The Greatest NFL Quarterbacks Of All Time - The Delite

[Community] GamerGate 2018: Infinity War (We Survived the Snapture)

FOUR YEARS of magic!
2018 was an extraordinary year, as /KotakuInAction celebrated...

100,000 subscribers!

But this was also a year fraught with peril! For while GamerGate celebrated yet another triumph, a villain tried to wipe us from existence with a snap of his fingers.
And he did.
But to the shock and horror of many subreddits and gaming/clickbait news media, the unthinkable happened: WE SURVIVED.
Because we are everywhere and everything.
And we laugh, because not only were we spared by The Snapture, but it instead claimed a VAST number of our most belligerent detractors, companies, franchises, and e-celebs... including the snapper himself!
So let us now look back on yesteryear and appreciate those still with us, and salute all those in GamerGate rogue's gallery who crashed and burned, or faded to nothingness in the year 2018.
Pointing, laughing, and pressing F may now commence.




  • /KotakuInAction celebrates 100,000 subscribers! For a consumer movement pronounced dead in 2014, we continue to grow in size and influence. From getting US presidents elected to turning the whole world against the mainstream news media to weaponizing eggplant emojis, GamerGate continues to be responsible for literally everything. [Link]
  • OneAngryGamer is a regular target for DDOS attacks, but this year the hackers succeeded in bringing the gaming news site down... and corrupting the backups! For the better part of a month, OAG was offline with no ETA on it's return (if ever). But surprise; it's back, and once again making feminists quake at the sight of it's sidebar ads for anime tiddy statues. Just remember, kiddies: Archive Everything. TWICE. [Link] [Link] [Link]
  • Xenoblade Chronicles 2 becomes the best selling game in the franchise, shipping over a million units across the world. All despite dire warnings by gaming news and woke forums who insisted the game was "too Japanese", and the shapely, feminine girls had visible lumps on their chest that don't belong in western releases. [Link] [Link] [Album]
  • Kingdom Come: Deliverence overcomes industry-wide blacklisting, hit pieces, and agenda-driven reviews, and succeeds in achieving every SJW game dev's ultimate dream: record-breaking sales, widespread praise and acclaim, and most importantly... being used as a teaching tool in schools! [Album] [Link] [Link] [Link] [Archive]
  • Hulk Hogan, GamerGate's iconic tag-team partner in body-slamming Gawker into bankruptcy and oblivion is once more reinstated into the WWE Hall of Fame. #BringBackBullying: FAILED. #BringBackHulkamania: SUCCESS. [Link] [Album] [Youtube]
  • Soe Gschwind-Penski (eSports announcer) uses International Women's Day to thank all the men in gaming who treated her with respect and as an equal, whom offered her nothing but support, assistance, and positive reinforcement in a triumph for female equality in gaming. She promptly received hundreds of hate mail, hot takes, and death threats from feminists for her "internalized misogyny"... yet she neither retreated nor apologized, and stood strong for true equality in gaming. [Link] [Archive]
  • #WeStand4Flood. Five "Mean Girls" falsely accused a boy at school of sexual assault in 2017 because they "just didn't like him". He was shackled, charged, and despite desperately pleading Not Guilty sentenced to juvenile detention. In 2018, the Mean Girls confessed and he returned to school, whereupon he was bullied and terrorized as a sex offender while the girls received no punishment. But good news, everyone! The family is suing the girl's parents, the school, and the County DA who didn't dismiss the case for months after the confessions. Thanks to overwhelming local outcry and global exposure, justice is finally being done! [Link] [Album]
  • Freedom X won a $122,000 lawsuit against University of Washington, who can no longer charge ludicrously expensive "security" fees when conservative speakers wished to hold speaking events. The university agreed to end charging security fees entirely, ensuring conservative speakers are no longer "dissuaded" from appearing. [Link] [Link]
  • ComicsGate continues to surpass all obstacles, from breaking the GoFundme goal and raising $400,000, to raising $120,000 to take vitriolic writer Mark Waid to court for tortious interference. The wheels of justice turn slow as ever, but we've stockpiled popcorn and are ready to watch the show. [Link] [Link] [Link]
  • BBC Comedy proved that the world still has a licence to laugh at Social Justice Warriors with the hilarious skit "When You So Woke, You Asleep." With over 20,000 retweets and nearly 40,000 Likes, legendary entertainer Tracey Ullman perfectly skewers the modern affliction of "wokeness" to the delight of all. [Link] [Link] [Link]
Sorry for not posting this earlier, but the truth is... I've been busy playing vidya!
Well, that and we're barely into 2019 and it seems every week day there is a MAJOR HAPPENING on reddit:
  • Government shutdowns, while Buzzfeed tricks the world with fake "We got him!" stories...
  • ...TWICE.
  • The Covington School saga inciting a global news media/Hollywood witch hunt over weaponized smirks...
  • Gillette getting everyone in a frothy lather over masculinity...
  • GG's most notorious clickbait media adversaries (Buzzfeed, HuffPo, Vice, etc) got scythed, announcing thousands of layoffs as the clickbait bubble finally bursts to wails of despair as #LearnToCode becomes the latest meme banned for domestic terrorism...
And that was only the first month! And it's only February and the media is copping yet another shellacking over the way journalists and celebrities climbed over each other to condemn their ideological enemies over the Jussie Smollett attack... which turned out to be an orchestrated hoax. Yikes! The planet keeps spinning on it's axis and never slowing down!
But I managed to pause the rollercoaster of life just long enough to type this all up, so I hope you enjoyed this little retrospective! I have no doubt that after clicking the SUBMIT button, there will be some other major breaking story (or I realize I forgot to include some major 2018 event, or missed some dumb typo).
But whatever it may be... it's all GamerGate's fault. Because GG continues to be the runaway train that just won't stop; the bogeyman responsible for everything, everywhere!
2018's major pop culture event was The Infinity War, and we at /KotakuInAction all watched awestruck as so, so many anti-GG preachers and SocJus activists got utterly snapped. And we're still here!
So HAPPY NEW YEAR, a fond farewell to all those taken by The Snapture, and say a prayer alongside the girl with the Infinity Ribbon in her hair for an amazing 2019!

2018 /VIDYA/ Retrospective

(Can you spot Vivian?)
submitted by weltallic to KotakuInAction [link] [comments]

[1996 season rewatch - Week 10] US 500, Michigan International Speedway (CART Round 6)

The Clash
After the simultaneous running of Indianapolis 500 and the new US 500, David Phillips contemplates the implications for American motor sports.
Indycar racing's inaugural Mille Miglia is history. Based on the events of May 26, it's clear we haven't seen the last of the Memorial Day 1000.
The US 500 was a financial - if not aesthetic - success, with more than 110,000 in attendance on a day that began with a dozen cars crashing on the pace lap and finished with Jimmy Vasser outlasting at least half a dozen other potential winners to score his fourth win of the season.
Down south, a month that oscillated between the bizarre and the tragic produced a dramatic finale to the 80th Indianapolis 500, with a hobbled Buddy Lazier edging out Davy Jones even as the most serious accident of the day unfolded in Turn Four at the chequered flag.
The Indy Racing League faces colossal challenges, however. It remains to be seen, for example, whether Dallara and G-Force can build and develop enough chassis to supply full fields: whether EMCO's transmission will be up to the job: whether the price-controlled, production based engine formula will work: or whether the fans who flock to weekly short track events will turn out in force for IRL events. (How many of Joe Gosek's fans will make the pilgrimage from upstate New York to New Hampshire for the IRL race in August?)
But the overriding question is whether those who struggled to field teams with a glut of used equipment on the market will be able to afford new chassis and engines, let alone pay for their development. As team owner John Della Penna (who hopes to race full-time in the PPG series before long) noted at Indianapolis, there's a world of difference between the cost of competing and the cost of winning.
But let's suppose that the IRL overcomes these formidable hurdles. The League could develop into a nationwide, open-wheel, oval track championship that will enable the likes of Gosek, Tony Stewart and Billy Boat to ply their trade in front of a national audience and, it is hoped, earn a decent paycheck into the bargain.
Make no mistake, though. The fact that they haven't had that chance for the past two decades is more the responsibility of a USAC that failed to provide them with a coherent national championship than it is the fault of Championship Auto Racing Teams which was pursuing its business plan of ovals, road courses and temporary circuits that has proved so successful at home and abroad. In fact the USAC's inability to look much beyond the Midwest is precisely the reason that the World of Outlaws came into being and developed into the premier sprint car series in the country.
For its part, CART would be well-advised to focus on the things that have made the PPG Indy Car World Series one of the two most successful open-wheeled racing series in the world. Frankly, the organisation should simply forget about the Indianapolis 500. It was only human for the CART team owners, competitors and administrators to spend much of May extolling their virtues at the expense of the IRL. But the interests of CART and its constituents will be best served if the owners focus their energies on making their series the best it can be, rather than by belittling the Indy 500 and the IRL.
There is no doubt that the loss of the world's largest one-day sporting event is a major blow to the CART series. But a wide open month of May gives CART new scheduling freedom that could see some of the traditionally underserved domestic markets brought aboard, not to mention additional opportunities and more flexibility with respect to international events. On another front, rule-making is already proving less onerous now that the team owners and engineers can chart their own course, without having to consider the technical, philosophical and political agendae of USAC and the Speedway.
Just as the loss of the Indy 500 from its schedule is a mixed bag for CART, so divorcing the PPG Indy Car World Series has its pluses and minuses for USAC and the Speedway. First, Tony George has become the benevolent dictator that CART critics have long craved. George and USAC will be able to put into practice their ideas on cost reduction and technology containment while simultaneously providing the likes of Stewart. Gosek and Boat with opportunities in Indycars rather than having them defect to NASCAR a la Jeff Gordon or just wither on the vine.
But while George may yet succeed in creating a grassroots-friendly form of Indy racing, he will do so at the cost of the international reputation of the Indianapolis 500. Outside the borders of the United States, the 1996 Indy 500 was perceived as a farce with Stewart Gosek and Gardner replacing Unser, Andretti and Rahal; Salazar, Velez and Gregoire supplanting de Ferran, Moore and Fittipaldi. And it's a sure bet that a reigning world champion will never again grace the starting field at Indianapolis so long as it is run under the auspices of the IRL.
From the international standpoint, there's a feeling of déjà vu to the whole situation. By isolating itself from the cutting edge technology and cornucopia of international driving talent attracted by the success of the PPG Indy Car World Series, the Indy 500 seems destined to return to the myopia of the 1950s. That mindset led to the humbling experiences of the rear-engined 'revolution' in the 1960s and, ultimately, renewed international interest in the race. But with what amounts to little more than a spec formula, the IRL has insured that chapter of history is unlikely to be repeated.
Whether that's a good or bad thing depends on your perspective.
The Indy car racing civil war is not over, but its battle of Gettysburg has been fought--and Indianapolis held its ground.
Going into Sunday's clash between traditional and upstart races, the 80th Indianapolis 500 and the first U.S. 500 at Michigan International Speedway, Indianapolis Motor Speedway president Tony George had conceded, "It's a crucial day for us." The world would be watching to see whether Indy, the greatest motor race of them all, could withstand a boycott by Championship Auto Racing Teams Inc. (CART), which had most of the sport's top drivers on its side. "But," George had said, "I doubt that a clear winner will be declared at the end of the day."
For certain, at the end of the day there was a clear loser in the feud between George and CART team owners over long-term control of the sport. The rebels took a pratfall when 12 cars piled up approaching the starting line. This was enormously embarrassing to CART, which had predicted cataclysm at Indy. Seventeen rookie drivers, the most to start in an Indy 500 since 1930, were in the 33-car starting grid at the famed Brickyard, but that motley field did all right. There were only two accidents of a serious nature--the most spectacular on the final lap, when only nine cars were still running--and no life-threatening injuries.
A no-name, Buddy Lazier, won Indy, and his performance was gutsier than that of Jimmy Vasser--hardly a household name himself--who won at Michigan, where CART had advertised "the stars and cars of Indianapolis" would be running. If the opinion of Indy loyalist A.J. Foyt is correct ("It's Indianapolis that makes the stars, not the drivers who make Indianapolis") then Lazier has a better shot at stardom than Vasser.
Because he was still recovering from 16 fractures and 25 chips in his lower backbone and tailbone, suffered in a crash at Phoenix in March, Lazier drove the 200 laps at Indianapolis in awful pain. "A month ago I could barely walk on crutches," he said on Sunday, after winning his first Indy car race. Lazier had to be lifted gingerly from his car in Victory Lane, but the tough erstwhile skier from Vail, Colo., tried hard not to flinch.
Later on Sunday, in the U.S. 500, Vasser drove with egg on his face, for it was he who pulled the boneheaded move that initiated the opening melee. Because the crash happened before the start, the filthy-rich CART teams gave themselves a multimillion-dollar Mulligan. All 12 of the drivers involved in the mess got the option of casting aside their wrecked half-million-dollar vehicles and using their backup cars for a restart.
Though the U.S. 500 win was Vasser's fourth victory this season, aficionados of Indy car racing suspect that he is a passenger on a guided missile, a Reynard car powered by a Honda engine that is uncatchable--unless the driver screws up. Well....
As the pole sitter, all Vasser had to do was step on the accelerator and keep his car in line. Instead, he did the worst thing imaginable for a pole sitter: He drifted to the right and got tangled up with No. 2 qualifier Adrian Fernandez coming out of Turn 4, spinning both cars to the right. Vasser then took out the third front-row starter, Bryan Herta, and both cars spun violently into the wall. "It was pretty stupid," said Mauricio Gugelmin, who wound up finishing second in the race. "Jimmy Vasser got a little out of shape." Nine more cars collided as they tried to avoid the wreckage. Vasser and eight other drivers switched to their backup cars, while three others made repairs. Fernandez then scratched completely after his team couldn't get its backup running.
As for the handful of bona fide star drivers at Michigan, such as Michael Andretti, Emerson Fittipaldi, Bobby Rahal and Al Unser Jr., they were not factors--no more than they would have been factors at Indy had all been rosy in the sport. They don't have Honda power, which has made a joke of CART "competition."
Somewhat to his credit, Vasser did not override his guidance systems once the race finally got started. He chased his rabbit teammate, Alessandro Zanardi, for half of the 500 miles and then took the lead for good on the 241st of 250 laps after Andre Ribeiro ran out of gas coming out of Turn 4. This was typical of a day in which mechanical and tactical failures, rather than passing skills, were largely responsible for changes at or near the top. Only 11 out of the original 27 cars were running when the race concluded.
Not that Indy's armor wasn't chinked, but nothing happened that will cause George to cave in to CART owners, who include Roger Penske, Carl Haas, actor Paul Newman and Late Show host David Letterman. The old Speedway's 315,000-seat grandstands were virtually full, though the Speedway was not overflowing with the usual race-day crowd of 400,000-plus. Any other one-day sports event on the planet would have been delighted with Indy's "off" crowd.
Granted, the bottom fell out of Indy's ticket-scalping business at the corner of 16th Street and Georgetown Road, where the traditional pre-Indy bazaar is always held. "I wasn't alive when Wall Street collapsed, but I know what it must have felt like," a 22-year-old scalper told the Indianapolis Star as his handful of $125 face-value tickets, which would have gone for as much as $1,000 apiece only a year ago, languished at the begging price of $40. A veteran scalper of the World Series, the NCAA Final Four and the Masters screamed into the rainy Saturday-night skies, "This race is over, and it ain't never comin' back!" Still, by starting time on Sunday the grandstands were full, albeit with some spectators who had paid as little as $10.
At Michigan International, where CART had sold tens of thousands of tickets at a substantial discount, there was a capacity crowd--though that was only 110,879. "We are now two different organizations with two different philosophies," George said late last week, meaning that the divorce with CART was final. All during Indy's month of practice and qualifying, George had been cool to the point of smugness. He was even lackadaisical. "Business as usual," he called it, even after the May 17 death of pole winner Scott Brayton, who succumbed to head injuries after his car slammed into a retaining wall during a test run when one of his tires went flat. George mourned the passing of Brayton at a funeral in Coldwater, Mich., on May 22, but death at the Speedway is hardly new. Even CART stalwart Haas said the crash of the highly experienced Brayton, in a well-prepared car, had nothing to do with CART's criticisms that the replacement Indy field was clunky and dangerous.
Brayton was the 66th person, including the 39th driver, to be killed since the Brickyard opened in 1909 and began hosting 500-mile races in 1911. The Indy 500 has survived the public outcry over those deaths, not to mention two world wars, the Depression and various driver uprisings (the most notable in 1947), which turned out to be hiccups in the Speedway's history, as this flap will be. "Indianapolis Motor Speedway is the greatest racetrack in the world," said Lazier's team owner, Ron Hemelgarn, who had fielded cars at Indy for the past 18 years and could have bought into the CART rebellion but didn't. "And it always will be, whether they run go-karts or stock cars or Indy cars."
Indeed, for all CART's bravado, the men who have helped define racing in this country--the Andrettis, Fittipaldi, the Unsers and others--were truly saddened by their exclusion from Indy. The CART community kept tabs on the Indianapolis 500 out of the corner of its eye on Sunday, simultaneously mourning the break with tradition and hoping their stand-ins at the Brickyard would be exposed as impostors. Two hours before the U.S. 500 began, many of that race's principals tuned television sets to Indy and waited for the circus to commence. You could feel the bad vibrations: Gentlemen, start your envy.
"What they predicted would happen to us happened to them," Hemelgarn said of CART. The uneventful start at Indy occurred primarily because the drivers there tiptoed through the first lap, spreading themselves out to allow almost ludicrous margins for error. Still, the Indy 500 leaders, benefiting from a newly laid, supersmooth surface at the Speedway, often clocked lap speeds of more than 230 mph, obliterating race-lap records set by the supposed major leaguers of CART in years past.
There were no serious accidents at Indianapolis until veteran Lyn St. James and rookie Scott Harrington tangled on the 162nd lap; St. James suffered a fractured wrist. On the final lap Roberto Guerrero spun and collided with Allesandro Zampedri and Eliseo Salazar. Zampedri's car went airborne and landed upside down, and both of his legs were injured. Salazar sustained a bruised right knee. Guerrero, who spent nearly three weeks in a coma after crashing during a tire test at Indy in 1987, was uninjured.
While Indy suffered from yellow fever--10 yellow caution flags resulted in 59 laps during which the race droned on at reduced speeds while debris was cleared off the track--Michigan suffered from red plague. The red flag, which halted drivers following Vasser's gaffe, was displayed for 61 minutes. Plus the U.S. 500 had 12 yellows, for 78 laps.
Best of all for Indy, a deserving star was born there--after seven years of hard knocks at the Speedway and elsewhere on the Indy car circuit. Lazier, 27, failed to qualify at the Speedway in 1989 and '90, qualified but finished last in the '91 race, wound up 14th in '92, failed to qualify in '93 and '94, and fell out of the race after only six laps last year.
There have been few split seconds of higher drama at Indy than when Lazier darted past Davy Jones for the lead, for keeps, with eight laps to go, despite the realization that a crash at 230 mph could re-reshatter his lower backbone, if not kill him. Lazier said the agony he drove in helped him keep his concentration, "because you don't want to do it again." The X-ray of his injuries after the Phoenix crash, he said, "looked like a hard-boiled egg that had been dropped and cracked. Another crash here could have cracked all those areas again. It makes you pay attention. I wasn't scared."
Hemelgarn choked up in the interview room after the race as he recalled that "one year ago at this moment, I was down at Methodist Hospital while Stan Fox [his driver of last year, who suffered life-threatening head injuries in one of the most horrific-looking crashes in Indy history] was in surgery. At the time they didn't think Stan was going to make it." Fox has made a remarkable recovery, and he was walking and talking at the Speedway, though doctors haven't yet cleared him to drive.
For 19 years Hemelgarn had come "with 19 different drivers," and all he'd found was disappointment, heartbreak and horror. Still, he was loyal to the Speedway, and it finally paid off. "This has proved, once and for all, and never to be discussed again," he said, "that the stars are born at this racetrack." Indy had held its ground.
After the race George, the maligned heir to the family fortune that includes the Speedway, signed autographs for 45 minutes and smiled wearily. At 36 he's regarded by CART owners as a punk, unworthy and not smart enough to take total control of Indy car racing. But the fans at the Brickyard on Sunday showed their respect for his race. "Thank you very much," they would say after he signed for them. Many called him sir, which would have galled the silver-haired CART moguls.
"Thanks, Tony....Good job, Tony....Keep it up. We're with you 100 percent."
And best of all: "We'll be back next year."
Full race video
Race results
What the hell is this?
Every year, during the long Indycar off-season, indycar embarks on a rewatch of an entire Indycar season. We try to find interesting articles and reports each week, to set the scene, along with a YouTube link to the full race. This year we are rewatching the 1996 season, the first year of "The Split" where two rival Indycar series competed against each other, one owned by the Indianapolis Motor Speedway (the Indy Racing League, or IRL) and the other more established series run by the teams of CART. Races are posted every Friday at midday Eastern.
submitted by GreatZapper to INDYCAR [link] [comments]

The Hater's Guide to the 2018-2019 Major Arena Soccer League Season

Preface: I almost guarantee no one here knows a damn thing about the sport and league I'm about to talk about, much less the teams, players and references I'm about to make. I just wanted to have fun in the grand tradition of Tree and give it a shot with something I love. If you make through all of this, you're a trooper. All the games in the MASL get streamed on YouTube and the season starts December 1st. Seriously, indooarena soccer is a wonderful sport, it's worth a look. Anyway on with the cussin' and ramblin'!


In life, there are few certainties. Death. Taxes. The Major Arena Soccer League constantly being in a paradoxical state of flux and stagnation at the same time. Teams have ceased operations, moved, returned and been created and it all makes for a league trying to grow while being as stable as your grandma's Jell-O mold. And yet we clearly still have a league with the haves and have-nots. Let's see who's fucked this year! (Spoilers, it's pretty much all the usual suspects!)

Eastern Division

Baltimore Blast: Another year, another dominant championship-winning campaign from the Blast. It's almost becoming pedestrian for you guys. You just kept finding ways to win through a multi-headed monster on offense, even after losing past Finals MVP Lucas Roque to a nasty knee injury. If it wasn't Vini Dantas drilling it home, it was the reliable feet of Tony Donatelli, or the man with hands-down, the sweetest mustache in the league, Andrew Hoxie. Of course let's not forget the wizardry of perennial top goaltender William Vanzela, with a major assist to... JOEY KAPINOS? That unremarkable journeyman of a keeper that always has to bring his little brother along for the ride? Well it worked out for when Vanzela got injured, I suppose. Many will still say that the postage stamp of a field you play on gives you too big of an advantage. Those people need to shut up. Oh, and your leading defensive player and general manager just left to go rebuild to a division rival, but I'm sure that won't lead to the demise of the Blast dynasty. Not a chance.
Harrisburg Heat: Well doesn't this look like a sunny new beginning for you guys? You lured away Pat Healey from the Blast to become your new head coach/inevitable player-coach, plus his daddy Kevin's team president and part owner. Plus you're bolstering your roster and actually looking like a threat. You guys even beat Baltimore in a shootout last season! It was your only win against them, the goalkeeper that did it fucked off to to the Tropics and you stunk up the basement of the division. But now you guys seem like you're the kids who think you're hot shit. If there's any time to prove you're not going to just be Baltimore Jr., it's now.
Mississauga MetroStars: Ah, the great first step of the MASL's Canadian expansion has arrived and you're one big mystery currently. According the the roster I see little to no experience in the league here, mostly outdoor and futsal tenure. Exactly one guy so far has any real indoor experience and that's Marco Rodriguez, a pretty unremarkable midfielder that played 2 years for the Florida Tropics. But he is Canadian, so he must be just perfect for your side! Of course you're in the same division as the three-time defending champs, so it's going to be some major trial by fire here. Either fly high or lay a big old egg of you're fucked.
Utica City FC: Okay, first of all, Utica. This City FC bullshit isn't going to fly. This isn't the Premier League. Hell, it's not even MLS, it's arena soccer. Get a real team name, would ya please? I know you must want to wipe away the stench of your run as the Syracuse Silver Knights, the eternal bridesmaid of this division, but you made the playoffs last year! You don't get the honor of being the first victim of the Blast in the postseason every year! You still have a lot of your current core, including team points leader Joey Tavernese, who you just barely managed to lure away from retirement. However, all I can see from this team is exactly what I saw last year, the exact same fucking guys with no real improvement, which is the first step towards a spiral of mediocrity. Staying pat and not adding anyone that puts you on that next level, that's not the mindset that wins games, much less championships, in any sport and especially in the MASL. A new arena and team colors won't beat the Blast. It just brings you a heaping helping of you're fucked. Also, good luck playing in Baltimore AND Harrisburg with Andre Braithwaite on your team. That man shouldn't even be in the league anymore after he assaulted Pat Healey. Fucking cheap-shotting piece of shit.

South Central Division

First of all, this division name is ridiculous, but necessary. The two Florida teams were odd ducks out when they added Mississauga in terms of division alignment, so now we have teams from Wisconsin, Missouri and Florida in the same division. Genius.
Florida Tropics: You guys escaped the bastille of the Eastern Division only to wind up with not one, but two contending powers looking to pound your shit in. At least you have a in-state rival now and a promising young forward in Ricardo de Queiroz Diegues leading the charge and giving Freddy Moojen's old bones some rest. Escape the bonds of mediocrity and you can make some noise. Also, I have no idea why you dug up the corpse of Robbie Aristodemo. You thankfully didn't do anything with him, but I legit did a double-take when I saw you added him on your roster last year.
Kansas City Comets: What in the literal fuck was that season, Kansas City? You guys are supposed to be the perennial big shots of the Central Division and you laid the biggest damn egg I've seen in this sport in a long time. Okay, okay, you had management issues and a lot of your core guys either fucked off entirely or went out to the west coast, especially Tacoma and a little reunion with Danny Waltman. You look like you've corrected a lot of this, bringing back John Sosa and trading to bring Alain Matingou, Robert and Ramone Palmer back. Plus let's not forget you still have Mr. Scoring Title Leo Gibson. I still think you lack a real field general without a replacement for Vahid Assadpour, but you've unfucked yourselves just enough to right the ship. Too bad your goalkeeper situation is still awful. Why did you ever get rid of Boris Pardo, or Danny Waltman for that matter?
Milwaukee Wave: Well if isn't the team I personally love to hate. You had another strong regular season, matching your hated rivals in Baltimore with a 17-5 record and plowing through a weaker than normal Central Division for another easy playoff berth... only to get run off the road by the juggernaut of the Blast on their home turf. Such is the fate of a team when the playoff system goes down to single game rounds. Even so, your role of final boss to the title isn't even being fulfilled anymore. You're becoming that stage one boss in an arcade beat-'em-up that just becomes a regular enemy in the final stage. Tough in the early going, but a pushover when it really counts. There's still a very strong core here with the likes of Max Ferdinand, Ian Bennett, Marcio Leite and the return of Luan Oliveira, but you're going to need to find another gear if you want to finally get over the hump.
Orlando SeaWolves: Congratulations!! You get to move from the remote plains of Iowa to a brand new home in the City Beautiful! The bad news, you're still going to be the pile of wasted potential you were back in Cedar Rapids as the Rampage. Plus you won't get that sweet 'nothing-better-to-watch-other-than-grain' tourist money either. Gordy Gurson and Victor France lead you back in the bosom of mediocrity. Hope you enjoyed that brief glimmer of playoffs, Pitor Sliwa is still a fucking turnstile in goal and now he's your problem. At least take some solace in knowing you're not this next bunch of godforsaken losers...
St. Louis Ambush: I just feel bad for you guys. You've only mustered 4 victories in two seasons, you've had multiple great players meet their potential only after leaving your roster and you actually play in a decent sized arena, unlike some of the other dregs of the league. You can't even write it off being completely dominated by your division, because of how bad KC shit the bed last season. Once again you lost some of your key pieces and now only playecoach Hewerton Moreira and the newly acquired Antonio Manfut can count as threats, unless this Mario Marcos guy Hewerton found on expedition through the Amazon rainforest becomes a miracle worker for you. Frankly, you're the Browns of the MASL and will be fucked thoroughly by your Comets and Wave overlords. Enjoy the basement!

Southwest Division

Dallas Sidekicks: Back from the grave comes one of arena soccer's classic franchises after a year dormant. It's gonna be just like old times! Putting the band back together with Cody Ellis and Cameron Brown, sprucing up the old digs, getting fresh new uniforms!It's like one big '80s movie montage! Happy days are here again for the Sidekicks! Until you play your first of several against the Mexican buzzsaw that is the Monterrey Flash. Then that joy will drain until you're a tired husk just going through the motions. Just take solace in the fact that it's not just one team from each division making the playoffs. Someone's gotta fill the space and it could be you. Keep that smile up!
El Paso Coyotes: At the beginning of last season, there was nowhere else you could go but up. The 2016-2017 expansion campaign was a winless season of agony and you improved by going 11-11. Sadly that's where the good times end. Your top player Christian Guiterrez fucked off to the greener pastures of San Diego and you currently have no real roster to speak of. Seriously, it's less than 2 weeks to the start of the season as I write this and the team website lists no active players. Whoever you get to join your merry band of punching bags, they're not going to work miracles. I hope your organization enjoyed that mediocrity for a season. You're going to get nice and comfy down in the basement, only to get dragged out to be force fed your regular dose of you're fucked by the rest of the division and doubly so by these guys...
Monterrey Flash: No beating around the bush here. You're very strong championship favorites with a simple path to the conference finals at a minimum. Returning a core that made sure the Ron Newman Cup final was an international affair for the fourth straight year AND you won the Franck Tayou sweepstakes? When it rains, it fucking pours south of the border. Watching Soles de Sonora go defunct and feasting on its innards like a vulture could be the best thing that's happened to your franchise since winning the Cup back in 2015. This is a scary good team on defense too, as Diego Reynoso is easily the best goalkeeper not named Vanzela in the league. Anything less than a league title is going to feel like a massive disappointment from this squad. Couldn't hurt to pray for disaster towards Baltimore either, every little bit helps.
Rio Grande Valley Barracudas: Yeah, you picked up guys like Wilo Martinez, Diego Zuniga and Gustavo Rosales, plus you hired Genoni Martinez as your head coach, the last man to lead a team to beat Baltimore for the Cup. You're still fucked, overall, but look on the bright side, you have the best chance of filling that second playoff spot on paper. Got to be better than a 3-19 mark last year, right? RIGHT?!

Pacific Division

Ontario Fury: I really don't know what to make of you guys. You're like the most mediocre of the bunch, but you're often skating by and nearly making the playoffs due to the failings and bed-shitting of others. Your roster is a pile of meh and doesn't look to be improving any time soon. The Fury is inertia incarnate but you at least look the part, like that one guy you knew was a slacker in high school but tried to make a good face for those in charge. Just doing enough to get by, but never achieving. That's the Ontario Fury in a nutshell. C-, boys. Apply yourselves.

*RECORD SCRATCH* Wait, you just traded to get last year's goalkeeper of the year Chris Toth from San Diego?! What kind of voodoo and black magic did you do to cause that to happen? You didn't even give up anyone worth it! That's more like it. You may not be quite as fucked as you seemed now. Add in the even fresher acquisition of another Socker mainstay, defender Jeff Hughes, and you may have something going here. I'll pencil you in for the second playoff spot, but VERY lightly. Makes it easier to erase later.

San Diego Sockers: Wow, you guys were actually 19-3? Sure didn't seem like it. Guess taking care of business at home only gets you so far when you don't have home field advantage all the way through the playoffs. You've had a bit of a free pass in your division for a while as well, but that's not stopping you from bolstering that roster with Christian Guiterrez, Christian Segura and Taylor Bond to compliment the consistent scoring presence of Kraig Chiles. Add to that the returning two-headed monster in goal of Boris Pardo and Goalkeeper of the Year Chris Toth (NOPE.) and if anyone in the Western Conference is going to stop of dynamo that the Flash has become, it's you guys, even if hoping for your success feels like rooting for the Yankees. Not much homegrown passion when you're going for championship #15.

Seriously, how bad did you guys fuck up to trade off Toth for peanuts to a division rival? That's like pissing off royalty and having them fuck off over the border.

Tacoma Stars: I'm going to level with you. I want to like you. You have Danny Waltman, the only opposing goalkeeper I don't boo out of respect. I've watched enough of your games on my own since you play late enough to my schedule. You have a solid core, you're getting a full season from your leading scorer Nick Perera and you've added Matt Clare from San Diego and Milan Ivanovic from Kansas City. But even with all of that, you've underachieved and I have a good feeling you're going to continue to do that unless I see otherwise. Light a fire under your asses and you can shock the system a bit, Stars. Or not and coast into being a speedbump to the Sockers. Also, make sure you use that disco version of the Star Wars theme for a goal scoring song on the regular. It's cheesy, yet fitting, like how the Blast uses Kool and the Gang's “Celebration.”
Turlock Express: Marc Viquez of Stadium Journeys described the home of your team as such: "The atmosphere... inside the complex is definitely unique." That's about the nicest thing mustered in reviewing your lazy den barely suited for a team of schlubs with jerseys printed by Zazzle. You still play in an airplane hangar on a field that would embarrass the most basic of rec-league teams. You're fucked six ways from Sunday and no level of challenge pissing can save your asses from beating the down payment.

My Ron Newman Cup Final prediction? Too easy. Baltimore over Monterrey. Until I see otherwise, I make like a Ron Swerski Superfan betting on Da Bears. At this rate, minimum eight-peat for the Blast. To be honest, I wouldn't be surprised if Monterrey does win it all, they're truly loaded, but Baltimore really seems to have this certain way of running at top speed without a number 1 forward like other teams and still dominating. Everyone is a scoring threat for them, so defenses can't just shut down one guy and be safe. It's well and truly sad however that they're really just 4 teams I even consider championship material, the others being San Diego and Milwaukee, and they've been the final four (Sonora taking the place of Monterrey) for the past few years. No one has really unfucked themselves enough to contend and it takes some the fun out of it, making the regular season just a formality for the best teams. Nothing would make me happier than to see a Florida, Ontario, Tacoma or, hell, maybe even Rio Grande Valley make a push towards shaking up the status quo in this sport. For now, I'm thankful I follow one of the good sides. Thanks for indulging me.
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40. John Brodie His name tends to get lost in the conversation of best quarterbacks ever today but John Brodie was unquestionably one of the all-time greats when he retired in 1973. He spent 17 seasons with the San Francisco 49ers, being named NFL MVP in 1970 to go along with his one selection to Read more The Greatest NFL Quarterbacks Of All Time There’s no one better at Kentucky than Calipari. It’s more than a regular job. You need someone with the personality to handle #BBN. He does that. So let’s ride Coach Cal. From your lifetime to mine, this contract is 100% worth it. If you don’t want Cal at Kentucky don’t watch and long for the Gillispie days. SHTUM: John Newman has kept quiet about his new collaboration with Calvin Harris [WAYNE STAR] "There's no rush to play Blame," John, 24, shrugged. "Everyone expects too much in the modern world, but me and Calvin would rather give people a little bit of the song at the time." He needs to beef up his backstage rider demands too. Assuming for a moment that he could have shed the trademark blue-eyed skepticism that made him so dogged a reporter, Chuck Newman might actually have enjoyed being compared to a Broad Street bully. Elite Sports NY | ESNY - The Voice, The Pulse of NYC Sports, the most read New York City regional digital sports destination in the world.

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