Hiral’s announcement back last spring during a staff meeting in his office. Schweikert, on hearing the news she had filed, turned even more pale than he normally is and left the room in a fluster. My friend said he could hear him yelling after he left.
I hope he does the exact same on November 3rd.
hunter15991 Rating: Leans Tipirneni, Schweikert uncontested. Leans Schweikert general.
Congressional District 7
The next two aren’t going to be all that interesting, so due to time constraints I’ll be a hair shallow on them. Incumbent Congressman Ruben Gallego ($859.3K COH) is uncontested on the Democratic side, and faces token GOP opposition in this deep blue district from businessman Josh Barnett ($634.64 COH) and community activist Nina Becker (no reports filed). Neither is particularly far above the signature minimum and if/when Gallego feels cheeky, both could be sued off the ballot.
hunter15991 Rating: Gallego uncontested, Likely Barnett. Solid Gallego general.
Congressional District 8
Once the site of a heated race between Tiprineni and Debbie Lesko ($379.2K COH), the district is on no one’s radar this time around. Lesko faces no GOP opposition in the primary, and the 3 Democratic candidates in the general – former HD22 candidate and businessman Michael Muscato ($14.4K COH), Army veteran Bob Olson ($39K COH, self-funding $50K), and former Litchfield Park City Councilman and City Manager Bob Musselwhite ($844 COH). Olson and Musselwhite ran in past years, with no real success. Musselwhite could theoretically have made a decent enough bid at the nomination either now or in past years, but doesn’t really seem to like campaigning and until recently shied away from his political experience in-district – a bizarre thing to do to say the least.
CD8 has a few intriguing candidates on its Dem. bench – most notably State Superintendent Kathy Hoffman – but for the time being it’s Lesko’s fiefdom to lose. I probably guess the Dem. nomination goes to Muscato, as he’s the only one of the 3 Dems really campaigning.
hunter15991 Rating: Leans Muscato, Lesko uncontested, Solid Lesko general.
Congressional District 9
Home stretch everyone! 1 more district before we fawn over Mark Kelly.
Greg Stanton ($615.8K COH) is the incumbent Democrat in the district. A former Mayor of Phoenix, Stanton was initially considering what is now Sinema’s Senate seat (the two aren’t on the best of terms) before national Democrats persuaded him to instead contest the Congressional seat Sinema had vacated. Stanton easily defeated radiologist Steve “Welfare recipients are like starving pets” Ferrara in 2018, and mostly dissuaded the GOP from fielding a serious candidate this year.
Stanton is facing a primary from the left from “science activist” and quasi-perennial candidate Talia Fuentes-Wolfe (no reports filed). Fuentes ran against Stanton in 2018 (after being the Dem. nominee in CD5 in 2016), but was removed from the ballot over signature validity issues – per friends of mine on the Stanton campaign, massive amounts looked like they were written in the exact same handwriting.
Stanton could be vulnerable to a legitimate challenge from the left (someone like State Rep. Athena Salman or State Sen. Juan Mendez), but Fuentes poses no significant opposition. If she is not removed again for signature validity issues or legal issues with her campaign finance reports that the Stanton campaign offered to ignore in 2018 (that would have led to criminal penalties for Fuentes and her treasurer), she doesn’t have much of a base of support in the district (hell, her website hasn’t been updated since 2018). Talia’s been prone to what I will diplomatically call “eccentric outbursts” at local activists and volunteers (some as young as college sophomores) and hasn’t made many friends in the area. I will leave specific interactions out of this post to avoid dunking on her too much, but feel free to PM me for details.
On the Republican side, 2016 nominee and 2018 candidate Dave Giles ($336 COH) is sticking his head into the meatgrinder again. Giles lost by 20 to Sinema in 2016 and by 27 to Ferrara in the 2018 primary – normally I wouldn’t see him going anywhere again this year. But he has a chance to out-Trump the other two candidates. Pharmacist Nicholas Tutora (no reports filed) is a good equivalent to Ferrara in 2018 – conservative, but not spamming pics of him with Trump everywhere like Giles. He’d be a strong candidate in the primary if he posts a couple good quarters of fundraising, but given that he never filed his Q4 report I doubt things are looking all that rosy for him. Meanwhile, Dr. Sam Huang (no reports filed) is a current Chandler City Councilman also angling to become the CD9 GOP nominee. Huang has by far the best background of the 3 (the only one with political experience) and has both a geographic (Chandler) and demographic (Taiwanese-Americans) base of support, and is probably the most moderate of the 3.
However, both of those advantages are significantly neutered by the layout of CD9. Most of Chandler is in CD5, and the CD9 portion is generally more liberal than the CD5. And while having strong support among the Taiwanese community is a strong plus, it’ll probably be more than cancelled out by the unfortunate racial stigma Asian-Americans are facing during the COVID19 crisis. I would not put it past Giles to racebait about Huang, and I think the GOP primary base here may lap that up.
In the general Stanton could have been slightly spooked by a well-funded Huang campaign, but I just don’t see Huang making it. And even so, the district is simply galloping to the left at too fast of a pace for the GOP to keep up – the one or two candidates who could plausibly do it (Tempe Councilwoman Robin Arredondo-Savage, State Sen. Kate Brophy McGee) are off doing their own thing. Arredondo-Savage could pose a threat in 2022 if she decides to run in a redrawn district, but we’ll cross that bridge when we get there.
hunter15991 Rating: Solid Stanton, Tossup GOP (Huang/Giles). Solid Stanton general.
US Senate
Thanks for staying with me through this post. Here’s what you’ve all been waiting for.
Martha McSally ($7.66M COH) is the incumbent Senator, having been appointed by Governor Doug Ducey (R) after Sen. Jon Kyl left the seat in the winter of 2018 (who himself had been appointed when Sen. John McCain passed in September 2018). McSally, as you all know, lost the 2018 Senate election to Kyrsten Sinema, and it raised some eyebrows when Ducey appointed her to this spot. The rumor – which has some validity to it – was that Ducey purposefully selected a weak McSally to fill the seat so that she’d lose in 2020, so that he himself could run for it unimpeded in 2022. Ducey was on track to appoint himself when Kyl was going to leave, but due to a come-from-behind win by State Sen. Katie Hobbs (D) in the Secretary of State race (who’d become Governor if Ducey vacated the seat) his plans were dashed.
McSally is despised by the Kelli Ward bloc of the party, and there was a big hubbub when businessman Daniel McCarthy ($34.9K COH, self-funding $149.6K) filed to run against her last fall. While he has the made the ballot – no small feat – he has yet to really turn on the self-funding spigot. Maybe this will change in the coming months, but for the time being it doesn’t really look like he’s ready to go full bore against McSally. She’s currently on track to easily win the primary, although it’ll be interesting to see – if McCarthy never does go all-in – just how many votes his skeleton candidacy will still win. I’d bet at least 1/3rd of the GOP primary base, to be honest.
McSally’s fundraising has been very impressive, leading all competitive GOP Senators nationally and raising the 6th most among all Senate candidates this year. It is therefore a delicious twist of fate that her sole Democratic opponent – astronaut and gun control advocate Mark Kelly ($13.61M COH) has raised the most among any Senate candidate – challenger or incumbent – this cycle. Yes, that’s more money raised and COH than Mitch McConnell or John Cornyn, who have had since 2015 to fundraise. It’s more COH than McSally and Sen. Thom Tillis (R, NC) COMBINED.
It’s a lot.
Kelly also holds strong support among Democratic base by virtue of his past work with Giffords PAC and his marriage to former Rep. Gabby Giffords (who was shot in the head during a 2011 assassination attempt) – beloved by even some Republicans.
McSally has been polling 7-8 points behind Kelly on the RCP average and has been trending ever so slightly downwards since the start of the campaign. The GOP could very well retain this seat in the fall, but polling, fundraising, the national climate, and a non-empty GOP primary are all big thorns in McSally’s side, as well as a fractured base of support (exacerbated by the fact that Kelli Ward is now AZ-GOP chair).
Personally I think Ducey knew exactly what he was doing when he appointed McSally. She’s no longer a rising-star fighter pilot – one of her engines is on fire, she’s taking flak from friendly forces on the ground, and she’s coming in for one hell of a crash landing.
AZ Dems attitude about this race is a simple one. To quote a favorite line of Gabby and Mark’s:
“Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead.”
hunter15991 Rating: Likely McSally, Kelly uncontested. Leans Kelly general.
Hope you’ve enjoyed this read! I’m going to try to knock out Maricopa County candidates today (and possibly other large counties like Pima) and get to the legislative ones this weekend. Any update due to signature challenges or fundraising reports dropping should come closer to the end of the month.
I’ll be splitting up my “endorsements” (both Dem. and “best-case R”) on each page and then again all at once at the end of this series. They’ll be listed in the comments, for posterity.
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