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I spent new years eve creating a somewhat narcissistic, yet comprehensive list of my life experiences

- I once had a tennis ball roll to me on the school court yard. I panicked and completely missed the ball with my foot, from that day I've had an irrational fear of tennis balls.
- There was this one time, that I attempted to subliminally message my uncle into giving up smoking.
- I once visited my friends house for the first time in secondary school, this friend of mine was telling me about his theory, that if two intelligent people play tic tac toe, it will always be a draw. I then of course in typical Jake fashion lost the game.
- My mum once called the police and told them I had been kidnapped after forgetting to check further down the street.
- My family and I have "meme Sundays" where I show them the memes of the week.
- The first time I ate pistachios my parents forgot to tell me that you need to REMOVE THE SHELLS. I THOUGHT PISTACHIOS WERE JUST A TAD CRUNCHY.
- I used to refuse going anywhere without my healies, as a result I ended up wearing them to church on multiple occasions.
- My family must have thought I was a very weird child, as until and till the age of 14, both my family and extended family bought me packs of batteries.
- My friend was once told to sing in music class, his face went extremely purple as he started to cry, effectively dubbing him the beetroot guy for the rest of the school duration.
- My dad has become known as "the half job nelson" after starting projects such as decorating the bathroom and then leaving them half way refurbished. It once took us 3 years to decorate one small downstairs toilet.
- i have an uncle who tells random titbits, regardless of who's (or if anyone) is listening.
- I was at uni for a year before having a drug induced psychosis and being diagnosed with depression and anxiety.
- I've played piano since a young age and have got to grade 6
- My dad worked at my school when I was growing up
- I passed out in a computing class once.
- One lunch time I convinced my classmates that I had a game on my calculator, but in actual fact just used a bunch of maths symbols.
- There was a school tour guide at our school opening who actively told parents that the school was rubbish.
- I've been using anti-depressants, anti-psychotics and sleep medicines for the past 6 months.
- I used to hack Minecraft servers
- I used to make flash games for my friends at school
- My sister used to have an imaginary alter persona known as Blee, who was given his own mii character.
- I have the most loving family anyone could ask for (you can't change my mind)
- I'm the house's tech guy as I have a degree in rebooting router.
- I've made many projects, one in which I tried to recreate J.A.R.V.I.S, to a very poor standard.
- My parents bought me a pet snake for Christmas, I've was promised one for good GCSE results, but never took them up on the offer.
- I have two floors to my room, albeit small rooms.
- We used to own golden crested newts which are now an endangered species.
- I've tried to commit suicide many times by many different methods. it appears to be one things I'm REALLY bad at.
- I wrote a piece on Neural Networks for my public speaking.
- I've recently realised that I'm bisexual.
- I coded my auntie a website for her art company.
- I used to get so high on weed that I couldn't even talk
- As it turns out, this auntie once ate a weed browny in Peru
- I have a sentimental attachment to technology and never though anything away.
- Whilst on holiday my sister got an infection and came up with bumps and bruises. I told her that we would have to leave her behind, she started crying.
- I have strangely excellent hearing and can sometimes hear people talking about me through the walls.
- I have a loving supportive family, and they bought me a book on the substance DMT for Christmas.
- I am very spoilt
- I have fed a manatee grass.
- The house we bought our kittens from a real life crazy cat lady who's house was infested with kittens, the whole place stunk of cat dung. The friend I had brought to this woman's house then gave the crazy cat lady a hug,
- I made racist internet friends who I would verbally abuse me daily whilst we were playing video games.
- I was paranoid for a month straight after being shown the Truman show by my parents.
- one holiday i was holding a shit in so long that when I eventually needed to go, I did a poo so big it wouldn't flush.
- whenever my sister needed the toilets I would make water fall noises and talk about water.
- People used to mistake me for a girl when I was a baby.
- I once skipped lectures for a whole month and replaced it with smoking weed and ordering Chinese cuisine.
- I was asked to edit a clip in high school for a short film called "what if apple never existed"
- I used to teach piano to people
- We once saw a poisonous from whilst staying in Guyana.
- My best skill is keeping the teacher talking about their personal life in order to avoid working.
- My attention span only lasts give or take about 0.015 seconds.
- My physics teacher revealed to us that he had recently watched Minecraft trolling videos.
- I've been skiing, my favourite sport is badminton.
- I don't remember my first kiss as I was black out drunk. I was told that it was a light peck, followed up with me being sick on the rug.
- I have asthma and hay-fever.
- Myself and my sister always wanted a baby brother growing up.
- I have the weird ability to accurately estimate when my food is done without checking the timer.
- I made a google home device for my A2 coursework before it was released.
- My dad used to race stock cars when he was younger.
- My university is 7 hours away from my house.
- I'm studying Computer Science but want to change to Sociology or Psychology
- I know the majority of information regarding drug safety.
- I used to play club penguin
- I once got bullied at a festival for having tatty shoes
- I made a bet with a friend for his phone that I couldn't catch a bunny rabbit
- I was bullied at high school by a boy named Tyler.
- I was moved out of my first school because I wasn't developing fast enough
- I've recently made friends with a super chill, transgender lad
- My uni flatmates once played a prank on me, where they pretended to go to sleep, but instead hid on my balcony, making strange noises.
- Another time my flatmates hid in my cupboard and spring out at me.
- I once tested to see if the tooth fairy came without telling my parents in order to see if there would still be money.
- My mum came from Sri Lanka and my dad from Guyana
- My 8th year classmates once turned the clock 2 hours early, leading us to be let out of the lesson, after the teacher realised her mistake she sprinted back down the corridor saying "come back!"
- I learnt Russian (to an extent) to communicate with other people in the game CS:GO
- I made a flappy bird clone for my university coursework.
- My dad's birthday is on April the first.
- My first console was the PSP Phat, and my favourite game was Gript Shift. My parents decided me to surprise me with the console just as we were taking off to another country.
- I used to play a mystery game called Spy fox, my mum completed the majority of the games for me, as I couldn't read yet.
- We kept a cattle prod taser in my room for when friends came to my dorm room. We played a game called shock for shock.
- I've played the piano at Disney world Paris to 3 people. I've also played underneath the Eiffel tower.
- My favourite cuisine is sushi
- I once got led to believe that I scored a point in rugby, but as it turns out I was running completely off the pitch. I ended up going head first into a bush.
- I used to be friends with someone at the end of my garden.
- I've built my own PC when I was 14 (it's not that difficult).
- Once as a skinny kid I sat on the swing and the ropes just broke as I fell to the floor.
- My dad would tell us that our brains would rot after we watched sponge bob square pants for 8 straight hours.
- When I first got into gaming, my mum told me that it makes you less sociable, she wasn't wrong.
- I once kept leaning back on my chair during class and annoying a kid behind me. When he finally had enough he pulled my chair back and the table fell flat on my head making a dull thudding noise. The smallest trickle of blood came running from my head. When I got to A&E my head was wrapped up with a massive bandage. When we went in to see the doctor, she took off my bandage and found the cut so funny she couldn't do anything but laugh. I had a massive bandage around my head for a small 2 cm cut.
- I once started singing and doing an extremely strange dance to myself in the mirror. To my shock and horror I saw a younger school kid just staring me in the face.
- My mum allegedly cried when watching Bambi for the first time.
- I once ran into a stick my sister was holding on top of my dad's shoulders in the dark. Fortunately we had a family friend who was a doctor camping with us. He told me that I scratched my cornier, when visiting A&E I told them this, and they were very confused at my knowledge.
- My dad bought my mum a SNES as a birthday gift, it has been her favourite present for many years.
- I once unknowingly put my hands into a wasp's nest while walking along a pier, the wasps were not happy.
- I once went against my flatmate in a shot for shot, and as my flatmates had been on my Facebook account earlier announcing it, my mum saw the post and started to get worried.
- I once asked my dad how they made objects out of air, after seeing a glass worker make an ornament.
- One month I helped out at a local charity.
- I'm a reverse closet nerd
- I once drank orange juice and then was forced to brush my teeth by my parents.
- I once had my taxi stolen by my flatmate who was posing as me. When I tried to knock on the cab's window he looked at me as if I was drunk.
- I once ran a botched computing club
- Myself my dad and my sister had a game called Fire wo wo woh, burning wo wo woh, in which you attempt to get a rubber ball in the fire place.
- I spent an unholy amount of time playing the game "Professor Layton" on my mum's DS.
- I shit with no clothes on, always have and always will.
- People started asking my dad for a hair cut after seeing the botched job he did on mine.
- I used to go upstairs to a studio room at lunch times and listening to tunes with friends
- I built an app for my team when entering the Cisco red button challenge of 2013.
- We used to own a pet cat who started meowing at my parents whenever I was crying
- My first word was light
- I'm simultaneously somewhat smart and a complete moron, something something quantum physics something
- I used to be an alter server at my church
- I'm black
- When I was younger myself, my sister and my friend decided to build a bridge out of sticks. Each day a guy came back riding over it his bike, we attempted to put acorns on the track to "burst" his tires. On the third attempt I got really upset and chased him back to his camp ground where here went to hide in his tent. I told his mother about what he had been doing and made him apologise to us.
- I've been on two long boating holidays
- I was once diagnosed with Arrhythmia of the heart, I convinced myself over the following week that I'd need a pace maker.
- My biology teacher once gave his pet fish medicine.
- I nearly got into a fight outside a chip shop for repeatedly poking a guy whilst drunk, until my friend stepped in and politely asked him to go away.
- I once participated in big fun, it was an event in which myself and my friends went to a children's creche play area on adults night and wandered around like we were children.
- I made a new friend and went to his house, I had uncontrollable farts all night.
- A young family friend of ours asked my dead if he "slipped on a banana", after he had an accident whilst playing badminton.
- I entered the mii plaza and was delivered a nazi hitler wii character.
- I once persuaded my teacher that our german exchange students were Spanish. He then said hola to the german exchange students.
- I cried on my first day at middle-school for getting a centure.
- Apparently I told the younger kids at my primary school my words of wisdom, which were if you get to the playground first you get the tricycles.
- I had my tonsils removed after getting tonsillitis.
- When I was younger I slowed down the Alvin and the chipmunk songs to listen to them in the original singers voice.
- When I was younger the show, "the shiny show" seemed to give me a migrane every time it was aired.
- For most of the social gatherings at middle school, I avoided them by saying I just made plans at the last minute.
- My english tutor hated JK Rowling because he allegedly insulted his wife.
- I started following the Yogscast at the time when they were still making Shadow of Israphel
- I made a somewhat strange compilation of scenes 10 years ago in which I had a Dalek and a Cyberman form a romantic bond.
- My favourite and first episode of Doctor Who was Madame De Pompa dour
- I attempted to create a full size replica of K9, but stopped after cutting the wooden base to size.
- I played a messenger in our school production of Shakespeare, in which I mumbled my lines and ran off stage like I was about to cry.
- My music teacher always let me sit at the grand piano, making me even more hated than I already was.
- Even maths mechanics lesson I use to blurt out random answers and got them wrong 80% of the time
- I used to share black eyed peas songs with my friends back when I was using a Nokia phone.
- I once participated in a competition in which we had to create the best protection for keeping an egg safe when chucked out a third floor window.
- I have 2 cats despite being highly allergic to them.
- For every school mufti day bar one, I wore school uniform to school.
- I once had my teacher do some dodgy work with my braces as they were causing me to bleed.
- I once had 4 teeth removed, my mother came in but was immediately squeamish, I found this funny and watched her leave again.
- I once climbed onto the roof of the campus building opposite my balcony.
- I first watched Rick and Morty when I was Ill and thought it was the best thing ever. I've come recently to hate the tv show purely due to it's fan base.
- I once got really mad people were pushing me in the changing room elbowed the air, hitting my friend Charlie in the face.
- I choose my particular university because I realised there would be drugs, as it was a port to sea.
- I cried during the ending scene of Short circuit, when the robot was running out of power.
- When I was younger my dad came into my room to me passed out on my bed looking up pictures of Emma Watson.
- My cousins introduced me to the I GOT GREEN BEANS POTATOES TOMATOES soundtrack.
- I once had a restaurant visit in which I made a face using two wine corks for chubby cheeks
- I once told my family I would meet them at the restaurant, as I had just started a CSGO match. My mum was not impressed when
- I once started selling selling the sunflower seeds with my friend for a amazingly priced £0. Our new business venture was put to a stop after one kid got an allergic reaction as a result of eating sun flower seeds HE KNEW HE WAS ALLERGIC TO.
- I once created a 4 way chess board, invited four people to play, and didn't tell them the rules.
- Most nights of my childhood myself and my dad would sit up in the attic playing Super Mario Bros 3, each time we'd lose our progress because we switched the Nintendo machine off.
- I found out Santa clause wasn't real when my mum was telling our family friend about how cheap she got my present. I later revealed this information to my sister, ruining her childhood as well as mine.
- I once built a portable hacking machine that performed a man in the middle attack
- Myself and my friend invented a country called Alyamania complete with a dictionary and own national anthem.
- I have a dog, 2 cats and a snake, although they don't seem to get on very well.
- I used to watch little cook big cook with my mum and we would make meals together.
- I used to keep two separate diaries, one for centuries and one for merit, as a result I was never put in a detention.
- I am planning on building a vivarium for my snake with two watch out towers connected by a bridge.
- I created a meme yesterday that got 5.0k views.
- I once had a asthma attack whilst running as a replacement, followed by the next day I slammed my hand in a door and my dad locked the car before. The nurses asked my dad if we were seeing any social workers.
- I once got knocked over my Borris Johnson
- I tried research chemicals and couldn't walk for 2 weeks.
- My dad has driven over my toes with his car because "i was being slow".
- I once stopped a guy from falling down an elevator.
- I participated in NCS
- I got Alcohol poisoning the first night I went out drinking and woke up to my two parents either side of me. I needed holding still by my dad so I could go for a pee. The ride home felt like a rollercoaster from hell.
- My parents met each other at Mc Donald's
- I once attempted to fix a go kart's missing axel with sellotape.
- My sister and I created a non-functional Rollar Coaster ride in which we put up a bunch of strings and attached a cardboard box.
- I had severe depression and suicidal thoughts at university. My friends would knock on my door every day and come into my room and sit down.
- Every time my dad left the room, I'm load up Minecraft instead of studying for my GCSE exams.
- I once went scuba diving in an indoor swimming pool.
- I hid in my sisters room more than 20 times in order to jump out at her.
- I attempted DOFE but was left behind by my group, and told them to "go on without me". I later sheepishly dobbed my team in for leaving me in the middle of no where.
- I once won an iPod nano in a raffle after explicitly telling my parents I didn't want to go.
- I used to create PayPal accounts when I was younger and created a new account each time my current account was maxed out.
- Whilst waiting for the meals to come in a restaurant, I'd often play square/dots with my mother.
- I changed my mind on the course I'm studying and switched from Computer Science to Psychology (not confirmed).
- In primary school a gender haired kid called Louis asked me if i knew why we had ball sacks, then promptly told me it was to keep your dick up as you pee.
- When I had nightmares I'd go and sleep in my parents room.
- I had an irrational fear of the dark
- I once stopped talking to a girl for a whole summer holiday because she was distracting me from playing CSGO.
- In my first Minecraft world I built a castle with some friends. The stairs kept catching on fire, my friend told me that happens sometimes. Years later he came forward telling me that HE was the one setting the stairs on fire.
- I have over 2000 hours in the game CSGO.
- I was a prefect at my middle school but took into school a badge that said "perfect" from hawking bazar, and got demoted of my prefect badge.
- I once did a whole project on golden crested newts found in my garden, my project got an A.
- During our short film "What if apple never existed", we recruited the theatre lighting guy who set us all up with explosives. The explosive was understandably extremely underwhelming.
- I once had to call an ambulance for my nanny after she started having a fit.
- We once had a house abroad that was infected by 1000s of ants, we could see them marching under the door.
- My sister was born 3 months early.
- I have never been to a funeral.
- I participated in the cult, the beavers for a short while.
- My parents taught me to gamble at a mere age of 14.
- The best burrito I had I bought in kingston which contained chips.
- I have a lot of ideas but never do anything with them.
- I once found a small snake in a car park, and after being told to let it go by my parents I secretly gave it a kiss.
- We found a bird with a broken wing, we attempted to make it a sling before it's unfortunate death. We wrote the bird a tomb stone with chalk.
- A long time ago I used to have a friend called SkyLordWolfMan, my parents would constantly make fun of the fact I was saying that name for a whole summer.
- I've played piano at both my aunties and music teacher's house
- When I put my hand up in class when my dad was a teacher my dad would always pretend he couldn't see my hand.
- I stayed at school almost every day for my whole high school experience as my dad had to finish off some "late work". It's strange but his work must have involved beer because I could always smell it.
- I once went up to a teacher called Mrs. Jelly, and said "are you feeling wobbly today", fortunately she didn't hear.
- I was once hit in the balls after trying to help with a coconut game.
- I once took a orange cartoon full of vodka into the uni library in order to prepare myself for a presentation. As it turns out I was 1/2 an hour late for the presentation and it had already finished.
- I childishly made mock flamethrowers using a deodorant can and a lighter on multiple occasions at university.
- My first band was Clean Bandit, the clean bandit before they went mainstream.
- When I was younger my parents took myself and my friend to a concert, we both awkwardly stood there without moving for 5 hours, the woman on my left kept nudging me with her elbow, which really hurt.
- My grandad used to be a grand master chess player until his recent departure about a decade ago. I never actually met him, so found it hard to cry with my mother when she was mourning him.
- I used to read Captain Underpants and Alex Skyrider as a kid.
- I once came home with two odd shoes, we spotted it on our way to a restaurant, and the people behind us started laughing.
- On one Geography field trip instead of doing my coursework, I found a bug that allowed me to message all the other workstations on the network. People found it VERY annoying.
- I was once auctioned off to the school for charity.
- I once participated in a band performance where I couldn't feel my fingers.
- When I was younger I had a business venture in which I decided I would rent out a whole
- I had this brief period in my teenage years where I was addicted to making puns.
- My cousin once fell in the pond as she mistook the sea weed for grass.
- I used to run a web show with my sister and her friend where we made a shot for shot budget rip-off of I-Carly
- I once made myself sick as a kid to get out of doing an exam
- I'm a recovering 9gagaholic, this one I'm really ashamed of.
- I once left my phone recording my food whilst telling my flatmates not to steal any. I came back to a video of my flatmate sheepishly deciding over which piece of chicken to take whilst my other flatmate stood still
- One halloween I dressed up as the Cliche Slender man.
- I once had a full blown panic attack whilst in an interview at Maplins, needless to say it didn't go too well. As it turns out this shop has just gone out of business, it's a shame because visiting was my favourite place to go other than Mc Donald.
- I used to have a paper round, but instead of walking, my dad drove me around each street like the lazy fucker I am.
- The first time I played Minecraft I was sent into the nether by my classmates, following this, they broke the portal leaving me stranded in the hell world. I ended up not playing the game again for about a year later.
- I've been to Bletchley park 7 times.
- I've had upwards of 8 quad copters but broke each one.
- My last quad-copter's death was as a result of me demonstrating to my friend how you would lose control of it.
- I used to have this really cool robot that could do back flips. My dad took it into work to show everyone and broke it. When we went back to the shop instead of getting the same toy, they told us that the toy had been discontinued and we would only get a cash refund (resulting in me getting no Christmas present for that year)
- When asked to draw a picture of myself in primary school I added my sister into the drawing
- My earliest memory is driving around the french alps listening to Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds by the Beatles.
- My dad once introduced my mum to a pyramid scheme.
- At the end of a night of clubbing, a lad helped me take my friend back to the flat, then lectured both of us 3 hours on joining his pyramid scheme.
- A girl in my university dorm got upset with me for writing her name on the birthday list. She scribbled her name out and later that day someone else came along and wrote it back on the wall.
- I once fell off a tree and hit my head, could not move for 5 minutes. Felt different ever since.
- My piano teacher gave up on me because I wouldn't listen to anything she was saying.
- I used to ran a Minecraft server in which I'd get donations for in-game ranks.
- I once came up with a plan to infect the internet's VPS servers with viruses.
- When I was younger, my PC was remotely accessed by a hacker, during a session of Minecraft. After sending me attempts to
- I enrolled in a french class and managed to learn a staggering 5 words in french, including bonjour.
- My flatmate once nearly burnt the house down cooking bacon.
- My mum brings coffee up to my room in the morning.
- I wake up to my dog licking my face every other day.
- My mum once came in a snow ball rolling down the hill
- I used to think using XD was the trendiest thing in the world.
- I was once asked to run a power point slideshow for my teacher as I was the "tech guy". I showed almost every slide early and ruined every question of the speech, needless to say I was never asked to run the PC again.
- My family and I used to play Wii Party almost every night
- I made a game for the people at my school in which you had to avoid teachers and get to a checkpoint.
- I dream of going sky diving and visiting India in the future.
- For a short period I thought I had autism
- For a short period I wore glasses because I purposely blurred my eyes, I wanted to see what it was like.
- I've got almost perfect 20/20 vision
- When I was younger I had a whole month of depressive mood after coming to the conclusion that someday, my parents will die. Going through Existential nihilism is tough when you're a 10 year old kid.
- My favourite movie is Ex Machina.
- When I was younger I got offered a job at Maplins, only to have my application denied half a decade later.
- I once made a quiz about my home country, Guyana for my class.
- Our project in middle school was to create a wooden frame and do a puppet show for the lower school kids. I spoke to my partner and she said I could keep it in 2 years, she never got back to me.
- I used to host a spy club named SpyG with some close family friends and sister. SpyG was short for "Spy Grownups" as we'd both plant recording devices to listen to what they were saying and taught "potions" classes, which consisted of mixing a bunch of household cleaning products. Inspiring!
- I once stopped someone in a corridor and started singing "stop stop, being so hard on your self" in an incredibly camp and dramatic sounding way.
- My first music event at school was a Beatles concert, my dad had setup.
- We had guinea pigs until a day where I forgot to bring them back inside and they went missing.
- My cat once brought in a dead mouse, and kindly left it in my shoe for me to explore in the morning.
- I bullied my sister into letting me take the cuter kitten, only to find my kitten hated humans.
- My middle school teacher once started a rant about how "you probably all think I'm a terrible teacher". I said yes under my breathe and was sent out immediately.
- We had a Latin teacher who told us to go speak with his elevator, Elma when we did something wrong. Additionally he frequently sent his students to "Siberia", which in actuality was just a cold part of the corridor outside the class room.
- I once went to a school of disabled kids and read them books with my friends.
- I once skipped a GCSE exam to edit my band's auditions.
- I once cried at the breakfast table in front of my parents because the comedown was so bad.
- For a few hours I was a professional DJ.
- I once kept a tech support scammer on the line for a total of three hours during my GCSE exam week.
- I'm able to hold my breathe for a total of 3 minutes.
- I don't have a favourite colour
- I have always and will continue to take the explosion papers out of the Christmas crackers before anyone can get to the table.
- I had a brief period where I would only use words that an 8 can be added onto, such as m8, r8, gr8, f8. One of my Christmas presents was titled "get rekt m8", this bring back many cringe-worthy memories.
- I once electrocuted my room's door handle using a piece of foil, a wire and a shock pen from Chessington world of adventures.
- I wasn't socially aware up until a few years ago.
- I remember one Christmas my parents bought me a tooth brush which came along with a space man video game on a disc. I thought it was the best thing in the world.
- I predicted trump would be the president a few months before he was announced. I shortly did the same with Brexxit.
- My auntie voted out of the EU, because she just "wanted to see if she could do it".
- A silhouette of me peeing was once seen by my family who were waiting in the car. When I came back they were all laughing at me.
- I once excitedly asked my parents if I could unlock the door whilst on holiday only to have the key break in half in the lock. sad!
- On the first day of university I broke down crying in front of my new pal outside on the balcony about how shit I thought university was going to be.
- My mum accidentally mentioned Adolf Hitler at a Jewish get together, and everyone fell silent.
- I started my second school without any friends and finished it without any friends.
- I once had a psychotic dream that the cleaners at my uni were planning on killing me outside my room.
- When I was younger, I wrote a story ending with the line "and it was all a dream", the teacher was not impressed
- When my dad was at uni he played a prank on his flatmates in which himself and his friends use
- My dad used to have an Afro.
- When I was younger I was sat in my friends car with his mum. For some reason she then decided to tell my friend that
- I did 99% of my homework in the 5 minute change between two classes
- I once made a joke ripping on a weighty dude saying "don't give it to him he'll eat them all" about a bag of Christmas sweets.
- I had a phone but no sim card for the majority of my life time.
- One time I woke up to a hangover and ended up buying 20+ paintball tickets to boost my mood.
- My dad was constantly labelled as officially cooler than me at my middle school
- My mum begged me to watch The Matrix, after viewing she said it wasn't very good.
- There was a teacher at my last school who taught German and hated me to much he told a whole other class my grade in an attempt to inspire them.
- We once stole our neighbours blow up snow man and left them a ransom note, the kids were not happy!
- I've never had a girl/boyfriend
- We hid a hidden camcorder between the two fridges at my uni because someone kept stealing food.
- I almost once drowned at sea, fortunately my new french friend carried me back to the sure.
- I have a Sound-cloud track with 25,000 plays.
- Once my dad belayed me up a climbing wall and on my descent I decided to jump off the wall, he went flying into the air as I'm heavier than him
- During my primary school days, I invited a girl called Georgia over to play on the Wii with me. I ended up leaving her to play club penguin with my friends, she spent the rest of the time playing Wii Sports with my mother.
- My favourite show growing up was fairly odd parents.
- Growing up I used to own a Tamagotchi and a PDA (which was very recent at the time)
- A teacher at my school once asked if we could go to a red light district on a school trip.
- I used to own a very poor quality Facebook group
- A few days ago I had a dream that I was being sucked out of my body into the after life.
- I've played at two weddings, these being my music teachers and my aunties.
- I was once in my towns local news paper for playing the piano at Ronnie Scotts, despite my performance being terrible.
- I was once the only participant in a school trip, it was plastered with long awkward pauses
- I'd give people climbing lessons and tell them what "rank" they were.
- My child hood memories are all off playing crocodile clips on windows 98
- I knew about Apple wireless ear buds a few months before it was released as I was doing work experience at Artemis, a investment funds manager.
- My teacher constantly called me a hypocrite and when I asked what she meant she said look it up.
- I got a reply from 3kliksphilip on one of my videos
- I once caught a guy stealing usernames and passwords using a phishing site, and he got taken into custody. I was invited to a Code breaking event but turned it down.
- I once setup the school theatre to play Super Mario bros 3 on the big screen.
- I was once described as "shady, but in a wholesome way"
- I once went off peace while skiing and ending up skidding down a hill into a tree.
- I once annoyed my mother so much that she started throwing the beef jerky she had bought for me all around the train platform.
- My sister was once hosting a party and a single tomato dropped on the ground. My mum came into the room, saw this and was very upset.
- Once I ate watermelon and came up with a rash, my parents couldn't believe this and made me eat watermelon the next day, I had another allergic reaction
- I used to play Minecraft with Steven Moffat's son.
- My friend's uncle is a famous scientist, I once met him at a family friends get together.
- When younger my parents asked me to count up to 10, I counted the numbers by pointing at my fingers, my parents asked me if I could count any higher and I counted with my fingers again, but this time putting my hands above my head.
- I once brought a random guy who I thought was my flatmate's boyfriend to my flatmate and connected their hands. They were both very confused, I later explained this story to her and she found it hilarious.
- My dad was once stopped whilst belaying me on a climbing wall by this really over-eccentric, dramatic guy, who rushed in like he was a super hero and took over, he was very happy with himself that someone had made a mistake.
submitted by JakeN9 to BenignExistence [link] [comments]

Back To The Future, 9/11 and Donald Trump

Back To The Future, 9/11 and Donald Trump
Back to the Future was one of my favorite movie trilogies growing up and so to find out it has many strange parallels to the world we're living in right now was pretty strange. Let's start of with this the most obvious similarity, Biff and Trump.
If you haven't seen it, in the 2nd one the bully/bad guy of the movie gets a Sport Almanac from his future self in 1955 and becomes rich and powerful by betting on the winners from the information in the book. When the main character goes back to his present time, in 1985, he realizes Biff has changed his time into a hellish nightmare. Here is the scene when the main character (Marty McFly played by Michael J Fox) discovers the present time has been altered and Biff is very rich and powerful.
Donald Trump is Biff Tannen in BttF2 - Youtube
https://preview.redd.it/8tb5y1f0w5h11.jpg?width=600&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5634828242e7016e07b2c0eab34aef2a2a26c8f1
Notice how it's his 3rd marriage? 2015 is the year Biff went back in time to give his 1955 self the Sports Almanac. He tells him he'll never lose. 2015 is also the year Trump announced his candidacy for president. Biff is keeping his 3rd wife (Marty McFly's mom) basically hostage because she wants to leave him and he threatens her if she does. Melania seems to not be too happy with Trump. Wonder if he's threatening her too with something.
The bully's name is Biff Tannen. Tannenbaum means "Christmas Tree" in German.
https://appellationmountain.net/tannen-baby-name-day/
Tannen comes from the German word for fir tree, tanna. It seems to apply mostly to pine, but that’s not the current name for the tree – in German, a pine tree is called Kiefer.
But tannen and tannin have interesting histories of use, and have influenced many a word and name over the years.
As a place name, Tannen is found on the map throughout Germany. There’s Tannenberg, the site of 1410 battle. The powerful German Knights of the Teutonic Order were defeated by a Polish-Lithuanian army. The victory loomed large in stories and legends, though it is typically referred to as the Battle of Grunwald in Polish. A major reenactment takes place every year on the battle’s anniversary.
It was also the site of a World War I battle between the Germans and the Russians – sort of. The fighting took place a few miles away, but when the Germans were victorious, they reclaimed the name Tannenberg to emphasize that they had made up for the loss from 500 years earlier.
Chances are you hear the name and think “O Tannenbaum,” as in the Christmas carol. The tune is borrowed from a sixteenth century folk song. It was once a love song about a faithless maiden. But in the nineteenth century, the tradition of decorating a Christmas tree became common in Germany. There are multiple versions of the lyrics, but today they all emphasize the tree as a symbol of loyalty: “how steadfast are your branches.”
Besides the obvious correlation to the pine cone/pinael gland/third eye we have a reference to military battles.
There's a famous scene where Marty get's fired and he get's a bunch of faxes and messages saying "You're Fired". (The Apprentice)
You're Fired! - Youtube
There's this newspaper cover when they're showing Biff's rise to fame with an article talking about a Soviet leader offering dates for a Summit. While the headline reads "Biff Wins Again"
https://preview.redd.it/36ntqu45x5h11.jpg?width=650&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=409b28d01128f921e697c1e008961a7a94eaa53b
The 1955 version of Biff also lived with his grandmother on "Mason" street.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biff_Tannen
He has been living with his grandmother, Gertrude Tannen, at 1809 Mason Street for some time by November 1955.
https://www.behindthename.com/name/gertrude
Gertrude means "spear of strength", derived from the Germanic elements ger "spear" and thrud "strength". Saint Gertrude the Great was a 13th-century nun and mystic writer. It was probably introduced to England by settlers from the Low Countries in the 15th century. Shakespeare used the name in his play 'Hamlet' (1600) for the mother of the title character. A famous bearer was the American writer Gertrude Stein (1874-1946).
Biff has a great grandfather that you meet in Part 3 when they go back to the old west in 1885, his name is Buford "Mad Dog" Tannen. The same nick name as Trump's Secretary of Defense, James Mattis. Neither of them like the name very much.
General Mattis just made it pretty clear he hates his 'Mad Dog' nickname
https://www.ancestry.com/name-origin?surname=buford
English: most probably a variant of Beaufort. Possibly an Anglicized spelling of French Buffard, which is from Old French bouffard, a term which meant ‘puffing and blowing’, hence an unflattering nickname for an irascible or self-important man.
Buford isn't really "self important" in the movie, he's just kind of a dumb bully. Trump is definitely self important.

But MUCH more significant than that connection, there's this:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yahweh
The oldest plausible recorded occurrence of Yahweh is as a place-name, "land of Shasu of yhw", in an Egyptian inscription from the time of Amenhotep III (1402–1363 BCE), the Shasu being nomads from Midian and Edom in northern Arabia. In this case a plausible etymology for the name could be from the root HWY, which would yield the meaning "he blows", appropriate to a weather divinity.

Buford, just like Trump, doesn't like bad press. Although Buford doesn't like it to the point he shot a news paper editor for "printing an unfavorable story about him in 1884."

http://www.sheknows.com/baby-names/name/marty
Marty
Latin Meaning: The name Marty is a Latin baby name. In Latin the meaning of the name Marty is: Of Mars (the Roman god of war); warlike. Famous Bearer: black civil-rights leader Martin Luther King.
Seamus
In Gaelic the meaning of the name Seamusis: Form of James. Supplanter.
http://www.sheknows.com/baby-names/name/george
George
In Greek the meaning of the name George is: From 'georgos' meaning tiller of the soil, or farmer. Famous bearer: St George, patron saint of England, who struggled with a fire breathing dragon symbolizing the devil.
https://www.houseofnames.com/mcfly-family-crest
McFly
It was originally given to a dark-featured, peaceful person. The Gaelic name of the Clan is Mac Dubhshithe, which translates as black one of peace. One branch of the Clan on the island of North Uist was known as Dubh-sidh, meaning 'black fairy,' due to their whimsical association with the faerie folk.
Seems like an odd place for a Star of David
I have said several times that Obama and Trump seemed to be headed for some sort of showdown. And I have absolutely no clue what form this "showdown" will take but with the 4 definitions of each of the names Marty, Seamus, George and McFly, it seems to almost fit too perfectly (and my theory of Trump being the Antichrist). With the definitions of Marty and McFly seeming to contradict each other (Marty equating to Mars, the god of war. McFly being a dark featured peaceful person) I figured that Mars must have something to do with Obama's Astrological chart. So I googled Obama and Mars and the results aren't exactly what I was expecting.
Conspiracy Theory: Obama went to Mars as teen
WHITE HOUSE DENIES CIA TELEPORTED OBAMA TO MARS
Barack Obama: America will take the giant leap to Mars
President Obama Really Wants People To Live On Mars
Presidential Candidate Says He Time Traveled to Mars With Barack Obama in Secret Government Program

Marty also convinces George to go to the "Enchantment Under the Sea Dance" (sounds like an allusion to the Matrix we are in and Neptune with his Trident is at the dance) by sneaking into his room, dressing up like an Alien Astronaut and claiming to be Dark Vader from the planet Vulcan. This is where George completely changes the timeline from Marty's future, knocks out Biff and Biff no longer bullies him. Since Biff is Trump...

https://i.redd.it/vr884izod0o11.jpg
https://i.redd.it/4d7lb7opd0o11.jpg
https://i.redd.it/xh1bjpqqd0o11.jpg
https://i.redd.it/sx23t9h8e0o11.jpg
https://i.redd.it/kjo5x2prd0o11.jpg

Considering they just discovered the planet Vulcan is real, I have no idea what to make of all of this.

(Btw, I am making no claims whatsoever as to the nature of Obama, whether he is good or bad. Personally, I don't trust anyone who is trying to rule so bad is always my default. I am just telling you what the movie is saying.)​

Doc Brown also had a very strong liking of Jules Vern. He wrote a book called "A Journey to the Centre of the Earth" which is basically about the Hollow Earth theory. The Hollow Earth Theory is something that always seems to come up in these Masonic predictive tv shows/movies/books.

Doc's dog in the past, his name is Copernicus. ​Copernicus is the man who came up with the name we use today for the star Regulus, which is Latin for "The little king".

https://www.space.com/22890-regulus.html
In Latin Rex, from which Copernicus constructed the name we use today: Regulus, The Little King.

Trump's star is Regulus. (The little king, the little baron, ie. the little horn in the book of Daniel)

In the 3rd movie, Doc mentions that his family changed their last name to Brown during WWI from von Braun. Wernher von Braun was the father of rocketry. According to a woman who he mentored in his late life, he warned her of our government building weapons in space for nefarious reasons.

Dr Carol Rosin @ Disclosure Project - Wernher von Braun Warnings - Youtube

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wernher_von_Braun
Wernher von Braun (March 23, 1912 – June 16, 1977) was a German (and, later, American) aerospace engineer and space architect. He was the leading figure in the development of rocket technology in Germany and the father of rocket technology and space science in the United States.
In his twenties and early thirties, von Braun worked in Nazi Germany's rocket development program. He helped design and develop the V-2 rocket at Peenemünde during World War II. Following the war, he was secretly moved to the United States, along with about 1,600 other German scientists, engineers, and technicians, as part of Operation Paperclip. He worked for the United States Army on an intermediate-range ballistic missile (IRBM) program and he developed the rockets that launched the United States' first space satellite Explorer 1. His group was assimilated into NASA, where he served as director of the newly formed Marshall Space Flight Center and as the chief architect of the Saturn V super heavy-lift launch vehicle that propelled the Apollo spacecraft to the Moon. In 1975, von Braun received the National Medal of Science. He advocated a human mission to Mars.

He also was involved with this.​

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rotating_wheel_space_station

A rotating wheel space station, or von Braun wheel, is a hypothetical wheel-shaped space station that rotates about its axis, thus creating an environment of artificial gravity. Occupants of the station would experience centripetal acceleration according to the following equation,
In principle, the station could be configured to simulate the gravitational acceleration of Earth (9.81 m/s2).
Both scientists and science fiction writers have thought about the concept of a rotating wheel space station since the beginning of the 20th century. Konstantin Tsiolkovsky wrote about using rotation to create an artificial gravity in space in 1903. Herman Potočnik introduced a spinning wheel station with a 30-meter diameter in his Problem der Befahrung des Weltraums (The Problem of Space Travel). He even suggested it be placed in a geostationary orbit.
In the 1950s, Wernher von Braun and Willy Ley, writing in Colliers Magazine, updated the idea, in part as a way to stage spacecraft headed for Mars. They envisioned a rotating wheel with a diameter of 76 meters (250 feet). The 3-deck wheel would revolve at 3 RPM to provide artificial one-third gravity. It was envisaged as having a crew of 80.
In 1959, a NASA committee opined that such a space station was the next logical step after the Mercury program. The Stanford torus, proposed by NASA in 1975, is an enormous version of the same concept, that could harbor an entire city.
NASA has never attempted to build a rotating wheel space station, for several reasons. First, such a station would be very difficult to construct, given the limited lifting capability available to the United States and other spacefaring nations. Assembling such a station and pressurizing it would present formidable obstacles, which, although not beyond NASA's technical capability, would be beyond available budgets. Second, NASA considers the present space station, the ISS, to be valuable as a zero gravity laboratory, and its current microgravity environment was a conscious choice.
More recently, NASA has explored plans for a Nautilus X centrifuge demonstration project. If flown, this would add a centrifuge sleep quarters module to the ISS. This makes it possible to experiment with artificial gravity without destroying the usefulness of the ISS for zero g experiments. It could lead to deep space missions under full g in centrifuge sleeping quarters following the same approach

Trump bought the creator of the DeLorean's estate in 1999 and turned it into a golf course.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_DeLorean
In 1999, DeLorean declared personal bankruptcy after having fought around 40 legal cases since the collapse of DeLorean Motor Company. He was forced to sell his 434-acre (176 ha) estate in Bedminster, New Jersey, in 2000. It was purchased by real estate tycoon Donald Trump and converted to a golf course.

During all 3 movies you have a common landmark/building that is talked about. The Clock Tower.
Save The Clock Tower: The Hill Valley Preservation Society
Hill Valley is like an oxymoron. They're opposites. So what's the name all about?
The compass and the square. The symbol of the Freemasons.
Save The Clock Tower!
Hill Valley Preservation Society? Notice the purple store behind her? The Third Eye? With the eye enclosed in a triangle.
The Level and the Plumb of Freemasonry
Doc has an obsession with clocks. That would make perfect sense for someone obsessed with Time Travel but does this relate to anything else?
These are two common symbols in Freemasonry, referred to as the Level and the Plumb. But they look like clocks to me. Even dare I say, clock towers.
"Ladies and gentlemen, as mayor of Hill Valley, it gives me great pleasure to dedicate this clock to the people of Hill County. May it stand for all time!"—Mayor Hubert, September 5, 1885

The Flux Capacitor

It's what makes Time Travel Possible
http://backtothefuture.wikia.com/wiki/Flux_capacitor
On November 5, 1955, Emmett Brown came up with the idea of the flux capacitor after slipping and bumping his head while standing on his toilet to hang a clock. The idea came to him in a vision he had after being knocked out. He drew up a schematic diagram of an inverted Y-shape with wires and stated "flux compression". He also performed some mild calculations on the paper.
Note: The following section is considered non-canon or is disputed in canonicity.
Since coming up with the idea, Doc spent many years and most of his family fortune trying to get it to work. By 1962, he had invented the temporal field capacitor. It was a prototype time machine that was able to send objects through time, but only during the lifespan of the device. It could only send objects forward through time, as sending objects even a few minutes into the past would cause a buildup of flux energy. If an object was sent any further back than that, the arrival of the object would overheat the capacitor and start an electrical fire. The problem with the build-up of flux energy was solved by the flux capacitor, allowing time travel to the future, as well as the past.
Non-canon or disputable information ends here.
The flux capacitor consisted of a box with three small, flashing incandescent lamps arranged as a "Y", located above and behind the passenger seat of the time machine. As the car neared 88 miles per hour, the light of the flux capacitor pulsed faster until it had a steady stream of light, which one was not supposed to look at as indicated by the Dymo warning label SHIELD EYES FROM LIGHT placed across the glass panel. The stainless steel body of the DeLorean also had a beneficial effect on the "flux dispersal" as the capacitor activated, although Doc was interrupted by the arrival of the Libyans before he could finish explaining it to Marty McFly fully. Accessing the flux capacitor safely required disconnection of the capacitor drive, as the Dymo warning label at the top of the unit — DISCONNECT CAPACITOR DRIVE BEFORE OPENING — pointed out.
The coils that can be seen across the front and along the rear sides can be referenced as the temporal demodulation coils (as used in the original blueprints of the vehicle). These play a key part to open a hole in the time barrier.
The light pulsing faster and faster until it's a steady stream of light kind of sounds like the spiritual idea of people controlling their vibrations and turning into light.

https://preview.redd.it/edl1e9v64jj11.jpg?width=1079&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=87a1e820af2fe4ddf43dc65899832451d06993e6
Looking closer at the Clock Tower, it looks familair.
https://preview.redd.it/ayxxz38x6hh11.jpg?width=1600&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a3c94838183b486e2dce065089854ec2b142da7a
https://preview.redd.it/gjf3kv0n6hh11.jpg?width=1200&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7a17b5dfe1f2583aee49e8f1e77ec8310342cd27
The Clock Tower looks shockingly similar to the White House. I had watched these movies several times but I didn't notice til recently that "Biff's Pleasure Paradise" is actually an add on of the Clock Tower building.
The face of the clock seems to be destroyed too with the clock still stuck on 10:04.

Back To The Future Fan Theories

http://www.cracked.com/article_22284_7-disturbing-details-you-never-noticed-in-back-to-future.html
A Creepy Stranger Might Be The Most Important Character In The Entire Trilogy
https://preview.redd.it/suhh7wxw3hi11.jpg?width=610&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=393f991c909ff9bca4be0737ca869cd0088dfeea
The stated philosophy of the Back To The Future movies is that the future is whatever you make of it. That's bullshit. In reality, your future depends on the whims of some old guy named Terry who scoops crap out of cars for a living. Don't remember him? He's the random "save the clock tower" dude from Part II who, through a seemingly offhand comment about the Chicago Cubs, gives Marty the idea to buy the sports almanac that turns the second movie into a clusterfuck of alternate timelines and recycled footage.
It's weird to have a character in crappy old-age makeup when we don't see him in the past -- except we do see Terry in the past. When Old Biff steals the DeLorean and travels to 1955 to give himself the sports almanac, Terry shows up again as Young Biff's mechanic/shit remover.
At first glance it seems like just a crazy coincidence, the same person appearing in 2015 and in 1955 on the exact day that Old Biff travels back to. Of course, they never really explain why Biff picked that specific date, other than the producers presumably wanting to reuse the sets from the first movie.
Well, a deleted scene explains the connection and reveals that this random man might be the most important character in the whole franchise. Terry actually interacts with Old Biff in 2015: He complains that the cheap bastard never paid him for his work 60 years ago, even mentioning the exact date. It's this little spat that inspires Biff to go back to that particular day, because getting out of paying an auto mechanic is apparently the greatest achievement of his life. This means that Terry the clock tower guy is secretly responsible for all the major events of Back To The Future Part II and, by extension, Part III. He's not a mechanic; he's a Doctor Who villain.
Oh, and since Terry is working to preserve the clock tower, it's safe to assume that he's part of the Hill Valley Preservation Society -- you know, the people that give Marty that plot-essential flier at the beginning of the first movie. Did Terry orchestrate everything that happens in these films while trapped in a Groundhog Day-esque time loop? Seems like the only plausible explanation.

Seeing how this guy is a part of the "Hill Valley Preservation Society" and that equates to the Freemasons, this is pretty much telling us that they control major world events through manipulation and with all the evidence here about just how intertwined all of this is not only with reality but within the movie itself, I'd have a hard time refuting this.

Why November 5th 1955?
http://backtothefuture.wikia.com/wiki/November_5
Writer Bob Gale's father, attorney Mark R. Gale of St. Louis, was born. In his commentary to the first film, Bob Gale said that the choice of this date in the film script was just a coincidence. His father would have turned 33 years old on the day his film character Doc Brown discovered time travel in 1955.

A real life scientist named Ronald L. Mallett whose father died in 1955 at age 33. This caused him to spend his entire life trying to figure out a way to travel through time to save his father.

Remember, remember, the 5th of November
The Gunpowder Treason and plot;
I know of no reason why Gunpowder Treason
Should ever be forgot.

33 years from the year the first movie came out in 1985, is 2018. November 5th, 2018 is the day before the midterm elections.

​1955 is the year Albert Einstein died.

The Lockard Theory
BttF Lockard Theory - Youtube
Great Scott! The Entire Back to the Future Trilogy Is One Big Chiasmus
I’ve discovered that some films follow a chiasmus formula in the way their stories are set up. What is a chiasmus? It’s an ancient writing structure in which ideas are listed in one order and then repeated in the opposite order to form a complete idea.

BttF: The Greys and the 3rd Eye - Youtube

BttF - The Greek Gods: Cronus, Zeus, Poseidon and Hades - Youtube

BttF: Through the Wormhole - Youtube

Bttf: Blast From the Past - Youtube

BttF - Assassination of JFK (Prediction of Assassination of Trump?) - Youtube

Back To The Future Predicts 9/11
I think the creator of that video was more right than he knew because there are key pieces he is missing that didn't become more clear until recently.
Tannen is a name for a pine tree and Biff means to hit or strike something, Biff Tannen = to hit or strike a pine tree. Since Biff = Trump, this gives more meaning to this prediction than the author of the video realized. Trump is part of the realizing it's all an illusion and he's also a part of the 9/11 conspiracy. If you'll also notice, when Marty goes back when the sign says "Lone Pine Mall" the clock says 1:33. 33 is the highest degree of Freemansonry, its the number of Christ consciousness according to them. The 2 stop watches say 1:19. Trump was elected president on 11/9.

A man named Charles Delischau created a bunch of artwork that he claimed were flying machines in the late 1800's / early 1900's. Charles was said to have belonged to a secret group that discovered something called "NB Gas".

The Mystery of "NB Gas" solved and "Aero" Airship Flight: A Chemical Perspective
According to Dellschau, one of the members (Peter Mennis who was an inventor and pilot) had discovered a formula for an anti-gravity fuel called the mysterious "NB gas" ("weight nullifying gas"). "NB Gas" was also called "lifting fuel", "supe", "suppe" or "suppa". This anti-gravity fuel according to Dellschau drove the ship[s's wheels, side paddles and compressor motors. Enclosed is a brief description of his 1856 "aero" motor.
  1. A secret powder was added to water
  2. The resulting solution was dripped into a "special drum"
  3. The liquid was converted to "NB Gas"
  4. A chemical reaction causes the drum to spin
  5. This then powers an "air compressor" an apparatus for lift and propulsion

One of the names he gave to one of these supposed flying crafts, was Aero Trump.

https://preview.redd.it/pvp7e8opb7j11.jpg?width=1280&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=03cc5dec72c839e0e225846c2eab6c5597d6f917
Notice the 70 on the lower left corner of the drawing above and the 4599 on the bottom right side. Trump was 70 when he became the 45th President and 9 being the highest single digit number. Now this doesn't very well look like it can fly does it? To me, it looks like a train. Well where have we seen a flying train before?
https://preview.redd.it/3vi4a5mvd7j11.jpg?width=1920&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7cf4bbf0d0d4af806e937ecd0dd9bcab57e7cddd

Doc claims that the train is powered by "steam". Trump's grandpa came to America in 1885, the year they are in during the movie. With Trump's connections to Tesla and all the time traveling theories, this just keeps getting weirder and weirder.

And Just When You Thought It Couldn't Get Weirder...

Wait until I delve into the REAL Clock Tower. Big Ben, in London, which just so happens to be next to a Ferris Wheel called the Eye and another Cleopatra's Needle. Just Like Trump Tower.
submitted by Oblique9043 to TheGreatDeception [link] [comments]

[OC] Blast From the Past: Stars of the 2000s Pt.3 - C-Webb

Previous Posts
Gilbert Arenas
Rasheed Wallace

CHRIS WEBBER

After being 2nd in voting two times in a row, he finally gets his own writeup.
What are 3 things that come to mind when you think of C-Webb?
  1. This
  2. This
  3. This
Just kiddin', put some respect on the man's name. Webber's been in the spotlight for longer than most of you all have been alive. He's been followed around since the start of his junior year (89-90) of high school. Jordan didn't have a ring at this time, LeBron and the Banana Boat crew were all 8 or younger. The Bobcats, Grizzlies, Raptors franchises weren't even around.
Player Comp: Giannis’s point guard skills/Pau's finesse/Griffin's athleticism.

High School and College

Webber attended Detroit Country Day School and at the time was the biggest thing out of Michigan high school basketball since Magic Johnson. Webber won three state championships with Country Day. As a senior in high school, Webber averaged 29.4 points and 13 rebounds per game. He was named Michigan's Mr. Basketball and the 1990–1991 National High School player of the year. He was named MVP in both the McDonald's All-Star game.
You know you're big when your college career is more detailed than most NBA careers.
Webber attended the University of Michigan for two years. While a Michigan Wolverine, Webber led the group of players known as the Fab Five, which included himself, Juwan Howard, Jalen Rose, Jimmy King, and Ray Jackson. This group entered Michigan as freshmen in the fall of 1991. The Fab Five became immensely popular. Four of the Fab Five (Webber, Rose, Howard, and King) made it to the NBA.
In Webber's last ever college game- Michigan's second consecutive championship game with 11 seconds remaining, Webber brought the ball up the court into a half court trap. Michigan was down 73–71. Webber attempted to call for a timeout while his team had none remaining, resulting in a technical foul that effectively clinched the game for North Carolina. Webber continues to receive ridicule for his time-out error. His father has a license plate that says timeout, Jesus Christ that's just brutal.
The game marked the end of Webber's two-year collegiate basketball career. In his second season, he was a first team All-American selection and a finalist for the John R. Wooden Award and Naismith College Player of the Year.
These awards and honors have been vacated due to University of Michigan and NCAA sanctions related to the University of Michigan basketball scandal. In that scandal, Webber received over $200,000 from a local booster while playing basketball for Michigan. Webber was convicted of perjury and banned from any affiliation with the Michigan program until 2013. The irony of this scandal was that Michigan got busted while trying to recruit Mateen Cleaves, who would join their direct rivals and become a Michigan State Spartan instead. (Go Green!)

The Draft

Upon being selected by the Orlando Magic with the 1st pick Webber was immediately traded to the Golden State Warriors in exchange for Penny Hardaway and three future first round draft picks.

The Warriors

Webber had one of the best seasons for a rookie ever, averaging 17.5 points and 9.1 rebounds per game and ran away with the NBA Rookie of the Year Award. He was instrumental in leading the Warriors back into the playoffs where they were swept by the Charles Barkley-led Phoenix Suns in three games. However, he feuded with his coach, Don Nelson. Nelson wanted to make Webber primarily a post player, despite Webber's superb passing ability and good ball handling skills for someone his size at 6 ft 10 in (2.08 m) tall. It's like JKidd forcing Giannis to be a post player rather than unleashing him on the league as a 2K demigod come to life. Webber also disliked playing center in small-ball lineups.. In the 1994 off-season, the Warriors acquired Rony Seikaly so that Webber could play primarily at power forward. It was too late. Webber exercised a one-year escape clause in his contract, stating he had no intention of returning to the Warriors. Golden State agreed to a sign-and-trade deal, sending Webber to the Washington Bullets for forward Tom Gugliotta and three first-round draft picks.

The Bullets

Webber was traded to the Washington Bullets where he was reunited with his college teammate, Juwan Howard. He spent the next three years with the Bullets. He improved his averages in 94-95 as he averaged 20.1 points and 9.6 rebounds. He only played 15 games in 95-96 due to injuries, he averaged 23.7 points and 7.6 rebounds. Webber rebounded the following year averaging a double-double for the first time in his career (20.1 - 10.3) and was named to his first All-Star team in 1997. The same season, Webber led the Bullets into the playoffs for the first time in nine years, but they were swept by the Bulls in three games. The Wizards regressed the following year, missing the playoffs. Webber averaged 21.9 and 9.5

The Kings

A player of C-Webb's caliber wouldn't spend 6 seasons with 3 teams. He had monster potential and monster stats, but his frequency to clash with people made teams stay away. He was traded to the Kings for Mitch Richmond and Otis Thorpe. To Webber's disdain, Sacramento were perennial basement dwellers. It would all change quickly as the Kings quickly assembled a core that would be a player in the West for years t come..
  • Along with Webber arriving, they signed Peja Stojakovic and Vlade Divac
  • They drafted White Chocolate.
The Kings won 27 games in 98-99.
But it was a lockout shortened season, so 27 wins got them the 6th seed and a date with the Utah Jazz. Webber, who just finished the season averaging 20 and 13(league leader in rebounds) helped the Kings push the Jazz to 5 games but ultimately lost.
The new-look Kings led by Webber became one of the league's top franchises and NBA title contenders. Webber was a perennial All- Star and was one of the premier power forwards in the NBA.
For the 1999–2000 season Webber was the cover athlete on NBA Jam 2000. Webber led the Kings to 44 wins, which was only good enough for the 8th seed and they faced the Los Angeles Lakers in the first around the playoffs. They were not intimated. The home team won all the games in the series with the Lakers taking the first two games of the series in Los Angeles and the Kings won the next two in Sacramento, behind a 23-14-8-7-4 statline from Webber in game four. The series went back to Los Angeles for a deciding game 5. The Kings lost Game 5 and the series to the Lakers who went on to win the championship that year. Webber averaged 24.5 and 10.5 for the season. The playoff series saw Jason Williams being benched in the fourth quarter in all 5 games due to his turnover-prone style.
Webber had a 2000–01 season for the ages, averaging a career-high 27.1 points and 11.1 rebounds. He finished 4th in MVP voting and was an All-Star starter for the West. In the 2001 Playoffs, Webber and the Kings won their first playoff series together, dispatching the Phoenix Suns in four games of the first round to advance to the second round, where they faced the Los Angeles Lakers for a second year in a row. Unfortunately, the Lakers were in the midst of the greatest playoff run in history and swept the Kings in 4.
The offseason was a big one for Webber and the Kings as on July 27, 2001, Webber signed a $127 million, seven-year contract with the Kings. The Kings were also getting frustrated for Jason "incapable of completing a chest pass" Williams due to his tendency for turnovers. They traded him and Nick Anderson for Mike Bibby and Brent Price.
In the 2001–02 season, Webber was hampered by injuries only playing in 54 games. But he and Bibby formed one of the leagues best 1-2 punches, leading the Kings to a Pacific division title and a franchise-record (and league-best) 61–21 season. He also made his fourth All-Star team and the All-NBA Second Team.
In the 2002 Playoffs the Kings defeated the Utah Jazz and Dallas Mavericks in a combined 9 games (Utah 3-1, Dallas 4-1).

The Most Controversial Series Ever

This sets up the 2002 Western Conference Finals against their arch rivals, the defending-champion Los Angeles Lakers led by Kobe Bryant and Shaquille O'Neal. It was the most controversial series in NBA history and one of the most controversial in North American sports history.
The series wasn't very controversial at the start through 3 games, as the Kings took a 2-1 lead.
Game 4 saw the Kings lead by as many as 24. The Lakers kept chipping away at the lead. With 26.9 seconds left, Shaq proved he was physically capable of making free throws, making both at the line to make it a 1 point game. Value Divac misses a free throw at the other end before making his second one. With a two-point lead, this happened.
Could the Kings come back from this? You bet they do, Chris Webber drops 29 and 13 and Mike Bibby brings home the win. The Kings take a 3-2 series lead, setting the stage for the biggest bullshit the NBA ever pulled.
Game Six was a game that had many controversial calls, including a late-game foul on Mike Bibby—after he was bleeding from being elbowed in the nose by Bryant. In a nutshell, this sums it up. The Lakers shot 27 free throws in the fourth quarter. Tim Donaghy alleged that this game was fixed by the NBA while the NBA ruled that this game was poorly officiated with no evidence of being fixed ("Ratings").
With that being said, it set up a Game 7. The Kings dream season came to this. was nip Webber recorded 20 points, 11 assists, 8 rebounds, 2 blocks and 1 steal and Bryant had 30 points, 10 rebounds, 7 assists and 2 steals. Shaq had 35 points, 13 rebounds, 4 blocks and 2 assists. The game went into overtime with missed shots from teammates Stojakovic and Doug Christie. Chris Webber fouled O'Neal with 1:27 left in overtime. O'Neal made both free throws and the Kings would go on to lose Game 7 of the series at home. It was the closest that Webber ever got to a championship, it was all downhill from here.
By the way for more about the match-fixing stuff, there's a YT channel dedicated to his here

The Beginning of the End

In the next season, Webber averaged 23 points and 11 rebounds per game.Webber's injury woes continued, missing the All Star game with a sprained ankle. In the second game of the 2003 Western Conference Semifinals against the Dallas Mavericks, Webber suffered a career-threatening knee injury while running down the lane that forced him to miss nearly a year of action. This put Webber's career at risk and the Kings's title chances on life support. The Kings would go on to lose this series.
Webber missed a massive chunk of the next season but returned for the final 23 games of the 2003–04 season, in which he led the Kings into the 2004 Playoffs where they faced the Dallas Mavericks for the third year in a row, the Kings defeated the Mavericks in five games in the first round. They reached the Western Conference Semifinals against the top-seeded Minnesota Timberwolves led by league MVP Kevin Garnett.
The Kings and Wolves were in a heated series going all the way to a deciding Game 7. Webber had 16 points, 8 rebounds, 4 assists and 1 steal and Garnett recorded a defensive performance for the ages with 32 points, 21 rebounds, 2 assists, 4 steals, and 5 blocks. The last play of the game with the Kings trailing the Timberwolves with 02.5 seconds left in the game, Webber received the inbounds pass and pump-faked Garnett in the air and got a clean look as Garnett avoided contact for a three-point shot. It rimmed out as time expired and the Kings lost Game 7 and the series, marking the third year in a row that the Kings lost a Game 7. The Kings have never won a playoff series since. Webber averaged 18.7 and 8.7 in his last full season with the Kings.
He goes down as arguably the greatest King of all time.

The Sixers

In February 2005, Webber was traded, along with Michael Bradley and Matt Barnes, to the Philadelphia 76ers for Kenny Thomas, Brian Skinner, Corliss Williamson. Webber became the second star on the 76ers, behind Allen Iverson. He eventually helped the Sixers earn a berth in the 2005 playoffs, where the Sixers lost to the Detroit Pistons. Webber averaged 15.6 and 7.9 in his half-season with Philadelphia.
However, they did not reach the playoffs in 2006, despite Webber putting up a 20-10 statline. The injury he suffered years back came back to bite him as due to the microfracture surgery on his knee, Webber lost his lateral quickness and jumping ability. Webber was seen as a defensive liability and was usually benched for the 4th quarters. This caused Webber to reportedly call for a trade.
During the 2006–07 season Webber only played 18 of 35 games for the Sixers leading the media to question his motivation. On January 11, 2007 Sixers GM Billy King announced that the Sixers and Webber had agreed to a buyout on the remaining two years left on his contract. Later that day, the Sixers waived Webber, making him a free agent. Webber averaged 11 and 8 in his final season.

The Pistons

On January 16, 2007, Webber signed with the Detroit Pistons. He has stated throughout his career that he always wanted to play for his hometown team. His usual number 4 had been retired in honor of Joe Dumars, so Webber wore number 84.
The Pistons were the first seed in the East but failed to advance to the finals after losing to the Cleveland Cavaliers in six games in the Eastern Conference Finals, leaving Webber short of an NBA Finals appearance yet again. Indeed, Webber performed well in the 2007 Playoffs despite receiving limited minutes. Webber still managed to average 10 points and 6 rebounds per game in the playoffs and shot an impressive 52.4% from the field. His efforts were highlighted by a Game 5(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sx4z_pCA_6k) performance in the Eastern Conference Finals in which Webber scored 20 points and grabbed 7 boards. Nevertheless, Detroit still lost what turned out to be the key game as LeBron James dropped 48 points, scoring the last 25 for the Cavaliers. Webber ended up averaging 11.3 PPG and 6.7 rebounds for the Pistons. During the off-season, Detroit did not re-sign Webber.

Back in the Bay

On January 29, 2008, the Golden State Warriors signed Webber for the rest of the season. He played in only nine games for the Warriors, averaging 3.9 points and 3.6 rebounds.
On March 25, 2008 (one day after my birthday lol), Webber officially retired from basketball due to persistent problems with his surgically repaired knee and was waived by the Warriors.On March 27, 2008, Webber made his first appearance on television on Inside the NBA on TNT, alongside Charles Barkley and host Ernie Johnson. On April 25, 2008, TNT offered Webber a job to be a commentator for the postseason . On February 6, 2009, Webber returned to ARCO Arena, home of the Sacramento Kings, to participate in the ceremonies surrounding the retirement of his jersey, #4.

Nowadays

Since retiring from the NBA, Webber has become an analyst for the NBA on TNT. At first he served as an occasional guest analyst on TNT's Inside the NBA during the 2008–09 season during Charles Barkley's leave of absence.
He was also a commentator during this year’s March Madness where he was roasted. But hey the man gives out pointers for young ballers to pay attention and provides solid knowledge, he’s probably one of the best in the business. Pretty odd.
Sorry this took ages guys. I was really busy the last week. Vote here whether Jermaine O’Neal or Andre Miller will be next.
submitted by 69memelordharambe420 to nba [link] [comments]

300+ somewhat wholesome facts about my childhood, and what followed. AMA

- I once had a tennis ball roll to me on the school court yard. I panicked and completely missed the ball with my foot, from that day I've had an irrational fear of tennis balls.
- There was this one time, that I attempted to subliminally message my uncle into giving up smoking.
- I once visited my friends house for the first time in secondary school, this friend of mine was telling me about his theory, that if two intelligent people play tic tac toe, it will always be a draw. I then of course in typical Jake fashion lost the game.
- My mum once called the police and told them I had been kidnapped after forgetting to check further down the street.
- My family and I have "meme Sundays" where I show them the memes of the week.
- The first time I ate pistachios my parents forgot to tell me that you need to REMOVE THE SHELLS. I THOUGHT PISTACHIOS WERE JUST A TAD CRUNCHY.
- I used to refuse going anywhere without my healies, as a result I ended up wearing them to church on multiple occasions.
- My family must have thought I was a very weird child, as until and till the age of 14, both my family and extended family bought me packs of batteries.
- My friend was once told to sing in music class, his face went extremely purple as he started to cry, effectively dubbing him the beetroot guy for the rest of the school duration.
- My dad has become known as "the half job nelson" after starting projects such as decorating the bathroom and then leaving them half way refurbished. It once took us 3 years to decorate one small downstairs toilet.
- i have an uncle who tells random titbits, regardless of who's (or if anyone) is listening.
- I was at uni for a year before having a drug induced psychosis and being diagnosed with depression and anxiety.
- I've played piano since a young age and have got to grade 6
- My dad worked at my school when I was growing up
- I passed out in a computing class once.
- One lunch time I convinced my classmates that I had a game on my calculator, but in actual fact just used a bunch of maths symbols.
- There was a school tour guide at our school opening who actively told parents that the school was rubbish.
- I've been using anti-depressants, anti-psychotics and sleep medicines for the past 6 months.
- I used to hack Minecraft servers
- I used to make flash games for my friends at school
- My sister used to have an imaginary alter persona known as Blee, who was given his own mii character.
- I have the most loving family anyone could ask for (you can't change my mind)
- I'm the house's tech guy as I have a degree in rebooting router.
- I've made many projects, one in which I tried to recreate J.A.R.V.I.S, to a very poor standard.
- My parents bought me a pet snake for Christmas, I've was promised one for good GCSE results, but never took them up on the offer.
- I have two floors to my room, albeit small rooms.
- We used to own golden crested newts which are now an endangered species.
- I've tried to commit suicide many times by many different methods. it appears to be one things I'm REALLY bad at.
- I wrote a piece on Neural Networks for my public speaking.
- I've recently realised that I'm bisexual.
- I coded my auntie a website for her art company.
- I used to get so high on weed that I couldn't even talk
- As it turns out, this auntie once ate a weed browny in Peru
- Whilst on holiday my sister got an infection and came up with bumps and bruises. I told her that we would have to cleve her behind, she started crying.
- I'm allergic to cake and water melon (despite it being made of water??)
- I have a loving supportive family, and they bought me a book on the substance DMT for Christmas.
- I am very spoilt
- The house we bought our kittens from a real life crazy cat lady who's house was infested with kittens, the whole place stunk of cat dung. The friend I had brought to this woman's house then gave the crazy cat lady a hug,
- I made racist internet friends who I would verbally abuse me daily whilst we were playing video games.
- I was paranoid for a month straight after being shown the Truman show by my parents.
- one holiday i was holding a shit in so long that when I eventually needed to go, I did a poo so big it wouldn't flush.
- whenever my sister needed the toilets I would make water fall noises and talk about water.
- People used to mistake me for a girl when I was a baby.
- I once skipped lectures for a whole month and replaced it with smoking weed and ordering Chinese cuisine.
- I was asked to edit a clip in high school for a short film called "what if apple never existed"
- I used to teach piano to people
- My attention span only lasts give or take about 0.015 seconds.
- My physics teacher revealed to us that he had recently watched Minecraft trolling videos.
- I've been skiing, my favourite sport is badminton.
- I don't remember my first kiss as I was black out drunk. I was told that it was a light peck, followed up with me being sick on the rug.
- Myself and my sister always wanted a baby brother growing up.
- I have the weird ability to accurately estimate when my food is done without checking the timer.
- I made a google home device for my a2 coursework before it was released.
- My dad used to race stock cars when he was younger.
- My university is 7 hours away from my house.
- I'm studying Computer Science but want to change to Sociology or Psychology
- I know the majority of information regarding drug safety.
- I used to play club penguin
- I once got bullied at a festival for having tatty shoes
- I made a bet with a friend for his phone that I couldn't catch a bunny rabbit
- I was bullied at high school by a boy named Tyler.
- I was moved out of my first school because I wasn't developing fast enough
- I've recently made friends with a super chill, transgender lad
- I tried MDMA and ended up chasing ducks around the university campus
- I once tested to see if the tooth fairy came without telling my parents in order to see if there would still be money.
- My mum came from Sri Lanka and my dad from Guyana
- My 8th year classmates once turned the clock 2 hours early, leading us to be let out of the lesson, after the teacher realised her mistake she sprinted back down the corridor saying "come back!"
- I learnt Russian (to an extent) to communicate with other people in the game CS:GO
- I made a flappy bird clone for my university coursework.
- My dad's birthday is on April the first.
- My first console was the PSP Phat, and my favourite game was Gript Shift. My parents decided me to surprise me with the console just as we were taking off to another country.
- I used to play a mystery game called Spy fox, my mum completed the majority of the games for me, as I couldn't read yet.
- We kept a cattle prod taser in my room for when friends came to my dorm room. We played a game called shock for shock.
- I've played the piano at Disney world Paris to 3 people. I've also played underneath the Eiffel tower.
- My favourite cuisine is sushi
- I once got led to believe that I scored a point in rugby, but as it turns out I was running completely off the pitch. I ended up going head first into a bush.
- I used to be friends with someone at the end of my garden.
- I've built my own PC when I was 14 (it's not that difficult).
- Once as a skinny kid I sat on the swing and the ropes just broke as I fell to the floor.
- My dad would tell us that our brains would rot after we watched sponge bob square pants for 8 straight hours.
- When I first got into gaming, my mum told me that it makes you less sociable, she wasn't wrong.
- I once kept leaning back on my chair during class and annoying a kid behind me. When he finally had enough he pulled my chair back and the table fell flat on my head making a dull thudding noise. The smallest trickle of blood came running from my head. When I got to A&E my head was bandaged up with a massive
- I once started singing and doing an extremely strange dance to myself in the mirror. To my shock and horror I saw a younger school kid just staring me in the face.
- My mum allegedly cried when watching Bambi for the first time.
- My dad bought my mum a SNES as a birthday gift, it has been her favourite present for many years.
- I once unknowingly put my hands into a wasp's nest while walking along a pier, the wasps were not happy.
- I once went against my flatmate in a shot for shot, and as my flatmates had been on my Facebook account earlier announcing it, my mum saw the post and started to get worried.
- I once asked my dad how they made objects out of air, after seeing a glass worker make an ornament.
- One month I helped out at a local charity.
- I'm a reverse closet nerd
- I once drank orange juice and then was forced to brush my teeth by my parents.
- I once had my taxi stolen by my flatmate who was posing as me. When I tried to knock on the cab's window he looked at me as if I was drunk.
- I once ran a botched computing club
- Myself my dad and my sister had a game called Fire wo wo woh, burning wo wo woh, in which you attempt to get a rubber ball in the fire place.
- I spent an unholy amount of time playing the game "Professor Layton" on my mum's DS.
- I shit with no clothes on, always have and always will.
- People started asking my dad for a hair cut after seeing the botched job he did on mine.
- I used to go upstairs to a studio room at lunch times and listening to tunes with friends
- I built an app for my team when entering the Cisco red button challenge of 2013.
- We used to own a pet cat who started meowing at my parents whenever I was crying
- My first word was light
- I'm simultaneously somewhat smart and a complete moron, something something quantum physics something
- I used to be an alter server at my church
- I'm black
- When I was younger myself, my sister and my friend decided to build a bridge out of sticks. Each day a guy came back riding over it his bike, we attempted to put acorns on the track to "burst" his tires. On the third attempt I got really upset and chased him back to his camp ground where here went to hide in his tent. I told his mother about what he had been doing and made him apologise to us.
- I've been on two long boating holidays
- I was once diagnosed with Arrhythmia of the heart, I convinced myself over the following week that I'd need a pace maker.
- My biology teacher once gave his pet fish medicine.
- I nearly got into a fight outside a chip shop for repeatedly poking a guy whilst drunk, until my friend stepped in and politely asked him to go away.
- I once participated in big fun, it was an event in which myself and my friends went to a children's creche play area on adults night and wandered around like we were children.
- I made a new friend and went to his house, I had uncontrollable farts all night.
- A young family friend of ours asked my dead if he "slipped on a banana", after he had an accident whilst playing badminton.
- I entered the mii plaza and was delivered a nazi hitler wii character.
- I once persuaded my teacher that our german exchange students were Spanish. He then said hola to the german exchange students.
- I cried on my first day at middle-school for getting a century.
- Apparently I told the younger kids at my primary school my words of wisdom, which were if you get to the playground first you get the tricycles.
- I had my tonsils removed after getting tonsillitis.
- When I was younger I slowed down the Alvin and the chipmunk songs to listen to them in the original singers voice.
- When I was younger the show, "the shiny show" seemed to give me a migrane every time it was aired.
- For most of the social gatherings at middle school, I avoided them by saying I just made plans at the last minute.
- My english tutor hated JK Rowling because he allegedly insulted his wife.
- I started following the Yogscast at the time when they were still making Shadow of Israphel
- I made a somewhat strange compilation of scenes 10 years ago in which I had a Dalek and a Cyberman form a romantic bond.
- My favourite and first episode of Doctor Who was Madame De Pompa dour
- I attempted to create a full size replica of K9, but stopped after cutting the wooden base to size.
- I played a messenger in our school production of Shakespeare, in which I mumbled my lines and ran off stage like I was about to cry.
- My music teacher always let me sit at the grand piano, making me even more hated than I already was.
- Even maths mechanics lesson I use to blurt out random answers and got them wrong 80% of the time
- I used to share black eyed peas songs with my friends back when I was using a Nokia phone.
- I once participated in a competition in which we had to create the best protection for keeping an egg safe when chucked out a third floor window.
- I have 2 cats despite being highly allergic to them.
- For every school mufti day bar one, I wore school uniform to school.
- I once had my teacher do some dodgy work with my braces as they were causing me to bleed.
- I once had 4 teeth removed, my mother came in but was immediately squeamish, I found this funny and watched her leave again.
- I once climbed onto the roof of the campus building opposite my balcony.
- I first watched Rick and Morty when I was Ill and thought it was the best thing ever. I've come recently to hate the tv show purely due to it's fan base.
- I once got really mad people were pushing me in the changing room elbowed the air, hitting my friend Charlie in the face.
- I choose my particular university because I realised there would be drugs, as it was a port to sea.
- I cried during the ending scene of Short circuit, when the robot was running out of power.
- When I was younger my dad came into my room to me passed out on my bed looking up pictures of Emma Watson.
- My cousins introduced me to the I GOT GREEN BEANS POTATOES TOMATOES soundtrack.
- I once had a restaurant visit in which I made a face using two wine corks for chubby cheeks
- I once told my family I would meet them at the restaurant, as I had just started a CSGO match. My mum was not impressed when
- I once started selling selling the sunflower seeds with my friend for a amazingly priced £0. Our new business venture was put to a stop after one kid got an allergic reaction as a result of eating sun flower seeds HE KNEW HE WAS ALLERGIC TO.
- I once created a 4 way chess board, invited four people to play, and didn't tell them the rules.
- Most nights of my childhood myself and my dad would sit up in the attic playing Super Mario Bros 3, each time we'd lose our progress because we switched the Nintendo machine off.
- I found out Santa clause wasn't real when my mum was telling our family friend about how cheap she got my present. I later revealed this information to my sister, ruining her childhood as well as mine.
- I once built a portable hacking machine that performed a man in the middle attack
- Myself and my friend invented a country called Alyamania complete with a dictionary and own national anthem.
- I have a dog, 2 cats and a snake, although they don't seem to get on very well.
- I used to watch little cook big cook with my mum and we would make meals together.
- I used to keep two separate diaries, one for centuries and one for merit, as a result I was never put in a detention.
- I am planning on building a vivarium for my snake with two watch out towers connected by a bridge.
- I created a meme yesterday that got 5.0k views.
- I once had a asthma attack whilst running as a replacement, followed by the next day I slammed my hand in a door and my dad locked the car before. The nurses asked my dad if we were seeing any social workers.
- I once got knocked over my Borris Johnson
- I tried research chemicals and couldn't walk for 2 weeks.
- My dad has driven over my toes with his car because "i was being slow".
- I once stopped a guy from falling down an elevator.
- I participated in NCS
- I got Alcohol poisoning the first night I went out drinking and woke up to my two parents either side of me. I needed holding still by my dad so I could go for a pee. The ride home felt like a rollercoaster from hell.
- My parents met each other at Mc Donald's
- I once attempted to fix a go kart's missing axel with sellotape.
- My sister and I created a non-functional Rollar Coaster ride in which we put up a bunch of strings and attached a cardboard box.
- I had severe depression and suicidal thoughts at university. My friends would knock on my door every day and come into my room and sit down.
- Every time my dad left the room, I'm load up Minecraft instead of studying for my GCSE exams.
- I once went scuba diving in an indoor swimming pool.
- I hid in my sisters room more than 20 times in order to jump out at her.
- I attempted DOFE but was left behind by my group, and told them to "go on without me". I later sheepishly dobbed my team in for leaving me in the middle of no where.
- I once won an iPod nano in a raffle after explicitly telling my parents I didn't want to go.
- I used to create PayPal accounts when I was younger and created a new account each time my current account was maxed out.
- Whilst waiting for the meals to come in a restaurant, I'd often play square/dots with my mother.
- I changed my mind on the course I'm studying and switched from Computer Science to Psychology (not confirmed).
- In primary school a gender haired kid called Louis asked me if i knew why we had ball sacks, then promptly told me it was to keep your dick up as you pee.
- When I had nightmares I'd go and sleep in my parents room.
- I had an irrational fear of the dark
- I once stopped talking to a girl for a whole summer holiday because she was distracting me from playing CSGO.
- In my first Minecraft world I built a castle with some friends. The stairs kept catching on fire, my friend told me that happens sometimes. Years later he came forward telling me that HE was the one setting the stairs on fire.
- I have over 2000 hours in the game CSGO.
- I was a prefect at my middle school but took into school a badge that said "perfect" from hawking bazar, and got demoted of my prefect badge.
- I once did a whole project on golden crested newts found in my garden, my project got an A.
- During our short film "What if apple never existed", we recruited the theatre lighting guy who set us all up with explosives. The explosive was understandably extremely underwhelming.
- I once had to call an ambulance for my nanny after she started having a fit.
- We once had a house abroad that was infected by 1000s of ants, we could see them marching under the door.
- My sister was born 3 months early.
- I have never been to a funeral.
- I participated in the cult, the beavers for a short while.
- My parents taught me to gamble at a mere age of 14.
- The best burrito I had I bought in kingston which contained chips.
- I have a lot of ideas but never do anything with them.
- I once found a small snake in a car park, and after being told to let it go by my parents I secretly gave it a kiss.
- We found a bird with a broken wing, we attempted to make it a sling before it's unfortunate death. We wrote the bird a tomb stone with chalk.
- A long time ago I used to have a friend called SkyLordWolfMan, my parents would constantly make fun of the fact I was saying that name for a whole summer.
- I've played piano at both my aunties and music teacher's house
- When I put my hand up in class when my dad was a teacher my dad would always pretend he couldn't see my hand.
- I stayed at school almost every day for my whole high school experience as my dad had to finish off some "late work". It's strange but his work must have involved beer because I could always smell it.
- I once went up to a teacher called Mrs. Jelly, and said "are you feeling wobbly today", fortunately she didn't hear.
- I was once hit in the balls after trying to help with a coconut game.
- I once took a orange cartoon full of vodka into the uni library in order to prepare myself for a presentation. As it turns out I was 1/2 an hour late for the presentation and it had already finished.
- I childishly made mock flamethrowers using a deodorant can and a lighter on multiple occasions at university.
- My first band was Clean Bandit, the clean bandit before they went mainstream.
- When I was younger my parents took myself and my friend to a concert, we both awkwardly stood there without moving for 5 hours, the woman on my left kept nudging me with her elbow, which really hurt.
- My grandad used to be a grand master chess player until his recent departure about a decade ago. I never actually met him, so found it hard to cry with my mother when she was mourning him.
- I used to read Captain Underpants and Alex Skyrider as a kid.
- I once came home with two odd shoes, we spotted it on our way to a restaurant, and the people behind us started laughing.
- On one Geography field trip instead of doing my coursework, I found a bug that allowed me to message all the other workstations on the network. People found it VERY annoying.
- I was once auctioned off to the school for charity.
- I once participated in a band performance where I couldn't feel my fingers.
- When I was younger I had a business venture in which I decided I would rent out a whole
- I had this brief period in my teenage years where I was addicted to making puns.
- My cousin once fell in the pond as she mistook the sea weed for grass.
- I used to run a web show with my sister and her friend where we made a shot for shot budget rip-off of I-Carly
- I once made myself sick as a kid to get out of doing an exam
- I'm a recovering 9gagaholic, this one I'm really ashamed of.
- I once left my phone recording my food whilst telling my flatmates not to steal any. I came back to a video of my flatmate sheepishly deciding over which piece of chicken to take whilst my other flatmate stood still
- One halloween I dressed up as the Cliche Slender man.
- I once had a full blown panic attack whilst in an interview at Maplins, needless to say it didn't go too well. As it turns out this shop has just gone out of business, it's a shame because visiting was my favourite place to go other than Mc Donald.
- I used to have a paper round, but instead of walking, my dad drove me around each street like the lazy fucker I am.
- The first time I played Minecraft I was sent into the nether by my classmates, following this, they broke the portal leaving me stranded in the hell world. I ended up not playing the game again for about a year later.
- I've been to Bletchley park 7 times.
- I've had upwards of 8 quad copters but broke each one.
- My last quadcopter's death was as a result of me demonstrating to my friend how you would lose control of it.
- I used to have this really cool robot that could do back flips. My dad took it into work to show everyone and broke it. When we went back to the shop instead of getting the same toy, they told us that the toy had been discontinued and we would only get a cash refund (resulting in me getting no Christmas present for that year)
- When asked to draw a picture of myself in primary school I added my sister into the drawing
- My earliest memory is driving around the french alps listening to Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds by the Beatles.
- My dad once introduced my mum to a pyramid scheme.
- At the end of a night of clubbing, a lad helped me take my friend back to the flat, then lectured both of us 3 hours on joining his pyramid scheme.
- A girl in my university dorm got upset with me for writing her name on the birthday list. She scribbled her name out and later that day someone else came along and wrote it back on the wall.
- I once fell off a tree and hit my head, could not move for 5 minutes. Felt different ever since.
- My piano teacher gave up on me because I wouldn't listen to anything she was saying.
- I used to ran a Minecraft server in which I'd get donations for in-game ranks.
- I once came up with a plan to infect the internet's VPS servers with viruses.
- When I was younger, my PC was remotely accessed by a hacker, during a session of Minecraft. After sending me attempts to
- I enrolled in a french class and managed to learn a staggering 5 words in french, including bonjour.
- My flatmate once nearly burnt the house down cooking bacon.
- My mum brings coffee up to my room in the morning.
- I wake up to my dog licking my face every other day.
- My mum once came in a snow ball rolling down the hill
- I used to think using XD was the trendiest thing in the world.
- My family and I used to play Wii Party almost every night
- I made a game for the people at my school in which you had to avoid teachers and get to a checkpoint.
- I dream of going sky diving and visiting India in the future.
- For a short period I thought I had autism
- For a short period I wore glasses because I purposely blurred my eyes, I wanted to see what it was like.
- I've got almost perfect 20/20 vision
- When I was younger I had a whole month of depressive mood after coming to the conclusion that someday, my parents will die. Going through Existential nihilism is tough when you're a 10 year old kid.
- My favourite movie is Ex Machina.
- When I was younger I got offered a job at Maplins, only to have my application denied half a decade later.
- I once made a quiz about my home country, Guyana for my class.
- Our project in middle school was to create a wooden frame and do a puppet show for the lower school kids. I spoke to my partner and she said I could keep it in 2 years, she never got back to me.
- I used to host a spy club named SpyG with some close family friends and sister. SpyG was short for "Spy Grownups" as we'd both plant recording devices to listen to what they were saying and taught "potions" classes, which consisted of mixing a bunch of household cleaning products. Inspiring!
- I once stopped someone in a corridor and started singing "stop stop, being so hard on your self" in an incredibly camp and dramatic sounding way.
- My first music event at school was a Beatles concert, my dad had setup.
- We had guinea pigs until a day where I forgot to bring them back inside and they went missing.
- My cat once brought in a dead mouse, and kindly left it in my shoe for me to explore in the morning.
- I bullied my sister into letting me take the cuter kitten, only to find my kitten hated humans.
- My middle school teacher once started a rant about how "you probably all think I'm a terrible teacher". I said yes under my breathe and was sent out immediately.
- We had a latin teacher who told us to go speak with his elevator, Elma when we did something wrong. Additionally he frequently sent his students to "Siberia", which in actuality was just a cold part of the corridor outside the class room.
- I once skipped a GCSE exam to edit my band's auditions.
- I once cried at the breakfast table in front of my parents because the comedown was so bad.
- For a few hours I was a professional DJ.
- I once kept a tech support scammer on the line for a total of three hours during my GCSE exam week.
- I'm able to hold my breathe for a total of 3 minutes.
- I don't have a favourite colour
- I have always and will continue to take the explosion papers out of the Christmas crackers before anyone can get to the table.
- I had a brief period where I would only use words that an 8 can be added onto, such as m8, r8, gr8, f8. One of my Christmas presents was titled "get rekt m8", this bring back many cringe-worthy memories.
- I once electrocuted my room's door handle using a piece of foil, a wire and a shock pen from Chessington world of adventures.
- I wasn't socially aware up until a few years ago.
- I remember one Christmas my parents bought me a tooth brush which came along with a space man video game on a disc. I thought it was the best thing in the world.
- I predicted trump would be the president a few months before he was announced. I shortly did the same with Brexxit.
- My auntie voted out of the EU, because she just "wanted to see if she could do it".
- A silhouette of me peeing was once seen by my family who were waiting in the car. When I came back they were all laughing at me.
- I once excitedly asked my parents if I could unlock the door whilst on holiday only to have the key break in half in the lock. sad!
- On the first day of university I broke down crying in front of my new pal outside on the balcony about how shit I thought university was going to be.
- My mum accidentally mentioned Adolf hitler at a jewish get together, and everyone fell silent.
- I started my second school without any friends and finished it without any friends.
- I once had a psychotic dream that the cleaners at my uni were planning on killing me outside my room.
- When I was younger, I wrote a story ending with the line "and it was all a dream", the teacher was not impressed
- When my dad was at uni he played a prank on his flatmates in which himself and his friends use
- My dad used to have an afro.
- When I was younger I was sat in my friends car with his mum. For some reason she then decided to tell my friend that
- I did 99% of my homework in the 5 minute change between two classes
- I once made a joke ripping on a weighty dude saying "don't give it to him he'll eat them all" about a bag of Christmas sweets.
- I had a phone but no sim card for the majority of my life time.
- One time I woke up to a hangover and ended up buying 20+ paintball tickets to boost my mood.
- My dad was constantly labelled as officially cooler than me at my middle school
- My mum begged me to watch The Matrix, after viewing she said it wasn't very good.
- There was a teacher at my last school who taught German and hated me to much he told a whole other class my grade in an attempt to inspire them.
- We once stole our neighbours blow up snow man and left them a ransom note, the kids were not happy!
- I've never had a girl/boyfriend
- We hid a hidden camcorder between the two fridges at my uni because someone kept stealing food.
- I almost once drowned at sea, fortunately my new french friend carried me back to the sure.
- I have a Soundcloud track with 25,000 plays
- During my primary school days, I invited a girl callled Georgia over to play on the Wii with me. I ended up leaving her to play club penguin with my friends, she spent the rest of the time playing Wii Sports with my mother.
- My favourite show growing up was fairly odd parents.
- Growing up I used to own a Tamagotchi and a PDA (which was very recent at the time)
- I can't have been older than 10 when one day, I decided I would show my uncle a subliminal video in an attempt to subliminally message him into quitting cigarettes. He still smokes cigarettes to this day.
- A teacher at my school once asked if we could go to a red light district on a school trip.
- I used to own a very poor quality Facebook group
- A few days ago I had a dream that I was being sucked out of my body into the after life.
- I was once in my towns local news paper for playing the piano at Ronnie Scotts, despite my performance being terrible.
- I was once the only participant in a school trip, it was plastered with long awkward pauses
- I'd give people climbing lessons and tell them what "rank" they were.
- My child hood memories are all off playing crocodile clips on windows 98
- I knew about Apple wireless ear buds a few months before it was released as I was doing work experience at Artemis, a investment funds manager.
- My teacher constantly called me a hypocrite and when I asked what she meant she said look it up.
- I got a reply from 3kliksphilip on one of my videos
- I once caught a guy stealing usernames and passwords using a phishing site, and he got taken into custody. I was invited to a Code breaking event but turned it down.
- I once setup the school theatre to play Super Mario bros 3 on the big screen.
- I was once described as "shady, but in a wholesome way"
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JaguarGator9's Weird Stat Thread- Super Bowl Edition

After weeks of weird stats, it’s now time for the grand finale of the season. Of course, I’m talking about the Super Bowl. First off, I’m not sure what I’m going to be doing with this series after the Super Bowl with regards to the offseason; I’ll definitely have one of these threads for the NFL Draft, but with everything else, I’m not sure. I’ll come up with something, though- I want to keep producing this content in the offseason the same way that I do in the regular season, because it helps me get through those six dark months (and if it helps you guys too, then great).
We’re going to divide this one up into a few different categories. Part I is going to be between the Broncos and the Panthers. Part II is going to be some weird stats from Super Bowl history. And, part III is the grand finale. It’s the big kahuna. It’s the part that I’ve been holding from you guys for a very long time. It’s the weirdest stat not just that I’ve ever come up with, but quite possibly, of all-time (sounds like an exaggeration now, but when you see it, you’ll see what I mean). I’ll explain how you can relate the halftime show to how good or bad the game turns out to be. But, we’re saving that for a bit. Let’s start off this thread with the Broncos/Panthers history.
Part I- Broncos vs. Panthers
Year Broncos Leading Rusher Panthers Leading Rusher
1997 Terrell Davis Fred Lane
2004 Reuben Droughns Nick Goings
2008 PJ Pope DeAngelo Williams
2012 Willis McGahee Jonathan Stewart
Year Broncos Passing Yards Panthers Passing Yards Winner
1997 233 113 Broncos
2004 224 163 Broncos
2008 158 253 Panthers
2012 295 198 Broncos
Year Previous Year’s #1 R&B Single
1997 Let It Flow (released as a double-A side with another Toni Braxton song)
2004 In Da Club
2008 Lost Without U
2012 Love on Top
2016 See You Again
Year Previous Year’s #1 Christmas Single Artist Winner
1997 2 Become 1 Spice Girls Denver
2004 Mad World Michael Andrews & Gary Jules Denver
2008 When You Believe Leon Jackson Carolina
2012 Wherever You Are Military Wives & Gareth Malone Denver
The last #1 Christmas single in the UK was “A Bridge over You” by the Lewisham and Greenwich NHS Choir, which consists of both males and females. Advantage to the Broncos here.
Year Last Super Bowl Played Was New England There?
1997 XXXI Yes
2004 XXXVIII Yes
2008 XLII Yes
2012 XLVI Yes
2016 XLIX Yes
Year Last Super Bowl Played Facility
1997 XXXI Louisiana Superdome
2004 XXXVIII Reliant Stadium
2008 XLII University of Phoenix Stadium
2012 XLVI Lucas Oil Stadium
2016 XLIX University of Phoenix Stadium
Year Jags Record Did They Meet?
2004 5-11 (2003) Yes
2012 5-11 (2011) Yes
2016 5-11 (2015) Yes
Seeing as these two teams will meet again next regular season, this trend will continue.
Year Masters Champion Nationality Winner
1997 Tiger Woods USA Denver
2004 Phil Michelson USA Denver
2008 Trevor Immelman South Africa Carolina
2012 Bubba Watson USA Denver
For the record, the most recent champion of The Masters was Jordan Speith, an American. Advantage to the Broncos here.
Year Champions League teams Countries Involved Winner
1997 Borussia Dortmund & Juventus Germany/Italy Denver
2004 FC Porto & AS Monaco Portugal/Monaco Denver
2008 Manchester United & Chelsea England Carolina
2012 Chelsea & Bayern Munich England/Germany Denver
The most recent Champions League final was held between FC Barcelona (Spain) and Juventus (Italy), so once again, advantage to the Broncos here.
Year Did Chicago Release a Studio Album? Winner
1997 No (The Heart of Chicago- 1967-1997 was not a studio album) Denver
2004 No Denver
2008 Yes (Chicago XXXII: Stone of Sisyphus) Carolina
2012 No Denver
Chicago has not released an album in the first month of 2016. Advantage to the Broncos here, once again.
Part II- Super Bowl History
Super Bowl Winner Entrance Song Year Loser Entrance Song Year Old or New?
XXXIX NE Crazy Train 1980 PHI Thunderstruck 1990 Old
XL PIT Right Here, Right Now 1999 SEA Bittersweet Symphony 1998 New
XLI IND Won’t Get Fooled Again 1971 CHI Ladies and Gentlemen 2006 Old
XLII NYG Stronger 2007 NE Crazy Train 1980 New
XLIII PIT Right Here, Right Now 1999 ARZ Ignition 2007 Old
XLIV NO Sirius 1982 IND Won’t Get Fooled Again 1971 New
XLV GB Get Ready for This 1991 PIT Right Here, Right Now 1999 Old
XLVI NYG Written in the Stars 2010 NE Crazy Train 1980 New
XLVII BAL Where the Streets Have No Name 1987 SF California Love 1995 Old
This worked with 100% accuracy up until Super Bowl XLVIII. Keep in mind that Super Bowl XXXIX was the earliest video that I could find of entrance songs, and prior to Super Bowl XXXVIII, teams got introduced as individual players, and not as teams
Attendance at the Super Bowl Super Bowls to Fit This Criteria Margin of Victory
70,000 or less I, XXVI, XXXII, XXXVII, XL 14.5 pts
70,000-72,000 VIII, XXXV, XXXVIII, XLII, XLIII, XLVII, XLIX 8.71 pts
72,000-73,000 XVIII, XXIV, XXVIII, XXXI, XXXIV, XXXVI 20.83 pts
73,000-75,000 XX, XXII, XXV, XXXIII, XXXIX, XLI, XLIV 19 pts
75,000-77,000 II, III, XII, XV, XXIII, XXX 12.66 pts
77,000-81,000 IV, V, IX, X, XIII, XXXIX 6.66 pts
81,000-100,000 VI, VII, XVI, XIX, XXVII, XLVIII 21.4 pts
100,000 or more XI, XIV, XXI, XXVII, XLV 13 pts
Levi’s Stadium can be expanded to approximately 75,000 seats, so we’re either getting a Super Bowl in that 20.83 pts range or in that 19 pts range. Not good.
Super Bowl Team that won the toss Result of the flip Venue
XXIX 49ers Heads Joe Robbie Stadium
XXX Cowboys Tails Sun Devil Stadium
XXXII Packers Tails Qualcomm Stadium
XXXIII Falcons Tails Pro Player Stadium
XXXV Giants Tails Raymond James Stadium
XXXVII Buccaneers Tails Qualcomm Stadium
XXXIX Eagles Tails Alltel Stadium
XLI Bears Heads Dolphin Stadium
XLIII Cardinals Heads Raymond James Stadium
XLIV Saints Heads Sun Life Stadium
XLVIII Seahawks Tails MetLife Stadium
Notice a theme here? The last 11 coin tosses that took place in outdoor venues were won by the NFC team. The last time that an AFC team won the coin toss outdoors was all the way back at Super Bowl XXVII, when the Bills won the toss. The last time that an AFC team won the coin toss outdoors AND won the Super Bowl was Super Bowl XVIII, when the Los Angeles Raiders did it.
Super Bowl AFC Champion Margin of Victory NFC Champion Margin of Victory Winner
XXXIV Titans 19 Rams 5 Worse
XXXV Ravens 13 Giants 41 Worse
XXXVI Patriots 7 Rams 5 Greater
XXXVII Raiders 17 Buccaneers 17 N/A
XXXVIII Patriots 10 Panthers 11 Worse
XXXIX Patriots 14 Eagles 17 Worse
XL Steelers 17 Seahawks 20 Worse
XLI Colts 4 Bears 25 Worse
XLII Patriots 9 Giants 3 Worse
XLIII Steelers 9 Cardinals 7 Greater
XLIV Colts 13 Saints 3 Worse
XLV Steelers 5 Packers 7 Greater
XLVI Patriots 3 Giants 3 N/A
XLVII Ravens 15 49ers 4 Greater
XLVIII Broncos 10 Seahawks 6 Worse
XLIX Patriots 38 Seahawks 6 Greater
The Broncos won the AFC Championship this year by 2 points. The Panthers won the NFC Championship by 34 points. The stats favor the Broncos, especially when considering the fact that teams that win the conference championship by more than 17 points since the turn of the millennium are 1-4 in the Super Bowl.
Year of Stanley Cup Victory Next Super Bowl Margin of Victory
1971 VI 21
1973 VIII 17
1992 XXVII 35
2010 XLV 6
2013 XLVIII 35
Year of World Series Appearance Next Super Bowl Margin of Victory
1969 IV 16
1973 VIII 17
1986 XXI 19
2000 XXXV 27
Part III- The Weirdest Stat of All
Well, this is the moment you’ve all been waiting for. I’ve been holding off this stat for a long time; I think I’ve been holding this one off ever since I started the Weird Stat Thread. This is the big one, and it’s one that I’ve had in my back pocket for a very long time. By a very long time, I’m talking about the fact that I’ve been keeping this stat since December of 2013. However, because it’s very hard to explain verbally (and you’ll see why), and because I’ve never had a platform like this before, I’ve never been able to share it to the world.
Now is the time. After more than two years of waiting and refining the stat, it’s finally time to reveal it. It doesn’t tell you who will win the Super Bowl, but it can tell you how good or bad the Super Bowl will be. You can tell how good or bad the show is going to be simply by the halftime show. Keep in mind that this is not a stat based on opinion; I’m not saying that if the halftime show is good, then the Super Bowl will be good, or vice versa. This is a stat based off of numbers, and strange numbers at that. Let’s break this stat down into parts.
History of the Halftime Show
I’m not going to dive too much into the history of the show, because I’ve done that for an entire series. If you want to check that out, then here’s the link to the most recent one on the Katy Perry halftime show. I bring this up because it’s important in our understanding of the stat, and in terms of when the cut-off date is going to be. Most of the Super Bowls prior to Super Bowl XXV featured marching bands, Disney performances, or really bad magic tricks. However, from Super Bowl XXV-on, each halftime show featured at least one artist. That doesn’t mean that the shows were good; I still think that the Super Bowl XXV halftime show is the worst of all-time. However, from Super Bowl XXV-on, there was at least one recognizable name in each halftime show. For this reason, our cut-off date is Super Bowl XXV.
The Stat and the Guidelines
How the stat works is incredibly confusing and took a very long time to figure out, but let’s see if you can follow along with me on this one. Here’s the simple form of it:
Take the first singer that performs in the halftime show (ex: Katy Perry was the first performer in Super Bowl XLIX, not Lenny Kravitz or Missy Elliott). Now, take the longest song that the artist has ever recorded in their lifetime up until that point. By knowing the length of that song, you can determine how good or bad the Super Bowl is going to be
Sounds confusing? In more broken down terms, we’re taking the first artist that is performing at the halftime show. After taking that artist, we’re looking at their entire discography and picking out the longest song that this artist has. If that song is a certain length, the game will be good; if it’s not, then the game will be bad. However, for this stat to work, we need some qualifiers.
Now that we’ve got the guidelines down, it’s time to look at the songs.
The Table
Super Bowl First Artist Longest Song Song Length Margin of Victory
XXV New Kids on the Block My Favorite Girl 5:28 1
XXVI Gloria Estefan Here We Are 4:50 13
XXVII Michael Jackson Will You Be There 7:40 35
XXVIII Clint Black We Tell Ourselves 4:39 17
XXIX Patti LaBelle Music Is My Way of Life 8:12 23
XXX Diana Ross Love Hangover 7:48 10
XXXI Blues Brothers Sweet Home Chicago 7:53 14
XXXII The Temptations Papa Was a Rolling Stone 6:52 7
XXXIII Stevie Wonder Another Star 8:29 15
XXXIV Christina Aguilera Somebody’s Somebody 5:03 7
XXXV *NSYNC That’s When I’ll Stop Loving You 4:52 27
XXXVI U2 Lemon 6:59 3
XXXVII Shania Twain From This Moment On 4:52 27
XXXVIII Janet Jackson Any Time, Any Place 7:09 3
XXXIX Paul McCartney Hey Jude 7:11 3
XL The Rolling Stones Miss You 8:36 11
XLI Prince Purple Rain 8:43 12
XLII Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers House in the Woods 5:32 3
XLIII Bruce Springsteen Jungleland 9:36 4
XLIV The Who Won’t Get Fooled Again 8:34 14
XLV The Black Eyed Peas They Don’t Want Music 6:47 6
XLVI Madonna Physical Attraction 6:40 4
XLVII Beyonce Dance for You 6:18 3
XLVIII Bruno Mars It Will Rain 4:18 35
XLIX Katy Perry Lost 4:59 4
Analysis of the Table
Let’s take a look at the longest song lengths, because right now, this is just a bunch of numbers. However, when you look at it more closely, these numbers are heavily related.
Longest Song Length Occurrences Games Decided by Single Digits Average Margin of Victory
Less than 4:55 5 0 23.8 points
4:55-7:11 11 11 3.7 points
Greater than 7:11 9 1 15.33 points
If the longest song by the first halftime show artist fits the range of 4:55-7:11, then expect the game to be really good. If it doesn’t… expect a blowout, or, at the very least, a 2-possession game. The only one that didn’t fit the 4:55-7:11 range and ended up being a single digit game was Super Bowl XLIII. Every other game was decided by double digits. Want to know why you had a string of good Super Bowls in a row, and then, you had a blowout at Super Bowl XLVIII? Blame Bruno Mars for that.
What Does This Mean for Coldplay?
The odds are likely that Coldplay will be the first performer at the Super Bowl 50 halftime show, since they are the headlining act. What’s the longest song in their discography that comes off of a studio album? Unfortunately for us, Coldplay released a live album in 2003 called Live 2003 (original name, I know), and one of the songs on that album is “Everything’s Not Lost.” This song clocks in at 8:48, which fits in the “Greater than 7:11” range. Remember that in the 9 occurrences of this, only once has the game finished in single digits, and the average margin of victory is more than two touchdowns.
Conclusion
Based on that stat, expect a really bad Super Bowl, unfortunately. Hopefully, it’s not the case; I’d much rather be entertained for another Super Bowl than to have my weird stat be correct and watch another blowout. That being said, the numbers have held true for more than 25 years. This isn’t good for Super Bowl 50. One way or the other, you may be looking at a blowout.
submitted by JaguarGator9 to nfl [link] [comments]

House Party 12/11/17 - Part Three

Alexis, however, seems all too aware. The irish brawler’s head moves to the stage so fast she almost hurts her neck in the process, as the screen begins to glitch more violently and display a series of mismatched letters in different fonts and colours.
EUA'XK TUZ G NKXU EKZ HAZ G TKC JGCT GVVXUGINKY HUZN UL EUA CORR YALLKX
Woodbridge: We’ve seen this before, Perilmorde ain’t done with Alexis, Yasmin shoulda known there would be blowback when she threatened him last week!
Alexis and Yasmin are firmly distracted by the display on the titantron; Spence, seizing upon an opportunity when one is offered, lays a vicious series of punches to the top of Yasmin’s head, causing the sin city queen to drop him. Alexis, panicking now and trying to undo the damage, leaps for Spence while aiming for the Diving Codebreaker; Spence, thinking fast, reaches to the side and quickly yanks the referee into the way, both of Alexis’ knees colliding with the referee’s face and knocking Mia So Hung across the ring.
Paisner: Referee’s down! Referee is down!
Woodbridge: Danger in the workplace much, watch where you’re aiming Alexis!
Paisner: It was Spence who pulled her in the way!
Woodbridge: And it was Alexis who hit her, so clearly it was her fault!
Paisner: Is there an off button on you Woody?!
With Mia down Chaz leaps into the ring openly now with no referee to be concerned about. The GSS quickly grab an arm each of Yasmin and, with an almighty swing, both Spence and Chaz send Yasmin flying face first once again into the exposed turnbuckle, connecting with a sickening crunch from hitting with the full strength of both Stars.
Chaz quickly locks up with Alexis and manages to lock Alexis’ arms in front of her, getting her in position for a suplex.
Paisner: Chaz here is looking for thatt Straight Jacket German Suplex, no referee here to stop him either folks I-
Woodbridge: I don’t think that’s all Paisner, look at Spence!
Indeed, Spence instead of helping his partner zeroes in on Yasmin, locking the thoroughly dazed redhead in the same position. The Stars share a look before swinging around, facing away from each other.
Paisner: Wait, no no no, GSS can’t be thinking what I, GOOD LORD ABOVE!!
Woodbridge: HOLY SHIT!!
Chaz and Spence, each with as much energy as they can put into it, swing their respective victim into a Straight Jacket German Suplex; being directly behind each other and so close, Alexis and Yasmin suddenly and harshly connect, not with the mat, but with each other in a sickening crack as their heads are banged together.
The crowd screams and yells in anger as the holds are released, Chaz rolling Yasmin out of the ring before gesturing to Spence. Spence, getting the idea, quickly kneels down allowing Chaz to jump onto his shoulders, quickly positioning him into position and bringing Chaz down, hard, into a Powerbomb onto the prone Alexis.
Paisner: Crashing Wave!
Chaz, groggily, rolls toward Mia So Hung and shakes the referee awake before exiting the ring. Mia, obviously not fully composed herself, simply counts the pinfall she sees with Spence pinning Alexis.
1
2
3
DING DING DING
Javier: Here are your winners, The Golden State Stars!!
Spence and Chaz both embrace in a running hug at ringside, holding each other tight and completing a victory lap of the ring before picking up their onesies from their corner, continuing to jump, fist pump and celebrate all the way up the ramp.
Paisner: Well you can’t say it was pretty but the Golden State Stars pick up the win here tonight as-
Paisner interrupts himself as, from ringside, Yasmin Hyland rolls back into the ring, snatching the microphone from Javier as Alexis struggles painfully to her feet. Yasmin: PERIMORDE! GET OUT HERE, NOW!
Yasmin’s voice seems as though it would be audible even without the microphone, her eyes are alight with hatred, her face almost as red as her hair. Behind her Alexis reaches a hand to her shoulder, trying to soothe her lover to no success.
Yasmin: This ends Perilmorde, one way or another. You will threaten my love no more you miserable, vile little parasite; next week, Perilmorde, I’m throwing down the gauntlet, face me in the ring if you have some semblance of a spine!
Alexis looks alarmed, grabbing Yasmin’s arm and trying to pull the mic away from her only for Yasmin to effortlessly hold Alexis out of reach.
Yasmin: I know you won’t rest Perilmorde, your obsession might know no limits but meet me next week and I promise you, we’ll find the limit of your pain tolerance if nothing else.
Yasmin, furiously, throws the microphone down hard enough to break it against the floor with a horrible spike of feedback noise around the arena. Yasmin storms out of the ring, followed behind by Alexis, seemingly still trying to make Yasmin calm down to very little effect, the Sin City Queen finally pushed to her limits by the Black Knight.
Paisner: Once again, the shadow of Alex Perilmorde lingers over Yasmin and Alexis here in WIR.
Woodbridge: I’m just surprised Alexis is letting the guy get in her head, ain’t she supposed to be tough?
Paisner: Well you saw the match at Copyright Strike Woody, I’d be surprised if she wasn’t a little shook after that.
Woodbridge: Yeah well, she needs to get over it or she and her girlfriend are gonna be seeing a whole lot more of that kind of ending in the future if you ask me.
We fade into the scene of Russell Sharp, in his office, looking directly into the camera. He doesn’t look as jolly as he normally does, but he rather looks quite solemn.
Sharp: Ladies and Gentlemen, it is my unfortunate responsibility to inform you, that due to Funkatron being assaulted in the parking lot earlier in the evening, the doctors are insisting that he NOT compete at WiR Presents: WiR Presents for the WiR World Title…
Crowd: BBBBOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Paisner: Son of a Bitch!
Sharp: BUT….Joey McCarty isn’t getting off that easy. We’re gonna determine a NEW #1 Contender!
Crowd: YYEAAAHHH!!
Sharp: TONIGHT!
Crowd: YYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!
Almost like clockwork, JOEY MCCARTY himself, with the WiR World Title strapped over his shoulder, barges into the office!
McCarty: WHAT!?! That’s BULL SHIT!
Sharp: Don’t give me none of that, Joey. As far as i’m concerned, I oughta fire your white ass for that stunt you pulled earlier tonight.
McCarty: What are you talking about, eh?
Sharp: Don’t play innocent with me, boy. I know DAMN WELL it was you who attacked Funkatron.
Joey looks flabbergasted.
Joey: I was NOT!
Sharp: Who else would attack Funkatron, hmm?
Joey: Hell if I know, but it wasn’t me!
Sharp: Yeah right…...get the hell outta my office!
Joey, looking pissed off for being accused, steps out of Sharps office, RIGHT as soon as ERIC MATTHEWS walks into the office!
Sharp: The hell YOU want, Eric?
Matthews: Look, Sharp. I’m here to answer the call!
Sharp: Excuse me?
Matthews: I DESERVE to be the new #1 Contender! I WAS the runner-up in the battle royal last week, don’t you remember?
Sharp: I do….and that’s been noted.
Matthews: There’s nobody else who’s on my level, Sharp! I’ve beaten ‘em all! Balandran, Miracle, Perilmorde, even Maverick!
Suddenly, ANTHONY XAVIER walks into the office, and comes to greet Sharp and Matthews.
Xavier: You know, I was standing outside the office, and I couldn’t help but overhear you two’s conversation.
Matthews: What the hell are you doing in here, small fry?
Xavier: I’m here for the same reason as you. I think I deserve to be the #! Contender.
Matthews starts chuckling, and after a few moments of trying to hold back, Matthews busts out in a hearty laugh, slapping his knee and damn near crying.
Matthews: HAHAHAHAH!! You kiddin’?!? You’ve been here for what, like, 4 weeks? You’re fresh meat, kid. You’re just not “World Title” material. Ya’ dig?
Xavier: How about you shut your mouth before I kick your teeth back into your skull.
Xavier gets right up in Matthews’ face.
Xavier:...Ya’ dig?
Sharp: Hold up, hold up you two. If you two want the #1 Contendership so badly, you’re gonna have to FIGHT for it. Tonight, in our MAIN EVENT, it's gonna be Anthony Xavier vs. Eric Matthews, in a NO DISQUALIFICATION MATCH, and the winner will face Joey McCarty at WiR Presents: WiR Presents!
Both Matthews and Xavier look pleased. Matthews backs away from Xavier and walks backwards towards the door.
Matthews: Sounds like a plan. I’ll see you out there, Xavier. Try to bring SOME fight tonight. I wouldn’t want this to be TOO easy…
Matthews walks out of the office as Xavier looks on.
Xavier: You bet I will….
COMMERCIAL BREAK
We come back from the commercial break, and see Eric Appelbaum, sitting on a production cart in the back, typing up some stuff on his laptop. Suddenly, Eric Matthews approaches Appelbaum, with a smug grin on his face.
Appelbaum: Oh lord….
Matthews: Have you heard the news? Eric Matthews is the NEW #1 Contender for the WiR World Title!
Appelbaum: First off. Yes. I HAVE heard the news. I have access to over 20 security cameras and audio feeds throughout this entire building. Second, you AREN’T the #1 Contender just yet. You haven’t beaten Anthony Xavier.
Matthews: Is there any doubt that I will? He’s just a ROOKIE! He’s the lowest of the low, the scum and vile filth of this planet!
Appelbaum: You better watch yourself, Eric. Xavier isn’t just some scrub.
Matthews: Calm your tits, Applesauce. Soon enough, ADX will be beaten, and I’ll go on to beat Joey McCarty, something YOU couldn’t do.
Appelbaum starts to look a bit pissed off.
Appelbaum: Excuse me?
Matthews: You heard me. And I’ll go on to be the greatest WiR World Champ of ALL TIME! A far cry from you, that’s for sure. Hell, I’d say even Mark Dutch’s reign was better than yours!
Appelbaum puts his computer down, and stands up to get face to face with Matthews.
Appelbaum: You know, If you wanna come over here and talk shit, we can settle this right now.
Appelbaum looks pissed, while Matthews starts to back off.
Matthews: Relax, Eric. Just you wait and see. You’ll soon realize that I am a man of my word!
Matthews walks away from Appelbaum, as Appelbaum picks his computer back up.
Appelbaum: I fuckin hate that guy…
Appelbaum starts to type a bit more, until his computer inexplicably shuts off. There’s a small amount of SMOKE coming from the laptop.
Appelbaum: Ah, dammit! Stupid thing must’ve overheated. Damn thing’s probably fried!
Appelbaum walks over to a nearby trash bin.
Appelbaum: Well, looks like this computer is as good as trash.
Appelbaum hesitates to throw the laptop in the bin, and thinks his decision over.
Appelbaum: Actually, I think I can get some more use out of it….
Appelbaum walks back over to the production cart without throwing his laptop away as we fade away.
We fade into the ring, where the crowd mutters audibly for a brief moment, before a deeply Russian choir song begins to play.
Crowd: BOO!!!!
Paisner: It looks like the Red Army is making themselves known here today - for one reason or another.
Woodbridge: Given their assault on Byrne last week, this definitely can’t be good.
Viktor Ivanov and Ernesto Vargas step out from behind the curtain, walking down to the ring with purpose. Vargas steps up the stairs, and into the ring, as Ivanov rummages under the ring for a moment. Ivanov grabs a large wooden podium, handing it up to the waiting Vargas, who sets it up in the center of the ring. Ivanov rummages a bit more, pulling up two metal poles with flagpole brackets, and handing them off to Vargas, as well, who sets them up on both sides of the podium.
Paisner: I - what are they doing?
Woodbridge: I guess they’re setting up an interview?
As Woodbridge finishes his speech, the Red Army’s choir fades out. replaced with another theme that stokes the crowd to further fury.
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Paisner: Kyle Scott is here, hopefully to talk about his actions last week!
Woodbridge: Of course, to listen to him, he wasn’t at fault for assaulting Byrne. It’s Byrne’s pride that led to it!
Paisner: ...you don’t actually believe that shit, do you?
Kyle Scott walks out in a olive green hat, and what look to be army fatigues. He holds two flags on his shoulders as he marches down to the ring. He passes one flag to each waiting member of the Red Army, grabs a microphone from ringside, and steps into the ring with aplomb.
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOO!! FUCK YOU KYLE! FUCK YOU KYLE!
Kyle steps up to the podium, hooking his microphone into the holder, before taking a deep breath and beginning to speak.
Scott: Thank you, thank you. Now, if I may have your attention.
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Kyle waits, silently, staring at the audience with a mixture of disdain and boredom, until the fans in attendance finally quiet down enough for him to speak.
Scott: I would like to make an announcement. Last week, my comrades and I assaulted Brendan Byrne. We did this not out of malice, not out of any misguided sense of revenge, but merely to make a statement.
Crowd: BOOOOOOOO!!
Scott: Yes, I am aware that you’re upset, thank you very much. But that is unimportant. You see, Brendan Byrne is a hero to every single one of you. He’s a strong man, a smart man, a powerful man - and yet he is helpless before the Red Army. We’ve broken him once, and he was only saved by pure luck and the interference of a washed-up drunkard. We can do it again.
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOO!**
Scott: There’s no need for that - Byrne has already rejected his salvation. We don’t want to break him again. We must make an example of him. We -
Suddenly, an ambulance siren pierces through the arena!
Crowd: YAAAAAAAAAY!
Paisner: It’s Byrne!
Woodbridge: Thank god, honestly.
The siren falls into punk rock, as Brendan Byrne bursts out from behind the curtain, his eyes flashing with anger. He holds a microphone in his right hand, and he raises it to his lips, only to be dryly cut off by Kyle.
Scott: It seems you’ve finally graced us with your presence, Brendan. You see, you are the Red Army’s greatest failing, Brendan, and that needs to be rectified. Next week, you will either face my comrades Vargas and Ivanov, or they will find you and they will break you.
Byrne: Alright. Then I get you.
Kyle: ...what?
Byrne: Kyle, this isn’t about the Red Army. This is Brendan Byrne versus Kyle Scott. You can posture and hide behind these two all you want, but after I’m through with them, I am coming for you.
Byrne steps forward, walking down the ramp, as Ivanov and Vargas stand on the defensive.
Byrne: You beat me within an inch of my life the first time we fought. You stole my best chance at a championship. If that wasn’t enough, you had your fucking goons kidnap me and brainwash me, just to prove a point. I don’t care about your regime, Kyle - I want to fucking kill you. So if you’re going to play these games, you’d better be prepared.
Paisner: Oh, shit.
Woodbridge: Byrne’s fucking angry!
Crowd: BYRNE’S GONNA KILL YOU! BYRNE’S GONNA KILL YOU!
Silence. Byrne takes another step forward, and another. He pauses at the end of the ramp, keeping his eyes locked coldly onto Kyle Scott.
Byrne: So, what is it?
Scott: ...Brendan - Next week, you are going to face Comrades Ivanov and Vargas in a handicap match. If - if you manage to get through both of them, you’ll get the match you’ve wanted all this time. Kyle Scott versus Brendan Byrne in a no disqualification ma -
Byrne: No.
Kyle pauses for a moment, confused, as Byrne takes another step forward, this time rolling under the ropes. Ivanov and Vargas circle him, but Byrne just hooks his arms into the ropes, standing and staring at Kyle.
Scott: No?
Byrne: If we’re going to end this bloody thing, Kyle - once and for all, we’re doing to do it right. I hear it’s going to be a nice Christmas in London.
Crowd: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
Byrne drops the microphone and rolls out of the ring, as Kyle takes a step back.
Paisner: Did he just challenge -
Woodbridge: I don’t know, Allen, but I’m fucking hyped!
We fade out of the scene, as we cut into another. The camera focusing in once more, as this time, we see Stephen Romero in front of the camera, sitting down in a chair, as he begins to speak.
Romero: So, i’ve been asked what my match against Rob means to me eh? Well, i’ll have to think on that one a bit.
Romero pauses for a moment, trying to get his thoughts together, as he begins to speak.
Romero: I remember, 2 years ago, at the christmas special back then. Me and Rob facing off. I remember thinking that was my shot straight to the top, come in, beat down a former world champ, and BAM! All the glory is mine! Winning that match was everything, because it was my ticket to the gold i’d always felt robbed of! And well, it did indeed mean everything….just in a different way than I expected. Because up to that point, I never really had any scenerios for people to knock some proper respect and sense into me. Some of my losses were to complete cunts like Roisin O’Brien or Vic Studd, so obviously they were some of the last people who were gonna get some respect from me. And like my one loss during my early months against a respectable man in Maverick has some shennanigans with Joseph Barker interfering….of course he only did so to stop me cheating, but my mind back then always justified my actions to be right, and told me I had been screwed, even if I really hadn’t. So that loss wasn’t gonna knock some respect into me. But facing Warlock? There was no bullshit, we just went at it, he kicked out of a Street Crash, I got a rope break on a Phoenix Splash, but eventually I got put away with a double underhook piledriver. Which I swear to god I still feel the impact of that somewhere in the back of my head!
Romero chuckles to himself for a moment, before he continues to speak
Romero: And taking that loss, taking it completely clean. I got humbled right in the moment. It set in how in over my head I was, that the instant glory I envisioned would take quite a bit more work. And so, I had to shake the man’s hand. And from there, with his help, I continued to grow as a person and as a wrestler, to which I am eternally thankful to Rob for. So yeah, that match two years ago….it signals a turning point in my life, from the angry youth wrapped in bitterness and hatred, carrying over all the worst parts of my upbringing. To a more mature person, who by a ton of help from others, from reflection on myself, and by the grace of god. Has found a new love for life, and appreciation for what I have.
Romero then takes a pause for a moment, getting his thoughts together again, before speaking once more.
Romero: So, what does this match mean to me? Our encounter pretty much exactly two years after our first? I see it as the culmination of everything I learned on that fateful day two years ago. The culmination of my growth as a human being, the culmination of my growth as a wrestler. If I win, it will be a validation of everything I believe to be true, and everything i’ve worked for. That people can overcome the low odds for success life may set for them! That there is a hope for those who’ve been driven to anger and bitterness by the world around them! That doing what’s right can get you far in life! Further than you can doing the wrong things! The things that will trap you in your own personal hell! Winning this match, will be the kickoff to new heights society would have never expected of me! That hell, I wouldn’t have expected of myself a decade ago!.....But what if I don’t win…...what if there’s the little kid in the ghetto watching on his old TV, using the money his parents saved for christmas to watch our newest christmas special. And he’s watching me vs Warlock, pulling for me, because he can relate to me, because I was once that little kid!........and then if I lose…..not only how is that gonna affect me, but any of those disadvantaged kids watching me?! Who see me as a sign of hope for them, how is that gonna affect ‘em?!
We hear Romero get a bit choked up talking, but he manages to continue on
Romero: Knowing myself how fragile your emotions can be in that kinda situation, it could devastate those kids seeing someone like ‘em fail…..and so, I have to win. Not just for myself, and my career and prospects in it, but for anyone who’s got any hope in me. I have to keep going, I have to keep winning. Because not only will I let myself down if I lose, not only could I have no further prospects if I lose my first huge singles match in two years….but there will be a lot more people i’ll be letting down…...so goddammit, I love ya Rob, but I HAVE to beat you! Because if I don’t, everything i’ve stood for, everything i’ve worked for….will turn into dust….and that, that’s something I can’t let happen. For me, and everyone who cheers me on, I will win, there is no other option.
Romero then stands up, as he walks over to the camera, turning it off
We cut back into the ring, as an alarm goes off.
Paisner: What’s that?
Woodbridge: THAT’S THE DRAFT ALERT! Didn’t you get the memo on your company phone?
Paisner: We have company phones?
Woodbridge: It’s time for another round of selections for the Independent Championship Elimination Match at WiR Presents! Six participants, three selected by Teddy Coronado and three selected by our General Manager Russell Sharp-
Paisner: We saw last week’s House Party, Woodbridge. Why are you so excited for this, anyway?
Woodbridge: This drafting’s bringing back war memories. It’s great.
Before Paisner can respond, the Tedheads bring out two separate podiums, one for “THE GREATEST INDEPENDENT CHAMPION OF ALL TIME” and the other for “dumbo sharpie”. The crowd cheers as the General Manager enters the arena, but is soon interrupted by the TCTV theme, as Teddy begins to enter the arena.
Paisner: Oh. Oh wow.
Teddy is led by Tedheads, who are the steeds for a massive golden chariot with the TCTV logo carved into it. Teddy is dressed as some sort of bizarre fusion between a late 80s children’s television host and a Roman god. The chariot promptly stampedes the two podiums, crushing them underfoot. A pre-recorded voice plays over the PA system.
Voice: His excellency, better than that lizard and the cripple, the greatest of all-time, the Undisputed Independent Champion, TEDDY CORONADOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Woodbridge: How can he afford that?
Paisner: They never really took away his bonus when he lost to Andrew Garcia. They were supposed to do that but they forgot, kind of. Then he went crazy, blah blah blah, he now owns a Harrodsburg-area television station. Our financials are a shitshow.
A Tedhead lifts up the microphone to Teddy’s lips, using a stick.
Teddy: Hello,, my leal subjects. Hey, Sharpie.
Russell is visibly unamused.
Sharp: Hello there, playa. You ready to pick your selection?
Teddy: OF COURSE!
Sharp: Alrighty then, I’ll go first, as you got first, last time, playa.
Teddy is fed grapes that have been spray-painted gold. He coughs violently.
Teddy: This is satisfying to his excellency, kiddies.
Sharp: I’ll take that as a yes, playa. For my second pick, I select:
YASMIN HYLAND!
The crowd cheers as Yasmin Hyland’s theme plays. Teddy sarcastically claps and gestures for the Tedhead to raise the microphone once again.
Teddy: Ooh, ooh, nice pick, Sharpie. We seem to be of a similar mindset, you and I. For my second pick, the greatest Undisputed Independent Champion of all time selects:
ALEX PERILMORDE!
As Perilmorde’s theme plays, the crowd rains down jeers and boos. Teddy claps, slightly more enthusiastically.
Teddy: Good show, everyone, except from you, Sharpie boy! Chariot, away!
The Tedheads lead the chariot away, shooting confetti and using party poppers, as Sharpie is left with the remains of two podiums. He, rather unceremoniously, walks off.
The lights then dim for a moment, as we see ring crew come in, and sweep everything up as quick as they can, the large amount of them manage to clean up all the rubble rather quickly, before the lights come back on.
The crowd murmurs as we cut to a shot of the small tron above the entrance curtain. After a few seconds of a black screen, we suddenly see the letters "NAFTA" appear, as Freeze Frame hits the soundsystem.
Crowd: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Paisner: It seems our audience has already rallied behind this new tag-team, Mark!
Woodbridge: And with good reason! Tonight, they look to call out Julius Sacraw & Doctor De La Sangre, in what will surely be a moment to remember from tonights show!
From the curtain come Dalidus Nova and Klutch, microphones in hand. Klutch, his usual self, walks to the ring with pride and joy, happy to be back to WiR and welcomed by the crowd with open arms. Dalidus, however, walks more cautiously, his eyes peeled for any signs of Sangre.
Klutch: Ladies and gentlemen: I hope you've enjoyed our actives thus far in the show, but it's time we get down to business, and put this beast to rest.
Dalidus: Watch what you say, Klutch...
Klutch: Dalidus, you need to calm down. You remember what I did last week, right? What WE did?
But just like that, Nova is set off by Klutch's words. His tone is louder, and much more serious than earlier in the night.
Dalidus: Do YOU remember what he did at Copyright Strike!?!
Klutch is somewhat taken aback, finally realizing the severity of Dalidus' problems with Sangre. He takes a breath before speaking again.
Klutch: Look, man... I get it. You're scared, and you have every right to be. But there's a time when every man has to conquer their fears, and fight their demons. For you, that starts tonight. Are you with me?
Dalidus tries to speak, but the microphone slowly falls to the side in his hand. He looks down to the mat, as the crowd goes quiet. Klutch looks at his partner with concern. But slowly, one by one, the crowd starts to clap. Soon, they begin cheering and chanting for the two men.
Crowd: YOU CAN DO IT! clap clap clapclapclap YOU CAN DO IT! clap clap clapclapclap YOU CAN DO IT! clap clap clapclapclap
Nova hears the crowd, and begins to look back up. He brings the microphone back to his mouth.
Dalidus: ...okay.
Klutch: Yes! Perfect, I knew you had it in you buddy! Now, I think that means we're only waiting on more more man -
Suddenly, the bright lights in the building cut. Some, however, immediately turn back on, a crimson red color flooding half of the building, the other parts a complete and utter darkness. Nova and Klutch look around madly, both prepared for a fight. Just like that, however, the lights switch, and new ones are shut on and off.
Paisner: What the hell is happening!?
Woodbridge: I don't think we've ever seen this before!
In the center of the ring, letters start to appear, a pitch black cutting through the red. In the top left corner, a "B". in the bottom right, an "E". The top right fills with a "D", and the remaining corner becomes a "C".
Woodbridge: B... D... C.... E...
Paisner: What in the fuck does that even MEAN?
But one by one, more and more letters begin to appear. NAFTA heads to opposite sides of the ring apron, so they can both read the message being spelled out underneath them. Beside the "B", an "A".
To the left of the "E", a "V".
To the right of the "C", an "E" and a "D" form.
Again, to the right of the "B" comes two "T"s.
Finally, to the right of the "D" comes an "E" and an "L"
It stops again, and everyone in the building tries to read what has been spelled out thus far.
Paisner: Batt, eld, ced, ve.
Woodbridge: Wait... could it be...
The top row gets filled out, as an "EFI" appears between the two sides.
Crowd: oooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!
Paisner: Battlefield!?
Woodbridge: It's not done!
From left to right, the bottom row begins to fill out. First, beside the "D" comes an "A". Then an "R". A space is left, before we see a "G", "R", and "O" in succession.
Paisner: Battlefield Cedar Grove? Waitwait: BATTLEFIELD: CEDAR GROVE!?
Crowd: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Just like that the lights come back on, and we see Julius Sacraw standing outside the ring curtain as Lurking plays softly in the background.
Julius: We knew you'd be here to deliver a challenge, you two. My beast already defeated you on your ground. He is more than willing to finish you off entirely, but it will be in our grove. And once you lose, you will never leave. Never.
Dalidus looks petrified in the ring, but Klutch puts his chest up to the rope and begins shouting into his microphone.
Klutch: YOU WANT US AT OVERBROOK!? WELL WE ACCEPT!
Crowd: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NAFTA! NAFTA! NAFTA!
Klutch looks back to Dalidus for support, but he only stares directly at Sacraw. Softly he speaks.
Dalidus: The two worst days of my life, two dates that I will never forget: September 16th, 2016, and November 12, 2017. Battlefield: Mongolia, and Copyright Strike... my two biggest defeats.
Klutch: Nova, what are you trying to say?
Dalidus: I'm trying to say that I shouldn't take this match. I should leave this ring now, go home to my family. Live another day. But I know that's exactly what Julius wants. So I know, deep down... that I have to accept.
Crowd: YEEEEEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Dalidus: It may kill me. Klutch, it may kill you... But worst case, we take him down with us.
The two fist-bump in the ring, but we can hear Sacraws laughter from the curtain.
Julius: Very well, gentlemen. You have sealed your fates. We'll see you in Cedar Grove, I hope you get your affairs in order beforehand.
The song cuts out, and the lights do the same. When they return, Julius is yet again nowhere to be seen. Dalidus and Klutch look around for any signs once again, but eventually settle down.
Paisner: Mark: Do you understand what this means?
Woodbridge: You better fuckin' believe it Allen! For the first time since January 31st of this year, we will see the return of the Battlefield match!
Paisner: And to add: Klutch and Dalidus will be returning to Overbrook Asylum one last time! The ante has only been upped, lets see what more is to come on House Party!
Commercial
We come back, as we see Javier standing in the ring, ready to announce.
Javier: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following match is a tag team match, set for one fall, with a 30 minute time limit!
Crowd: YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! KUNG PAO! KUNG PAO!
Player One by Machinae Supremacy then begins to blast through the speakers, building up and up, before eventually we see two figures emerge from behind the curtain. Li Xiao and Biff McMuscles! Biff flexing for the crowd, as Xiao spreads her arms out to them as well!
Javier: Introducing first, from River City and….that Chinese Place Down The Street respectively, weighing in at a combined 355 pounds, Biff McMuscles, Li Xiao, Kung Pao Connection!
Crowd: YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
After their quick poses, the two then begin to walk down to the ring, as their demeanor becomes more serious. Focused on the challenge ahead tonight.
Paisner: And coming down to the ring, The Kung Pao Connection, they obviously face a huge challenge tonight against the tag team champs, but it’s also a huge opportunity, They could push themselves right into the tag title scene with just one win here tonight! And they’ve had the wins recently, having picked up some against both SUENO and The Golden State Stars. So if they keep up their recent performances, they could walk out tonight with the upset, and a tag title opportunity in the bag.
Biff and Xiao slap out some out reaching hands, but continue their focus on what’s ahead, walking simply down to the ring, the two reaching the apron, as Biff rolls in, heading to one corner, as Xiao slides in, heading to the opposite corner. Biff flexes some more, as Xiao spreads her arms out once again. Both to further cheers, as Biff climbs off, and Xiao backflips off! Things then oddly go slo-mo for a moment, as they meet in the center of the ring, and meet with an epic high five!
Crowd: YAYYYYY! FRIENDSHIP! FRIENDSHIP! FRIENDSHIP!
Things then go back normal speed, as they talk for a moment, before Xiao heads to the apron, Biff maintaining a spot in the corner, as he looks intently out to the entranceway.
Following that, we hear a now much hated noise begin to play, as Still Burning by Incendiary kicks in, as Dutch and Blackwater both appear on the entranceway. Louis coming out with a usual intensity, tag title over his shoulder. But Dutch coming out in cocky manner, more than normal, as he has his title belt inside his pants, as he yells at several fans to suck his dick, as he flops the belt around in his pants.
Javier: And introducing next, weighing in at a combined 447 pounds. From Groningen in The Netherlands, and The Catskills respectively. They are the WiR World Tag Team Champions, Mark Dutch, Louis Blackwater, D&B!
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Blackwater marches down to the ring with a quick aggression. While Dutch lays back for a moment to tell as many people as he possibly can to suck his dick. Louis quickly reaches the ring, tossing his title in, as he slides in. Picking his title back up, and raising it into the air to boos from the crowd! And after being satisfied with the amount of fans he has told to put their mouths around his genitalia. Dutch gets to the ring himself, as he yells at KPC, telling both of them to suck his dick too. Both of them returning an unamused glare, while Dutch laughs to himself, before pulling his title out, and raising it up once. Before both he and Louis hand their belts to Maurice. As Louis then heads off to the apron, leaving Dutch as the one in the ring. Tai Ni Wong signals to both teams to see if they’re ready. All 4 competitors nods, and so, the bell is sounded.
DING DING DING
Dutch and Biff start off, Biff maintaining his position in the corner. As Dutch takes a few steps forward, before miming some binoculars around his eyes, leaning in, confused look on his face, before he turns to Blackwater, saying.
Dutch: Hey Louis, you seeing anyone else in this ring? If there’s anyone else in here i’m looking right past them!
*Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Paisner: And the crowd like anything Dutch does, not taking kindly to it, as Dutch does not see to acknowledge the KPC as a challenge.
Dutch gets a smirk on his face, while Louis yells back.
Blackwater: I think I do see someone, but it seems like someone who ain’t gonna last 5 minutes let alone 30!
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Dutch then turns back around from facing Louis, but turns around to an angered Biff charging with a big boot! But Dutch manages to quickly side-step! Giving another smirk and a wag of the finger to Biff. Biff then seems to settle down, as the two men circle each other for a moment, before Dutch charges in! Trying to grab onto an arm of Biff, but he gets pushed off hard onto the mat!
Crowd: YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
Paisner: Dutch trying to slide in, possibly use his more technical side, but the strength of Biff too much!
Dutch hits the ground, but gets to his feet, stumbling, took by surprise at the display of force, as Biff closes in on him, and pushes him into a corner, where he then targets Dutch with a hard chop to the chest!
Crowd: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Dutch scrunches his face in pain, as we see instant redding on his chest, as Biff then takes his hand, and delivers another stiff chop to the chest of Dutch!
Crowd: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Dutch’s chest continues to get a tad redder, as Biff then lays in another stiff chop to Dutch!
Crowd: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
And another!
Crowd: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
And another!
Crowd: OHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
And another!
Crowd: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Dutch is screaming out in pain, chest quickly turned completely red, as Biff points out to the crowd, before drawing his hand back once more, and tearing apart Dutch’s chest with another vicious chop!
Crowd: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Paisner: What a series of chops from Biff! And with hands as large as his, they oughta hurt like hell!
Dutch clutches at his chest in the corner, pained look on his face, as Biff then runs off to the opposite corner! He eyes down Dutch, before raising an arm in the air to call for a lariat!
Crowd: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Biff then charges towards the corner! Ready to strike full force with the lariat, but suddenly, he’s stopped in his tracks, as Dutch fires spit into Biff’s face, managing to get a lucky strike to the eye!
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Paisner: The disrespect with the spit, and shot right on the eye!
Woodbridge: It’s the double rudo combo Allen!
Biff holds at his eye for a moment, giving Dutch just enough time to rush out the corner, and nail Biff with a dropkick to the knees! Kneeling Biff down!
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Paisner: Dutch cutting the base of the big man! An attack to any other part of the body and I don’t think Biff would’ve even budged!
Dutch then gets back up, running the ropes, as he comes in with a penalty kick to the chest of Biff! The sound of the kick going throughout the arena, as Biff is flattened on the mat! Holding at his chest!
Crowd: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
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