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Question fellow redditors, how many hours on this baby would be a safe bet to get a rebuild?

Question fellow redditors, how many hours on this baby would be a safe bet to get a rebuild? submitted by thecptnswagg to Dirtbikes [link] [comments]

Hi this is prob a stupid and obvious question , but I have a three year old and a baby due any day now and I was wondering how you all get out the house on time ( sometimes struggle just me and my son). Is the best bet to get up before the kids to get myself sorted and then sort the kids?

submitted by katiejelli88 to beyondthebump [link] [comments]

Blursed interspecies relationship

Blursed interspecies relationship submitted by PMYourLadyBits4Poems to blursedimages [link] [comments]

Can we talk about the sexual harassment that women face in Dota 2 esports?

I don't think there has been much discussion about this in the Dota 2 subreddit.
Over the last few hours, several prominent female Dota 2 esports personalities have come forward and have made allegations of sexual harassment.
The Tweets:
(I wanna just add that the fact that this needs a compilation is sickening)
Sajedene (Former Digital Chaos Manager, Former Streamer, esports manager, and consultant):
Know what happened when I tried to speak up about my abuse in the industry to people in my circle? I watched my colleagues and people who I thought were friends stay and side with the abuser and talk shit behind my back. That's why we stay silent. Outcome is rarely positive.
Moxxi (Dota 2 Caster)
1. "Everyone is talking about sexual harassment in gaming as if it hasn't been occurring the whole damn time. How are y'all surprised that sexual assault is happening when we regularly get harassed and when we complain, the response is "iTs JuSt PaRt oF tHe CuLtUrE." Fuck off.
2. The fact that I hesitate when parents approach me at events saying their daughters love my casts and want to be a part of esports breaks my heart. Esports is amazing but the amount they'll have to fight and constantly be on guard (just as a gamer, not even as a pro) is insane.
Reinessa (Streamer, Host, Writer)
1) I've been harassed, hit on, cornered, inappropriately approached, propositioned, grabbed at events etc. My stories are mild. For many of them, I even educated them about why it was bad.
BUT to do so - I surround myself with trusted & large men. I'm never alone. I'm very careful
2) The first thing I teach my cosplay volunteers for DreamHack is how to check in with cosplayers, identify if they are uncomfortable, and give them specific tools/phrases to give the cosplayer an easy escape from any situation
It's heartbreaking that this is necessary.
3) Now this is an old one from dota that someone reminded me of recently - comments about a dota caster from a pro player that referred to a trans woman as ‘it’ and apparently the ‘pro’ community thought this an appropriate topic to bet on.
[Attached Tweet of Dota 2 Caster LlamaDownUnder calling out ixMike.]
Tobiwan's replies (1, 2) are unsavoury at best
Kips (Former Coach of Complexity, Vega Squadron, Fnatic and TNC)
1) Reading today's stories of sexual assault in esports has been heart-wrenching--not because I didn't know these things happened, but because the victims had to wait so long before they could feel moderately safe talking about it. And they are just the tip of the iceberg.
2) Believe victims. Out loud. Not just because they deserve support but also because all the others who stay quiet deserve to know that they too would be heard and believed.
TI7 Afterparty Incident
@cofactorstrudel (Idk, who exactly she is, I think she writes for LiquidDota or JoinDota She is a mobile game scenario writer)
1) We telling esports sexual harassment stories?
TI7 afterparty. One drunk caster slurring at me and literally wouldn't let go of my hand, I had to wrench it off him with all my strength.
Another person aggressively propositioned me for sex, even started undressing.
2) A new friend I'd made thankfully noticed the latter situation and came and got me out of that situation because FUCK was I uncomfortable. People talk about the fight or flight response.
For some reason nobody talks about the fucking deer in the headlight response.
3) I don't think anyone could accuse me of not being an assertive person. But I freeze like a fucking prey animal in those situations, and the shame that brings on afterwards is massive.
Please, if you see these situations be like my one friend. "Hey can I talk to you for a sec?"
Replying to a question: (Did u report that caster?? Does he still do casting??) she says:
4) Report him to who? The DOTA police? 😂 Yeah he still does casting, more popular than ever. Nobody would care. I just privately urge other girls to stay away from him if I know they'll be around where he is. That's how we've been handling things for years.
5 When I went to TI4 I got messages from other girls warning me some DOTA personalities to stay away from.
@WickedCosplay (Cosplayer) replying to this thread.
Ah yes, the year I pulled away a very distressed looking girl from a dude who was aggressively touching her at the afterparty, to dance with me, and the dude running shoved me from behind, called me a bitch, and when his friends came to get him they told me to mind my business.
Replying to the same thread Reinessa said:
yeah that was the event I got the 'hey baby where you going, the party is over here' line for the first time. 10/10 never again pls
Edit:
Moxxi Replying to this thread.
This is a real thing. I can't tell you how many guys I've been warned about at after parties by other ladies telling me "Don't go anywhere near x, dude's a creep"
Edit 6:
@cofactorstrudel:
Fuck it. The hand-grabby person was Grant Harris. He didn't hurt or threaten me (well, he hurt my wrist a little bit not letting go when I pulled). Just made me feel gross and slimy.
Grant Harris=GrandGrant for those unaware.
Edit 7:
GrandGrant's Response:
No one should ever Feel uncomfortable or slimy in any situation or at an event , What I did is inexcusable alcohol or not, And I sincerely Do apologize for the pain I put you through. Thank you for opening up to me when I messaged you, You didn't have to.
I know my community will not be harsh, they are much better then I am. Also my DM's are open, I want to talk and I want people to help me learn what I can do to help the community , so please anyone dont hesitate to message me With concerns or ways you think I could help Improve.
Edit 8:
@cofactorstrudel:
Grant. You should know that someone else has reached out to me to say that you assaulted them. I don't know the specifics, but is it possible I'm not the only person you need to be making amends with right now?
Edit 2:
Ashnichrist (Twitch streamer, Youtuber, Podcaster, Cosplayer)
Ashnichrist:
Women don't owe you sex just because you buy them stuff, get them connections, or help their careers.
We are not piggy banks you put kindness tokens into and sex falls out...
Nahaz:
I’ve known lots of guys who otherwise conducted themselves in exemplary fashion but still expected this kind of quid pro quo with women. If you act this way you’re an asshole, period.
Ashnichrist:
I will never forgive Zyori for what he did to me.
@n00ance:
Uh you saying he did something, ash?
Ashnichrist:
Yes I am
Edit 4: Ashnichrist's Full story about this incident
Edit 5: Zyori's Response
For what its worth, I think it is very important to listen to his response and his side of the story.
Final Edit: A TL;DW of Zyori's version of events
During The Summit 2 after-party, after hitting it off and confirming that she was indeed interested in him through a mutual friend, they slept on the same bed. He too confirmed that since they were tired from the event, nothing happened. He acknowledged asking her if he could lie to his roommates (he clarified that it wasn’t the community) and say that they something did indeed happen that night in order to look cool in front of them. She agreed to this proposition.
He corroborates that he invited her over to the BTS house for Christmas and that she agreed. He acknowledged that Ashnichrist said that she was on her period, so she says they can still hang out, but nothing more. He stated that he said the period wasn’t a big deal for him. He confirmed that they did sleep with each other during this period but that he thought that it was mutually consensual up until now.
He says that he remembered sending the pictures of the bloody bedsheet, but he doesn't remember the context. He says that he probably sent it because he thought it was funny and that he never meant for it to appear as a threat.
Edit 3:
Nahaz's comments on the matter
Several other non-Dota 2 esports personalities have also spoken about this issue over the last 24 hours.
Please don't start witch-hunting.
submitted by lonerwithboner to DotA2 [link] [comments]

Script for "History of the entire world I guess" by Bill wurtz

hi, you're on a rock floating in space. pretty cool, huh? some of it's water. fuck it. actually, most of it's water. i can't even get from here to there without buying a boat. it's sad. i'm sad. i miss you. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? a long time ago... actually, never. and also now. nothing is nowhere. when? never. makes sense, right? like i said, it didn't happen. nothing was never anywhere. that's why it's been everywhere. it's been so "everywhere," you don't need a "where." you don't even need a "when." that's how "every" it gets. forget this. i wanna be something. go somewhere. do something. i want things to change. i want to invent time and space. and i know it's possible because everything is here, and it probably already happened. i just don't know when to start. and that's exactly where it started. big bang— pause woah. i paused it. i think there's a universe now. what's it made of? quarks and stuff. ah, that's a thing! in a place! don't like it? try a new place, at a different Time™. try to stick together, because the world is gonna get bigger and emptier. but it's not empty yet! it's still very full, and about a kjghpillion degrees. about no seconds later great news! the quarks are now happily married in groups of three, called a "proton" and a "neutron." and there's something else flying around that wants to join in, but can't cause it's too HOT. ten minutes later great news! the protons and neutrons are now happily married to each other! some of them even doubled up. about 380,000 years later great news! the electrons have now joined in. congratulations! the world is now... a bunch of gas in space. but it's getting closer together... ten million years later and it's getting closer together... 500 million years later and it's getting closer togeth—star is born it's a star new shit just got made! some stars burn out and die. bigger stars burn out and die with passion! and make some brand new way crazier shit. space dust! which allows for newer and more interesting stars to be made, and then die and explode into even crazier space dust! so now, stars have cool stuff around them, like rocks, ice, and funny clouds, which can make some very interesting things. like this ball of flaming rocks, for example. meteor hits earth holy shit, we just got hit by another ball of flaming rocks. and it kind of... made a mess. which is now the moon weather update: it's raining rocks from outer space. weather update: those rocks might've had water inside of them and now there's hot steam in the sky. weather update: cooler temperatures today and the floor is no longer lava. weather update... it's raining. severe flooding alert, the entire world is now an ocean. volcano alert. that's land! there'slifeintheocean what? something's alive in the ocean oh, cool. like a plant, or an animal? no! a microscopic speck. it lives in the bottom of the ocean and eats chemical soup, which is being served hot and fresh, made from gnarly space ingredients left over from when it was raining rocks or whatever. microscopic speck asexually reproduces oh yeah, and it can do that. reproduces three more times it has secret instructions written inside itself telling it how to build another one of itself. so that's pretty nifty, i would say. tired of living at the bottom of the ocean? now you can eat sunlight! using a revolutionary technique, you can convert sunlight into food. taste the sun! side effect, now there's oxygen everywhere and the sky is blue. then the earth might've been a snowball for a while. maybe even a couple of times. it's a sponge... it's a plant... it's a worm, and some other types of weird strange water bugs and strange fish. it's the Cambrian explosion: "wow, that's animals and stuff" but we're still in the ocean. hey, can we go on land? NO why? the sun is a deadly laser oh okay. not anymore, there's a blanket now the animals can go on land. come on, animals, let's go on land! "nope, can't walk yet." "and there's no food yet, so i don't care." 100 million years later okay, will you learn to walk if there's plants up here? "maybe," said some bugs. and fish. fish gasps for air five million years later okay, so i can go on land, but i have to go back in the water to have babies! idea: learn to use an egg. "i was already doing that" use a stronger egg. put water in it. have a baby, on land, in an egg. water is in the egg. baby, in the egg, in the water, in the egg. works for me. bye bye ocean 50 million years later and now everything's huge. including bugs. wanna see a map of the land? sure. Permian extinction oh, fuck, now everything's dead. just kidding, here are the survivors. keep your eye on this one, because it's about to become 75 million years later the dinosaurs. here's another map of the land. yeah, it broke apart. don't worry about it, it does that all the time. here comes a meteor. meteor strikes and the dinosaurs are gone it's mammal time, here come the mammals. look at those breasts. now they're gonna dominate the world, but one of them just learned how to grab stuff. and walk. no, like, walk like that. and grab stuff at the same time. and bang rocks together to make pointed rocks. "ouch" and set things on fire. "yeouch" and make crazy sounds with their voice: "gneurshk" which can mean different things. that's a human person! and now they're everywhere. almost. ice age! what? you can walk over here? cool. not anymore well i guess we're stuck here now. let's review: there's people on the planet. and they're chasing their food. fuck it. time to plant some grass. look at this. i get to control the food now. now everyone will want to be my friend and live near me. let's all build houses, except mine is bigger because i own the food. this is great! i wonder if anyone else is doing this. tired of using rocks for everything? use metal. it's underground. better farming was just invented in a sweet dank valley right in between these two rivers, and the animals are helping. guess what happens next? more food. and more people, who came to buy the food. now you need people to help make the food and keep track of the sales. and now you need houses for people to live in and people to make the houses and now there's more people and they invent things which makes things better and more people come and there's more farming and more people to make more things for more people and now there's business, money, writing, laws, power, Society coming soon to a dank river valley near you. meanwhile, out in the middle of nowhere, the horse is probably being tamed. why is all my metal so lame and lumpy? tired of using lame, sad metal? introducing: bronze. made from special ingredient tin from the far lands of Tin Land. i dunno, my dealer won't tell me where he gets it. also, guess what? egypt meanwhile, out in the middle of nowhere, they figured out how to put wheels on a horse. now we're getting somewhere. also, china and did i mention indus river valley civilization society count: 5 ... norte chico the middle east is getting more complicated. maybe because it's in the middle of the east. knock knock, er, clop clop. it's the... people with the horses? and they made an empire. and then everyone else copied their horses. greeks! ah look, it must be the greeks! er, a beta version of the greeks. let's check in with the indus river valley civilization: they're gone. guess who's not gone? china. new arrivals from india... maybe it's those horse people i was talking about... or their cousins or something... and they wrote some hymns and mantras and stuff... you could make a religion out of this. there's the bronze age collapse. now the phoenicians can get down to business also, can we switch to a metal that's a little easier to find? thanks. look who came back to israel, it's the twelve tribes of israel. and they believe in God just one though, and he's got like a ten-step program. here's some huge heads. must be the olmecs. the phoenicians make some colonies. the greeks copy their idea and make some colonies. the phoenicians made a colony so big it makes colonies. here comes the assyrian empire. never mind, it's the babyloni— media—it's the Persian Empire: "wow, that's big" enlightenment ah, the buddha was just enlightened. who's the buddha? this guy, who sat under a tree for so long that he figured out how to ignore the fact that we're all dying. you could make a religion out of this. oops, china just broke. but while it was breaking, confucius was figuring out how to have good morals. enlightenment ah, the greeks just had the idea of thinking about stuff. and right over here, alexander just had the idea of conquering the entire persian empire. it's a great idea. he was... great. and now he's dead. hopefully, the rest of the gang will be able to share the empire evenly between them. knock knock, it's chandragupta. he says "get the hell out of here. will you get the hell out of here if i give you 500 elephants? okay, thanks, bye" time to conquer all of india er most of india but what about this part? that's the tamil kings. no one conquers the tamil kings. who are the tamil kings? merchants, probably. and they've got spices! who would like to buy the spices? "me!" said the arabians, swiftly buying it and selling it to the rest of the world. hey, china put itself back together again, with good morals as their main philosophy. actually, they have three main philosophies: confucianism: have good morals taoism: go with the flow legalism: fuck you, obey the law out here, the horse nomads run wild and free, and they would like to ransack your city. nomads ransack china let's check the greekification levels of the greekified kingdoms: greekification overload. bye, said the parthians. bye, said the jews. hi, said the parthians, taking over the entire place. heyyyyy, said the romans, eating the entire mediterranean for breakfast. "thanks for invading our homeland," said the jews, who were starting to get tired of people invading their homeland. "hi, everything's great," said some guy who seems to be getting very popular and is then arrested and killed for being too popular, which actually makes him more popular. you could make a religion out of this. want silk? now you can buy it from china. they just made a brand new road to the world. conquers vietnam or you can get there on water "sick! new trade routes!" said india, accidentally spreading their religion to the entire southeast. hmm, that's a good place for an epic trading kingdom. there goes buddhism, travelling up the silk road. i wonder if it'll reach china before it collapses again. remember the persian empire? yep, said the persians, making a new one. axum is getting so powerful, they would like to build a long stick. has anyone populated madagascar yet? let's do it together. china is whole again... ...then it broke again still can't cross the sahara desert? try camels. "hell yeah! now we've got business," said the ghana empire, selling lots of gold. and slaves. "hi, i'm a member of the roman empire, and i was wondering is loving jesus legal yet?" "no" "actually, okay sure," said constantine, moving the capital way over here to be closer to his main rival. don't worry about rome, it won't fall. it's the golden age of india there's the gupta empire, not chandragupta, just gupta. first name chandra. the first. guess who's in rome? barbarians. what's a barbarian? "non-romans," said the romans, being invaded by non-romans. r.i.p. roman empire. actually just half of it, the other half is just fine, but it's not in rome anymore, so let's give it a new name. the mayans have figured out the stars oh, and here's a huge city, population: everyone. the göktürks have taken over the entire eurasian steppe. great job, göktürks. how's india? broken. how's china? back together. how's those trading kingdoms? bigger, and there's more of them. korea has three kingdoms. japan has a kingdom, it's the sunrise kingdom. intermission deep in the arabian desert, on the top of a mountain, the real god whispers in muhammad's ear. so, he goes down to the cube where everyone worships gods and he tells them their gods are all fake. and everyone got so mad at him that he had to leave town and go to a different town. you could make a religion out of this, and maybe conquer the world as well. the roman empire is long gone, but somehow the pope is still the pope. plus, there's new kingdoms all over europe. i wonder if there's room for moors. here's all the wisdom. in a house. it's the baghdad house of wisdom! just in time for the islamic golden age! "let's bring stuff to the coast and sell it, and become the swahili on the swahili coast," said the swahili on the swahili coast. remember this tiny space you have to go through to get from here to there? someone owns that now. wanna get enlightened in the middle of nowhere? the franks have the biggest kingdom in europe, and the pope is so proud that he invites the king over for christmas. "surprise! you're the new roman emporer!" said the pope, pretending to still be part of the roman empire. then the franks broke their kingdom into what will later be called france and not-france. the northerners, er, just "norse" if you don't have much time, are exploring. they go north, from the north to the northern north. and they find some land— two types of land!— and they name them accordingly. prankd they also invade some other places and get called many names, such as "vikings." there's the rus! the kievan rus! are they vikings? "i don't think so," said the kievan rus. okay, fair enough. the pope is ready to make some more emperors of the roman empire. the holy roman empire! it's actually germany, but don't worry about it. new kingdoms—CRISTIANIZE ALL THE KINGDOMS!! which brand would you like? "mine's better" "mine's better" "mine's better" "time to conquer england," said william. it's a bird! it's a plane! it's the seljuk turks! "aah!" said the byzantine empire, who's getting so small and almost doesn't exist anymore. "we need help!" they need help! so they call the pope. "hey pope, can you help us get rid of the seljuks? maybe take back the holy land on the way? come on, i know you want to take back the holy land." "yes, i do actually want to do that. let's do a crusade." crusade! they did many crusades. some of which almost didn't fail. but at least the italians got some sweet trade deals. goodbye mayans. hello toltecs! goodbye toltecs. hello mississippi! look at those mounds. there's the pueblo. i always wondered how to build a town in a cliff. guess who's here? khmer. where? here! and pagan is there. vietnam unconquered itself, korea just became itself, and japan is so addicted to art that the military might have to take over the government. china just invented bombs, and typing. and the mongols just invaded most of the universe. nice going, genghis! i bet that will last a long time. some of the islamic turks were unaffected by the mongol invasions because they were busy invading india. is it tonga time? i think it's tonga time. i just figured out where the swahili gets all of their gold. look at this chad! it means "lake." there's an empire there! right in the middle of africa! the king of mali is so rich, he's going on tour to let everyone know. "wow, that guy's rich," everyone said. the christians are doing a great job reconquering iberia, which will soon be called spain and not-spain. please remain christian. we will check in later to see if you're still christian when you least expect. whoops, half of europe just died. ming! china's back, yay! hey, khmer. time to share. new kingdoms, here and there. oh, look who controls all of the islands. it's the mahajapit. majahapit. mapajahit. mahapajit. mapajahit. ma-ja-pa-hit? oh, italy's real rich. time for them to care a lot about art and the ancient classics. it's kinda like a rebirth. here's a printer. let's make books! so you think you can conquer the byzantine empire? yep, said the ottoman turks. nice job, ottoman turks. oops, you missed a spot. don't forget to ban europe from the indian spice trade. "what? that's bullshit," said portugal, spiceless. "well i guess we'll have to find another way to india" "wait!" said christopher columbus, probably smoking crack. "if the world is round, let's go this way to india." "nah, don't worry, we already got this," said portugal. so chris goes to spain. "hey spain, wanna hire me to find india by going around back of the world?" "no" "please?" "no" "please?" "wtf" "no" "please?" "...okay" so he sails into the ocean, and discovers... more ocean. and then discovers the indies, and japan! let's draw a line to decide who gets which half of the world. the aztec and the inca empires are off to a great start. i wonder if they know that europe just discovered their continent. the hapsburgs are marrying into so many royal families, they might have to start marrying each other. move over, lithuania, here comes moscow. ivan wants to make russia great again. move over, timurids, maybe go invade india or something. persia just made persia persian again. let's make it the other kind of islam. the one where we thought the first guy should've been the other guy. hey, christians! do you sin? now you can buy your way out of hell! "that's bullshit. this whole thing is bullshit. that's a scam. fuck the church. here's 95 reasons why," said martin luther, in his new book which might have accidentally started the protestant reformation. "you know what would be magnificent?" said suleiman wearing an onion hat. "what if the ottoman empire was... really big?" which it is now. "what if russia was big?" said ivan, trying not to be terrible. portugal had a dream that they controlled the entire indian ocean, including the spice trade. and then that dream was real. and spain realized that this is not india, but they pillaged it anyway. "damn," said england and france. "we gotta start pillaging some stuff." then the dutch revolt, and all the hipsters moved to amsterdam. "damn," said amsterdam. "we gotta start pillaging some stuff." question one: can you get to india from north america? no, but at least there's beaver. question two: steal the spice trade. that's not a question, but the dutch did it anyway. and sugar... guess where all of the sugar is made? in brazil! stolen! in the caribbean! and it's so goddamn profitable, you might forget to not do slavery. the next thing on russia's to-do list is to get bigger. britain and france are having a friendly discussion about who should control the entire world. more specifically, ohio. then it escalates into a seven-year discussion, giving prussia a chance to show austria who's boss. but what about britain and france, did they figure out who's boss? yes they did! it's britain. guess who's broke? also britain! so they start taxing the hell out of america. "fuck you!" says america, declaring their independence and fighting for it, and france helps them win. now france is broke, and britain will have to send their prisoners to a different continent. wait, if france is broke, why do the king and queen still wear such fancy dresses? "let's overthrow the palace and cut all their heads off!" said robespierre, cutting everybody's heads off until someone eventually got mad and cut his head off. you could make a rel— no, don't. haiti is starting to like the idea of a revolution, especially the slaves, who free themselves by killing their masters. "why didn't we think of this before?" wait, who's in charge of france now? "me," said napoleon, trying to take over europe. luckily, they banished him to an island. but he came back! luckily, they banished him to another island. there goes latin america, becoming independent in the latin american wars of independence. britain just figured out how to turn steam into power, so now they can make many different types of machines and factories with machines in them so they can make a lot of products real fast. then they invent some trains. and conquer india and maybe put some trains there. "hey, china!" said britain. "buy stuff from us!" "nah, dude, we already got everything," says china. so britain tried to get them addicted to opium, which worked, actually. but then china made it illegal and dumped it all into the sea. so britain threw a hissy fit and made them open up five cities and give them an island. britain and russia are playing a game where they try to stop the other person from conquering afghanistan. also, the sultan of oman lives in zanzibar now: "that's just where he lives." india just had a revolution, and they would like to govern themselves now. "nope," said britain, governing them even harder than before. incoming telegram: HI I JUST SENT YOU A MESSAGE THRU A WIRE technology is about to go crazy! the united states finally figured out whether slavery is good or bad. it's bad, they decided, and then they continued manifesting their destiny, which is to kill the rest of the natives and take their land and maybe kick out the mexicans too. "i know! let's rape africa!" said europe, scrambling to see who could rape it the fastest. they never got ethiopia... britain and france are still hungry. they never got thailand... the united states ran out of destiny to manifest, so they're looking for more: hawaii! cuba! wait, spain controls cuba. well, blame something on them and go to war! what should we blame on spain? u.s.s. maine sinks "let's blame the maine on spain." so they blame the maine on spain. now we're in business. to celebrate, they kick panama out of panama and make a canal, connecting the two oceans. britain just found oil in the middle east. it makes cars go... china is so tired of being bossed around that they delete their old government and make a new, stronger government, which is accidentally weaker and is controlled by a guy from the previous government. europe hasn't had a war since the last war, so they start world war one. look at those guns! it's gonna be a great war, so great we won't need a second one. after it's over, they blame germany. russia went on strike, and the workers overthrew the government. now, everyone's paycheck is the same. communism in the soviet union... the arabs revolt and britain helps. now the ottoman empire is gone, so we can give the jewish people a place to live. hopefully the arabs won't mind. "let's cut the cake!" said sykes and picot, carving up the remains of the not-so-ottoman-anymore-empire. except turkey! turkey makes a brand new turkey! and then the saudis conquer arabia. it just seemed like the right thing to do. phone rings hello? yes, it's the 1920's calling. let's get to a car and drive to a party and listen to jazz on the radio and go to the movies. the economy is great and it will probably be great forever. just kidding. germany's back, featuring hitler, the angry mustache model, and he's mad at the jews for existing. japan is finally conquering the east, and they're so excited, they rape nanking way too hard. they should probably just deny it. hitler's out of control, so the international community tackles him and tries to explain to him why killing all of the jews is a bad idea. but he kills himself because they could explain it to him. that's world war two! bonus round! pacific showdown united states vs. japan FIGHT!! united states drops two extinction balls on japan FINISH HIM! let's unite all the nations and have some world peace! seems legit. "hi, im gandhi, and if britain doesn't get the hell out of india, i'm going to starve myself in public." britain leaves "wow, that worked?" bonus! now there's pakistan. actually two pakistans, one of them can be bangladesh later. the jews and the arabs finally figured out which one of them should live in the holy land. "me!" they both said at the same time. let's divide up the lands so we're both happy. SIKE! they both get angrier! look out, china! there's a new china in china. what's on the menu? communism! no thanks, said the other china, escaping to an island. i wonder which one is the real china...? there's the korean war. korea versus korea! nobody wins, then its on pause forever. let's meet the sponsors. oh, it's the two global superpowers. they're having a friendly debate over which economic system is good and which one is an evil virus of satan. and they both have atom bombs. FIGHT!! wait, no, that would be the end of the world. let's just keep it cool and spy on each other instead. and make sure we have enough atom bombs. "i'll race you to space." united states plants a flag on the moon now let's make more countries fight themselves. europe is tired of pillaging other continents, and the continents they were pillaging are tired of being pillaged. so here's a new map with new countries. now you can't tell who they're being pillaged by. the united states finally decided whether racism is good or bad. they decided it's bad, and the world agrees. south africa might need another minute to think about it. let's check the world population! woah. okay. technology is better too, that might keep happening. the soviet union decides to relax a little, and accidentally falls apart. europe makes a union, so now they can all use the same money. except britain, because they don't feel like it. let's check the mail... surprise! it's on the computer! whoops, someone just attacked america. i bet they'll remember that. phone call! surprise! it's in your pocket! wanna learn everything? surprise! it's on the computer! now your phone's a computer, which is in your pocket! whoops, the economy just crashed. don't worry, the big banks won't fail, because they're not supposed to. surprise!... flying robots. with bombs. wanna print a brain? some people have no friends. some people have no food. the globe is warming, and the ocean is full of plastic! "let's save the planet!" said everybody, not knowing how. "let's invent a thing inventor," said the thing inventor inventor after being invented by a thing inventor. that's pretty cool. by the way, where the hell are we? thanks for watching history i hope i mentioned everything
submitted by Temnelc to copypasta [link] [comments]

I've a 100 Euro bet on with my friend that he won't complete this game in 3 days. >>>Day 3<<<

Death Count: 242
Iudex Gundyr - Defeated
Vordt of the Boreal Valley - Defeated
Curse-rotted Greatwood - Defeated
Crystal Sage - Defeated
Deacons of the Deep - Defeated
Abyss Watchers - Defeated
High Lord Wolnir - Defeated
Old Demon King - Defeated
Pontiff Sulyvahn - Defeated
Yhorm the Giant - Defeated
Aldrich, Devourer of Gods - Defeated
Dancer of the Boreal Valley - Defeated
Oceiros, the Consumed King - Defeated
Champion Gundyr - Defeated
Ancient Wyvern - Defeated
Dragonslayer Armour - Defeated
Lorian & Lothric
Soul of Cinder
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Welcome back, Unkindled Ones, for the grand finale. I will be updating the key highlights as we proceed throughout the game over these next few and final hours, as well as the death count. To make things easier to follow, I will have (updated) to the left of the most recent text below. The times I update may not be 100% accurate, but fairly close.
For anyone who doesn't know what this is all about, check out the link below.
https://www.reddit.com/darksouls3/comments/heepr2/ive_a_100_euro_bet_on_with_my_friend_that_he_wont/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
For anyone who missed the events of Day 1, check out the link below.
https://www.reddit.com/darksouls3/comments/hg43r5/ive_a_100_euro_bet_on_with_my_friend_that_he_wont/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
For anyone who missed the events of Day 2, check out the link below.
https://www.reddit.com/darksouls3/comments/hgqdbm/ive_a_100_bet_on_with_my_friend_that_he_wont/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
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11:00 - Once again, I must apologize for the two day break in between. Here in Ireland, 364 days of the year are cold and wet, even when it's dry, so I sure as hell wasn't missing out on an opportunity to make the most of that one day that contained a sweltering 8°C (46.4°F for our American friends) heat wave. The deadline will be @ 1:00am as we started an hour later than originally planned. Weapon update: Lothric Knight Sword & Shield. Let's get into this.
11:10 - She bangs, she bangs, oh baby. When she moves, she moves, I go crazy. 'Cause she looks like a Hungarian belly dancer but she slices you up like a chicken in a rotisserie. Like every Outrider Knight in history.
11:44 - She prances elegantly across the room with the natural grace of the Ballerina that she is, executing a faultless arabesque and flowing like water over a smooth river stone, leaving her onlooker mesmerized and in awe, wondering who this pulchritudinous Dancer is. Their eyes meet for the first time. His heart begins to beat faster and faster, reaching dangerously high levels, on the verge of exploding in his chest. He gasps, almost forgetting to breath. It feels like he's being consumed by the gaping mouth of a great ocean. She advances toward him, one foot in front of the other. Controlled movements, never withdrawing her eyes from his. She's a hair's breadth from him now. He's never witnessed such magnificence. His lips part, words ready to escape to ask this enchantress her name. She slowly lifts her elongated fingers to his mouth, as if ready to hush his eager lips. Then she stabs him in his face and he dies.
12:29 - It could be the rustiness after taking a two day break or it could just be the encounter itself. He's struggling with this one, a lot. Her movements are off-putting and he's finding it difficult to understand her attack patterns.
13:05 - We're at a standstill here folks. Although progress is being made, it's not being made quick enough. Every death is costly minutes lost and the clock is ticking. 15-0 Dancer.
13:58 - And that's all she wrote. This Dancer was clearly not made for the stage. She suspends her head in shame as she is jeered off the platform after failing to impress the judges after 20 attempts.
14:05 - He's swung a sharp left and has decided to make his way to the Consumed Kings Garden in hope of defeating two bosses consecutively in quick succession. Time is his greatest enemy right now. To stand a chance of making it through Lothric Castle and the Archives, he'll need to do this with haste.
14:39 - The Pus of Men are misunderstood lovable abominations that only desire love and affection. With their mahoosize claw like appendages reaching out for a friendly handshake, they find themselves being set ablaze yet again by another terror-stricken, mismatched armour wearing dingbat.
15:04- The lift shortcut has been activated. It's time to meet Ocerios and baby Ocelotte, wherever he is.
15:54 - "Ahh, you ignorant slaves. Finally taken notice, have you? Of the power of my beloved Ocelotte, child of The Joy and The Sorrow." There's more than meets the eye(or lack of them), with this scaleless, clammy, staff weilding naked Wyvern-man. After consuming copius amounts of cocaine in phase 2, which would explain his dillusions, he begins bouncing off the walls on all fours like the absolute mad man that he is. Unleashing a plethora of swipes, bites and tail whips, he's establishing just why he has King in his name. He's certainly no push over so far and it shows.
16:33- The Consumed King has been dethroned. The key to this encounter was using his shield to absorb the barrage of blows in phase two. He's ready to make his way to the Untended Graves to face Gundyr for round two. I have shown him the secret passage as he'd have no knowledge of how to get there otherwise. But first we're going to take a short break. Be back soon.
17:12 - After spending months training away in a Muay Thai camp in southern Thailand, the Tin-Man has returned with seething vengance on his mind. Displaying a whole new moveset of quick dodges, open handed bitch slaps and a roundhouse kick that would give Chuck Norris a run for his money, this herculean trash can is here to pick up todays garbage.
17:47 - When his eyes glow red, he means business. These newly learned attacks are proving to be more than a handful right now. He's barely been able to secure one successful hit during Gundyr's second phase onslaught. He's in trouble with this one. Will his first boss encounter with Gundyr also be his last?
18:50 - Round 13: With a quick left jab to the midsection, followed by a right uppercut to the big man's chin, Gundyr finds himself face down eating dirt. He'll have to hang up his gloves after this one.
18:55 - With four bosses remaining, he's decided to go on a Wyvern hunt in Archdragon peak. He wants to get this one out of the way so that he can soley focus on the remaining two areas. Seeing as he has absolutely no idea how to get here, I'll show him the way...of the Dragon.
19:16 - He traverses across the grey expanse of stoney peaks, breathing in lungfuls of crisp frigid air. Step by step, he meticulously picks out his footing placement amongst the coarse, uneven, rocky terrain. He sees a white marbled mausoleum in the distance, it's a welcomed sight indeed. The conception of a place to rest his beaten and broken body gives him purpose to push on. He forces his weary legs to take another step. Almost there. Suddenly his body is met with an icey chill as a great shadow looms above. A low hiss resonates, causing the ground around him to tremble. Enter: Ancient Wyvern.
19:40 - After quickly learning that his sword attacks only tickled the serpentines scaley hide, he navigated his way around the rafters and delivered a deadly plunging attack to the Wyvern's cranium, casuing instant death. Back to the Bonfire.
19:45 - My personal favourite area of the game that also happens to have my personal favourite boss encounter. Lothric Castle can be a fairly time consuming place for new players to navigate their way around, and time is something he is very short on right now. With little room for error and three difficult encounters remaining, this might come down to the wire.
20:30- Subsequent to being toasted like a marshmallow outside of the castle, he made his way to the right sided entrance where he fought his way through an ambush of Hollow Assasins and proceeded to free the corrupted parasitic Wyvern from eternal torment.
21:23 - His second meeting with the Boreal Outrider Knight went scantly better than the first. Much emphasis on the word scantly. He traded blows with charged up super Knights within the castle walls and found himself passage toward the Archives, only to be stopped in his tracks by a formidable foe.
21:35 - The sky shone bright with a brilliant ember red glow. The Pilgrim Butterflies glided amidst the clouds, as if swimming upstream like Salmon in the fall. The beauty of it all was short lived when pulsing waves began to emanate from their frail wings in the direction of a heaped metallic pile of dismantled armour below. One by one, the pieces began to build upon themselves, until there stood a ten foot hollow behemoth weilding a lightning infused Greataxe and a mammoth sized shield, almost as tall and wide as the hulking brute iself. It found itself at the mercy of its new masters. Obeying. Under submission. Ready to kill.
22:27 - 8 shield bashes to the face later, he got the upper hand and melted down that armour into a brand new teapot. With the clock against him, he's heading into the final area of the game.
22:39 - Thousands upon thousands of old paper creations, stacked upon one another. I doubt you could even imagine it. He stands in awe, marvelling at the vast repository of books surrounding him. So much wonder, and knowledge, and secrets... oh the secrets, hidden away between their covers, like two forbidden lovers. In the far off distance, he hears echoing, an old familiar cackling, resounding in his ears. It can't be. It can't... Two ice cold frostbolts to the side of his head quickly remind him that the Witch Bitch is still very much alive and kicking. Welcome to the Grand Archives, my man.
23:25 - After turning himself into a human candle, he proceeded to make his way through the Archives whilst being groped by Cursed Claws, pounced on by more Hollow Slaves, and impaled by lumbering Gargoyles. Harry, Ron and Hermione won't make his final hurdle towards the Twins an easy one.
23:47 - Incest is best. A motto held dearly by these two edgy teens. A brotherly love like no other, the Twin Princes. These guys gave me absolute hell on my first playthrough and I expect they will do the same here. While it is possible to take down two more bosses within this time 01:00am time frame, it's highly unlikely.
00:00 - One hour remaining.
00:10 - 7 deaths in quick succession has given him insight as to what to expect from this encounter. The unpredictability of Lorians instant teleportation and double horizontal slashes is proving difficult to read, with a follow up combo catching him off guard every so often, resulting in a quick death.
00:30 - "This spot marks our grave. You may rest here, too, if you like." He may have no choice but to take Lothric up on his kind invitation. 30 minutes to go with phase 2 only being reached once. He's accepted defeat at this point but is still giving his all for the remaining time left.
(Updated) 1:00 -And that brings us to the end of our journey, Unkindled ones. Sadly, the Princes could not be taken down but I'm sure with a few more attempts, that'll change. Although he's failed to meet the requirements for this bet, he can hold his head up high because that was a damn good valiant effort. He's experienced his first taste of Dark Souls and he isn't leaving dissapointed.
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To those who are wondering if he actually enjoyed playing the game or was doing it for the money? The cash was a big incentive in the beginning, there's no question about that, but he thoroughly enjoyed it from start to finish. He does plan on completing the rest of it within the next day or so, as well as attempting the Nameless King. He will then do a second playthrough, playing at his own pace. He may have lost the bet but the world of Dark Souls has won him over. As for the 100 Euro, well, I didn't accept it and I never planned on doing so, and I know he would have done the same thing. A pint will suffice when we're out some night. I just wanted to introduce my friend to this phenomenonal game and for him to experience how amazing it is, and I've done that. That's enough for me.
To you guys and girls, thank you for joining us on this journey these last few days. I hope that you enjoyed reading my commentary as much as I did writing it. It's been a blast. Being new to the Dark Souls community myself and Reddit in general, I've gotta say that I'm loving the highly entertaining posts and the community itself. I'm not sure if I'll do something to this extent again, as it's left me mentally broken, but I will stay active. So keep it up everyone, and most importantly, stay safe.
submitted by Seefy8 to darksouls3 [link] [comments]

No, you are NOT ugly.

TLDR at the bottom, but I would strongly suggest reading the post in its entirety.
This is not some bullshit "feelsgoodman" post. I'm not here to tell you that I love you, nor am I here to tell you that I, without having seen you, think you're super cute. Those posts are nice, but do very little to actually help. This is what I'm here to tell you: no, the fuck, you are not ugly. I'm tired of seeing this self-deprecation everywhere; a user will make a comment "haha at least you don't look as bad as me", someone responds "wanna bet?", and the circlejerk of who can insult their appearance the most ensues. Sure, jokes and memes are great, but I think that we both know many commenters do genuinely feel that way about their appearance, and many others, even if "joking", are commenting from a place of deep-rooted insecurity-- an unfortunate fault of the human experience.
I'm going to start off with an anecdote, so that you have context about the individual telling you about this novel idea. This is not a flex, this is not me stroking my ego, and it is most certainly not anything beyond what I'm going to convince you is a beacon of hope applicable to pretty much everyone here. I got my first girlfriend due to some very simple advice-- advice that, at the time, I believed to be a steaming pile of bullshit: fake it 'til you make it. Sounds dumb, right? Some cliche saying that appeals to the masses and belongs only in some teenage romcom. Here's the thing, though-- it actually works. Confidence is very, very easy to fabricate. Stand straight. Speak with purpose and certainty. Being left on read (is that still the lingo?) is usually a genuine mistake. It's far more likely that they didn't hear you as opposed to genuinely ignoring you. The list goes on, and on, and on, but gist is this: displaying confidence will make you more confident. You may not notice it, but people will begin to treat you differently, and it will change your self-image.
Now that I have explained that, back to 15-year-old closbhren. You know how you're feeling about yourself right now? Lonely, depressed, hate what you see in the mirror, no self-confidence, etc? Yeah, him too. Really fucking shit feeling, right? I was very confident that I would commit suicide within the next year-- I'd begun considering how I'd do it, debating who to leave my note to, what it would say... you get the idea. I had nothing left to lose. I hated life. But it all changed one day... nah, it didn't, just kidding. What did change, though, was my solitude. I came semi-clean to an adult friend of mine, and she handled my confessions in about the best way possible: she listened the entire time, she expressed past related sentiments, and then she offered advice. Advice which included the above: fake it 'til you make it. Like I said, I had nothing left to lose. I didn't give a fuck. But she made it sound oh-so-convincing, so I decided to try it; if it did manage to change the monopoly that hatred had on my life, then maybe it'd be worth it. Maybe.
The process begun. I started standing straight; I started to let being left on read go (sure, I'd freak out about it, but no one needed to know that); I started to brush off jokes about myself and my appearance (didn't feel good about them, but no one needed to know that); I started to wait for convenient opportunities to speak in a group; I started to differently express my paralanguage (everything about speech but the words themselves); I started to smile more; I started to use people's names more; everything I could possibly think of that might convey confidence. And lo-and-behold, it worked. People became more obviously excited to talk to me, people were speaking to me more, I even started to get slightly popular (over the period of a few months, this didn't happen in a day). My self-image changed as a result. I started feeling better about my body and face. I realized that no, I am not some fucking ogre. I'm not some worthless pile of garbage. Generally... life might be worth a second chance. Then my year-long crush, who I was close friends with, started getting a little flirty (and yes, she is the girl I referenced above). Where the fuck was this coming from? What changed? She'd been single for awhile. We both know the answer: me. I'd changed.
So what the fuck does any of this matter to me you might ask? Here's the idea: confidence is attractive. Yeah, you've heard it a billion times, but what does that actually mean? It's rather simple: the better you show yourself, the better others feel about you, and the better you feel as a result. It's the opposite of a vicious cycle-- a loving cycle? When you aren't secure enough about yourself, human nature dictates that we turn to others' perceptions of us and use them to judge. The above is how you can take advantage of that.
Now to tie it all back to the title: what does this have to do specifically with me being ugly? I'm objectively ugly, you might say. For starters, no, the fuck, you are not. If you think you can judge yourself objectively you're delusional. We are always far more critical of ourselves than others. It's easy to find imperfections in your own features and focus on them, while ignoring the good things. I'm a straight guy, so I won't speak for my thoughts on other men, but the amount of gorgeous girls who feel that they are unattractive is unreal (I know you know these girls, and I know that you're jealous of them-- but you'd be surprised at how many are jealous of you). Of course everyone isn't a 10/10, but with that being said, the amount of just generally pretty and attractive girls who think that they're ugly is even more unreal. It is incredibly rare to come across an objectively ugly girl, and that can easily be made up for with her personality-- and of course, this all goes for guys as well. The vast, vast majority of people who think that they're ugly are not anywhere near ugly. Most are even attractive. What makes you think differently is your unfair evaluation of your own looks and your dependence on others' opinions about you. And that is something that you have the power to change. It may not feel natural, and it may feel weird as fuck, but the most challenging gauntlets oft yield the most meaningful of rewards.
And now I'm going to ask a few things of you.
  1. Look in the mirror and find one thing that you genuinely like. It doesn't matter how big, it doesn't matter how small. Maybe you do actually have a little bit of a jawline. Maybe your nose is perfectly sized. Maybe you have pretty eyes. Appreciate one, singular thing about the way that you look. Start there.
  2. Smile. This one is two-pronged. Firstly, smile at yourself. Smile whenever you see yourself. Smiling does actually make you happier (source), and you will begin to associate that feeling with seeing yourself. Secondly, challenge yourself to smile more. See something that makes you even mildly happy? It's okay to smile. You should smile. See something cute? Smile! Seriously, this will make a difference.
  3. Stop calling yourself ugly, and stop making so many damned self-deprecating jokes. They are usually both crutches to hopefully get other people to comfort you, begging a positive perception from them. You don't need that, and neither will help your confidence, or others' perception of your confidence. You are strong. You don't need either of them.
  4. Fake it 'til you make it. Yeah, you knew this shit was coming. Saving the best for last, baby. Start off small, look for opportunities to follow the advice I mentioned above. Show people that they want to be around you. The easiest, by far, is to walk with good posture. Straighten your back, keep your head up, you know the drill. Go from there.
What do you have to lose? It can't hurt to try any of this. The worst that could happen is that you don't notice any change (but believe me, you will). I'm nearing 19 now and have done a complete 180 on my perception of life, along with my experience of it. Being popular isn't that hard, nor is dating, nor is liking yourself. There's a lot to like about everyone, and yeah, I mean fucking everyone. You just aren't quite able to appreciate that... yet.
I could go on-and-on, but this post is long enough as is. Hopefully my boomer (yeah, at 18, I get called a boomer, crazy right?) advice gets through to a few of you. Please ask for any clarifications in the comments.
If anyone reading this needs personal advice, someone to vent to, or has any questions, my inbox is open. Hope this helps. Peace.
TLDR: You cannot objectively evaluate your own appearance. The vast majority of people are not at all ugly. Fake confidence until you find yourself to be confident; yeah, it works. Dating and popularity are not hard, you just aren't yet equipped to recognize that. Confidence will change that.
Edit: this got a little more attention than expected. I'm trying to take the time to give a genuine response to every comment and DM, but it's going to take awhile. Thanks for all the kind words, I'm glad that this has helped so many.
Edit 2: it's 5am for me so I'm going to bed but I'll continue responding to every comment when I wake up. Again, thanks for all the kind words.
Edit 3: just woke up to 300 comments and 40 DM’s. I’m going to prioritize the DM’s and unfortunately won’t have time to respond to every comment, but I’m going to read them all and try to help those with specific questions. Thanks for all the support, know that, even if I don’t respond, I have absolutely read your comment, and most definitely appreciate it.
submitted by closbhren to teenagers [link] [comments]

Global Covid lockdown won't end - it's the new endless war like the "War on Terror"

The Powers That Be love what is happening as it benefits them in so many ways.
The isolation: People are being isolated from each other - friends, family, and everyone else. The only comforts that many have is their mobile phone or computer. The internet these devices are connected to are mostly being used in the heavily censored "public square" social media that was built originally by freedom loving individuals and free expression. (Facebook didn't become so big because of how it's run now, but because it let people do what they wanted to). It's TV MSM v2.0 for billions who don't use the internet beyond these gatekeeper platforms. Many young people have only had experience with in real life social interactions through school or collage and the internet is becoming an extension of those rules they have. It's conditioning that what happens in school, is real life; as the online world is now feeling like an extension of 2010+ era public school environments and rules. The fact we have so many people in their 20's that still act/think as they did in school is a startling reflection of this. They consume without any counter of creativity or critical thought, just as public school enforces.
Death of physical small businesses: Without even having to look up statistics, it's obvious that small businesses with dependent physical locations and patrons are hit the worst in the private sector and the Big Corporations with the reserves and bailouts are doing fine/better. With the results of further job losses in the private sector, more people are turning to Government jobs, Big Corporations (which at this point are unofficial extensions of the Government; lobbying alone speaks to that, plus regulations that prevent the little guy from ever competing with the big. Go ahead and try to start your own ISP) or...
UBI: People are now overwhelmingly supporting UBI due to the above and who can blame them? Nobody should lose their place of living or starve because of this nonsense. UBI acceptance is only further enabled because of limitations placed on places of charity (at least the few left that actually do something locally) that can't help anymore due to...
Prevention of gatherings of Spiritual and Religious Groups: This ties in with the isolation. For many, their local place of religious/spiritual worship was the only place they had fellowship and community bonding.
You're going to see lockdown continue due to "second wave" and so on, endless like the "War on Terror." The invisible enemy will never go away. The new waves will come from places such as rural and poor places where people suffer from malnutrition and are vulnerable to everything more so than healthy individuals who can afford to eat and supplement healthy items. Personally grew up in absolute poverty and didn't even know what an amino acid was or that raw honey was an excellent source of B vitamins that help your body and brain heal, before moving to a big city and proper health facilities. In the rural and poorer areas, medical facilities act like it's normal that people have muscle atrophy and constant body pains/migraines, etc. (many who have never lived or didn't grow up in these places are sheltered from this). Malnutrition is a slow genocide of the poor that hardly anyone talks about; and with Covid, it's being weaponized and politicized - "see those stupid people in the country are dying because they don't use masks. Don't question the fact they died because of bad health in general that resulted in that heart attack."
Individuality is being removed, tribalism accelerates over masks: Masks take away individuality to be a sea of half-faces. This has sprung into the creation of another dividing social war - teams of mask vs no mask. You better bet that it will be further politicized that "not wearing a mask is a Far-Right belief;" even though people from all political/a-political backgrounds have their individual views on the practice. In Washington state for example, it is now "illegal" for businesses to do business with anyone not wearing a mask. So we can't buy or sell without a mark, I mean mask (Christians will be flipping over this one, as the argument could be made that it's conditioning for the mark of the beast)?
The end of physical money: Physical money isn't clean so it is being denied at many places. Literal legal tender denied in favor of digital transactions and a push for the digital dollar. There are articles popping up now speaking how China is beating the USA in digital crypto adaptation and that we must have a digital dollar to keep up.
Why it's not further emphasized that kids of today are seeing all of this as normal. Anyone born in Gen Z (1996 to 2011) and Gen A (2011 to current) has little to no idea of what life was like pre-9/11, before all the massive changes such as public admittance of government spying domestically on citizens, NDAA, PATRIOT Act, TSA, DHS, etc. and authoritative tyranny has been all they have ever known. When the last of the Baby Boomers check out in the 2030's (the ones who helped enable/vote for the things that corrupted what we have today), only Gen-X, Elder Millennials and some beyond that will be able to remember what life was like before the internet, before all the oppressive big government/corporations and the laws/regulations that rule the land of today. They will become the new villians "of progress" and their "old ways/ideas" are going to be "holding us all back." Tim Pool (the former Vice Journalist) recently spoke about how he hasn't changed since 2013 as a Liberal and is now considered by some as "Right" because the Overton Window has shifted so much from the "Left" side (similarly and oddly, but perhaps not that odd, NeoCons are being considered acceptable because "they're not Trump." Politics have truly become Hollywood v2.0 after 2016 that both sides have been duped into). Because the young have no mentorship at home or from those older than them (they're either working too much and are too exhausted to or just don't care), the only mentor they have is the hive of approved speech/thought online. It has become a conditioning like never before seen with "you have to be like this and obey" conditioning from school to the digital public square - all being portrayed as "real life." No wonder kids of today think the internet is the same as real life - it's all they know; this is terrifying and even more terrifying is barely anyone speaks of this nightmare.
Edit: Typos
submitted by DMMDestroyer to C_S_T [link] [comments]

History of the entire world I guess

hi, you're on a rock floating in space. pretty cool, huh? some of it's water. fuck it. actually, most of it's water. i can't even get from here to there without buying a boat. it's sad. i'm sad. i miss you. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? a long time ago... actually, never. and also now. nothing is nowhere. when? never. makes sense, right? like i said, it didn't happen. nothing was never anywhere. that's why it's been everywhere. it's been so "everywhere," you don't need a "where." you don't even need a "when." that's how "every" it gets. forget this. i wanna be something. go somewhere. do something. i want things to change. i want to invent time and space. and i know it's possible because everything is here, and it probably already happened. i just don't know when to start. and that's exactly where it started. big bang— pause woah. i paused it. i think there's a universe now. what's it made of? quarks and stuff. ah, that's a thing! in a place! don't like it? try a new place, at a different Time™. try to stick together, because the world is gonna get bigger and emptier. but it's not empty yet! it's still very full, and about a kjghpillion degrees. about no seconds later great news! the quarks are now happily married in groups of three, called a "proton" and a "neutron." and there's something else flying around that wants to join in, but can't cause it's too HOT. ten minutes later great news! the protons and neutrons are now happily married to each other! some of them even doubled up. about 380,000 years later great news! the electrons have now joined in. congratulations! the world is now... a bunch of gas in space. but it's getting closer together... ten million years later and it's getting closer together... 500 million years later and it's getting closer togeth—star is born it's a star new shit just got made! some stars burn out and die. bigger stars burn out and die with passion! and make some brand new way crazier shit. space dust! which allows for newer and more interesting stars to be made, and then die and explode into even crazier space dust! so now, stars have cool stuff around them, like rocks, ice, and funny clouds, which can make some very interesting things. like this ball of flaming rocks, for example. meteor hits earth holy shit, we just got hit by another ball of flaming rocks. and it kind of... made a mess. which is now the moon weather update: it's raining rocks from outer space. weather update: those rocks might've had water inside of them and now there's hot steam in the sky. weather update: cooler temperatures today and the floor is no longer lava. weather update... it's raining. severe flooding alert, the entire world is now an ocean. volcano alert. that's land! there'slifeintheocean what? something's alive in the ocean oh, cool. like a plant, or an animal? no! a microscopic speck. it lives in the bottom of the ocean and eats chemical soup, which is being served hot and fresh, made from gnarly space ingredients left over from when it was raining rocks or whatever. microscopic speck asexually reproduces oh yeah, and it can do that. reproduces three more times it has secret instructions written inside itself telling it how to build another one of itself. so that's pretty nifty, i would say. tired of living at the bottom of the ocean? now you can eat sunlight! using a revolutionary technique, you can convert sunlight into food. taste the sun! side effect, now there's oxygen everywhere and the sky is blue. then the earth might've been a snowball for a while. maybe even a couple of times. it's a sponge... it's a plant... it's a worm, and some other types of weird strange water bugs and strange fish. it's the Cambrian explosion: "wow, that's animals and stuff" but we're still in the ocean. hey, can we go on land? NO why? the sun is a deadly laser oh okay. not anymore, there's a blanket now the animals can go on land. come on, animals, let's go on land! "nope, can't walk yet." "and there's no food yet, so i don't care." 100 million years later okay, will you learn to walk if there's plants up here? "maybe," said some bugs. and fish. fish gasps for air five million years later okay, so i can go on land, but i have to go back in the water to have babies! idea: learn to use an egg. "i was already doing that" use a stronger egg. put water in it. have a baby, on land, in an egg. water is in the egg. baby, in the egg, in the water, in the egg. works for me. bye bye ocean 50 million years later and now everything's huge. including bugs. wanna see a map of the land? sure. Permian extinction oh, fuck, now everything's dead. just kidding, here are the survivors. keep your eye on this one, because it's about to become 75 million years later the dinosaurs. here's another map of the land. yeah, it broke apart. don't worry about it, it does that all the time. here comes a meteor. meteor strikes and the dinosaurs are gone it's mammal time, here come the mammals. look at those breasts. now they're gonna dominate the world, but one of them just learned how to grab stuff. and walk. no, like, walk like that. and grab stuff at the same time. and bang rocks together to make pointed rocks. "ouch" and set things on fire. "yeouch" and make crazy sounds with their voice: "gneurshk" which can mean different things. that's a human person! and now they're everywhere. almost. ice age! what? you can walk over here? cool. not anymore well i guess we're stuck here now. let's review: there's people on the planet. and they're chasing their food. fuck it. time to plant some grass. look at this. i get to control the food now. now everyone will want to be my friend and live near me. let's all build houses, except mine is bigger because i own the food. this is great! i wonder if anyone else is doing this. tired of using rocks for everything? use metal. it's underground. better farming was just invented in a sweet dank valley right in between these two rivers, and the animals are helping. guess what happens next? more food. and more people, who came to buy the food. now you need people to help make the food and keep track of the sales. and now you need houses for people to live in and people to make the houses and now there's more people and they invent things which makes things better and more people come and there's more farming and more people to make more things for more people and now there's business, money, writing, laws, power, Society coming soon to a dank river valley near you. meanwhile, out in the middle of nowhere, the horse is probably being tamed. why is all my metal so lame and lumpy? tired of using lame, sad metal? introducing: bronze. made from special ingredient tin from the far lands of Tin Land. i dunno, my dealer won't tell me where he gets it. also, guess what? egypt meanwhile, out in the middle of nowhere, they figured out how to put wheels on a horse. now we're getting somewhere. also, china and did i mention indus river valley civilization society count: 5 ... norte chico the middle east is getting more complicated. maybe because it's in the middle of the east. knock knock, er, clop clop. it's the... people with the horses? and they made an empire. and then everyone else copied their horses. greeks! ah look, it must be the greeks! er, a beta version of the greeks. let's check in with the indus river valley civilization: they're gone. guess who's not gone? china. new arrivals from india... maybe it's those horse people i was talking about... or their cousins or something... and they wrote some hymns and mantras and stuff... you could make a religion out of this. there's the bronze age collapse. now the phoenicians can get down to business also, can we switch to a metal that's a little easier to find? thanks. look who came back to israel, it's the twelve tribes of israel. and they believe in God just one though, and he's got like a ten-step program. here's some huge heads. must be the olmecs. the phoenicians make some colonies. the greeks copy their idea and make some colonies. the phoenicians made a colony so big it makes colonies. here comes the assyrian empire. never mind, it's the babyloni— media—it's the Persian Empire: "wow, that's big" enlightenment ah, the buddha was just enlightened. who's the buddha? this guy, who sat under a tree for so long that he figured out how to ignore the fact that we're all dying. you could make a religion out of this. oops, china just broke. but while it was breaking, confucius was figuring out how to have good morals. enlightenment ah, the greeks just had the idea of thinking about stuff. and right over here, alexander just had the idea of conquering the entire persian empire. it's a great idea. he was... great. and now he's dead. hopefully, the rest of the gang will be able to share the empire evenly between them. knock knock, it's chandragupta. he says "get the hell out of here. will you get the hell out of here if i give you 500 elephants? okay, thanks, bye" time to conquer all of india er most of india but what about this part? that's the tamil kings. no one conquers the tamil kings. who are the tamil kings? merchants, probably. and they've got spices! who would like to buy the spices? "me!" said the arabians, swiftly buying it and selling it to the rest of the world. hey, china put itself back together again, with good morals as their main philosophy. actually, they have three main philosophies: confucianism: have good morals taoism: go with the flow legalism: fuck you, obey the law out here, the horse nomads run wild and free, and they would like to ransack your city. nomads ransack china let's check the greekification levels of the greekified kingdoms: greekification overload. bye, said the parthians. bye, said the jews. hi, said the parthians, taking over the entire place. heyyyyy, said the romans, eating the entire mediterranean for breakfast. "thanks for invading our homeland," said the jews, who were starting to get tired of people invading their homeland. "hi, everything's great," said some guy who seems to be getting very popular and is then arrested and killed for being too popular, which actually makes him more popular. you could make a religion out of this. want silk? now you can buy it from china. they just made a brand new road to the world. conquers vietnam or you can get there on water "sick! new trade routes!" said india, accidentally spreading their religion to the entire southeast. hmm, that's a good place for an epic trading kingdom. there goes buddhism, travelling up the silk road. i wonder if it'll reach china before it collapses again. remember the persian empire? yep, said the persians, making a new one. axum is getting so powerful, they would like to build a long stick. has anyone populated madagascar yet? let's do it together. china is whole again... ...then it broke again still can't cross the sahara desert? try camels. "hell yeah! now we've got business," said the ghana empire, selling lots of gold. and slaves. "hi, i'm a member of the roman empire, and i was wondering is loving jesus legal yet?" "no" "actually, okay sure," said constantine, moving the capital way over here to be closer to his main rival. don't worry about rome, it won't fall. it's the golden age of india there's the gupta empire, not chandragupta, just gupta. first name chandra. the first. guess who's in rome? barbarians. what's a barbarian? "non-romans," said the romans, being invaded by non-romans. r.i.p. roman empire. actually just half of it, the other half is just fine, but it's not in rome anymore, so let's give it a new name. the mayans have figured out the stars oh, and here's a huge city, population: everyone. the göktürks have taken over the entire eurasian steppe. great job, göktürks. how's india? broken. how's china? back together. how's those trading kingdoms? bigger, and there's more of them. korea has three kingdoms. japan has a kingdom, it's the sunrise kingdom. intermission deep in the arabian desert, on the top of a mountain, the real god whispers in muhammad's ear. so, he goes down to the cube where everyone worships gods and he tells them their gods are all fake. and everyone got so mad at him that he had to leave town and go to a different town. you could make a religion out of this, and maybe conquer the world as well. the roman empire is long gone, but somehow the pope is still the pope. plus, there's new kingdoms all over europe. i wonder if there's room for moors. here's all the wisdom. in a house. it's the baghdad house of wisdom! just in time for the islamic golden age! "let's bring stuff to the coast and sell it, and become the swahili on the swahili coast," said the swahili on the swahili coast. remember this tiny space you have to go through to get from here to there? someone owns that now. wanna get enlightened in the middle of nowhere? the franks have the biggest kingdom in europe, and the pope is so proud that he invites the king over for christmas. "surprise! you're the new roman emporer!" said the pope, pretending to still be part of the roman empire. then the franks broke their kingdom into what will later be called france and not-france. the northerners, er, just "norse" if you don't have much time, are exploring. they go north, from the north to the northern north. and they find some land— two types of land!— and they name them accordingly. prankd they also invade some other places and get called many names, such as "vikings." there's the rus! the kievan rus! are they vikings? "i don't think so," said the kievan rus. okay, fair enough. the pope is ready to make some more emperors of the roman empire. the holy roman empire! it's actually germany, but don't worry about it. new kingdoms—CRISTIANIZE ALL THE KINGDOMS!! which brand would you like? "mine's better" "mine's better" "mine's better" "time to conquer england," said william. it's a bird! it's a plane! it's the seljuk turks! "aah!" said the byzantine empire, who's getting so small and almost doesn't exist anymore. "we need help!" they need help! so they call the pope. "hey pope, can you help us get rid of the seljuks? maybe take back the holy land on the way? come on, i know you want to take back the holy land." "yes, i do actually want to do that. let's do a crusade." crusade! they did many crusades. some of which almost didn't fail. but at least the italians got some sweet trade deals. goodbye mayans. hello toltecs! goodbye toltecs. hello mississippi! look at those mounds. there's the pueblo. i always wondered how to build a town in a cliff. guess who's here? khmer. where? here! and pagan is there. vietnam unconquered itself, korea just became itself, and japan is so addicted to art that the military might have to take over the government. china just invented bombs, and typing. and the mongols just invaded most of the universe. nice going, genghis! i bet that will last a long time. some of the islamic turks were unaffected by the mongol invasions because they were busy invading india. is it tonga time? i think it's tonga time. i just figured out where the swahili gets all of their gold. look at this chad! it means "lake." there's an empire there! right in the middle of africa! the king of mali is so rich, he's going on tour to let everyone know. "wow, that guy's rich," everyone said. the christians are doing a great job reconquering iberia, which will soon be called spain and not-spain. please remain christian. we will check in later to see if you're still christian when you least expect. whoops, half of europe just died. ming! china's back, yay! hey, khmer. time to share. new kingdoms, here and there. oh, look who controls all of the islands. it's the mahajapit. majahapit. mapajahit. mahapajit. mapajahit. ma-ja-pa-hit? oh, italy's real rich. time for them to care a lot about art and the ancient classics. it's kinda like a rebirth. here's a printer. let's make books! so you think you can conquer the byzantine empire? yep, said the ottoman turks. nice job, ottoman turks. oops, you missed a spot. don't forget to ban europe from the indian spice trade. "what? that's bullshit," said portugal, spiceless. "well i guess we'll have to find another way to india" "wait!" said christopher columbus, probably smoking crack. "if the world is round, let's go this way to india." "nah, don't worry, we already got this," said portugal. so chris goes to spain. "hey spain, wanna hire me to find india by going around back of the world?" "no" "please?" "no" "please?" "wtf" "no" "please?" "...okay" so he sails into the ocean, and discovers... more ocean. and then discovers the indies, and japan! let's draw a line to decide who gets which half of the world. the aztec and the inca empires are off to a great start. i wonder if they know that europe just discovered their continent. the hapsburgs are marrying into so many royal families, they might have to start marrying each other. move over, lithuania, here comes moscow. ivan wants to make russia great again. move over, timurids, maybe go invade india or something. persia just made persia persian again. let's make it the other kind of islam. the one where we thought the first guy should've been the other guy. hey, christians! do you sin? now you can buy your way out of hell! "that's bullshit. this whole thing is bullshit. that's a scam. fuck the church. here's 95 reasons why," said martin luther, in his new book which might have accidentally started the protestant reformation. "you know what would be magnificent?" said suleiman wearing an onion hat. "what if the ottoman empire was... really big?" which it is now. "what if russia was big?" said ivan, trying not to be terrible. portugal had a dream that they controlled the entire indian ocean, including the spice trade. and then that dream was real. and spain realized that this is not india, but they pillaged it anyway. "damn," said england and france. "we gotta start pillaging some stuff." then the dutch revolt, and all the hipsters moved to amsterdam. "damn," said amsterdam. "we gotta start pillaging some stuff." question one: can you get to india from north america? no, but at least there's beaver. question two: steal the spice trade. that's not a question, but the dutch did it anyway. and sugar... guess where all of the sugar is made? in brazil! stolen! in the caribbean! and it's so goddamn profitable, you might forget to not do slavery. the next thing on russia's to-do list is to get bigger. britain and france are having a friendly discussion about who should control the entire world. more specifically, ohio. then it escalates into a seven-year discussion, giving prussia a chance to show austria who's boss. but what about britain and france, did they figure out who's boss? yes they did! it's britain. guess who's broke? also britain! so they start taxing the hell out of america. "fuck you!" says america, declaring their independence and fighting for it, and france helps them win. now france is broke, and britain will have to send their prisoners to a different continent. wait, if france is broke, why do the king and queen still wear such fancy dresses? "let's overthrow the palace and cut all their heads off!" said robespierre, cutting everybody's heads off until someone eventually got mad and cut his head off. you could make a rel— no, don't. haiti is starting to like the idea of a revolution, especially the slaves, who free themselves by killing their masters. "why didn't we think of this before?" wait, who's in charge of france now? "me," said napoleon, trying to take over europe. luckily, they banished him to an island. but he came back! luckily, they banished him to another island. there goes latin america, becoming independent in the latin american wars of independence. britain just figured out how to turn steam into power, so now they can make many different types of machines and factories with machines in them so they can make a lot of products real fast. then they invent some trains. and conquer india and maybe put some trains there. "hey, china!" said britain. "buy stuff from us!" "nah, dude, we already got everything," says china. so britain tried to get them addicted to opium, which worked, actually. but then china made it illegal and dumped it all into the sea. so britain threw a hissy fit and made them open up five cities and give them an island. britain and russia are playing a game where they try to stop the other person from conquering afghanistan. also, the sultan of oman lives in zanzibar now: "that's just where he lives." india just had a revolution, and they would like to govern themselves now. "nope," said britain, governing them even harder than before. incoming telegram: HI I JUST SENT YOU A MESSAGE THRU A WIRE technology is about to go crazy! the united states finally figured out whether slavery is good or bad. it's bad, they decided, and then they continued manifesting their destiny, which is to kill the rest of the natives and take their land and maybe kick out the mexicans too. "i know! let's rape africa!" said europe, scrambling to see who could rape it the fastest. they never got ethiopia... britain and france are still hungry. they never got thailand... the united states ran out of destiny to manifest, so they're looking for more: hawaii! cuba! wait, spain controls cuba. well, blame something on them and go to war! what should we blame on spain? u.s.s. maine sinks "let's blame the maine on spain." so they blame the maine on spain. now we're in business. to celebrate, they kick panama out of panama and make a canal, connecting the two oceans. britain just found oil in the middle east. it makes cars go... china is so tired of being bossed around that they delete their old government and make a new, stronger government, which is accidentally weaker and is controlled by a guy from the previous government. europe hasn't had a war since the last war, so they start world war one. look at those guns! it's gonna be a great war, so great we won't need a second one. after it's over, they blame germany. russia went on strike, and the workers overthrew the government. now, everyone's paycheck is the same. communism in the soviet union... the arabs revolt and britain helps. now the ottoman empire is gone, so we can give the jewish people a place to live. hopefully the arabs won't mind. "let's cut the cake!" said sykes and picot, carving up the remains of the not-so-ottoman-anymore-empire. except turkey! turkey makes a brand new turkey! and then the saudis conquer arabia. it just seemed like the right thing to do. phone rings hello? yes, it's the 1920's calling. let's get to a car and drive to a party and listen to jazz on the radio and go to the movies. the economy is great and it will probably be great forever. just kidding. germany's back, featuring hitler, the angry mustache model, and he's mad at the jews for existing. japan is finally conquering the east, and they're so excited, they rape nanking way too hard. they should probably just deny it. hitler's out of control, so the international community tackles him and tries to explain to him why killing all of the jews is a bad idea. but he kills himself because they could explain it to him. that's world war two! bonus round! pacific showdown united states vs. japan FIGHT!! united states drops two extinction balls on japan FINISH HIM! let's unite all the nations and have some world peace! seems legit. "hi, im gandhi, and if britain doesn't get the hell out of india, i'm going to starve myself in public." britain leaves "wow, that worked?" bonus! now there's pakistan. actually two pakistans, one of them can be bangladesh later. the jews and the arabs finally figured out which one of them should live in the holy land. "me!" they both said at the same time. let's divide up the lands so we're both happy. SIKE! they both get angrier! look out, china! there's a new china in china. what's on the menu? communism! no thanks, said the other china, escaping to an island. i wonder which one is the real china...? there's the korean war. korea versus korea! nobody wins, then its on pause forever. let's meet the sponsors. oh, it's the two global superpowers. they're having a friendly debate over which economic system is good and which one is an evil virus of satan. and they both have atom bombs. FIGHT!! wait, no, that would be the end of the world. let's just keep it cool and spy on each other instead. and make sure we have enough atom bombs. "i'll race you to space." united states plants a flag on the moon now let's make more countries fight themselves. europe is tired of pillaging other continents, and the continents they were pillaging are tired of being pillaged. so here's a new map with new countries. now you can't tell who they're being pillaged by. the united states finally decided whether racism is good or bad. they decided it's bad, and the world agrees. south africa might need another minute to think about it. let's check the world population! woah. okay. technology is better too, that might keep happening. the soviet union decides to relax a little, and accidentally falls apart. europe makes a union, so now they can all use the same money. except britain, because they don't feel like it. let's check the mail... surprise! it's on the computer! whoops, someone just attacked america. i bet they'll remember that. phone call! surprise! it's in your pocket! wanna learn everything? surprise! it's on the computer! now your phone's a computer, which is in your pocket! whoops, the economy just crashed. don't worry, the big banks won't fail, because they're not supposed to. surprise!... flying robots. with bombs. wanna print a brain? some people have no friends. some people have no food. the globe is warming, and the ocean is full of plastic! "let's save the planet!" said everybody, not knowing how. "let's invent a thing inventor," said the thing inventor inventor after being invented by a thing inventor. that's pretty cool. by the way, where the hell are we? thanks for watching history i hope i mentioned everything
submitted by TruLiterature to DecreasinglyVerbose [link] [comments]

Help me win a bet with my friend. Fill this single question survey. Cats vs Babies. (Obviously you know what I'm rooting for)

submitted by thereallyn to childfree [link] [comments]

[GUIDE] So you're an American who wants to live in Europe, eh?

Hi all, I wanted to put together a brief overview or sort of wiki thing for one of the biggest groups I see on here: Americans wanting to move to Europe. If you have questions or more to add (or you disagree!) please leave a comment and I can edit my post accordingly.
DISCLOSURE: I'm just an American guy who did it myself, and I see a lot of people who seem to want to move to Europe. Your experience may vary... dramatically. I'm sure plenty of people will take exception

So you want to move to Europe, huh?

Welp, you're probably not the first person to think of that. Before you make the leap, I think it would be helpful to hear a few things from someone who has done the leap before. Twice, actually.
My background: I am a 35 year old college degreed (Bachelor's degree only) man with a wife and two kids. When I moved to Germany in 2014, I was only a US Citizen, though I was pursuing Italian Citizenship via Jure Sanguinis. My first move to Europe had me qualifying via a Blue Card, but now I have an Italian passport and moved back to Germany this year.
OK, enough about me. Before you move, you need to really think about what you're trying to accomplish by moving to Europe.
Why do you want to move?
Do you realize moving to a foreign country sucks?
OK, yes, I've done it twice now. But suggesting that it's "easy" by any stretch of the imagination would be laughable at best. Moving to a foreign country means dealing with differences, many of them bigger than any differences you've ever had to deal with in your life. The cultural differences can be massive, and can even hurt your professional life as you struggle to adjust.
Besides these things, there's the elements of just moving to a place where you don't know anyone, have very few common cultural experiences with which to build friendships, and perhaps other European cultures are less friendship inclined than America (my experience is that it has been very tough to make German friends due to them tending to stay in their own friends circle from their early adult years throughout the remainder of their life)
You may not be welcome here OK so a few elements to this. First of all, in a foreign country in which you aren't a citizen, you are, by default, a guest. That means that at any time, you could be potentially deported if you Fuck Up Real Big™. It doesn't happen a lot, but understand that you're at a huge disadvantage of not 1) Knowing the rules very well because you didn't grow up with the same rules. 2) Don't speak the language so you can't get yourself out of trouble as easily and 3) The local government doesn't need to put up with your shit if they don't want to, unlike a citizen.
But besides this, remember how you didn't like the American politics? You know who else might not? Your neighbors, or your coworkers. You know how some Americans have hostility towards immigrants for the perception of stealing their jobs? Yeah, that exists everywhere and you're going to just have to deal with it. For most Redditors, I'm assuming many of you are on the upper social rungs of society... As an expat or immigrant, you're brought down a few notches.
What would you say you do here?
I've seen a lot of posts where people have no education, skills, or language, and want to move to a particular European country. Dude, really? Going back to my previous point, you're about to be a guest in a country. Who wants a guest who shows up to the party and just drinks too much of the host's beer, throws up on the coffee table, and breaks a vase before going home scot-free?
Edit: A possible opportunity exists if you have Italian, Irish, or Jewish-German ancestry, in which case you may have a claim to citizenship. That is a great question to ask here on the sub.
This goes for "free education" too. Coming to Europe simply to save on school fees (funded by taxpaying local citizens) and then going home? Kind of a dick move, to be fair, and gives some people a bad reputation. If you're truly looking to emigrate (for a long-ish time) then pursue the education, it's definitely your best way into Europe if you are at that stage of your life, but just make sure you find a way to provide value to your host country.
If you do have some semblance of job skills, your best bet is likely to pursue an opportunity through a multinational US corporation with a European presence. That'll likely help you deal with the aforementioned cultural gaps (since they'll be used to American culture), and may allow you to get a visa through company transfer, rather than having to compete for a Blue Card or some other heavily contested visa.
The Blue Card is probably the best approach if you're a seasoned veteran. That's how I was able to make my first European move, but it required me being an executive in an industry that's decently small for them to make the case that they couldn't find someone to do my job who already was within the EU. If you have high skills and a strong career, you will have an easy path. If you do not, the best way is to figure out how to get into this skillset in the US then transfer over. (My opinion here only)
Are things really that bad for you? Is the grass really greener?
The US offers unprecedented opportunity, a market of 350 million English speakers, geographic and cultural variety, and perhaps most important to some of you: the world's strongest wage environment. Expect to take a 30-50% paycut if you move to Europe. My US company started analysts at $60,000 per year. The company in Europe I went to had the same role and they made 28,000 EUR. Coupled with the taxes, your take home will be a lot less. Sure, you might spend less on rent, healthcare, car, etc., but it's something to think about before pulling the trgger.
Other things to consider:
That's all I have for now, but I'm sure more things will pop into my head.
If you're still not scared through all this, go for it. It's very rewarding, but it'll be a huge challenge (and for those of us who love the challenge, it makes you a better person!)
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I Read It So You Don't Have To: Little Kids, Big City (by Alex McCord and Simon van Kempen)

Inspired by the overwhelmingly positive response to my previous 'book report' on Ramona Singer's Life on the Ramona Coaster (seriously, thank you all -- truly supporting other women 🙏🙏), I decided to try my hand at writing up yet another of the embarrassing number of Housewives books in my personal collection: Alex McCord and Simon van Kempen's Little Kids, Big City: Tales from a Real House in New York City with Lessons on Life and Love for Your Own Concrete Jungle.
After reading just the title of this book, I'm already exhausted. It's pretentiously long and awkwardly phrased while somehow still managing to be entirely devoid of meaning. In other words, a perfect encapsulation of Simon and Alex. The summary on the back cover describes the pair as the "breakout stars" of RHONY, an assessment that I would charitably call 'debatable,' before going on to inform me that I can look forward to "informative and often hair-raising stories of life in the urban jungle," and that "Alex and Simon use their own hard-won experience as a springboard to discuss a host of parenting topics." I anticipate that this content will be quite useful to me, the guardian of four cats that I spoil endlessly and treat like my actual children.
One of the pull-quotes on the back cover allegedly comes from our very own Bethenny Frankel. I say 'allegedly' because I refuse to believe that the following passage would ever come out of Bethenny's mouth (or keyboard or whatever):
Alex and Simon don't take themselves too seriously, which seems to be essential to parenting. Their fresh 'he said, she said' perspective on parenting is both humorous and insightful!
Please, take a moment and do your very best to picture mention-it-all, betting-on-horse-races-at-age-five Bethenny unironically using the phrase "fresh 'he said, she said' perspective." To describe Simon van Kempen and Alex McCord. Right, didn't think so.
My experience reading Little Kids, Big City started on an unexpected high note when I opened the front cover to find that my copy (purchased used through Better World Books for the low, low price of $5.31 with shipping) had been signed by Ms. you-are-in-high-school-while-I-am-in-Brooklyn herself, Alex McCord! Truly a gift I do not deserve. Samantha and Debbie (whoever and wherever you may be), thank you for your service. I am forever in your debt.
Unfortunately, as would soon become painfully clear to me, after starting off on such a promising note, I would have nowhere to go but down.
The book, which is written in alternating passages from Alex and Simon, begins its introduction with a chronicle of Alex's "fashionably nomadic" early adulthood. Ever the proto-edgelord, she recalls, "I did all those things our mothers warned us about and had fun doing them." We switch to Simon's perspective to hear the deeply embarrassing story of the couple meeting through a dating app while Simon was on a business trip in New York City. No, there is absolutely nothing embarrassing about meeting someone on a dating app. But there absolutely is something embarrassing about using the profile name "Yetisrule" to meet someone on a dating app. To clarify, this was apparently Alex's username, and I remain hopeful that we will get a more thorough explanation of her connection to the elusive Yeti as this book continues.
Alex tells us that, while she and Simon hadn't initially planned to have children, they eventually started to have "clucky feelings." I have never heard this phrase in my entire twenty-five years of life, but based on context clues and also a Google search, I learned that it means they wanted to have a baby. Don't worry, though! As Alex tells us, "You can be eight months pregnant and wear a leather miniskirt." Personally, this is life-changing news -- I had always believed that I couldn't have kids unless I was willing to compromise my 90s goth aesthetic! Maybe I'll rethink this child-free thing after all.
The next bit of advice seems like it actually could potentially be sort of helpful. "No one is a good parent all the time -- nor is anyone a bad parent all the time," they reassure the reader. "You can become a parent without losing yourself." Unfortunately, as soon as I catch myself nodding along, the modicum of goodwill I'd built up is promptly trashed by a gag-worthy line from Simon: "If you take nothing away but a wry smile after reading our little tome, then we've done our job." I immediately vow not to smile until I'm finished reading this book. Excuse me, this little tome.
The book starts in earnest with Chapter 1: "Does a German Shepherd Need a Birth Plan?" To be perfectly honest, I was not expecting a riddle at this juncture, but I am nevertheless excited to hear Simon and Alex tell us "why childbirth is not an intellectual activity." First, however, we get a passing reference to "Park Slope, home of the ParkSlopeParents.com message board made famous in 2007 with a so-ridiculous-it-got-headlines discussion on gender-specific baby hats and where feminism can be taken to extremes." And despite the lame alarmist allusion to ~*XTREME feminism*~, this line did manage to lead me down an interesting Internet rabbit hole, so thanks for that, I guess?
Jesus Christ, I am on PAGE 4 and I am already so done with Simon. Presented without comment:
With the Park Slope OB-GYN, we had the first sonogram and saw the little blip on the screen -- our child-to-be. They say seeing is believing and as nothing was happening inside me, seeing confirmation on the video monitor that indeed my spermatozoa had penetrated and infiltrated one of Alex's ova made me aware that my days as a footloose and fancy-free guy might be coming to an end.
Y'all, I am currently working on my PhD in Molecular Biology. Which, if you were not previously aware, gives me the authority to decree that Simon is never allowed to use the word "spermatozoa" ever again. And so it is.
I was about to say that Alex's passages are at least more tolerable, but it appears I spoke too soon.
The stats they quoted referenced a 40 percent cesarean section rate in the city, and I wonder how that can be acceptable? Are we heading toward Brave New World, where babies are scientifically created in petri dishes and gestated in artificial wombs? Oh wait, we're already there. Are we heading towards a Wall-E existence, where we ride around in carts everywhere and do nothing for ourselves so that our bodies break down and we're all fat, oozy blobs drinking protein from a straw? Somebody slap me, please!!
Truly, Alex, it would be my pleasure.
As a Type-A person, just reading the story of Alex's first pregnancy and delivery gave me anxiety. She says that she just never really "felt the need to establish a birth plan" and that she "gave in to any craving [she] felt." Don’t worry, though -- "If I had suddenly craved chalk, ecstasy or Elmer's Glue, I'd have thought twice." I feel like there is some symbolism here to unpack (Could the Elmer's Glue be a metaphor for the childlike spirit of connection and unity???). Simon describes himself as "a learn-on-the-job guy" and tells us that he and Alex "failed to attend the last couple of [birthing] classes as by then we both just wanted to let instinct take over when the time came." As someone who has never trusted my instincts even once in my entire life, I cannot relate.
Twelve days after his due date, baby François is born. Except it turns out that he actually was born right on time, but Alex "didn't keep regimented track of [her] periods" and miscalculated. What a bummer that modern medicine hasn't advanced to the point where doctors can guide you about that sort of thing.
I don't even know what to say about this next bit, but God help me, I still have 215 more pages of this book to go.
Although the final stages of labor were very, very painful, I [Alex] never used our code word (tin can) for "game over, give me drugs." I definitely recommend using a code word, because it was kind of fun to scream, "I want drugs, give me drugs" through a contraction and have the midwife, nurse and Simon all know I wasn't serious. Once he [François] was finally out of my body, I experienced a tsunami of endorphins that was almost orgasmic, and I understand completely the stories other women have written about ecstatic birth. Simon was sitting behind me at the point of birth, and later when we untangled ourselves he discovered he'd actually ejaculated though hadn't felt any of the normal lead-up to that. It may seem distasteful to some, and definitely neither of us was thinking of sex at the time, but with the rush of emotion and my lower nerve endings going crazy, it's not too far a stretch to say that it's a profound experience.
Johan is born two years later, although it's unclear from the text whether either parent reached orgasm during the event.
The chapter ends with a top-ten list entitled "10 Things We'll Remember That Happened During Pregnancy." These include useful tidbits like
  1. Best advice I heard: men's genitals grow and change shape regularly, then go back to the way they were before. Don't worry about your female delicate bits being able to retract.
Which is…a lovely sentiment. But one that is slightly undermined by phrasing the first part in the grossest way possible, as well as by the use of the phrase "female delicate bits." I do like the idea that they "retract," however, because I think it's very cool to imagine the vagina as an SUV sunroof. By the grace of God, Chapter 1 comes to a close.
In Chapter 2 (titled "No Sleep 'Til Brooklyn, What's My Name Again? and Who is This Alien?" -- seriously, were they padding their word count with chapter titles?), we get more questionable parenting advice from the McCord-van Kempens. They glibly dismiss concerns about co-sleeping ("Simon and I both slept with cats and dogs our whole lives without squishing them"), which I honestly would be more annoyed about if I hadn't immediately gone on to read Simon's account of "the midnight race to the 24-hour pharmacy to buy a breast pump as Alex's breasts were seemingly engorged with too much milk and she thought they were about to explode and fly off her chest." As it stands, I'm truly too defeated to care. Again, just to be perfectly clear: no shade to having issues breastfeeding, all shade to using the word 'engorged.’ And also for giving me the mental image of Alex's breasts desperately struggling to flee from her body (though to be fair, who could blame them?).
Proving that she does not inhabit the same world as the rest of us mortals, Alex tells us that she expected that her state of sleep-deprivation as she raised two young children would "spur [her] creativity with graphic design." For some reason, this does not seem to be the case. Alex is puzzled.
Finally, we've come to this chapter's top ten list ("Top 10 Memories of Random Things We Did While in the Post-Birth Haze"). While these lists have so far been utterly irredeemable, they also mean the chapter is coming to a close, so I can at least take some solace in that. This particular list ranges from the irritating…
  1. We subversively took sleeping babies to as many non-child-friendly places as possible to prove the point that children can be seen, not heard and not bothersome, such as dinner at the Ritz in London, the Sahara Desert, shopping on Madison Avenue, Underbar in Union Square and film festivals.
…to the truly unnecessary.
  1. While changing François' diaper on day one or two, we both stood mesmerized by the changing pad as meconium oozed out of him. It was really the most bizarre and fascinating thing I'd seen to date.
With the couple's general backstory and credentials now under our belts, Chapter 3 ("The Screaming Kid on the Plane is NOT Mine! (This Time)") focuses on advice for traveling with children, which Alex admits "can be a complete pain in the you-know-what." I cannot describe the rage I feel at the fact that she has -- in no fewer than 50 pages -- forced me to read about both her newborn son's excrement and her husband's ejaculate, but cannot bring herself to use the word "ass." Alex, we're really far beyond that at this point, don't you think?
Not to be outdone, Simon shares a conversation he had with François that is remarkable not for its content, but for the fact that one of Simon's nicknames for his son is apparently "F-Boy." Thanks, I hate it.
This chapter's list ("Alex's Top 10 Travel Memories") includes the entry:
  1. Both boys charging down Saline Beach in St. Barths like something out of Lord of the Flies.
So, like a horde of primal sadists? I'm wondering if Alex and Simon have inadvertently confused Lord of the Flies with the hit 2007 reality show Kid Nation. I really hope that's what's going on here.
Chapter 4 ("'Mommy, Johan is Gone!'") promises to teach us how to handle accidents. I'm not sure how comfortable I feel taking emergency advice from the authors of this particular book, but (in large part due to the fact that I have slept since reading the previous chapter, giving the pain a chance to dull somewhat), I am willing to at least hear them out.
After relaying a story of François needing emergency surgery after a foot injury, Alex tells us that at one point, she and Simon realized they had spent "nearly $5000 on Indian takeout" in the past year. For the mathematically averse, this works out to a monthly budget of roughly $100 worth of Indian food per week, making my quarantine Uber Eats habit seem downright quaint by comparison. The chapter-ending list walks us through the "Top 10 Things We Do in a Crisis," and fortunately, the tips seem pretty benign.
  1. Knowing what calms the children down, such as making silly faces or reciting Shel Silverstein poetry backwards.
Wait, hang on. What?
reciting Shel Silverstein poetry backwards
I'm sorry, please forgive me if I have missed some recent, paradigm-shifting development in the field of early childhood education, but what?? As in, "ends sidewalk the where?" "Sdne klawedis eht erehw?" I am truly befuddled.
Maybe the next chapter ("'Is Today a Work Day or a Home Day, Mommy?'") will have some applicable wisdom for me, as I will, in fact, be working from home every other week for the foreseeable future. And, I cannot stress this enough, I am a psychotically overinvested cat mom. Alas, we are instead treated to an unnecessarily detailed breakdown of how important it is to delegate, and specifically that Simon cleans up vomit and Alex cleans up "feces in the various forms that come out of children's bottoms at appropriate and sometimes inappropriate times such as the middle of Thanksgiving festivities." As if we needed another reason to consider Thanksgiving problematic.
The chapter takes a brief commercial break…
When an everyday product can do double duty such as Dawn Hand Renewal with Olay Beauty, a dish soap that seals in moisture while I'm tackling cleanup, sure, I'll buy it.
…before closing out with a list of the "Top 10 Things We Do Because We Were Here First." I am happy to confirm your worst suspicions and tell you that item number one is indeed "Have passionate sex."
In Chapter 6 ("I Saw Your Nanny…Being Normal?"), I find myself actually sympathizing with Alex for the first time in this book. Which is mostly just because the chapter starts by talking about all of the awful, catty parental competitions that seem endemic to a certain crew of white Manhattan moms, and it makes Alex come off at least slightly less irritating in comparison.
That is, at least until a few pages later, when she starts to complain about a previous au pair:
She was sullen, melodramatic and kept a blog about how she hated Americans, hated France, hated us and the children but loved New York. I think she must have thought we were idiots, and when she asked us to leave early we were only too happy to get her out of our home.
I would love to meet this woman. I think we could be great friends.
This chapter's list is even more difficult to parse than previous ones, because while it's titled "Top 10 Things Caregivers Have Inadvertently Done to Amuse, Annoy or Thrill Us," it's not at all clear which descriptors apply to which points. When a babysitter "accidentally used a household cleaning wipe when changing a diaper," were the McCord-Van Kempens amused? Annoyed? Thrilled? The world may never know.
In Chapter 7 ("'Putting To Death Is Not Nice,' a Duet for Two Boys and A Guitar"), Alex and Simon share some of their hard-earned childrearing wisdom with us. Which basically amounts to Alex telling us that, while normally misbehavior from the kids incurs a warning followed by a time-out, she has also developed an ingenious new strategy where she actually steps in to intervene when the stakes are higher. Let's listen in:
A third permutation is when there's a behavior that has to stop immediately, say if Johan has a big blue indelible marker and is running through a white hotel suite. I swoop in and grab the marker as to risk a three count [warning] would be to risk decoration of the sofa.
Take the marker from the toddler immediately instead of trying to reason with him? Groundbreaking.
Side Note: At this point in my reading, I am incredibly satisfied to report that I have discovered my first typo in the book, and in one of Simon's sections no less! ("These toads secret [sic] a poison…"). This is wildly pedantic of me and proof that I am a deeply sick person.
We run though a list of "Top 10 Things We Never Thought We Would Have To Explain" ("10. Why hot pizza stones do not like Legos.") before moving right along into Chapter 8, "Don't Listen to the Well-Meaning Morons." Strangely, I have a very vivid memory of Alex saying "I have a chapter in my book called, 'Don't Listen to the Well-Meaning Morons" in some distant RHONY episode or reunion. I guess she was telling the truth.
The chapter opens with a series of passages in which Alex and Simon respond to various comments that have been made about their parenting over the years. I think this device is supposed to be a bit of lighthearted snark on overbearing strangers, but instead just comes off as weirdly defensive and passive-aggressive. A few examples:
"My daughter is perfect. Her table manners are excellent, she never speaks unless spoken to and we've always had white sofas at home since she was a child, with no staining."
-A woman with one preteen daughter, no sons
Your daughter sounds boring. I wouldn't want my sons to date her..
Zing!
"Why are you outside?" - A bagel seller in Montreal, in February
I'm hungry and the stroller is well protected under the plastic cover. Johan is warm and cozy, the others are asleep in the hotel and I'm going stir-crazy. Is that enough, or should I buy my bagel from someone else?
Got 'em!
"Excuse me, your baby is crying." -- Someone said to Simon as they peered into the stroller to try and determine the cause of said noise.
You don't say! Do you think, you stupid idiot, that I don't hear that? Do you think I think it's just loud music? Do you think I don't want him to stop and that I like it???
Sorry, did I say 'passive-aggressive'? Let's change that to just 'aggressive.'
But despite bristling at being the recipient of unwanted advice, far be it from Alex to shy away from giving her opinions on the shortcomings of other parents.
There was a mom at another table who wore all black and told her hyperactive daughter that they had to have a family meeting to decide what to do next. The type of woman who might ask her daughter to "process her feelings" about which color to choose. The type of woman who wanted make [sic] a big huge hairy deal about including her daughter in the decision-making process and "negotiating" the next best step for the family to take in the pottery shop. Pardon me while I shoot myself.
I'm sorry, but I just cannot respect this take coming from a woman who calms her sons by reciting comedic children's poetry backwards.
We next learn that there are "many websites out in cyberspace," some of which offer child-rearing advice. Simon summarizes their useless "vitriol" as such:
They say that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, whereas for the 21st century surely hell no longer hath fury, as it's all been hurled at the belittled and scorned Internet mom.
I'm honestly not entirely sure what this is supposed to mean, and my confusion continues all the way through this chapter's "Top 10 Ways We Make Ourselves Feel Better When It's All Getting To Be Too Much." We begin reasonably enough…
  1. Check to see whether the person offering advice has children. How old are they?
  2. Do they have a point? Are they right? It is entirely possible.
…before quickly losing all sense of self-awareness and flying completely off the rails.
  1. Will we ever see this person again? If not, can we get away with unleashing our fury on them? Note, if you're reading this and decide to try it for yourself, go big or go home.
The last few chapters have been a bit Alex-heavy, but never fear -- Simon pops back up in Chapter 9 ("If I Wouldn't Eat That, My Kid Won't Either") to tell us a charming story about how the family refers to his Bolognese sauce as "Dead Cow Sauce," and this is because his children are incredibly enlightened and understand the circle of life and where food comes from. Or something along those lines.
This chapter also provides a lot of really incontrovertible proof that, even though you may swear that your kids say the most hilarious things all the time, you are wrong. I love kids. I can play cool aunt with the best of them. But this "recipe" for "Johan's Concoction" tries so hard to be cute and funny ("whisk violently -- making sure to spill a little out of the top") that I could barely stifle my groans. For anyone who happens to frequent RebornDollCringe, I am strongly and inexplicably reminded of Britton.
A list of "Top 10 Things We Don't Like About Children's Restaurants" culminates with
  1. Where would you rather be? A bistro devoted to race-car driving, with 1950s toy cars on the walls, or T.G.I. Friday's?
Excuse me, ma'am, you must be unfamiliar with the concept of Endless Apps®.
The title of Chapter 10 is "You'll Give in Before I Do!" and although the subtitle lets me know this is referencing "the art and warfare of bedtime," it's hard not to take it as a personal taunt from the authors. Most of this chapter is just transcriptions of 'cute' things François and Johan have said to try to avoid going to bed, but we do get this gem:
Slaying the dragon is our family euphemism for using the toilet (drowning the dragons that live in the sewer) and is fun for the boys to talk about, though probably not forever.
Before giving us a chance to adequately process this revelation, Alex goes on to reflect:
Hmm, perhaps I should delete this -- I don’t want obnoxious classmates getting hold of this book in 10 years and asking the boys if they need to slay the dragon in the middle of geometry class.
Alex, I assure you, you truly have nothing to worry about. Any self-respecting bully will be far too focused on the fact that Simon ejaculated at the moment of his son's birth to pay this comparatively trivial factoid any attention.
The authors shake things up and end this chapter with lists of both "Top 20 Bedtime Stories" and "Top 10 Lullabies," both of which are thankfully inoffensive.
In Chapter 11 ("Children Like Shiny Objects"), we follow Alex and Simon as they purchase the townhouse we see them renovating on RHONY. Although other (read: lesser) parents might store breakables out of reach or limit children's toys to playrooms and bedrooms, Alex and Simon were blessed with two boys whose aesthetic sensibilities are already quite developed:
One kind of funny thing that I noticed recently is that the toys the boys tend to leave upstairs in our red and black living room often tend to be red and black as well. I'm not sure whether that's intentional, but it's funny that the room always seems to match regardless of its contents.
The list of "Top 10 Craziest Places We've Found Objects" is mercifully absent of any orifice-related discoveries.
After reading just the title of Chapter 12 ("Raising Baby Einsteins"), I'm bracing myself for the self-satisfied smugness to come. This preparation turns out to be duly warranted. Baby sign language is dismissed as "a scheme dreamed up by ASL experts who wanted to sell classes to easily influenced new parents," Mommy and Me classes are "not really for teaching anything," and we learn that Alex and Simon have instituted a bizarre family rule that "if a talking toy came into our house, it had to speak a foreign language or speak English in an accent other than American."
We learn that Simon apparently does not know what antonyms are (for the record, Simon, the word you're looking for is homophones) and that New York City is replete with "wailing, nocturnal, type-A obsessed harridans willing to sleep with persons not their spouse if they think it will help their child get into THE RIGHT SCHOOL." Uh, yikes. After a tediously long description of François' pre-school admissions process, Alex informs us:
As a former actor, I've always gotten into play-acting and dressing up with my children. Perhaps a little too much. But I've taken the opportunity to show off a few old monologues, complete with bounding around like a puppy. If you have knowledge, why not share it? If you happen to know Puck's speeches from a Midsummer Night's Dream by ear with tumbling and staged sword play, why the heck don’t you share that with your boisterous boys, who love it and run around shouting, "Thou speakest aright!"
I am suddenly compelled to call my mother and thank her profusely for never making me put up with anything like this. Maybe I'll also get her thoughts on one of the tips listed in "Top 10 Favorite 'Developmental' Things To Do": "if they want something that you want to delay giving them, make them ask in every language they can before giving in." To me, this seems like an effective way to encourage your children to learn how to say "Fuck you, mom" in French as early as possible.
In Chapter 13 ("Urban Wonderland"), Alex and Simon promise to share their unique perspective on "taking advantage of raising a child in the urban jungle." But mostly, we just get a rant about how everyone thinks their kids have weird names, and that makes Simon mad. This chapter's "Top 10 Reasons New York is the Center of the Universe to a Kid" list reminds us what truly matters: "there are more songs with NYC in their titles than any other city."
Immediately after telling us how great it is to live in a city (excuse me, urban jungle), Alex and Simon switch tack and spend Chapter 14 ("'Daddy, a Cow! And It's Not in a Zoo!") expounding on the importance of exposing kids to nature. Sounds great, I'm on board. Unfortunately, we almost immediately take a hard left turn into a story from Simon's childhood where he and his brother are "befriended by this old guy, Dick, who lived on the outskirts of town in a small tin shed." We hear that Dick "occasionally pulled out an early Playboy magazine back from the days when the lower regions were airbrushed out," and that "there had been pretty strong rumors of pedophilia," before promptly returning to the main narrative with no further explanation. I can only describe the transition as 'jarring.'
I can tell how exhausted I am at this point in the book by how hurriedly I skimmed the list of "Top 10 Differences We've Noticed Between City Kids and Country Kids." To be honest, I'm almost annoyed when a particularly bizarre quote manages to catch my attention, because that means I have to think about it for the full amount of time it takes me to transcribe from the page. I'm beginning to think that my initial hope that I could glean some useful cat-rearing advice from this experience may have been overzealous.
Chapter 15 ("You're Such a Great Parent, You Should Be on TV (LOL)") is the only chapter to directly address the family's time on RHONY. It starts with this (attempted) comedy bit in which Alex and Simon pretend to be hilariously self-aware and self-effacing (Alex: "Look up 'Mommylicious' in the dictionary and you will see a photo of me in a ball gown, breast-feeding an infant while making Osso Buco and directing carpenters to build a bookcase for my Dickens and Shakespeare."). This posture would be infinitely more believable if I hadn't spent the previous 205 pages watching these two take themselves deadly seriously.
But rather than share any juicy behind-the-scenes tidbits (or, indeed, convey anything of substance at all), Alex and Simon spend exactly 3.5 pages blustering about how it wasn't harmful for their children to be on TV before giving us a list of "Top 10 Hilarious Things The Boys Have Done While Filming or at Photo Shoots." Spoiler alert: none of them are 'hilarious.'
Chapter 16 is literally titled "The Light at the End of the Tunnel," which makes me feel like this whole experience may have just been Alex and Simon playing some sort of twisted game with me. Alex tells us this is "the chapter of hope," but given that she then tells us about a time when she "spent one full hour discussing why magic markers cannot be carried around with the caps off, particularly in a hotel suite with white couches and walls," I'm not sure exactly where this hope is coming from. Also it seems like this markers-in-a-hotel-room thing happens weirdly frequently. We are then treated to Alex and Simon's "Top 10 Moments of Getting It,'" which includes
  1. Apropos of nothing, Johan said, "You give us time-outs because you are teaching us to be good grown-ups."
This is a thing I'm sure Johan said completely organically and not in response to hearing his parents say "we're giving you a time-out so that you learn to be a good grown-up" approximately seven zillion times.
This brings us to the book's Epilogue (a mercifully short two pages) featuring the line "If you made it to the end of this book, we salute you." Honored to accept this hard-earned accolade, I can finally close the book and start figuring out a way to erase the memory of Simon busting a mid-childbirth nut from my aching brain. Wish me luck!
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7 months pregnant and MIL (along with my own mom) driving me mad

I’m uniquely lucky to be sandwiched between a borderline narcissist mom and a strong arming extremely conservative and religious MIL, in the middle of a global pandemic while 7 months pregnant.
MIL kicked off my pregnancy by asking if I had tricked my husband by not being on birth control (i had informed him that I stopped it due to it causing issues for me - also why would I trick him?!? I was the most scared and least ready for all of this!)
From there on, she spent a great deal of time expressing surprise that morning sickness was a thing, and shamed me for not wanting to go on a cruise when Covid seemed to be at its worst (The cruise was obviously cancelled and she was shocked)
She insists that if we pray and believe in God we won’t get sick (which is pretty messed up considering I bet a lot of good Christians have died from it) and she is VERY convinced that the numbers of deaths/infections from COVID are false and just democrats trying to make Trump look bad.
When she found out I was having a girl she seemed immediately disappointed ( my SIL supports the fact that she generally prefers boys and thinks less of girls.. which made me really sad for a while since I was so excited)
While I was still uncertain what kind of baby shower would be safe, she decided that she wanted her side to be an in person shower and told me my baby registry needed to be completed within the next two days. She then proceeded to question every single thing on the registry and insisted I get things used.
If I don’t want something used she seems to think I’m being paranoid or trying to make her son spend too much money (he makes over 100k on top of my 70k income, we are FINE. She has always been aggressively frugal) I just want safety, this is my first baby and I’m nervous out of my mind. She keeps saying “the pioneer women raised their babies just fine without this stuff” but they also had higher infant death rates?!???
She probably believes that I should just throw caution to the wind and pray.
She wants me to bake individual cakes for everyone at the 35 person baby shower, at a time when I’m exhausted just trying to put three meals on the table for me and my husband. Women in my family have nausea through the entire pregnancy. She doesn’t get this.
It’s hard saying no to her because I don’t think all of this comes from animosity but earnest ignorance. She got us a used crib off of Facebook marketplace, I don’t know how old it is but it seems okay, aside from being covered in weird stains that I’m hoping will come off.
I try to question anything and I’m ungrateful and paranoid. I have a hard time with her because she is SO certain of herself and gets indignant when challenged. She works as a nanny so she believes her word is law when it comes to babies.
That’s where my mom comes in - the two are completely at odds and refuse to talk to eachother. My mom is extremely paranoid and brings up the crib every single day and says it’s not okay that MIL just decided to buy a used one without asking and force it on us. It’s to the point of obsession how much she talks about it. I get maybe 20 ranting texts about it a day.
She felt that she wasn’t involved enough in the time leading up to my brother’s baby being born, so she treats everything with my MIL like a competition. She believes that since her daughter is having a baby it’s her time to shine.
The nursery is a battlefield they’re both staking out territory in the form of trying to buy big things first and strong arm me into accepting them.
Husband and I have tried to navigate all of this but we’re both pushovers and people pleasers so we’re struggling. He has stood up for me a great deal, like yelling at MIL for coming over and trying to rearrange our cabinets when we were quarantining. He also supports my desire to buy new things for the baby since he’s new to this and wants to give our baby the best odds.
My mom changed her baby shower to a drive by and now MIL is angry that we’re nervous about doing one in person. She yells at my husband saying he’s letting my mom influence him too much and make him scared. She keeps saying “we can’t live in fear of covid”
TL;DR
this was a big fat rant. MIL is a conservative nightmare, my mom is paranoid, everything is a struggle and I’m tired and pregnant.
submitted by Spinohasaneeltail to JUSTNOMIL [link] [comments]

Tupac Shakur-murdered in September 1996 in a drive-by shooting at the Las Vegas strip- "It seems like if you wanted to get away with murder, all you had to do was kill Tupac in 1996"

25 year old rapper Tupac Shakur was shot and killed in a drive-by shooting in Las Vegas, Nevada on September 7, in 1996. The shooting occurred at 11:15 p.m. P.S.T when the car carrying Tupac was stopped at a red light at East Flamingo Road and Koval Lane. He had just attended a boxing match between Bruce Seldon and Mike Tyson at the MGM Grand. Earlier in the evening, he, Death Row Records manager Marion “Suge” Knight and others in his group got into a fight with an alleged Southside Crips gang member Orlando “Baby Lane” Anderson in the MGM Grand Hotel. The fight was captured on security video. Suge’s men quickly spread the word that the killer was Orlando “according to what informants told police in the chaotic days after the shooting.”
Tupac’s mother, Afeni Shakur, upon receiving the phone call that he had been shot recalled “she’d always known this call was coming.” “From the moment he was born,” she said, “I measured his life in five-year periods. When he was five, I was so grateful. When he was 10, I thanked God he was 10. Fifteen, 20, 25, I was always amazed he’d survived. He was a gift.” Afeni, at one time, had been a member of the Black Panther Party and was arrested in 1968 on charges of conspiring with other members to carry out bombings in New York. Acting as her own lawyer, the jury took less than 20 minutes to vote acquittal on all 156 counts. A month later, in June 1971, Afeni gave birth to a son who she named Tupac Amaru—Incan for “shining serpent”—"after an 18th-century Peruvian revolutionary whom Spanish colonizers pulled apart with horses.” Tupac died 6 days later after being shot. He regained consciousness once when Kidada Jones, Quincy Jones’ daughter and his girlfriend, played Don McLean’s “Vincent” on the CD player next to his bed. She heard a moan, and his eyes swollen and filled with mucus "fluttered open." Kidada recalled asking Tupac “do you hear me?” He seemed to nod and she asked, "if you can hear me, move your feet”; the sheets rustled at the end of the bed. “Do you know I love you?” she said. “Do you know we all love you?” This time, the nod was distinct. As Kidada turned to the door, Tupac "shook in convulsions and slipped into a coma." Afeni was there at the end when she decided to tell the doctors "to let him go."
According to a Compton police affidavit, two months earlier, a group of Crips “snatched a Death Row pendant” from a Blood named Trevon “Tray” Lane at Lakewood Mall near Compton, California. Two months later, Tray was with Tupac and Suge at the fight in Las Vegas. After the fight, the Death Row group left the MGM Grand arena and spotted Orlando in the lobby who Tray identified as one of the Crips who snatched his chain. Tupac “rolled up on Anderson, rhetorically demanded, 'You from the South?'” and punched him in the face. An ensuing fight broke out.
After Tupac’s killing, the Bloods “launched a full-out war on Compton Crips” resulting in the deaths of 3 men and 13 shootings. It became clear “that the rap star’s death — and the three homicides that followed — are only the most visible tragedies in a web of intrigue that extends deep into the L.A. underworld.” Suge Knight was at the center of this web was Suge Knight who “ran Death Row like a Mafia boss.” Suge had LAPD officers “on his payroll” and fueled “a bicoastal beef with Sean “Puffy” Combs’ Bad Boy Records and its superstar rapper Biggie Smalls, who was killed six months after Tupac.” Shortly before his death, Tupac argued with Suge over unpaid royalties, fired Death Row lawyer David Kenner and planned to leave the label.
Las Vegas police told LAPD detective Russell Poole that “the main reason they would never solve this case is that the politicians didn’t want them to. They said the powers that be had let them know the city didn’t need an O.J.-style circus.” Detective Poole was investigating Biggie’s killing. He said that “LAPD brass, bracing for a lawsuit from Biggie’s family, blocked him from following numerous leads that might have connected black LAPD cops to Death Row.” Detective Poole Poole was ultimately removed from the case and resigned from the LAPD in 1999.
In 2009, now-retired Los Angeles Police Department Detective Greg Kading secured a recorded confession from Duane Davis also known as Keffe D.; the initial statement was given under a “proffer session” where Keffe D. “can confess to crimes but those confessions can't be used against him, but that doesn't mean he's immune from prosecution.” Keffe D was questioned by LAPD in connection with the murder of Biggie Smalls. Detective Kading was in the room when Keffe D confessed instead to his involvement in the 1996 murder of Tupac saying Orlando “leaned over and rolled down the window and popped him.” Keffe D claimed his aim was not good enough so he handed the gun to Orlando who he said fired the shots at Tupac.
Detective Kading was assigned to reopen the Biggie Smalls homicide case in 2006. During investigations, he and other detectives kept hearing about Keffe D., Orlando’s uncle, who saw Biggie at the Soul Train Music Awards after-party hosted by Vibe magazine shortly before he was killed. Detective Kading set up a drug deal sting to coerce Keffe D. into talking about Biggie’s murder and “the trap worked.” Facing decades in prison, “Keffe D. sat down to work out a deal but denied any knowledge of Smalls’ killers.” Instead, Keffe D. told them about Tupac’s death and started by providing some background.
In 1991, Keffe D was introduced to a Harlem drug dealer named Eric “Zip” Martin and they “started doing business.” Two years later, Zip, who was also involved in the music business, brought Keffe D. to a BET party at the Paradise Club in Los Angeles where he was introduced to Sean “Puffy” Combs. Keffe D “maintained a relationship” with Puffy, and he lent him the 1964 Chevy featured in Usher’s “Can U Get Wit It” video. According to Keffe D., “when the East-West beef jumped off”, his Crips provided security for Bad Boy Records on the West Coast. Keffe D. also alleged that at one point, Puffy said he would pay a million dollars for Tupac and Suge to be killed. Detective Kading quoted Keffe D. as saying: “[Puffy] was like, ‘I want to get rid of them dudes.’ … I was like, ‘Man, we’ll wipe their ass out, quick … it’s nothing. Consider that done.’ ” Puffy has adamantly denied soliciting any murder.
Keffe D. told Detective Kading that he went to Vegas simply to enjoy the Mike Tyson fight and met up there with Zip, his nephew “Baby Lane” Anderson and other Crips. After the fight in the lobby, when Keffe D. heard his nephew “got stomped by Death Row”, they immediately planned to retaliate. Zip gave Keffe D. a .40-caliber Glock with Zip saying “it’s perfect timing.” Detective Kading opines that perhaps Zip was “talking about killing two birds with one stone, taking out Suge and Tupac as payback for the Baby Lane beating and in the process collecting Puffy’s million-dollar bounty? It was impossible to know for sure.” Keffe D. said that Zip left after giving them the gun. Orlando, Keffe D and two other Crips cruised the Las Vegas Strip in Orlando’s rented Cadillac and spotted Tupac’s "caravan." They pulled alongside the BMW driven by Suge Knight. Keffe D. was in the Cadillac’s front passenger seat with the Glock, prepared to shoot, but Tupac and the BMW were on the opposite side of the Cadillac. According to Keffe D., Orlando “was like, ‘Give it here’ and popped the dude.” Keffe D. told Detective Kading he never received Puffy’s promised payoff, although he thought Zip might have collected and not shared the loot. “If (Puffy) would have just given us half the money, I would have stayed strong,” Keffe said explaining why he was incriminating Puffy. Puffy has called all of this “pure fiction” and has stated he never even used Crips as security.
Detective Kading knew he could not “make a good legal case on the word of a criminal like Keffe D.” He tried to coerce Zip to corroborate the story by setting up a sting with Keffe D. However, Detective Kading’s superiors removed him from the case in 2009. Detective Kading surmises “it was almost as if, in some surreal way, Poole was right all along..the LAPD was trying to cover up the Biggie Smalls murder..... by undercutting the ability of its own investigators to make the case.” Since his confession to Detective Kading, Keffe D. has done several other interviews in which he repeated his confession and even has a book about it for sale on Amazon. Detective Kading says while the proffer session protected Keffe D.’s first confession, it does not protect the subsequent confessions such as the ones he has made “since on BET, VLAD T.V. and these other platforms ... those don't fall under the protection of his agreement."
Keffe D.'s recorded confession was used in a 2015 documentary called “Murder Rap: Inside the Biggie and Tupac murders”. The director of the documentary ventured “it seems like if you wanted to get away with murder, all you had to do was kill Tupac in 1996." Orlando denied killing Tupac and was never charged.
The Las Vegas Police Department states the case is an open investigation and will not comment further. Detective Kading states their lack of involvement is “embarrassing” in that “something isn’t being done at least to address those confessions" and Keffe D. is “boasting about it, and making money off of it and taunting law enforcement.”
Links:
https://news3lv.com/news/local/documented-confessions-result-in-calls-for-lvmpd-to-close-tupac-shakur-murder-case
https://www.vanityfair.com/culture/1997/03/tupac-shakur-rap-death
https://theundefeated.com/features/murder-of-tupac-shakur-not-a-complete-mystery/
https://losangeles.cbslocal.com/2019/11/22/retired-lapd-detective-tupac-shakur-murder-solved-keffe-d-duane-davis/
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_of_Tupac_Shakur
https://www.vanityfair.com/culture/1997/03/tupac-shakur-rap-death
Neither Keffe D., Zip, Orlando nor anyone else has ever been charged with killing Tupac or Biggie. Zip died in 2012. Keffe D. is in prison on a marijuana distribution conviction. In 1998, Orlando was shot dead outside a Compton car wash over what police termed “a drug debt.” Orlando’s killer is serving three life terms. Afeni died in 2016. June 16 is Tupac’s birthday and he would have been 47 years old.
The Las Vegas police investigation into Tupac’s murder remains open.
submitted by trifletruffles to UnresolvedMysteries [link] [comments]

Baccarat betting System One. FAQ Lil Baby & DaBaby Turn Up To ‘Baby’!  Hip Hop Awards 2019 BBC1 Big Questions: Do Muslims/Christians ignore human rights? Should gambling be unacceptable? Matched Betting Beginners Guide FREE FIXED MATCHESHT/FTCORRECT SCOREUNDER&OVER TIPS ...

Enter a few details about the upcoming baby and customize your pool. Then all you have to do is share the fun! Invite family and friends to place their bets. Make Your Predictions. See if you can outguess that so-called “doctor.” Place your bet on the baby's arrival date, gender, weight and length. Baby betting pools make your pregnancy and baby registry more fun! ANNOUNCE. Everyone is waiting for the beautiful photos of your newborn. See who will get #BraggingRights for the closest guess to your littles due date, time, weight, and height! So quick to respond to questions and very helpful. Such a cute idea. The website was easy to use At the beginning of the 11th week of pregnancy, or the ninth week after conception, your baby's head still makes up about half of its length. However, your baby's body is about to catch up. Your baby is now officially described as a fetus. This week your baby's face is broad, the eyes widely separated, the eyelids fused and the ears low set. Betting on the Baby on the Bar. True West December 2018 Brad Courtney. The answers to these questions about Prescott’s famous baby on the bar are probably “yes,” but we will never know. Brad Courtney lives in Prescott, Arizona, and is the author of Prescott’s Original Whiskey Row. This website gives you an easy, interactive way to participate and join in the fun of the baby guessing game. And it's completely free! WhatsInMyBelly.com allows you to set up a baby pool and invite friends and family to join in. Think of it as a combination of fantasy football and childbirth.

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Baccarat betting System One. FAQ

Lil Baby & DaBaby put on for the “Baby’s” and like DaBaby said: “You ain’t ever see two Babys do it like this!” #HipHopAwards #HipHopAwards2019 SUBSCRIBE to ... What is a lay bet? We have the answers to your questions. In this video, we explain what lay betting is and how it makes matched betting possible. For other matched betting techniques, read more ... The Big Questions - 20 January 2019 BBC One Guests: TONY FRANKLIN Campaigner, Gambling Hurts MATT ZARB-COUSIN Campaigner, Fairer Gambling FRASER MYERS Columnist, Spiked DECLAN MEAGHER Learnbetwin ... If you have any questions please feel free to contact me by email: [email protected] How to win baccarat. ... [2019 Baccarat Betting System] Base Reading + Martingale + $500 Session Roll ... Proposition DD was barely passed by voters in November, but how exactly it will work is still being discussed. The Colorado Division of Gaming finalized key ...